just ignore me, I'm just venting
I've got my A1c on Wednesday and I've been trying hard to be a good girl
and have excellent control. It'll be a year since diagnosis on Wednesday and I want to compare numbers and see how well I've done in the last 12 months. My numbers in general are good, and my doctor is happy with the way things are going.
But I comfort eat. For ages I've been content, not depressed, just getting on with life, and although I've had the odd naughty snack, I've not been doing too badly.
But right now I'm so depressed and of course I've started comfort eating again - anything that's bad that I can lay my hands on, I just stuff it in my mouth. Part of me doesn't care because I'm so miserable and I need something to comfort me, but another part of me realises how pathetically stupid I'm being, but I'm too weak to do anything about it right now. So, my next A1c will no doubt be higher than my last, which was 6.0, and I'd really been hoping to get under the 6, even if it was just by 0.1. Now I expect I'll probably be 7 or 8 something.
And you know why? Why I'm comfort eating? Why I'm so depressed? Cos I keep having these stupid, frustrating, life interuppting nose bleeds. Every morning when I wake up my nose starts to bleed. Sometimes it starts bleeding in the middle of the night, and I'm up for a couple of hours dealing with it, making sure it's properly stopped before daring to go back to bed. But the last few days it's started bleeding about 6:30 a.m. I'm knackered, I'm pi**ed off, I'm fed up, and I'm more than a little worried. I had my nose cauterised for the second time last Tuesday, and felt cautiously optimistic that it had worked, but it hasn't, and I don't know what else the doctor can do. The stress is sending my numbers sky high without me even putting any food in my mouth, but now I've turned to comfort food, and these nosebleeds are ruining more than just my clothes and pillowcases. I take a nap each day to catch up on the lost sleep, and I'm a constant bag of nerves waiting for the next bleed to start.
/vent over - comfort eating still continuing
