I am so bummed...

[Clint]

First, let me say I am just venting... I don't have anywhere else to vent. None of my friends or family are diabetic and so they don't know what I am going through.

I am deeply bummed... I have been diabetic for only 5yrs but I think I am at my lowest point.

I cannot seem to get my sugars even somewhat normal.. I don't like any of the doctors that I have seen...

I don't want to eat anymore.. I am tired of the mood swings.. I am tired of the sugar swings.. just tired of it all...

anyway... I am going to try a new doctor soon.. hoepfully he can send me to some nutrition training because my previous doctors wouldn't.. it may have been an insurance thing though...

thanks for listening...

[Oradev]

Have you tried Lantus or Humalog or considered it?

[Clint]

No, my doctors have not suggested it and my last DR said he didn't like Lantus or Humalog..

I am going to see a new doctor soon though.

[Oradev]

What were his reasons why he did not like Lantus or Humalog?

[notme]

Grumpee, you sound so much like me a few years ago, I had to double check to make sure I didn't write this post and it just now showed up. About three years ago I was at my lowest point. I have had diabetes for 17 years and for at least 10 of those years I only half tried to gain control of my blood sugars. It wasn't because I was lazy, I just couldn't find the motivation I needed and the help that I needed. I really felt bummed out by the whole thing. The answer for me wasn't simple or easy, but I finally found what I needed to get proactive in my care.

I went to at least 5 different endocrenologists and I didn't like one of them. They either treated me like a bad child by telling me all the awful things that would happen to me or they came in and out of the office so fast I forgot at least half of my questions for them. Many were just impersonal. It's not that I needed major hand-holding, I just wanted someone to care enough to take a bit of time with me and I definitely didn't want to get verbally assualted. At some point, I stopped feeling like I had to conform and I went for the control. I went to a new GP. I decided to find a female doctor (I felt that she would understand a few of my emotional issues) but that was just me. She was like a breath of fresh air. She did tell me what damage I was doing to my body (repeat performance) but then she went on to try and understand why I could not gain control. She also cancelled her appointments the next day and went to a seminar that was given by a local endo that got people on pumps. He is the guru in this neck of the woods. She called me that night and said she was going to have him call me the next day and she wanted me to go and see him and consider a pump. Ok....I didn't really want one of those, but what the heck, I would listen. She also set me up with a appointment with a nutritionist. I went to see the nutritionist and left her office in tears. I am surprised she didn't recommend a shrink. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I needed to cut out most of my beloved carbohydrates. Ok..so lemme get this straight. No fats, no sugar, no carbo's...hmmm I could eat boiled water! I was a mess. I am sure I was the first person to every cry during an appointment. I was an emotional wreck. But......I tried to listen and understand. Didn't like it though. I went to the endo appointment the next day and he looked at my A1c and told me that I was a mess. 11.6 was my number. Heck, I didn't understand any of this, I was put on a low fat high carbohydrate diet back in 86 and now they say I have been doing it all wrong all these years! He had me keep records of my blood sugar and gave me the number to MiniMed to call and inquire about a pump. I didn't like this guy either. But, I decided to stick it out till I learned more about the pump. Poof, he was out of the office before I could ask a decent question. I called MiniMed and within three weeks a pump and a trainer were at my door. Geeeeeezzz....I am not even sure I wanted one! But, my doctor had gone to so much trouble it was the least I could do but try. So I did.

Really, that was the begining of a whole new era for me. I started paying attention to what I was eating. I came online and found others that were doing the same weird diet as me...(now Atkins has made us the norm) I chatted with people who were using the same therapy as myself (OH, and I changed to another endo that I liked). Once I got my pump, I called my GP and told her this guy was a "no go" and to find me another one. She did and I love him.

Your support team is the most important part of help for you. Keep trying doctors and don't be afraid to tell you doctor you tried that one and you don't like them. Tell her you want to try them all till you find one that works. If your GP won't do it, then find another one. It is a long process, but in the long run it will be worth it. I am motivated (and have been for 3 years) since I made some changes in my attitude and my doctors.

Read about all the different diabetes options for you. The pump was my answer, but it may not be yours. There are lots of options to chose from.

Most of all, keep coming here. The people are helpful, fun and motivated to help. Read everything you can on the internet about diabetes and what you can do to improve your life. Learn to exercise (I prefer to call it playing). I have chosen kayaking, hiking, bike riding, walking and rollerblading. I am sure you can find a way and some time to play also. No matter what your health condition is, there is a sport for you. It really helps you emotionally as well as with your blood sugar.

Good luck Grumpee......let us all know how it goes!

Nancy

P.S. Last A1c was 6.5 (Best I have ever done)

[Clint]

Thanks... I guess I am just tired of pricking my fingers... taking injections.. feeling like **** all the time...

I do try to excercise but I am not motivated right now.. I was going back to riding my dirtbikes but that stopped in October when my Dad died...

As for my endo not liking Lantus, he said it was unproven as of yet and didn't feel comfortable giving it to his patients.

My GP has given me a few numbers of some new endo's so we will see...

[am1977]

Grumpee,

I am sure we all can relate to how you feel. There has been days when I feel really down about it all. Sometimes I, too, feel alone and it's a very sad, and lonely place to be. Then I snap out of it, I realize that there is nothing I can do to about it, the only thing I can do is try to take care of myself the best I can. I know it's frustrating, especially when the numbers you are seeing aren't good for no apparent reason.

I would suggest that you talk to your doctor. If you aren't seeing any changes or improvements with what you are doing, and your doctor isn't really helping you, then I would change doctors. Some doctors are better versed in Diabetes than others and I think that might be your best option.

I'd also continue to visit here. We all are here to help and support each other. Visiting message boards and "talking" to others dealing w these issues really does help.

I hope things get better for you. Please let us know how you re doing!

Andrea

[rzrbks]

grumpee

Thanks... I guess I am just tired of pricking my fingers... taking injections.. feeling like **** all the time...

Dude, Get ahold of yourself. Act like a man and stop whimpering. R--O--T--F {bad imitation, I know, but had to try it}


grumpee, look around (figuratively). All of here have times we feel exactly like you. This is the great thing about Tony's board, we can come here and vent with people who know EXACTLY how we feel about the way things are going for us.

That's what we're all here for. To help each other get over, under, through--whatever it takes to make each other's lives a little more bearable

[Teresa]

i can identify with the not likin testin and injections! I have times when i hate it, as im sure we all do... but u can do it!! i firmly believe that! Maybe this new doc will get ya on the right path? i dont know... but we are here for ya... vent all ya like as far as im concerned... people here understand!

*hugs*

[HeatherP]

Sorry Grumpee! Been there, done that. Get a new doc, see a CDE/dietician - just that will make a huge difference alone. I go thru times like you are now. Right now I'm in a pretty good period, but I've felt like giving up many times. Particularly after hitting a G8%Da#@$%%%d nerve w/ the stupid syringe. Stick with it.

Everything Nancy said is true. And forgive yourself for these kinds of times. This is not an easy disease, and I think we should all be allowed to feel sorry for ourselves once in a while. Feel free to vent anytime, I can certainly relate.

take care,
HeatherP

[Shalyndria]

grumpee,
Vent all you want on us that's what we're here for!!

(well that and to make fun of Tony lol and listen to rzr crack and alaska smartaleck it and Nancy and I talk about sites and lots more lol)!!:- :D :rolleyes:

I'm not going to even try to tell you how to get rid of the doldrums because, quite frankly, there is no quick fix and it's something that only you can work out. But I agree with everyone in what they've told you but especially Heather when she says forgive yourself. And like rzr said, we're here to help so if you need a shoulder to cry on or an impartial name on the screen to scream all of your frustrations out on, well have at 'er.

Keep a smile on your face and a laugh in your smile,
Shy

[Clint]

There are times that I have to use every ounce of my will to push that needle in.... I would literally stand there for 20 minutes because I couldn't bring my self to stick the needle in.

I eventually got past that, but man I hated it.

thanks for the support everyone.. On another note, the list of endos my GP gave me today, only one is on my insurance and she only sees children. oh well.. back to the drawing board..

[mary54]

grumpee. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been a diabetic for 19 yrs., and for 17 yrs. my sugar was out of control. I jusy found a Dr. I like in 2002 after dozens pf different ones and my A1

[Linda57]

I think we can all relate to the moods. I have a mood disorder, so I know what you mean.

I also struggle to take in information - so this is a real battle for me.

I hope you feel better about yourself soon.

Love Linda.

[zookeeper671]

Grumpee~ Very sorry you're struggling. You have a lot of support here, so lean on us anytime you feel the need.

Linda wrote:
I have a mood disorder, so I know what you mean.
You too? ;)

Best wishes always,
Angie

[am1977]

Grumpee-

Try calling the insurance company yourself. Explain that you aren't happy w/ the treatment you are receiving at your current MD, and see if they can recommend something to you. Don't just sit around and wait for someone to help you, you have to work at it too. You never know, you might be surprised ;)

Good luck!

Andrea

[Clint]

I want to give an update.

I got over my depressed outlook and I am now in full test mode with myself.

I have altered my diet, changed by bed time, and I am already feeling better.

Thanks for all the support.

[lgvincent]

I understand how you feel. I'm just tired, tired of everything. I just wish I had the strength (actually the guts) to get up and do what needs to be done. I seem to be at a crossroads and I don't want to take either path.

[MacnReef]

I have found that the hard times with diabetes don't stay long. Usually when I get upset and depressed with pricking, new sites, and everything else. I overcome the sadness quick. I mean it could be worse. Before I got the pump my A1c was in the 12's so I know what it is like to struggle for control. I also know what it feels like to have your fingers always sensitive because of the BG test. But everyday is a new day!

Get a new doctor and don't give up. I see people all of the time, either at the supermarket or on TV that may have a worse disease or are crippled or mentally ill and I realize that I can overcome what I have. Believe me I KNOW it is difficult and there is millions of Americans that have diabetes and some can't even help themselves cause they don't have insurance and/or don't have the money.

You might want to look into the pump, my A1C dropped from the 12's to the 5's and I fell much better. No more getting up in the middle of the night to urinate, not so many mood swings and of course better control.

Hang in there, we are all here for you!
Mike

[Oradev]

MacnReef,
What kind of pump did you get?
I am thinking of getting on a pump but my insurance only covers 75% of DME. I am currently trying to cut a deal with Minimed and my insurance but I'm not sure if its going to go through. I am looking at the Paragym pump (Not sure if spelling is correct). Good to hear that your doing better!!!

Grumpee,
I also have had alot of hard and depressing times but like everyone else on this board i've managed. I believe that if you try you can conquer diabetes!! You know that you can ask us anything, that's what were here for. All of us have pretty much experienced it all, so don't be afraid to ask.

[MacnReef]

Well I started with the Disetronic h-tron but last night got switched over the the Minimed 712 Paradigm. The Minimed is a much nicer pump and has some incredible features. Hopefully everything will go well for you!

Mike

[lgvincent]

It looks like the cost of a pump is very high, as is the maintenance costs. I wish I could afford one but it sort of looks like it just isn't meant to be. Oh, well.

[MacnReef]

Yeah, they are expensive, especially if you don't have insurance that will cover it...plus the cost of supplies is outrageous.

Mike

[HeatherP]

Glad to hear you're feeling better Grumpee!

[Shalyndria]

Hmmm, so shall we call you "Happy Smurf" now grumpee? :p

Glad to hear you're feeling better!

Shy

[dpav]

Hey Grumpie
You have had a great deal of good information given to you here. But I had to at least back up everyone. Over 4 years ago I had decided to get myself under better control. I have been blind, BEEN, The surgery works great, I had it done when it was experimental. Also I have the neuropathy, and the Nephropathy. Well before I got on the Pump I got under control. I did 12 tests per day and I made adjustments every time I needed it. I focused on getting readings at or near 85mg/dsl and stay at that level as best I can. Well I had a tremendous amount of lows, and I had a lot of ups and downs, But inside of a year I gained my control. I have been at an A1C of 5.9 and 6.0 for the past three years. It was a lot of work. I taught myself to simply hate foods that were bad for me, Like candy, Cakes Bread, and other items. Well I am not that as strict anymore on myself, but what I have found is that after that much control anything I eat, which is a normal diet, under control, I find everything enjoyable. No more I can not have that, just I'll eat only what I am able to of that item. I took many shots per day to get there. Now being on the pump for 3 years I have been able to stay normal and good blood control. My eyes are very stable; My kidney function problems have reversed themselves with the control. The only thing I have not gotten rid on was the pain part of the neuropathy. But that has improved. I got this disease when I was 8. Back in 1964 a lot of things were very new to our control.
Mood swing feeling weird and uncomfortable is a norm for us. I felt your way before and you can have even more success than I have had. Always find doctors that will listen to you and have an interest in you. That was my turning point. Good communications, Good Doctors. and simply wanting to feel better.
It all works, but we are all unique. You will do well. Find good doctors. And I might even recommend the pump, especially if you have the interest in it.
Take care
Don