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Posted by mystiquarte , 12 April 2017 · 198 views

Next week I find out what my A1c is, to me this one is important because it reflects NR and how it has helped me gain control. So I hope that it is what I'm hoping for...I have tried so hard to do the very best I can 100% of the time. So I'll see how it's faired and if it's not the results I'm hoping for, then at least I know that there is more work to be done but good results will be in my future.

I missed my appointment with my Endo as I was far too dizzy to travel and when I rang to reschedule it seems I may have been placed on the 'naughty list' as I have to wait until September 2017 to see him. So in the meantime I'll see his registrar, oh well at least it's something. There was nothing I could do though, I didn't want to travel and end up fainting on the pavement...It'll freak me out. As far as the anaemia, I feel a little stronger the things I couldn't do last week now I can do. I am still tired though, that hasn't changed as of yet.

I've cried myself to sleep every night this week, so far, the pain of having do something I really don't want to do is just way too much for me. I eat my food, try not to think, just eat it up and get through it...but when I'm relaxed in my bed its all too much and when the tears start they won't stop. I pull the skin on my body, disgusted that I have skin to 'pull' it's awful makes me feel disgusted in myself...all I see are the flaws, all I see if the mountainous fat. It seems all I am doing is - - getting by - - nothing I'm doing is working, nothing is helping and I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know if I could or would stick up my hand for help. I though by eating that it would eventually 'drown out' ana's voice and I wouldn't be bothered by it anymore, but it's not the case, she's there and I'm at a loss as to what do.

June 2017

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