[andypoo]

Originally Posted by Gangrel

,
I see life as a river. We're floating along, and some of us may make it to the open body of water at the end, some may get caught up the shore, and stuck, and others won't make it to the end.

I have no idea which one I am, and I don't put any thought into wondering. If I die at 60 because of diabetic complications, I'm ok with that, knowing I've kept myself in reasonable control while still having fun and drinking beers!

If I survive until 90, then even better.

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and I die at 31, well, that's when my ticket gets punched.

Make it a reflex, not an action you must focus on.

Gangrel,This is very well put,I like what you said ,this helps me ,too. I will look at this again and again,Thanks

[tanyatype1]

Hi Injecto - I just feel the same as Dewey and Gangrel. I don't know why, but I'm lucky to not be a worrier. I have lived through things that were absolutely devastating - WAY worse than my diabetes. In the big picture, for me, diabetes is a small part. And because of the bad things that have happened, I just thank God that for all the good things in my life. I wish I could help you Injecto, to feel more at peace, but I do believe that it will come in time. ((hugs))

[Injecto]

Gangrel, you are right. Personality has a HUGE impact on the way you think and act. I'm working on becoming more relaxed, but it's now taking my two times as much work since the diagnosis of D gave me a huge kick in the groin and laid me down on the floor big time. Don't worry about straying from the topic, that's the nature of a conversation and you brought up serves as a great model to strive to live up to. I can only hope that one day I will be just like that.

Problem is I am and always have been a "forward thinker", planning my future, delaying current pleasures for bigger and greater rewards later in life. Of course, health was just assumed (and necessary) and now my outlook is pretty grim. I can't let that go. I just can't accept that my ticket may be up when I'm 50, or 60, or 70 for that matter. But that's 39 years away now and I no longer see a light at the end of the tunnel. Long complicated story short, I was supposed to be some hot shot accountant, and perhaps become a controller one day for some small company, and finally get the house I wanted, on a property I liked, give my girls and wife what they deserve, and finally get my boat and cottage up north where I can get away from it all. We live a pretty basic boring life, in a very small house. We don't go to the movies, we don't go to restaurants, we've put off big trips and vacations, big purchases etc.. all so that we can afford the schooling until I finally "made it". The formula was simple. Live small now (to save), and live BIG later. But, at diagnosis it all came crashing down HARD and FAST. I just quit my classes and the program. I can't handle it anymore, and I figured, what's the point? I just wasn't meant to have what I've been working towards all these years. It's as if "someone" was giving me a sign to "stop it", and now I've listened (There have been MANY hurdles, and each one got harder, this was just the straw that broke the camel's back).

Maybe that's not the way it "really" is, and maybe it is. I don't know, but right now one thing is clear, that is exactly how it all feels to me.

I know, it all sounds depressing (and it is). I'm not meaning to get all down, and I don't want to stir people up in any negative way as that is NOT my intention. In some weird way I don't always feel completely upset about it. I get by, day by day, some worse than others. This forum helps, in more ways than many of you can imagine, or perhaps you can. The DF and its memebers are a blessing.

(Now I've just let many of you into a very personal side of my life, which is kind of scary to let out in public, not sure if I should have, but I needed to get it out for some reason).

[andypoo]

Injecto,I am very touched by you and what you have just written. I feel honored that you let go like that to us,it takes a real man to spill his guts the way you just did. I'm telling you,Injecto I don't know if you're a religious person,believe me I am far from it,but one thing I do know is the power of prayer. I have lived my life believing this and having it proven to me time and time again. The answer doesn't always come right away,and may be far away,but it will come. I've learned that it's the small things in this life that are the most endearing. When you come close to losing it all,as I did,you realize this. You mentioned your wife and kids and your little house,this ,my friend is all that matters in the world.Please,I hope you overcome this,and you will,I just know it. Just know that we're all pulling for you,for each other.

[KritterMom]

You are a wonderful person Injecto. That is very obvious. I know what you're going through, I've been that way myself. I have started looking at life differently in the last few years. I've become more of a person who thinks short term instead of long term. I have enough health issues that I probably won't live forever, lol, so I look towards rewarding myself for the little things in life, and trying to make NOW count. It has made a difference in my way of thinking, because quite frankly, I'm afraid of dying. You can still have your dreams, don't let anyone take those away from you. If we don't have our dreams, we don't have much. Hang in there buddy, cuz we're all in this together. Thats why this is such a wonderful group!

[belyro]

Injecto, you know my thoughts on this.

I'm here for you.

[MJM]

48 years a diabetic and I have never worried about it. I have a philosophy that says 'what will be, will be', so I don't worry. I was 13 when I was first diagnosed and knew absolutely nothing about what I had. Since then I've been in and out of hospitals on many occasions and almost every time I come out thinking 'good grief, I'm so lucky'. This is because I've seen the problems others have had to put up with and I think my problems are insignificant in relation to theirs. I've always accepted what life throws at me and to date apart from a heart attack 16 years ago it hasn't been much. I've enjoyed life and did everything I wanted to do. In fact I'm still doing what I want to do, and get great satisfaction out of life and hopefully will continue doing it for a long time to come.

[tanyatype1]

Injecto, I feel happy that you do trust us enough to tell us your personal stuff. (or maybe it's the anonymity of the forum) You might have to take time off to come to grips with D and to become more comfortable/accepting of it, but then you can get back to making your dreams come true. Even if it takes a couple years - you're still young! I think that D seems to be impacting your life in such a negative way right now that it's almost as bad as future complications - but it's happening right now! Don't let D control/ruin your life - it doesn't have too! (I really feel for you and I'm trying to say something comforting or helpful but I don't think it's coming out that way.) I think that when you're 60, and your playing guitar, sitting by a lake at your cottage, you'll look back on this time in your life as a little blip on the radar screen! You can still totally make your dreams come true.

[mg_2204]

Originally Posted by Injecto

I know, it all sounds depressing (and it is).

In my mind, this is the main purpose of this wonderful forum : to be able to discuss stuff. It's easy to find info about diabetes here and there on the Net but this place actually brings people together. Your thoughts in this thread and all the other posts may have helped someone greatly, who knows? I am so glad we have this forum!

[Goldrun]

Hi Injecto,
Like the others, I'm definitely touched by what you are going through. I was diagnosed in June of '05, and was overwhelmed at the idea that I had a disease that has often been so closely linked with premature death. Especially, since I've always been relatively healthy (I've run 3 marathons for goodness sake!). The first few weeks were horrible, as I spent a lot of time doing just what you described...assuming that every little pain was related in someway to diabetes. It seemed as though there was this huge thing that was suddenly in control of my life, and I was just a passenger waiting for an inevitable crash. But as the weeks passed, and as I began to see how my healthy choices contributed positively to regaining control, I began to feel a little more empowered (to use a tired, overused word). In some strange way, I think diabetes gives me the incentive I need to make healthy choices consistently. I am more willing to work out or choose healthier/wiser foods because I want to be in control. I honestly believe that in this way, I'm better off than many non-diabetics. Sure, my bgs may be kinda whacky sometimes, but I've got a great heart

One of the greatest things for me was a strong support system both at home and here. I wish you the very best....

[blue_eyed_devil]

injecto...

i'm very intersted in your story and what you have expressed in the past and present on this site. i personally am a bit of a hard ***... i say this as i mean no offence to you and hold you in very high esteem. you've started some excellent topics on here and have great input...

i just want to express how i feel in relation to what you have said...

i get your fears, and understand your frustration, but what makes you think you had that much control over your life (health included) to begin with? i mean *god forbid* what if you had an accident? or caught a disease that lead to serious illness? i just ask because it may bring to light how little we do control our lives... we don't know what will happen, how can we?

life happens...?!?

i really do think you are fantastic and know the big d can suck... i hope you can work though these worries, and i hope that one day i can be helpful to you!!!

[Injecto]

Thank you, all of you, for your kind and supportive words and thoughts. I take them all very much to heart.

I'm working on things, I really am, but everyday is a struggle, and sometimes the struggle itself is too burdening.

Again, thank you.

[kel4han]

Personality is what this really is about!!!I realize this more and more every day. As the harder I try to not obsess, the more I think about "what is wrong with me?" Why cant I just carry on each day and deal with things? I dont "feel sorry" for myself per say, but I am constantly trying to make right, to prevent, to better every number. Every number to me matters. Every hour I wonder where I am at. I think if I had CGMS it would eliviate ALOT of this wondering all the time. I think the thought of any second everything being swept out from under me is what makes me paranoid. I am a very controlling person. Not feeling in control of one's self is not good for someone like me with a negative personality type. I have tried all my life to be optimistic and a happy person, its just not me and I cant find it anywhere within me. But, me being new to this like you injecto, I pray to god that each day we will forget a little more. Optimistic types with diabetes are very lucky. My one wish would be to be like them! Because I know in my heart I can do this, that it isn't a "big deal" but to a screwed up personality like mine, its a lot harder to live each day like it isn't there, becuase it is and it angers me. I dont have that sunshine happiness waking me up every day, period. I wish that I did, I didnt have it before, and I surely dont have it now. Sad...but, that would be a negative type personality for ya. I am ashamed of that, but thats me.

[Pote05]

""""""Originally Posted by Gangrel
,
I see life as a river. We're floating along, and some of us may make it to the open body of water at the end, some may get caught up the shore, and stuck, and others won't make it to the end.

I have no idea which one I am, and I don't put any thought into wondering. If I die at 60 because of diabetic complications, I'm ok with that, knowing I've kept myself in reasonable control while still having fun and drinking beers!

If I survive until 90, then even better.

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and I die at 31, well, that's when my ticket gets punched.

Make it a reflex, not an action you must focus on.""""



This says alot to me. I have been worried a lot also. Got the big "D" news in Dec 06 and it has been a constant on my thoughts. Taking it one day at a time, and with reading the D/F daily learning that we all have ups and downs. We all make mistakes and the thing is in here at D/F that someone is always learning from someone else's lessons... A Doctor can't help you in the ways your learn from someone who has been there, done that!!

[Injecto]

Kel4han, I sympathize with you, I sincerely do. I to have never been an optimist. Always expecting the worse and seeing the worse, (and some really bad has happened which doesn't help). Anywho, we just need to keep on fighting, and that's HARD, I know it, and so do many on the DF. I constantly need some people to give me "pick me uppers", and fortunately there are many here who do that in a variety of ways (posts, PM, e-mail, chats etc...) and it all helps so very much. I find as the days go by, slowly I improve, and there are some really bad still, but it's getting better (O.K. so there is a small optimistic side to me now...but it comes and goes).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here, other than making an attempt at being supportive and optimistic. We'll just fight together with a little (LOT) of help from our family here on the DF.