support for sposes/partners

Trinifar · #1 (**permalink**) 09-08-2007, 05:24 PM

Hi,

I was diagnosed about a week and a half ago and am eagerly trying to learn about diabetes and how to manage it. Naturally this affects my spose who asked that I ask here (I've told her how great these forums and you people are) about resources for spouses/partners of people with diabetes. Anyone know of resources like that?

notme · #2 (**permalink**) 09-08-2007, 06:33 PM

Your spouse is welcome here Trinifar. There are many people on the boards that are family members and come to this site for advice and support.

Who? · #3 (**permalink**) 09-08-2007, 07:34 PM

The best thing you can do for your spouse is take care of yourself. Do whatever is necessary to get and keep your levels at least under control, and in the normal range if possible.

Then your spouse won't need as much support.

Good luck. Every day is a new "adventure" for the diabetic.

volleyball · #4 (**permalink**) 09-08-2007, 09:03 PM

Some other boards have a support person forum. It gets little use. She can join and ask questions or you can ask for her.
What kind of support is she looking for?

Trinifar · #5 (**permalink**) 09-09-2007, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by volleyball

What kind of support is she looking for?

Her top most issue might be something like "I'm now living with this person who is obsessing with this diagnosis, trying to learn all about it ASAP, and radically changing our lifestyle."

She has been wonderfully supportive. Helping organize my meds, figuring out proper meals, encouraging me, reminding me to get a snack, etc. All with a smile and lots of hugs. I couldn't ask for more. Behind it all, though, I think she's worried. Naturally worried about my health but also about how it's changing our lifestyle even though mostly it's all positive. Still, it's a big change and that's unsettling.

We both need to establish a pattern of regular exercise and loose weight. We both love bread and I bake bread as a hobby. Used to get the hot loaf from the oven and each have a couple slices with butter right away. On days when neither of us were in a mood to put much effort into preparing dinner we would do spaghetti or baked potatoes. All that changes now.

Mostly I think she'd like to find a place where she could talk about what's going on for here. I appreciate the suggestion that she could do that here and perhaps that will work. Knowing here, though, I suspect she'd like to also find a support group which I'm not a part of so she could feel more free to express herself, and I understand that.

Harold · #6 (**permalink**) 09-09-2007, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trinifar

......... Knowing here, though, I suspect she'd like to also find a support group which I'm not a part of so she could feel more free to express herself, and I understand that.

Caregiver is not an easy job and tell her she is welcomed. We have a chat room and for questions or expressions of that nature, it is good for that. What's said in the Chat Room stays there and transcripts are not available to the members. Only to the administrator and only in cases where there are problems. All she has to do if no one is in there is to PM anyone specifically to join her or just make a post she is in there and wanting company. Takes awhile that way, but we do have some chatters.

notme · #7 (**permalink**) 09-09-2007, 09:28 AM

That being said Trinifar, you might also let your wife know there are people for her to meet here and she can private message with some of them that give her support and help. I can understand her wanting to talk freely without worrying that she is saying something that may upset you. She may also just need to vent on some days. PM or chat (like Harold suggests) may be the outlet she needs away from the public forum.

Darn.....now I want a piece of hot bread with butter.

volleyball · #8 (**permalink**) 09-09-2007, 10:48 AM

It's a given that she's worried for you. It's your problem and you're the focus so it may be tough on her. Maybe a general caregiver website might be better. You might also want to be her caregiver. you have upheaved her world and are focusing on you. Take a few minutes to tell her how much you appreciate her. And while you want her to share your diet, remember she doesn't have to. I prepare holiday meals for 12 to 20 people and half the stuff I won't eat or maybe just 1 bite. They are not diabetic, so you should not stop them from eating what they can. But they are getting a diabetic slant to the whole meal. The cauliflower mash is next to the potato mash and it goes just as quickly. Sometimes I don't even get any as I have weened them into a healthier eating habit.

Jill-O · #9 (**permalink**) 09-09-2007, 11:30 AM

Hi

One thing that will help your husband I think would be a general understanding of what your condition is. A lot of times, it's easy to get "worked up" about what the facts might be but if you can learn what is really going on, it's easier to deal with.

There are two books that I like the most because they are easy to understand and easy to look up things in the index like when you have specific concerns. They are Diabetes for Dummies and The Complete Idiots Guide to Type 2 Diabetes. Wish they had different names, though!!!! But they are the ones that have helped me and my husband the most in terms of understanding.

Jill

princesslinda · #10 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 06:36 AM

A diagnosis of diabetes affects your entire family. It's only natural that your spouse will be concerned. My husband was quite anxious when I was first diagnosed, but as he's seen me take control of things and do well, we've gotten "back to normal" in most things. Our eating habits, however, have dramatically changed. Since I do most of the cooking, he eats what I can eat, having his "fun" food at work or when we eat out (his idea, not mine). He's lost about 50 lbs since my diagnosis as well, since we no longer have chips and snack cakes around the house. We both are much healthier than before I was diagnosed.

Have your spouse look around on the forum and PM anyone with any questions she may have.

Also, make sure that diabetes doesn't take over your entire home life. It's easy at first to become totally obscessed, actually I think its necessary to get that mindset in order to achieve good control, esp. in the beginning. However, make sure you talk about other things as well. I remember my husband asking me "can't you occasionally talk about anything besides diabetes?" and it made me realize that just because I have to focus on it a lot, doesn't mean that he needs to hear every thought I have. That's why the forum has become so important to me....everyone here understands, as they deal with the same disease daily. Kinda gives our families a break from diabetes. Also, as time passes and you figure out your routine, diabetes will become just another part of your life.

A good book for you and your spouse: "Type II Diabetes, The First Year," by Gretchen Becker. Full of easy to read, good information.

Trinifar · #11 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princesslinda

Also, make sure that diabetes doesn't take over your entire home life. It's easy at first to become totally obscessed, actually I think its necessary to get that mindset in order to achieve good control, esp. in the beginning. However, make sure you talk about other things as well.

I think that's the ticket. I'm aware of obsessing and do feel it's the right thing for me right now. I want to embed the understanding of diabetes and what I need to do for it quickly so I can establish some new healthy patterns and not worry about it all the time. Knowing what to keep an eye on and what doesn't matter so much will ease my mind a lot. But you make a fabulous point about using the forums here to talk about it and not put that burden on my partner. It's enough that our diet is changing a lot almost exactly like you describe with what you and your husband have done.

Thanks to everyone for your comments.