Hi guys and gals,
I'll try and make this NOT a novel, but I know me and that's where it is going, so be patient here.... lol
I know I haven't been very visible in the past little while, but it isn't by any means anything but just sheer busy, life and other such things that's held my undivided attention lately.
Having said that, I need to make this post, so that none of you think I am ungrateful to ALL of you for your help in the past year since I was Diagnosed, May 11,07. I was told on May 7th, but officially diagnosed on May 11th. And I have to tell you, without the people here and my family, there is no way in **** I would ever be doing as good as I am today with my (OUR) Disease.... it is because of all of you that I can manage and control this and I need you all to know how very much I love, respect and value you all.
When Diagnosed I was at 379 and things were not looking good at all, my eyes were going crazy, my kidneys were freaking out and lord knows what else. BECAUSE of you all, and of course a little.... no alot of self discipline, I pulled that number back to a safe place in 5-6 weeks.
I lost all of my medical coverage 2 months after I was diagnosed so I have totally been on my own in that area of this, and still manage it ok..... my meds are only $4 a month and my strips I am not out as much as I would have been had I not found American Diabetes Wholesale, and can get those pesky strips for nearly half what I'd pay in stores.
Now for the part that's kept me away for the most part. Less than one month after being diagnosed we were confronted by my 18yr old son that he and his 17 yr old Girlfriend were going to have a baby, SO not what we were ready for, but when you are a family, you roll with the punches thrown or they will roll you over.... we took this girl into our home, and they were doing fine....... but still a stress when you add another mouth to feed on an already tight budget. In October we got our first grand daughter, and I refuse, absolutely 200% refuse to call this little lady an accident...... she is too precious for that.
To move on, my son broke up with this girl, who they'd already broken up but he tried so very hard to do the right thing and stay with her, it just didn't work out and in January they broke up, but being that her parents had tossed her out, she had nowhere to go, so we kept her and the baby here with us for another 8 weeks... imagine THAT stress if you will for one minute.
From December thru about a month ago, my stress levels were so insane and keeping my Diabetes in check was just about all I could deal with, I sunk into a depression, and a BAD one..... not because of the Diabetes, but more because of not being able to control it as I had been doing and no matter how well I ate, it just wasn't working out so well. It never went above 200, but anything over 140 and I go into a panic, causing MORE stress........ and when I stress, I don't explode, I IMplode and shut down and go inside myself......
I guess I had to say that out loud if you will, I haven't breathed so much as a word about it to anyone but my husband, that poor man. Not only has HE had these stresses I have had, but HE had the challenge of also taking it upon himself that *I* stay healthy as is possible thru all of it and he should be commended with a medal of honor on that front.
Bottom line, our kids aren't perfect but you do whatever you have to do to support them in even the bad decisions they make, it's how we, as parents work.
I NOW have my life back in MY control and everything is settled back down and I am happy to say my Diabetes is back in check.....
I apologize for not being around so much, but when I get in a bad place, I just shut down, my problems are just that, my problems and I try and not lay them on anyone else and if I can't be 100% with those I love, I just stay back until I can. This is not to say I haven't read this board each and every single day, I HAVE...... I just haven't been in a place where I thought I could be productive, so I wasn't posting.
Bottom line, it is BECAUSE of you all and my husband that I am doing as well as I am doing and I honestly and sincerely love and respect you all for keeping me on track and helping me CONTROL my Disease without letting it DEFINE who I am.... for that, you ALL deserve all of the honor and respect I can muster up.
Thank you, it seems so simple and shallow, but until I can come up with something more valuable to put it into better words, this will have to do. I thank you all, from the very pits of my soul, thank you.
