[cheryl]

I am still a little new on here, and all but not new to the Diabetes, I have cut my diet into a bare minimal, I am starving sometimes, I hate it......yes yes blah blah if your type 1 dose insulin yada yada yada, but sometimes if I indulge and all I cannot get it right and the insulin sensitivity goes down boggling to the mind but I cannot eat white bread if I do for more than a day i am high and have to fix my insulin ratio's crazy but it is so..........I am just upset cause my friend was here and bought me some NYC bagels they have been calling my name in the freezer where I put them cause I don't want them to go bad. Last week on Sunday I ate a bagel and i spiked to a 178 thought ok tomorrow I guess, I'll need an extra unit....cause i was so guesstimating this was from a bakery and had no clue how to count it.....anyway the next day with an extra unit 287, the next day i cut the bagel in half and dosed the same with a half a apple and peanut butter 267 wtf.........ok next day just ate half the bagel with the same units 281 ok I was pissed off by this point and threw them in the freezer now i just screwed up my HA1C, cause if i do spike i fix and then don't again but everyday for four days spiked so high i corrected it came back down but now I am gonna have a bad A1C, I go to a new endo on Friday and now I am pissed, he is gonna think I am a liar, because i have been working so hard since October to keep my sugars low low low ...........and I have failed and going to die a horrilbe somewhat death, because i screwed up royally, I mean i was just trying to figure out what a good units were for these things so I can eat them occasionally and I have come to realize, I should only eat it once and fix the small spike and leave it alone for a week.............it's bs, because i hear all these people dose right you can eat what you want I think it is bull you know what unless you want to raise basal settings and take a **** load of insulin which I don't want to do, Oh well.............I feel better......but I havent been to a doctor since July my a1c was 8.7 then I was still awful then, well I lost insurance cause i lost my job had to wait till my hubby's picked up decided i didn't like my endo called for a new one had to go to gp to get him to send the new one documentation then the new endo's never called and then finally i called in November and got an appointment for Jan. 26th............so now I have screwed up royally up the but.........I hate this disease i honestly hate it, I swear the pump better be better, cause i eat so plain and ordinary well I do still like my soda with a meal but i have the most awesome sugars with it...........ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh............sorry had to vent I am just mad at the world, I guess i shouldn't beat myself up I have been under no doc's care since June, I have done this all by myself and up until last week my meter was avg. 103, now since that last week stint it was 148 back down to 134 so maybe, my A1C will still be ok hoping for the best....

Cheryl