[LyssaJ]

Greetings and Salutations,

Per the prompt/guilt of "...you have never posted to our site before!" I am posting after having just registered.

So, I am the wife of a Type 1 diabetic...he was diagnosed at age 8 (30 years ago.) We've been hitched for 13 years, and sometimes it feels like I've never received a full briefing on "what to expect with your diabetic."

By the way, I'm prior military...served 10 years with the USAF...pardon any lingo that may slip in here.

Anyway, back to why I'm here...

I usually enjoy learning new stuff, except this diabetes thing is very much akin to his private club. I'm not good with anatomy and physiology when it comes to "everything diabetic" and the numbers for x,y,z tend to be confusing.

I have asked him, at various times, to write stuff out so I know what to do, when, (i.e. he's going low, but not yet into seizures) but to no avail.

blah blah blah...yeah...sorry, usually I'm more patient, but when it comes to my husband's diabetes it's a case of him saying "It's my life, my body, and my decision!" yet he fails to realize that I, being his wife, have to call 911...have to answer the paramedic's questions...have to answer his mother's questions.

I don't like being in the dark...hence why I'm here...to learn from you all.

Usually I'm more upbeat, but on this issue (it's a biggie as you all know) I lose my sense of humor

Someday, after I learn enough, hopefully I can help others (like I hope y'all can help me.)

Thank you, in advance, for any/all guidance you may give!

[morrisma]

Hubby ought to be thrilled his SO cares enough to want the info. We've had a couple of "My SO doesn't care" threads on here lately so this is a pleasant change.

Not sure where you fit in his "stuff" but I'd get a couple of diabetic cookbooks (lots of recommendations here) and make some low carb meals for him.

I'd also ask him if you could accompany him to his next endo/doc visit.

Does he test often? Log results? Have recent A1c's? Pay attention to his diet? On a pump, MDI, other meds?
You need to let him know you care without getting all up in his face over it I suppose. My SO is always worried about me & I'm grateful. Something to live for, literally!
Mike

[LyssaJ]

Mike, thank you for responding. Reckon I should have put some more specific stuff in my first post, but you did a good counter-point/suggestions for me to continue from.

His mom gave me diabetic cookbooks when I married him...thing is, he doesn't like the food/recipes.

I asked about attending his latest venture...his OmniPod training...he was not enthusiastic about me being there (or to any of his other appointments I've inquired about attending) so much that I gathered he *didn't* want me there. So what if I ask "dumb" questions, you know?

As to how often he tests...uh...before meals and whenever he feels "off." I think his meter (that's with the Pod stuff) tracks/logs results...not that I have the first clue how to access any of that information.

I have no idea about his A1c's...the last time I was in the loop was when I was (we were) stationed in Germany (he was with me, it was when we were early in our marriage.)

"Pay attention to his diet..." That's a sad sort of funny...considering he still drinks the Mt. Dew and Coke for "snacks." When I discussed my frustration regarding the pump with my mum, she said that he'd gain new "freedom" but also would have to be more responsible for what he eats/drinks. I'm still waiting for that "responsible" thing to start.

I'm hoping to find other S.O.s who've been in my situation and can guide me in how *not to* be all up in his face about it. At this point, I've opted for essentially throwing my hands up in the air and saying "it's all you" when he's high/low/pod placement, whatever.

I don't want to be a nag (I detest nagging.) His mum, of all people, said I should use tears...I was like, wt*?! I told her if *I* am crying, then you better believe he'll be cryin' too...'cause I don't play the manipulation game.

He values knowledge, so I'm hoping to gain some here.

Thank you again!

P.S. You mentioned "other meds"...he's on four or five...most of which I'm not sure of. I know one his for high cholesterol...I think another is for high blood pressure...oh, and then there's the anti-depressant (a not-fun med, especially if he forgets a dose)...I forget the other one/two

[princesslinda]

Do you think you hubby would be receptive to checking out the forums? Nothing like being around tons of other people dealing with the same issues to make you feel comfortable.

I'm sure its difficult to be the spouse of a diabetic....I know I sometimes get irritated if my husband asks about my blood sugars, then feel hurt if he doesn't! I also know that i'm grumpier when my blood sugars are low...he knows this too and will often tell me " will you please eat something." I'm sure its even more difficult with T1 as you have to deal with the potential lows.

Glad you found the forums. If he won't come and check things out, at least you'll have the support of this great family.

[Janlaton]

Sounds like you are trying hard. Maybe we could start a chat group for spouse/s os of diabetics so you guys could talk express how you feel to each other.

If he does keep a log of sugars, read it! Make a list of the foods he does like them look for ways to reduce the carbs in those foods. Not the ideal way but it works better than you would think. His sugar levels may not be very well controlled and he may well be in denial. To tell you about it he would first have to admit the problems to himself. I have several diabetic spouse friends who have this problem once the denial level of control is past usually the other will talk more. You know if he really does not want to talk, you can not make him. Accept that fact. Start reading on your own. See if you can get signed up to go to a Diabetic ed class without him, sorta like al-anon. You do your part to help even if he does not want you to.

I am one of those who would be eternally grateful if just once my husband expressed the first bit of interest in my blood sugar, what med I'm on, what I eat and why or any thing to go with my diabetic lifestyle. So I praise your efforts. Keep up the good work.

[thomaca77]

As far as the Omnipod goes....I'm on it, maybe I can help a bit.

When he got the pump in the mail, it should have come with a great big (fairly easy to read) manual...you might want to flip through it, give you an overview on how it works and how to use it, in case there is ever an emergency, and you need to help him.

I think it is very important for the spouse to know how to work the pump...there have been times when I have been nearly incapacitated, and my husband had to help me use it. (like just two weeks ago, when I was so sick, I couldn't stop throwing up, and he had to come into the bathroom every half and hour and test my blood sugar for me, cause I couldn't move.)

Your hubby sounds like the type that doesn't like to admit it when he needs help, but everyone has an emergency sometimes, and it is just good planning for you to be informed
enough to tell the EMT's what is going on.

Maybe you two could come to a compromise...he writes down his dosages and such for you to keep handy in an emergency, and if he promises to keep it up to date, you won't ask him on a daily basis what is going on with his blood sugar.

The Omnipod does keep all your records for 90 days, you
just go to the Home Page screen, and choose "my records"...but just "for the record", if I thought my husband was sneaking around behind my back to read my data, I would be mad as heck! (He always asks if he can look first, or at least tells me he is going to check it.)

So if your hubby is that touchy about his Diabetes, then I suggest you at least tell him you are looking. Both conversations may lead to an argument, but only one leads to a lack of trust.

And if he argues that you might "screw something up" in the machine, most of the really important functions require that he put the pump into suspend mode before it will let you change it, and you have to be within 3 feet of his pod to give any insulin, so no fear of "overdosing" him accidentally while checking the records.

Good luck, and good for you for trying to be supportive (he doesn't know how lucky he is that you care).

-Carisa

[BlueSky]

I think you really need to discuss this with him. Tell him that you want to be helpful and supportive as far as the diabetes is concerned. That you want to work with him on achieving the best possible outcome. And ask him what the best way for you to provide the support he to is. Your being pro-active is good. But he needs to feel in control.

[HollyB]

Just to confuse matters -- Type 1s don't necessarily have to eat low-carb, especially if they are active people. Healthy, yes -- the kind of diet we all should be eating -- more veggies and whole grains, less fat, fewer greasy/sugary desserts.

I'm going to suggest we distinguish here between what you NEED to know in order to provide necessary backup and feel confident dealing with emergencies, and what you would like your husband to share with you. Then start with the needs.

So. First and foremost you need a game plan for what to do if he's low and can't manage by himself. If you like, we can tell you the drill and you can run it by him: "This is what I understand I should do -- do you agree?"

A list of what meds he's taking so if he has to check into hospital and can't speak for himself, they will have that info.

You should understand the basic principles behind diabetes management, so you can provide some intelligent support. For example, if he's really high when he tests before dinner, you could ask if he wants to delay dinner for a bit so he can get his sugar down to something reasonable before eating sends it back up again. You can get this basic info from a book that's focused on Type 1 -- "Think Like a Pancreas" is very readable and will help you understand the basic chemistry involved. Who knows, maybe he'll read it too.

After that, you're into a delicate negotiation. He may always want to keep the details of his treatment private. I think it's a fair argument, though, that people who are married should have a good understanding of each other's health status along with other issues. It's part of knowing and caring about each other, right? Not that you want to mother or nag him, you just want to be somewhat in the loop.

[RobiJo]

Two thumbs up for wanting to be a part of it all. Sadly he seems to be ignoring the #2 person in his Diabetes care team. (YOU!) My husband has always had the basics in knowing what to do if I went low, but it wasn't until last year when a I had a bad eye appointment did he get really involved. It wasn't that I wasn't letting him, but I was also wasn't letting him either. He was under the impression that things weren't perfect, but not terrible either. He is much more involved now.

His mother (who is "almost D"--her words, really a non-compliant T2) had a recent a1c of 8.6 or so, and also told him this is normal and nothing to worry about. He knows enough now to argue back and tell her she's full of it. I stay out of it unless asked a direct question.

At any rate---find out what his A1c is. That is the single most important number you should know. Under 6.5 is ideal, around 7 isn't too bad, above 8 and you should get on him! (A 7 is roughly an average bg of about 170 over the last 2-3 months!) Best of luck! And welcome to DF!

[Evermont]

Seeking knowledge in spite of the roadblocks...

Refusing to play manipulative games...

You are operating on superlative principles Lyssa. I don't expect that you would easily give them up, but I just want to say that IMHO you never should.

This is a sticky wicket for sure but you strike me as just the kind of person who will handle it with aplomb. I'm glad you joined us and I hope your S.O. follows your lead. Welcome to DF!

[xMenace]

Hey Lyssa,

Interesting post, very close to home, and very interesting responses. Off the top it sounds to this outsider like you two have deeper communication issues. You might want to focus on that some.

For the D part, education is power. You may save S.O.'s life some day, if you haven't already. Two books I'd recommend are "Pumping Insulin" by John Walsh and "Think Like a Pancreas" be Scheiner. You can get "Using Insulin" by Walsh as well, but I prefer to alternate authors. #2 & #3 are very similar.

Google Dawn Phenomenon. Google Basal Testing. The light will eventually turn on.

For hypos, my wife gives me sugary juice, SunnyD works, in a hard drinking bottle with a solid straw. Glucose tabs are good too. They don't spill much. She is also forcefull: DRINK JOHN! Be mindful that the brain is ****ed up during hypos. It's best if you do take charge. Anything S.O. says or does should not be taken seriously.

You can use hypos as a weapon. My wife did. "I can't live like this where I'm scared to go to sleep!" It's really not that hard to argue it's your disease too. You are impacted in many ways including financially. I don't consider this a private club by any means.

Stick around, learn, and ask lots of questions.

[mortis505]

Hello LyssaJ, and greetings from a former USAFer. I see that you are already getting good advice from the others. I just wanted to say hello.

[kgm0612]

Hi & Welcome to the forum, Lyssa. I am sure you will get the help you're looking for.........lots of nice people and plenty of valuable information to be found here.

As I was reading your post, I could swear it was written by my sister-in-law. My younger brother was dx'd 20 years ago at the age of 22, and 4 months before he was to be married. My SIL has tried her best to be supportive but no matter what she does, it's always "wrong" in my brother's eyes. I give her credit for still trying, though.

Karen

[jacobsam622]

Welcome to the forum.