[belyro]

I don't want for this to turn into a "non-diabetics say the stupidest things" thread, but I do want to share this experience because I think some of you will be able to identify.

This Christmas I was at my parents' church and was catching up with some of the people I know from back home. One of our old neighbours came up to me and we starting chatting. She's a nurse, and has known me all my life, and helped my parents out immensely in the first few years after my diagnosis. So she asked how things were going with my diabetes. As some of you know, I was diagnosed with proliferative retinopathy this summer and had a number of laser treatments. It was very difficult for me, both physically and emotionally. So I told her that, while things were going alright now, I had had to deal with retinopathy this summer. She looked at me with kind of a "tsk tsk" look, chuckled, and said, "Oooooh....too much cheating eh?" I thought I would THROTTLE her right there in the church. I couldn't believe she could be so insensitive to something that caused me MAJOR grief....and that had NOTHING to do with "cheating". Living with diabetes for 25 years has been a constant challenge (as we all know diabetes is)....and I think I've actually done very well overall. I've had no rebellious years in terms of diabetes care, and have always done the best I could to manage my diabetes while still balancing a "normal" life. The fact that she would insinuate that the fact that my eyes are starting to BLIND THEMSELVES is MY FAULT was like a slap in the face. I was too stunned to have any kind of intelligent remark, so I'm sure she still has no idea what effect her comment had on me. When I told my parents, they were shocked too.

You know, I really REALLY don't expect people who don't have diabetes to understand diabetes....not even people in the medical profession....but I do expect a little bit of respect from people who find out I've experienced (and still am experiencing) medical difficulties. You don't have to understand diabetes to show a little common courtesy.

[Injecto]

Don't know what to say....

[princesslinda]

Originally Posted by belyro

You don't have to understand diabetes to show a little common courtesy.

The above statement sums it up quite nicely. I don't know why some people insist on engaging mouth before putting brain in gear!

Don't let this get you down Beth...You know how well you've done over the years, don't let a thoughtless remark make you feel bad.

[Alice]

I'm sorry this person in so uninformed. And that this was said to you after you were giving her an honest, update on something you felt she had a personal interest.

I think what upsets me the most are the "medical" personnel (nurses, I'm sorry, but they are the worst!) know so little about diabetes. I traveled with another couple through Europe and put up with "can you eat that?" for two weeks by the other wife, who was a "career nurse"...but hadn't worked in clinical practice for 20 years...she's administrative now.

By the end of the trip...after explaining how fast-acting insulin worked...repeatedly...I was barely speaking to her. It was a weird kind of superiority game going on with her...almost 24/7.

I asked a recent nursing grad who worked in my endo's office just how much training she received on diabetes in her RN program. She said very little and said had she not worked in an endo's office, she would have been very disappointed in what was taught.

You were polite. That's about all you can do with these people. Have mercy on them, is all you can ask. Explanations never seem to get far.

[notme]

I can understand you frustration Beth. I guess we all expect people in the medical profession to be better informed. I think I might have lost it and I commend your patience. The only thing we can do it try our best and correct people when they make stupid statements.

I am at a loss sometimes. I had a nurse call me this morning from our insurance company. She was so uninformed out pumps that is was amazing to me. It isn't like this is a brand new invention. I did the best I could, but I know I left her in the dust. Whatever.

[Gary_W]

The only thing you can say about this is that in a couple of days you'll have got over her remark.

In a couple of days, she'll still be person who is blessed with either stupidity or a mean streak. Not knowing her, I can't say which. But it's one or the other.

Some people....

[cheryl]

****, that had to hurt....How insensitive and really rude of someone to say that, and I would love to tell people that say cheating, What does cheating actually mean.....I guess they cheat everyday, putting thier dumb butt foot in the grave with all the food they consume, which either clogs thier artieries, getting themselves closer to a heart attack....OH she just made me sooooooooo MAD.........GRRRRRRRRRRr. I hate when someone says your cheating, What am I cheating....oyy....

Misinformed insensitive, people, I don't like em...So so sorry, I would of lashed out at her.....I can't seem to hold my feelings in like I used to anymore....

Cheryl

[soso]

ya know Bethany, I would be very tempted to write her a note telling her just how that made you feel after how hard you have worked and will have to work forever.. I had a recent similar remark stab in the heart a year or so ago from my SIL and I emailed her and told her that it's so bloody hard and her casual remark (which was asinine on the subject) cut me to the quick and just let her know it's not a joking matter... Would we say to a mother who miscarried... oooo not looking after yourself eh..hahaha? Hardly.

Same SIL just told me how her friend developed T1 cos his dad wanted him to be athletic and the stress brought it on...another WTF moment, but don't worry we had a chat....

At least we all appreciate how hard you are working love......

[belyro]

Originally Posted by Alice

I think what upsets me the most are the "medical" personnel (nurses, I'm sorry, but they are the worst!) know so little about diabetes.

I didn't want to say this...but yeah, that's definitely been my experience. The thing is, I can deal with medical personnel not knowing much about diabetes....it's when they (or anyone else) try to convince me that they're right and I'm wrong that gets me. I've lived with it for 26 years, and they studied it for a few months (if that). I'd say *I* am the expert on the subject.

Originally Posted by cheryl

****, that had to hurt

You got it, Cheryl. I mean, most of the time I get a stupid comment from someone it irks me and I get over it. Sometimes it p*sses me off and I get over it, but this one really really stung. I guess it just poured salt on some wounds that are still very fresh.

Originally Posted by soso

ya know Bethany, I would be very tempted to write her a note telling her just how that made you feel after how hard you have worked and will have to work forever..

I've thought of doing that, actually. I'm not sure yet. Maybe. It's tough b/c she's a friend of the family and a prominent member of my parents' church...plus she spent a number of months this year fighting cancer (my understanding is that her prognosis is very good)....so I feel like I'd be treading on thin ice. We'll see. I still might. Not "berating" her, but explaining how it hurt me.

[Jan B]

Bethany,

There are even some diabetics who have never had any complications, who believe those w/problems haven't taken good care of themselves.

We will never have 100% control of avoiding complications, no matter how well we take care of ourselves. The nurse should have known that & certainly could have shown better behaviour. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Someone close to me is a Nurse Practitioner and her specialty is cardiology -- she sees lots of diabetics. Anyway, she told me it's impossible to go low on Lantus!!! Oh boy . . .

Evidently, this really is a hard disease for people to understand.

[cheryl]

I've thought of doing that, actually. I'm not sure yet. Maybe. It's tough b/c she's a friend of the family and a prominent member of my parents' church...plus she spent a number of months this year fighting cancer (my understanding is that her prognosis is very good)....so I feel like I'd be treading on thin ice. We'll see. I still might. Not "berating" her, but explaining how it hurt me.[/quote]

Well then if she had cancer she should been more understanding to your condition, I don't think she would of even liked it, if someone said, oh too many pulls on a cigarette, or whatever supposedly causes cancer that she had cancer....I mean I know sometimes people don't think before they say something, but obviously she doesn't have the kind of heart that you have in thinking about all the what if's, before you open your mouth. Maybe someone should point out that fault in her, and what better person then you, who is actually battling something also...which doesn't go into remission, and with that being said "Don't feel too bad about treading on thin ice." She obviously didn't....

Cheryl

[marked]

That is so hurtful. When things like that are said, to me, it always feels like a dump, so take it for what it is worth.But this is a mindset as well, if you have complications it must be because of something you ate. How rude!
Mark

[duck]

Originally Posted by belyro

I thought I would THROTTLE her right there in the church.

Bethany, God would have understood if you had.

[tanyatype1]

smack for her,
Hug for you!

[RLK]

Geez Beth, that stinks! People can be so mean! And the medical ones are the worst....I had one of my supervisors (a former EMT) tell me that I didn't understand the complications that are going to happen to me because of my diabetes and that I was destined for kidney failure. No, I didn't slap him....but I thought about it

Hang in there....don't let the stupid, rude, inconsiderate people get you down.