| It's there, and it won't go away
I decided that I should tell the story of my diabetes and how I dealt with it, or not, as the case may be. I hope it makes sense to you and, maybe, strikes a chord.
Here it is...
It was five minutes to three in the afternoon on Friday the first of June, 1979, and I had no cash. I did, however, have £8-50 in the bank and a hot date! So I wandered in to the bank, wrote out a cheque, and waited. Whilst I waited, three other gentlemen came into the bank to withdraw some money. Their cheque book was slightly unusual; it bore more than passing resemblance to a sawn-off shotgun! To cut a long story short, the trigger got pulled and a large part of my right calf got turned into mince. Just between you and me, dear reader, getting shot is NOT fun! One hot date straight out the window! I spent three months in hospital, whilst the doctors did skin grafts and such like.
When I left hospital I was told that I would spend the rest of my life on crutches or sticks. “NOT SO!” says I. I worked on my deformity, determined that it would not hamper me and I succeeded. Ultimately, the only thing I had to give up was rock-climbing, which put just a bit too much strain on my leg. Other than that, you’d hardly know it was there.
The point was that I fought it. I fought like ****, and I won! Going through that process changed my life. I found inner strength. I felt empowered. I found I could go into a bank again without a cold sweat and abject terror. I got self-respect, something I’d never had. I got respect from other people too, which was something I wasn’t used to. Just so you know, I had a rotten childhood for the most part.
Seven years later, in 1986, I went for a job interview. Part of that interview was a medical, complete with a dipstick in a urine sample. Brown. The **** thing changed colour and turned brown! (Uristix turn brown in the presence of glucose.) Lo and behold, I’m a diabetic, or pre-diabetic to be precise.
I was devastated. I’d put all that effort into fighting for my health and along came diabetes, sneaking up behind me and whispering “Got you!” I was 30 at the time… less than half way through my life - and stuffed, at least that was how I saw it. I think I pretty much gave up. Like building your dream home and then they decide to build a highway, right through the middle of it and knock the place down. How big a kick in the teeth can you get?
My diabetes slowly developed from there. But I refused to believe that I had diabetes, life couldn’t do that to me. I stuck my head in the sand. I was NOT going to let it be there! It was irrelevant. Forget it, it doesn’t matter, just continue life and die early. I decided I’d rather have a short life with a good quality, than a long and boring one. I didn’t expect to see sixty.
Eventually I ended up on insulin, as is to be expected. STILL I didn’t really want to know. I injected when I could be bothered to. I tested occasionally, getting double figures for most of the time. My A1c was in double figures too. Although I didn’t realise it, I was on a slippery slope to a VERY unpleasant end.
Just over a year ago, my life changed significantly. I realised I was in love. Truly in love and for the first time in my life! I had a reason to live and be well. I borrowed a phrase from the film “As Good as it Gets”; Jack Nicholson had the line “You make we want to be a better man” and I had a reason too. I found my inner strength again. I found my self-respect. I had cause to make an effort and I made that effort!
My A1c in 2000 was in double figures, in October 2005 it was 9.7. It’s now 6.1 and I hope to be in the fives next time. My cholesterol levels are improving and I’m a lot healthier than I was a year ago. Yes, I do have some problems; a little neuropathy in the feet and my eyesight could be better. I have a blockage in my iliac artery that needs an operation to fix, but I’ll survive it. The point is that I’m doing my best to make sure those problems don’t get any worse.
My reason for writing this is for all the diabetics out there who have the same attitude I did – “I don’t have diabetes” or “If I ignore it, it will go away” or “It’s only diabetes, it doesn’t matter”. Well, it doesn’t work that way, not in the end. All you end up doing is making a total mess of your body and you WILL go through **** before you die. You will hurt the people you love and who love you but, most of all, you will hurt yourself! You HAVE got diabetes. It will NOT go away. Deal with it and deal with it now. Learn everything you can about it. (Teach your family and friends about it, the view that “Diabetics mustn’t eat sugar” is all to common. Diabetics know that glucose is the fuel our bodies run on and if, we run out of it, we die! It’d be a good thing if everyone else knew that!) Modify your life to accommodate it, which can be done; I’m living proof of it! Call it a marriage if you will. You are married to your diabetes and there ain’t no divorce! Look after your diabetes and life can be good. But, whatever else you do, don’t deny it, ‘cos it ain’t going away!
The “how” is quite simple. It’s your diabetes and you own it, rather than the diabetes owning you. You have to manage it. Adjust your diet. Keep a close eye on your BG levels (and test regularly!). If they are too high, get them lower, by diet or meds or whatever works for you. Learn about DM. Learn about your meds. Monitor what effect they have. Talk to others with DM and learn from them. Get a GOOD endocrinologist on your side. Your doctors and nurses are part of your team and if they aren’t good, change them, or educate them so that they can not only help you, but be a real help to others. One important point to remember, going from poorly managed diabetes to well managed doesn’t happen overnight. It does take time and you will have times when things go pear-shaped. Don’t despair, work through them and they will come right soon enough.
Oh and, I still love her deeply. The Lady in question (and Lady she most certainly is) has shown me care, respect and warmth and helped me greatly. Thank you, Lady. |
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