[Cassini]

I have days when my caloric intake is far below what is recommended for losing 2lbs a week, which is kind of my goal for the now.

I have terrible eating habits, skipping meals, grabbing tiny snacks and then "convincing" myself I am not hungry.

My breakfast usually consists of coffee and on occasion 125ml (1/4C) of a no fat/no sugar yogurt. This is only when my Met is giving me grief.

Before my dx I was a binge eater, high calorie, high intake, pretty much just eating until the snack/meal was gone. Then looking for more. Hence the overabundance of fat on my body, mostly around my middle section and even down to my feet. My shoes are too big for me now, all my socks, my bras are starting to fall off.

Now this is not to say I don't have a lot of weight to go, but I find out this morning (friday) if I have been losing as much as I feel I have or if I am just hanging onto it because of my ridiculous habits. I don't see any loss in the mirror when I look, only feeling it in my clothes. (2 belt notches this week)

I am battling this nasty UTI which is not making any progress other than the initial pain is gone, it is still haunting me. I have a massive infection on my big toe, an ingrown toenail which I tried to fix myself. I was actually going to go to the ER earlier tonight as my toe is huge and starting to feel numb and looking kind of beyond purple, weeping and hot to the touch and well, bringing me down physically and mentally.

I am finding it terrifying to have high BGs so I am overcompensating by not eating at all some times. Sure, my BGs are showing in the low 4s (88)and 5s (95) but this is not at all what I wanted to start happening.

I am indeed afraid that I am currently developing yet another eating disorder... making the full fat binge eating turn towards full blown anorexia.

Even my son is starting to freak out on me and give me **** all the time for having these "great" numbers at the sake of eating/health.

There, I have said it.
And it was painful.

[Caravaggio]

Have you spoken to your care giver about your fears and your current eating condition? Also, perhaps you should consider talking to a dietitian who can help you to eat properly while achieving your desired weight.

I find that what works for me and a number of my friends is a change of perspective - instead of going on a diet, we started living healthily (that is, exercise and eating healthily); and instead of "I want to lose weight (right away)", I'll eat right and exercise regularly and the weight will just come off slowly but surely.

Good luck!

[lorilei]

Cassini, playing around with binge-eating and then eating nothing can really mess with your pancreas ( and all of the other vital organs as well!). Not to mention your psyche. i have travelled down this road as well and actually think that this is where my BG got so messed up in the first place. After not eating for a while, your body will go into self preservation mode and start hoarding calories..further contributing to your problems. also skipping meals often leads to overeating, eventually.
Caravaggio hit the nail on the head...try to focus on your health vs your wt (i know they go hand in hand, but you could drive yourself crazy and really your health is what is most important).
as i'm sure you know, try to eat small, frequent meals with more protein, breakfast being the most important to the pace of your day...i'm sure others will give you alot more valuable advice, but like i've said i've been down this road..turn back while you still can!! i'll be thinking of you!

[fgummett]

Agreed.. skipping meals is not a way to healthily lose weight, or to maintain control of your BS Take good care of yourself.

[ErikaA]

I don't eat when I'm stressed.

At various points I've been stressed for too long to sustain not eating. So I have safety foods.

ie foods that I can eat any time no matter what.

Currently it's vita wheats, pears, salads and tinned tuna.

Work out what doesn't mess with your bgls and pick a few safety foods from that... if you're testing a lot, you should come up with quite a few food items that don't rock the boat (high protein, low carb works well). So when you're feeling paranoid about bgls you can still eat.

And set yourself an eating plan. Do not skip meals! Diabetics and people with eating disorders should never skip meals.

[davef]

Helen,

I am so sorry you are going through this, I guess from your post that you clearly know that eating as you are is not the solution. I assume from when you wrote "I am indeed afraid that I am currently developing yet another eating disorder... " that this is something you have battled with in the past so I'm not going to tell you how to eat or what not to do, you already know that.

I applaud your courage in posting this and reckon it must have take a lot to write about it. I would also think that you must have made strides if you can notice early warning signs and want to do something about it, perhaps you need more help than we are going to be able to provide (but you know we are here for you). In relation to your toe, please don't let it go untreated, if going to your GP is not an option then do go to the ER and while you are there why not mention your concern about developing an eating disorder they should have some form on counselor that you could talk to.

Now that you have admitted to yourself (and us) that there might be the start of a problem, go the extra mile and get some professional help and guidance.

We are here for you, post more if it helps, PM me if it helps, but please do seek "real world" help too.

((HUGS))

[andypoo]

I was just wondering if maybe you shouldn't start taking insulin injections. I know alot of people don't want to hear this ,but it really isn't so bad,I'm used to it. It may give you better control,ask your doctor about it. Please don't be afraid,it only hurts you mentally and physically. Believe me I know, I have been going through this very thing with being afraid. Everyone on here has given me lots of advice and understanding,it has helped me immensely. Read some of the things these wonderful people have said to me. I have never met such wise and wonderful people,including you. You also replied to me and I appreciate it so much. So I want to tell you that we are all here for you. You are going to get things under control, i just know it. Get your toe checked out,get it healed . I'll be praying for you to get well and to not be afraid!

[Julietta]

Good for you, knowing when to say "when"!

I am tending toward disordered eating myself right now, and since I see a therapist for other issues this has become a big topic with us.

A few months ago, my intake was generally <30g carbs and 1400-1600 calories per day. Some days were higher, a few were lower. My blood sugar was pretty good, avg. 85 - 120.

Now, I average <20g carbs and 1000-1200 calories per day. I like to see my BG in the 60s and 70s, and am unhappy when they're higher than that. I am on the "lower is better" roller coaster, and I need to get off. So do you. Part of me feels wistful when I eat that last snack to push me over 1000 calories, like, I could do without this, it would be better if I did, what's the harm in losing weight a little faster and letting my BG get a little lower? But the rational part of me knows this is destructive thinking, and I'm listening to that voice. So are you, and that's awesome!

I can't give you practical advice because this is mental and individual. I will say that you are pretty amazing for posting and being honest with yourself about this! Get help now, and know you are not the only one. Please let me know if you would like to talk - I'm here.

Hugs!

[Julietta]

Originally Posted by andypoo

I was just wondering if maybe you shouldn't start taking insulin injections. I know alot of people don't want to hear this ,but it really isn't so bad,I'm used to it. It may give you better control,ask your doctor about it. Please don't be afraid,it only hurts you mentally and physically. Believe me I know, I have been going through this very thing with being afraid. Everyone on here has given me lots of advice and understanding,it has helped me immensely. Read some of the things these wonderful people have said to me. I have never met such wise and wonderful people,including you. You also replied to me and I appreciate it so much. So I want to tell you that we are all here for you. You are going to get things under control, i just know it. Get your toe checked out,get it healed . I'll be praying for you to get well and to not be afraid!

Maybe insulin is the answer, but I would say to wait on that until the mental aspect of this is being treated, too. There is too much opportunity for abuse with insulin - speaking for myself, of course. (I've never been given insulin, but I can only imagine what a temptation that would be for me right now...)

[Cassini]

Good morning everyone

I can not Thank you all enough for your caring and wise responses.

I just awoke from a fitfull sleep (again) as I am indeed under a lot of stress. Other factors included but this one has me thinking a million miles a minute.

Funny you should mention insulin because I just dreamt of needles ,gear and such and needles are something that have terrified me since a botched injection as a child, nurse Cratchett was giving me my immunizations and broke the needle off IN my arm. I am not sure if that was worse or them having to put soooo much pressure on my arm to remove it with plyers!

I am not so concerned about the weight right now as I am with just keeping the BS under control. I guess while thinking about it my mind figures if the numbers are low I won't have to use injections to work on it.

I do see a therapist but have sneakily not mentioned this growing obsession to her (yet) even though she has noticed I seem more stressed out lately.

As for the toe, I will be showing my GP this morning (appt in an hour and a half), it is really raunchy this morning, the purple is turning even darker, towards the blackish side.

The binge eating was prior to dx, which is when I was hungry all the time and it led to just eating constantly.

I really am glad I posted this thread even though it was tough it helped "confessing" I suppose and let me vent out these facts in a friendly environment and as non threatening as it can get, too.

I will let you know how GP goes later in the day here and on a lighter note, Happy International Diabetes Day. As sad as it is that the numbers dx'd are ever growing in huge quantities right now it is good knowing that as a worldwide movement we have more of a voice in getting to the bottom of this.

Happy Birthday Dr. Banting, without you and assistant Best, a huge portion of us would not be here to celebrate anything.

Once again, Thank you all
Cass

[davef]

Helen,

I'm so glad to hear you are going to see your Doctor, it's the wise thing to do. Please let us know how it goes.

[jillrapp]

Yep, me too. I'm concerned for you and here if you need to talk.

Best wishes and thoughts,
Jill

[yannah]

cassini,

please let me know how you are. I do know excactly how you feel and i have been talking to my therapist about the TERROR I feel most of the time. She put me on Restoril because i sleep for **** too.

I really want to know how you are. Let us know.


xoxoxoxoxoxox.

[Cassini]

Well,
This is going to be the short version as I have a longer version I will be posting in another thread about
A:bad doctor behaviour.
B:new lab results.
C:how hard it was to get them.

I once again thank you for your concern with me and can't let you know how much it was to first off, post this thread, second..actually hit the Submit button and third, I had to not come to the site while I ruminated about what I had said and done.

I did go to my former Doc today and he was as lacksidasical as they come and about as stupid as a sack of hammers (although on a construction site, they too would have been far more helpful than he)

My whole day had been ruined by him but I did feel good about letting him know just what and how I thought of him, while he stammered and stuttered and tried to sound like he had a clue.

ok, thats enough in this post, after all, there is not much about dieting left to talk about, kind of... (see, he has me mad and messed up! ArrrrgGggh!)

CrabbyCass

[yannah]

thanks for posting. I will be thinking about you.