| Personality is what this really is about!!!I realize this more and more every day. As the harder I try to not obsess, the more I think about "what is wrong with me?" Why cant I just carry on each day and deal with things? I dont "feel sorry" for myself per say, but I am constantly trying to make right, to prevent, to better every number. Every number to me matters. Every hour I wonder where I am at. I think if I had CGMS it would eliviate ALOT of this wondering all the time. I think the thought of any second everything being swept out from under me is what makes me paranoid. I am a very controlling person. Not feeling in control of one's self is not good for someone like me with a negative personality type. I have tried all my life to be optimistic and a happy person, its just not me and I cant find it anywhere within me. But, me being new to this like you injecto, I pray to god that each day we will forget a little more. Optimistic types with diabetes are very lucky. My one wish would be to be like them! Because I know in my heart I can do this, that it isn't a "big deal" but to a screwed up personality like mine, its a lot harder to live each day like it isn't there, becuase it is and it angers me. I dont have that sunshine happiness waking me up every day, period. I wish that I did, I didnt have it before, and I surely dont have it now. Sad...but, that would be a negative type personality for ya. I am ashamed of that, but thats me.  | 
