Ramblings by a Reformed T1

[belyro]

OK, maybe calling myself a "reformed T1" is pushing it, but I've been doing some thinking about how my life has changed recently.

I used to pride myself on how my diabetes didn't make me "different" and didn't (for the most part) affect my choices about what to eat or what to do. My diabetes was very secondary to other factors in making decisions and I did everything I wanted to in spite of the diabetes.

Now my diabetes dictates a lot of what I do, but by choice...if that makes sense. I mean, I know I could eat whatever I want for dinner, but I don't because I know that the smarter (but still tasty) option will make my bloodsugar a lot more stable and predictable. I could have a cookie in the afternoon and bolus for it (benefits of being T1), but I don't because it's easier to maintain the balance if I don't. Even just this morning, I was going to walk to Tim Hortons with some of my co-workers, but I knew my bloodsugar wouldn't make it there and back (it's a little ways). I could have had a little snack (e.g. from Tim Hortons) to make it work, but again....it's easier to maintain the balance if I just don't.

Now, I really don't think I'll be this "cautious" forever....and I'll learn these new balances soon, but it's just weird for me to be living like this right now, after 25 years with D. That said....this control I'm able to have is so empowering! I feel great! I've brought my A1C down significantly, (already reducing my chances of complications by over 30% in 3 months), I've gotten rid of some of that extra fat that hangs around and makes my clothes not fit as well as I'd like, and I'm making uber-healthy food choices. So in some ways this control is providing me with freedom as well! It's kind of a paradox.

Anyway, there's no specific question here, but I welcome any and all comments.....

Here end the ramblings by a reformed T1 :)

[princesslinda]

Ramble on Belyro...you're helping so many others by sharing your insights and what works for you. I'm T2, so my situation is different, but we can all relate to temptations and all struggle with how best to deal with things. Sounds like you have things in great control! I'm proud for you. After dealing with things for so many years, I admire you continued drive and determination. Thanks for sharing!

Linda

[cheryl]

You sound like me.....

I knew I had diabetes, but made it to where it was no big deal and did what almost everyone else did, but I was still a little on the moderation side, but didn't think about it much, just as long as there was candy in my purse and I had my stuff, if I had to stop and eat, it was fine......

I know I feel it consumes a lot of me now. I talk about it a lot more and think of hmmmmmmmm........I would love to eat that, but don't want to deal with the figuring and the balancing either, so I just stick to my three meals a day and pray for a hypo lol, just kidding, but I catch myself wanting one, when I am hungry. I kind of miss not worrying so much, but it was killing me. The only thing I don't like about this is that I worry about exercising and doing a lot of activity either......I worry sometimes about jumping in the car like I used too and not caring, now since I am trying so hard to get it level I test the bg's to make sure I can drive. I had never done that before. And now I hate when I have appointments right around lunch or after....ughhhh that drives me up the wall.....and I miss watching movies with my husband indulging in popcorn and snowcaps, now I sit and drink water......

But, I do feel healthier and I have lost some weight, and my A1C is the lowest it has been unless I am pregnant, I never had a good A1c ever so this was a big deal for me.

I like your post it seems like it describes a lot of what I feel and felt......

Cheryl

[NoelD]

Yes Beth, it does feel empowering. I am the same way with my choices now. Just like yesterday, I had 55 carbs all day long, just because it's easier to maintain "balance", and I am trying to loose a few. It makes a big impact on my decisions now too.

[belyro]

Yes Beth, it does feel empowering. I am the same way with my choices now. Just like yesterday, I had 55 carbs all day long, just because it's easier to maintain "balance", and I am trying to loose a few. It makes a big impact on my decisions now too.

Not sure if this is exactly related or not....but I almost feel more "in control" if I feel a bit hungry. I think because now I can feel that hunger and still be content not to eat something....or to find something low-carb to eat instead of just snacking on whatever's available.

[ladytaz]

YaY Beth!! :five: Congratulations on the hard work and good job you've done! :D Keep on keepin on! ;)

[FTW]

I love reading success stories. So many many people don't have their D in control. I have so much respect for younger people with T1 who manage their health better than I ever did even without D. You should be proud of yourself.

FTW

[kel4han]

That is really nice to hear that after 25yrs with "D" that you are so empowered by your healthier choices. My 6yr old was just diagnosed in December, and I worry about her every min of every day. When I hear success storied from other juvenile diabetics such as yours, it really puts the happiness back in me knowing that one day, she will actually be HEALTHIER becuase of "D". I did not have diabetes until I was 28, so, now I am hoping she will be a step ahead of me! I too, feel in control by being hungry. When I stopped taking the Levemir I really felt in control, knowing that I could go alllll day and not eat just becuase I wanted to control this, and not have it control me. That of course did not last long, you gotta eat, but to feel that control, empowered me to know I really am the one in control here! I have more motivation now becuase of this. Here's to the better days!

[tanyatype1]

That's awesome Beth! I'm so happy that you're so happy! You're still so nice and young, but with so much experience, you are definately an inspiration! I admire your positive attitude and I hope that I'm like you when I've had D for 25 years! (and I'm not a mushy person remember!) Cheers with a Tim Horton's coffee!:tee:

[KritterMom]

You are very inspiring Beth, and I, for one, really appreciate that! Thank you, and congratulations!:thumbsup:

[Gangrel]

Chalk me up as semi-reformed.... or maybe mostly-reformed. ;)

I've been eating better myself since last fall, and have the extra room in my pants to prove it! (hmmm, that doesn't sound good...;) )

I have cut out most snacks, which used to be afternoon, nights, and even some mornings. Especialy my nighttime snack, which used to be 2 slices of toast and PB and milk! Holy carbs Batman!

Back then I probably averaged about 250+g of carbs a day. I'm now down to about 150. I don't snack usually, and even resist donuts and such at Timmy's, unless I really want one!

The sad thing is realizing I lived a big chunk of the past few years obvlious to my diabetes. I was on so much insulin, i was eating to feed the insulin, instead of the other way around. I could eat a donut at 4 pm, and be about 10 or so at supper time, because I had so much basal in me it was like insulation.

Now that I have cut (and switched basals to Levemir from NPH) I too am more careful usually. Do I want to jab myself for ice cream or a donut? I will do it occasionaly, but far less then I used to.

I am anxious to see my next A1C (gotta go soon!), but also scared. With all the messing around I've been doing since the fall to correct my life, I've had some big highs and lows, BS wise. I even expect my A1C to be higher then last time, but maybe not. I guess I feel like it's like un-learning something to learn it the right way. I can handle one crappy A1C reading, if it means all the rest will be low 6's.

Anyway, i'm rambling myself and not making any sense, so I will stop here before y'all fall asleep. ;)

I do want to send thanks out to those who have helped me, either indirectly with documents (thanks duck and Noel) and to those who are the target of my whining/elation/frustration/celebration and my guide to Levemir land (belyro) and others who bring smiles to me when I'm getting p-o'ed at things (camjen, kit)... and everyone else that suffers me in chat, sober or drunk! (you know who you are)

Ok, NOW i'm really finished, they've cut off my microphone!

[Injecto]

You know what? That's great for you, and I'm very very happy for you. I'm really glad that you've found the "empowerment", you deserve it.

[belyro]

That's awesome Beth! I'm so happy that you're so happy! You're still so nice and young, but with so much experience, you are definately an inspiration! I admire your positive attitude and I hope that I'm like you when I've had D for 25 years! (and I'm not a mushy person remember!) Cheers with a Tim Horton's coffee!:tee:

I do remember :) Thanks Tanya.

[BriOnH]

A born again diabetic. How does one celebrate this? A born again christian I believe gets baptized. How about a big dance around a burning syringe? hehe In all seriousness though congrats Beth. I know how you feel.

[belyro]

I guess I feel like it's like un-learning something to learn it the right way.

I totally agree. That's exactly what it's been for me.

[belyro]

I have to admit, this thread has taken a much different turn than I expected.

I guess what I was just meaning to say is that it's weird how restrictive freedom can be, but how freeing restraint can be....at least when it comes to diabetes.

But thanks for all your kind words - even though I wasn't expecting them :)

[moorejames]

As a type ll, I've occassionally been envious of the type l folks on here who eat whatever they want and then correct for it.

I completely understand their way of thinking; that their type l wasn't of their doing and they should be able to be as "normal" as everyone else.

Call it type ll guilt. Since there's a good chance I DID have something to do with my developing type ll, eating well is somewhat of a "penance" for me and quite frankly I sometimes resent it. (and it's quite possible I was genetically pre-disposed to it and would have eventually developed T2 regardless of how I ate or exercised, it certainly runs in my family)

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to be a type l, you guys/gals go through SO much ****, but it bothers me sometimes to hear type l's talking about eating things I can't even CONSIDER touching.

Guess this is just another rant, we all have our burdens.

[issysmommy]

it's weird how restrictive freedom can be, but how freeing restraint can be

Wow...well put. I have totally found that this is a disease with a lot of paradoxes. The more you "control" the disease or at least make an effort to deal with it, the less it controls you or you have to deal with it. The more open I am about my disease, the less I am embarrassed about it.

I have always thought about writing a book about the emotional effects of coping with Type 1 since early childhood. We have all been given so many tools to deal with the physical aspects of this disease, but very little help to deal with the emotional aspects. This forum has truly been a HUGE help for me to find support from other diabetics. Kind of like out own little A.A. meeting but for diabetics. ;)

[belyro]

I have always thought about writing a book about the emotional effects of coping with Type 1 since early childhood. We have all been given so many tools to deal with the physical aspects of this disease, but very little help to deal with the emotional aspects.

I'd buy it!

[grace girl]

I understand what you're saying completely. I spent the first 5 years with D basically being what I call "willingly ignorant". I knew NOTHING about what I was doing, and I really didn't care. Looking back now it amazes me that I didn't end up in the hospital...insulin really isn't a good thing to be on when you aren't paying attention.
But last summer I got committed to learning how to control this thing, and like you, I've found myself making some changes that seem restrictive to some, but they are the best choices for me.
It's all so mental. If you tell me I can't have something, I would probably eat it anyway to prove you wrong, but having decided myself that it's something I shouldn't do right this minute, well, that's another story!

And yes, I, too, have found that restricting myself is very freeing. And that one really took me by suprise.