[REDLAN]

I'm afraid that some may find this post challenging.

but I feel I have to answer the posts that go my friend/father/mother has died of diabetes and didn't look after themselves, please make sure you look after yourself.

I can only imagine what it must be like to lose someone to a debilitating illness, and how difficult it is to come to terms with those feelings, especially when we see them not looking after themselves.

This is followed by several posts about how they must have been in denial of their diabetes.

I can't answer whether these people were in denial, I don't know them well enough, but I do know why I didn't take care of my diabetes for 20+ years, and why I've decided to take care of my diabetes now. I have seen it from both sides.

I was never, never, never and I repeat never in denial about my diabetes - I knew I had diabetes, I knew what I was supposed to do, I knew that there was a risk of complications - I'd had the lectures - if you don't behave yourself and live like a monk your feet will drop off, you'll go blind etc. etc. When I was diagnosed the care regime was strict and inflexible - and I did it for about 3 years.

And I asked myself did I want a life of restrictions, don't drink, don't have cake, fingerprick tests that left bruises and scars on your fingers, and maybe a few extra years tacked on the end. I hated that life - it wasn't a life at all in my view - a few extra years of being miserable wasn't a price worth paying - least not when I was 19 and at university.

So I vowed that diabetes came second - at no point would I say "I can't I'm a diabetic" - and so I didn't - I tested when I felt like it, ate what I wanted, and drank and did whatever I wanted. And started smoking as well.

I knew there was likely to be a price to be paid, but in my book this was a price well worth paying.

regrets about that life?

Not a single one - even if it does mean losing a few years (actually I have no idea how you would even know how many years you'd lose)

So I got to 39, and my poor control started to catch up with me - I was feeling tired alot of the time, I got thrush and athletes foot, and had quite alot of time off sick. All those years I ran an A1c of around 10.5.

That was when I decided to start actually controlling my diabetes, not because I'd accepted I had diabetes, but because I wanted to have energy and feel well.

Having done the control stuff I know what it's like from the other side, and I can tell you not bothering is a **** of lot easier and less stressful.

There is always a price to be paid - I have much much better health and energy, but I also get

bad moods, bouts of obsessional behaviour, relationship difficulties with my wife, and it gets me down at times.

I filled out a coping with diabetes form - the same as 6 months ago - and I've marked as a minor problem things like "feeling burned out by the constant effort needed to manage diabetes"
which weren't a problem 6 months ago.

In short there is an emotional cost to good control - I've had to sit down and re-evaluate what I do and I've got a better balance now.

I'm still determined that at no time will I ever say "I can't do that I'm a diabetic." - just that I will make sure I test as well.

so here's the question...

If you had my life, what would you choose?

Please, please, can we stop making judgements about people who don't look after themselves. Just because we can't understand someone's choice doesn't mean that it isn't valid. Instead of holding them up as an example, can't we just be sad when they die?