Just want to clear something up

[Jon]

I felt the need to comment on something that was discussed in a closed thread. I wanted to clarify that there is not a picture of my son on the cafeteria wall at school, and he is not being discriminated against. The school is doing a great job of helping me to keep my son healthy. A picture was given to the cafeteria workers so that they could remind him that it is not a good idea to be eating cookies right before he tests his bg for lunch, but it is not on the wall, and the other kids do not know anything about it.

Ok, thats all I have to say. Thank you very much, have a nice day!:D

[Katjic]

That’s very clever thing to do! That way they can help him out in a case of hypo too!!:thumbsup:

[lgvincent]

While that may be true, I know I felt singled out when I ate in the lunchroom while in grammer school. The cafeteria workers would give me a stern look and say things like, "Oh, it's YOU!", or "YOU'RE on a special diet", "YOU can't have any sweets", and things like that. They always made me feel like I was no longer a human being, that I was just a problem.

[Lorna]

Yea, I know I would have felt embarassed in that case too. Also, do the catering staff understand about hypos, and that your son does need sweets in those cases?

[Shalyndria]

Oh man Jon, that is a great idea! And it shouldn't be a point of embarrassment for your son at all; after all, he could have done to him what my mom did to me when I was 11...
It involved an assembly, the principal, my CDE, and the whole 6th grade...granted I lived in a small town lol so it wasn't that big of a school. And my mom was only trying to promote awareness about Juvenile Diabetes while keeping me safe at the same time...

Shy

[Lorna]

Wow! I thought it was bad enough when my class teacher gave the rest of the class a whole afternoons lesson on not giving me sweets, then spent the next year asking me if I was OK to make sure I wasn't having a hypo. (That was when I was 9)

[WiseWords]

Originally posted by Jon
I felt the need to comment on something that was discussed
in a closed thread.
I wanted to clarify that there is not a picture of my son
on the cafeteria wall at school, ...
and the other kids do not know anything about it.

I was commenting on what you appeared to have said previously:
Originally posted by Jon
Now they have his picture posted up in the cafeteria.
...he admitted that his friend is giving him cookies.
...his close friends are already aware of his situation.

--->Thread from quotes (http://www.diabetesforums.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1031)

[Jon]

The reason I had to give his picture to the cafeteria workers, is that when he was going into the office to test, he was having bg of anywhere from 400 to HIGH. I couldn't figure out what we were doing wrong, then one of his teachers saw him eating cookies at break time. After discussing it with him, his doctor, and the school nurse, we decided that the cafeteria workers should be made aware that he is diabetic so that they could discourage him from eating right before lunch. A copy of his school ID was made and they were to have it in the kitchen, out of sight of the other kids, but where the cafeteria worker would recognize him, if he went for the cookies.

After further discussions with the doctor, CDE, and school nurse, we decided to allow him to eat the cookies if he wants to, as long as he would remember to test before he ate them. Then that reading would be used for lunch. That was a few months ago, and he has since gotten lazy about testing, and I am seeing the 400+ bg at lunch again. Sometimes he admits to eating the cookies, sometimes he denies it, but it is pretty obvious when his bg is 110 in the morning, then 500 at lunch time.

[mg_2204]

Jon, I sympathize with you a lot. It must be difficult and problematic... and the words are probably weak! I'm an adult and sometimes I just put diabetes on the back burner and eat what I want. Is it possible to live a life of restrictions and deprivations and sacrifices? (I think I'll start a thread about this... because now I'm curious). And he's just a kid! I've got 3 of my own --21, 12 and 11 y/o-- and braces pose a problem so I can imagine! Well food restrictions that come along with braces are a problem. Sometimes I just feel like pulling all my hair out.

I've read about your son with great interest in other threads and can only imagine what you went through as a parent. And to have other people meddling in your family matters... My humble opinion on it is : they had time to lose! I know kids who are clearly neglected and no one gives a **** about them. Nothing is done, nothing will ever be done. The system always fail them. So how come authorities, the so called experts, can't determine when a child is -r-e-a-l-l-y- being neglected and not taken care of properly??!? Yet another mystery to be solved I guess...

On a slightly diff matter : school cafeterias. I'm amazed what the schools allow on their menu. Is it the same on the other side of the puddle? My children aren't diabetics but I'm really concerned about what they can buy in school. And who in their right mind allow a fruit salad to cost twice as much as a little piece of cake?!?? And even if they were the same price, I know for a fact my kids would still go for the cake. I think school menus should offer only healthy alternatives. And not only in primary schools!

Well from a parent to another : I think you're doing a great job Jon. The best of luck with your son.

Marie
:)

[Lorna]

I have a lot of sympathy for this having been in that situation myself! My I now sort of compromise with myself by allowing myself to eat these things but following them with an injection of Humalog to deal with the extra sugar. (Danger is of course wieight gain.) Another factor you may want to consider though is he eating these cookies and allowing his BG because he is terrified of hypos? I know I have often felt like this, and also have often grossly over comphensated after them. GOOD LUCK, Im sure ev erything will work out in the end.

[Jon]

Thanks Marie and Lorna! The thing that is driving me crazy is that he is forgetting to test his bg. He is allowed to eat what he wants within reason, I still expect him to eat somewhat healthy, he just has to test before he eats. He has been diabetic for 6 years now, and for 6 years I have told him every single time he eats, that he has to test first. But to this day, if I don't tell him, or if he doesn't hear me, he won't test. The school nurse supervises him testing at lunch time, and figures his insulin dose. All he has to do if he wants to snack before lunch is test.

I have tried to figure out why he won't do it, but there doesn't seem to be any reason. All he says when I ask him is "I don't know". I thought maybe he didn't want to test in front of his friends, but that has never been a problem before. It just comes down to him being lazy I guess.

He doesn't seem to be worried about hypos. He doesn't seem to be worried about much of anything. He leaves the worrying to me.

[lgvincent]

Perhaps he's trying to fight the diabetes. I went through a period where I tried to resist it but finally learned that I couldn't win. I realized I had to live by its rules, if I wanted to live at all.

[mg_2204]

... or perhaps he's just being a kid, Jon??!?

I have to tell mine, over and over, have you brushed and flossed? Do you have your PE kit? Do you have your lunch? Have you given the money for your school trip? And my personal fav : Have you done your homework? If I don't ask it's simple : they don't do it. From what I hear from other parents, it's the same for everyone. A constant battle. And yes, they don't seem to worry. They leave that bit to me too. Welcome to the club Jon! ;)

I do realize your worries are of greater concerns than flossing and a forgotten PE kit. I don't know your son but from my experience as a parent, I just think he's being a kid. A very normal kid :) :) :) (and to a certain extent, isn't that just wonderful?) --- So you'll have to bug him about testing I guess Jon. Bug. Bug. And bug again! One day, your son and yourself will be so grateful you did. He'll recognize that when he's much older. Until then... well it's a very thankless (but necessary) task I'm affraid.

My older son has ADD (attention deficit disorder) and I had to be (literally!) his memory. Had to bug him about medication too. And remind him to EAT because side effects include acute loss of appetite. Many times I felt I was failing him somewhere, somehow. Many times I felt so utterly alone too. He's almost 22 now and doing great. I'm very proud of him. And you know what he told me recently? He said that I had taught him about never giving up.

Hang in there!!!

Marie
:)

[snakeye]

I'm speechless. God bless you Jon.

He's 12 yrs. old not that small boy...
I "think" like its a "new episode" As time passes by self awareness comes in and things change.

Again I only "think" that what to remember is not to make him feel bad on what he's doing when he's doing...nehh I'm just talking nonesense... what do I know about childeren anywayzz!

[WiseWords]

I did find the other post which I had thought confirmed the
idea that his picture was on display for the whole school.
Jon
When he goes to school, the cafeteria workers have
a picture of him posted up with a label that says
"do not sell sugar cookies to this kid", because
he was eating cookies during his morning break and
not telling anybody or taking a shot.
Glad to hear that it was not on display for the whole school.

I still think it can be a bit of a problem, however, if
he gets low when the nurse is not there. They won't want
to sell him a candy bar or sugared juice.

Otherwise, it sounds like you have things worked out
fairly well, with the school, but on the level of an
elementary age school. As he becomes a teenager in Jr. high
and then, high school, it will be important to have the
permissions in place for him to treat himself, as needed.
That usually includes a pass to go to the bathroom at anytime
without asking, to carry testing supplies and injection supplies
with him on his person, to use as needed wherever & whenever,
and also, snack items, as needed.
The ADA (http://www.diabetes.org/advocacy-and-legalresources/discrimination/school/504plan.jsp) and other sites,
have some comphrehensive forms (http://www.dredf.org/section504.html)
& Health Care Plans (http://www.dredf.org/healthcare.html) that you can print out
for the school to sign, during the summer.
Lotsa work, but it is necessary.
-----------------------------------------
The unresolved question seems to be over whether or not
he can assume the responsibility that any 12 year old or
older young-person should be able to handle?

Based on what you have discussed, ADD or some other
Learning Disability seemed like a possibility, but
has been ruled out. Obviously, it was a consideration,
because of what was happening. I am not sure if you will
need to have him retested, at a later date, with other
doctors. It might present itself as a possibility.

There is only one other thing which has been an
underlying theme in your posts.
I have not read through all of your over 600 posts,
but in looking through about a third of them, I found
no direct mention of his Mother until the comments in
a recent thread. You don't need to post your personal business,
but as she does not seem to be a part of your household,
there are two possibilities---deceased or divorced.
Both can produce troubling conflicts for children,
who may be unable to verbalize the confusion that they
are going through, and therefore, act out in a seemingly
bizarre manner.
When you ask him, as you said, he replies, "I dunno."

If you are divorced, and were awarded custody of your child,
I will tell you right now that, that is the cause of
your son's problems. Generally, courts award custody to
the Mother, so, whatever the circumstances, it is affecting him.
Perhaps he wants to be with his Mother, and figures that
by not taking care of himself, the courts will return him
to his Mother, who the court may decide that as a diabetic,
is able to take better care of him than you. I am not
saying that is necessarily true. I am saying that is what
he may be thinking.
Another possibility, is that he is worried about
who will be there for his Mom if she has a
high or low BG.
There could be other conflicts, over being responsible for
her not being there, and/or his having gotten her sickness.
Children sometimes make incorrect assumptions in these matters.

It can be a very difficult situation to resolve, but it
seems to me like as if it is the only thing left out there.
If he does have any Learning Disability, the way in which
he is processing the separation from his Mother, may be
distorted. But even without any LD problems, it is still a
major issue for a child to deal with.
Maybe he feels his Mother didn't want him because he got
diabetes, or that he was the cause of her leaving.

These are not easy things with which to deal.

I don't remember if there was also an issue about him being
a latch-key kid, if you are at work when he gets home from
school. I thought that was not the case, but I am not going
to reread all the posts. As he gets older, probably starting
now, he will not need a baby-sitter, but there are a world of
possible problems if he is on his own. Don't know if they
would be solved if he could be with his Mother.

I am sure you are doing the best you can, but his Mom has
got to be an important issue, especially because she is a
diabetic. That may be part of the responsibility for his actions.

-----------------------

Hope you will be able to send him to camp this coming summer.
I posted another thread about that important subject.
Best thing for him, but you do need to resolve these
other issues, preferably before the end of the school year.

-----------------------

[Jon]

Originally posted by WiseWords

I still think it can be a bit of a problem, however, if
he gets low when the nurse is not there. They won't want
to sell him a candy bar or sugared juice.


He has a box of snacks in the school office to treat low blood sugar. He also carries a juice box and a couple of packs of peanut butter crackers in his backpack, along with a tube of glucose paste so that he is always prepared.

I set up a 504 plan with the school so that he will be allowed to use the bathroom when necessary and his teachers are all aware of his diabetes, and if he has a low bg, the teacher will have somebody walk him to the office. The school district has rules against kids carrying medication, especially medication that is injected. So far nobody has stopped him from carrying his meter and insulin pen in his backpack. He goes into the office at lunch to test and take a shot. The school nurse is there every day to supervise him and help him count the carbs in his lunch.



Generally, courts award custody to the mother

We both agreed that it was best if he lived with me, so the courts had no say.

He sees his mother on weekends. He has never shown any interest in living with her full time, and has commented several times that he is glad he doesn't have to live with her. He has a good relationship with her, but his attitude on life changed for the better when she moved out. We divorced in 1999. She does not take her diabetes seriously, and until recently, did not take his seriously either. Several times when he was over there, he came home with severe ketones. Twice last year, he went straight from her house to the hospital. The last time, it was reported to Child Protective Services, and they said he was not to stay with her until he was back under control. After several months of not being able to visit with him, I think she finally got the message that this is serious. She does a better job of monitoring his bg and giving his insulin now, although he still has higher numbers at her house than he does when he is with me. If anything, I think he sees that his mom doesn't test all the time or count carbs, and she is still alive, so he thinks he shouldn't have to either. He doesn't realize that she is having nerve problems, vision problems, and stomach problems which are all most likely related to her diabetes.



Hope you will be able to send him to camp this coming summer.

He has gone to Bearskin Meadows Diabetes Camp twice now. It was a 10 day camp. He begged me not to send him last summer, so I didn't make him go. I think he had some fun there, but he is mad because they didn't do everything they promised to do. They advertised rock climbing, and he never got to do that. I am looking for another camp to send him to this summer. It think it did a lot of good for him to be around other diabetic kids. It helps to see that he is not the only one who is going through what he is.

As far as him being old enough to be responsible, he knows how to treat a low, and he knows what he is supposed to do, but he is lazy. Not just with his diabetes. If I let him go a whole day, he will trash the entire house. I have to follow him around and remind him to pick his stuff up when he is done with it. I can't get too upset, because I was the same way at his age. But then, I didn't need to be as responsible as he needs to be either. So I have to stay on him.

[mg_2204]

Off topic perhaps but... why is it people always blame divorce???!!

I know of children who were raised by both parents, loving parents, ordinary families, not rich but not poor either... and the children went through phases and stuff you'd think only neglected beaten and abused kids would. Some are adults now who can barely cope being one...

The exact opposite is true too : children who have gone through the unthinkable but who turned out to be loving trusting adults.

Sorry but I just cringe when divorce is blamed for everything...

Marie
:)

[Lorna]

I tend to agree with Marie that this problem is not to do with the divorce, or anything else you have done. I think most teenagers got through a stage. From what you have said, I think it sounds like he does not see the point in controling his diabetes. I went through this stage and did not come out of it till I was about 18 and saw another diabetic needing a neuropathy realted amputation. It is probably a bit too much to scare him with that at the moment though. However, is he aware that there are long term dangers connected with diabetes?

Im sure it will work out fine in the end
Lorna

[Jon]

When you are 13 years old, long term complications don't seem to be reality. If he thinks about the complications, it's not often enough to motivate him. I could remind him of the complications every day, but when he hears the same thing over and over, he just tunes it out. I understand him, because he is so much like I was when I was a kid.

My parents were divorced when I was 12 years old. It was a bitter divorce, and the fighting went on long after the divorce was over. It caused my siblings and I to all have emotional problems as kids. I was very careful to not let this happen with my divorce. I do not think the divorce had any negative effects on his attitude.

[mg_2204]

... I'm 40 and I still don't think about the complications much. I guess it's called being human? :)

How refreshing to see a parent so caring and worried about his kid Jon! Sometimes I do feel I'm the last of my kind. As if being there for your kids isn't trendy anymore. Aren't the children our future?!??

'Give everything to your children... but not everything they want' ..

You're doing a great job Jon. Hang in there.

Marie
:)

[Jon]

Thanks for the encouragement Marie! I can use all I can get!:)