Do you blame diabetes..

[Injecto]

Do you blame every little physical problem on diabetes?

Perhaps it's just because the diagnosis is still so new and also, anxiety doesn't help. Mix that with the fact that I'm now paying attention to so many things about my body, the way it feels, moves, thinks, etc....(stuff that I didn't do before because I was "healthy"), but I find that I tend to blame diabetes for any physical problem I have now, and I just can't convince myself that it isn't related to diabetes.
For example, for the last 24 hours I've had this little "numb" spot on my tongue. This may seem trivial to most but when you have this feeling you can't ignore it, like a small dry spot on my tongue (or like a bit of popcorn that I can't get off). So, I figure, it must be something that the diabetes is causing.

I'm wondering, am I alone in this predicament?

[Funnygrl]

No, I don't. I have two other chronic illnesses, so they all divide the blame.

[Gangrel]

No. I'm sure i have a few problems that are diabetic related, such as the circulation to my feet seems less nowadays.....

But my first reaction is never "must be the big D."

I've learned not to be quick to rush to judgement...... heck, I have learned to give up the "I feel high so I must be" thing, as more often then naught I'm quite normal......

[princesslinda]

I think whenever we're handed a "chronic condition" such as diabetes, the control necessary for good health makes us so hyper-aware of everything going on in our bodies, especially at first. I know at one point, everytime ANYTHING happened, I would check my blood sugar. Have a headache? stick finger. Sore throat? stick finger, Anxiety? Stick finger. It does lesson somewhat, but even now, I wonder what my diabetes is doing at different times.

[tanyatype1]

No, sorry Injecto, but I'm not with ya on this one! I blame everything on PMS! haha - just kidding. Except for checking my bg's frequently I don't think about Diabetes much. I'm trying the best I can and that's going to have to be good enough. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I think that I'll die from something else.(:wink:)

[Dewey]

No, sorry Injecto, but I'm not with ya on this one! I blame everything on PMS! haha - just kidding. Except for checking my bg's frequently I don't think about Diabetes much. I'm trying the best I can and that's going to have to be good enough. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I think that I'll die from something else.(:wink:)
LOL, I agree Tanya, and am the same way! hehe :-

PMS takes the cake! lol Injecto, I never blame my Diabetes, cause usually the things that happen are Life, stress (or PMS ;)) related.

[Chris Graham]

A little off topic here...sometimes when I am low or coming back from a low, my tongue goes numb in spots.

I think in the beginning it is super important to listen to your body. I think you'll start to see the differences between diabetes and other aliments over time. If you have questions, post them here and write them down to ask your doctor.

[Injecto]

Except for checking my bg's frequently I don't think about Diabetes much.


Perhaps this should be in another thread but I'm going to ask here anyways, for now. How can you, and others, say that you don't think about your diabetes that much? I think that's great that you can be like that and I really want to be like that myself. Unfortunately for me it consumes my thoughts almost every minute of my waking day. I constantly think about where I am, too high, too low, what if I sit all day at work will I go high, but I don't want to bolus too much to go low, is my basal right, what will happen to my BGs whem I get active. I worry about complications by the time I'm 50 when I still have at least another 20 years to live. Will I retire? Will I have enough $$$ to help my condition if I live to retirement? Am I already hypoglycemic unaware? etc.....

Don't get me wrong, I would love to just not think about it too much, but in order to not think about it too much I fear I won't be able to control it. I'm at a loss here.

[Dewey]

Perhaps this should be in another thread but I'm going to ask here anyways, for now. How can you, and others, say that you don't think about your diabetes that much? I think that's great that you can be like that and I really want to be like that myself. Unfortunately for me it consumes my thoughts almost every minute of my waking day. I constantly think about where I am, too high, too low, what if I sit all day at work will I go high, but I don't want to bolus too much to go low, is my basal right, what will happen to my BGs whem I get active. I worry about complications by the time I'm 50 when I still have at least another 20 years to live. Will I retire? Will I have enough $$$ to help my condition if I live to retirement? Am I already hypoglycemic unaware? etc.....

Don't get me wrong, I would love to just not think about it too much, but in order to not think about it too much I fear I won't be able to control it. I'm at a loss here.
It's not that I don't think about it much ('cause I check my bg 10 to 15 times+ per day), it's just that it doesn't bother me to think about it. I don't worry about what will happen in 20 to 30 years...He**, after suddenly losing my dad at 16 years of age (he was 39 and died from a brain aneurysm), I've learned to simply worry about the here & now. I may or may not make it to tomorrow due to any number of circumstances, so why kill myself stressing over "what ifs"? I'm just happy that I have a condition/disease that CAN be controlled.

I keep a good eye on my bgs and everything, and spend a great deal of time reading & researching about Diabetes (and Cancer, etc..), so I feel quite comfortable with where I am in life. As for Cancer....I think I worry more about Carwy and our other friends who have had or have it, than I do about Diabetes.

Each of us is different, and as such, handle our Diabetes & lives differently. No one way is more correct than another.

[Injecto]

I suppose I'm envious (wait, that's a sin right?LOL) of those who can "not worry" about it as chronically as I do. Perhaps time will fix that. But right now, I find that diabetes does affect me "right here right now", know what I mean? At least I have some really great roll models here on the DF.

[KickStart101]

I suppose I'm envious (wait, that's a sin right?LOL) of those who can "not worry" about it as chronically as I do. Perhaps time will fix that. But right now, I find that diabetes does affect me "right here right now", know what I mean? At least I have some really great roll models here on the DF.


Yes, that is a sin. ;) Time will fix that.

:rofl: :rofl: Sorry, Injecto but you've only had Diabetes
for about 5 mths. :D Wow, have you got alot of GREAT
YEARS ahead of you. No wonder you're paranoid. Yes,
I know what you mean.

I've had the Big D since I was 3 so I never cared/or knew
about it's real probs.(I was immortal) (except not being able
to eat sweets)'til about 16 yrs. later when real Diabetes
probs. presented themselves. I've blamed it off and on for
partly for my bad immune system(plus RA and bad drugs for it).

My Diabetes control has been fine for a long time, it's the
big RA that causes me grief.

Do your Best to get your sugars under control. You will not
kick off for a while even if you don't. It takes some time but
you'll do a GREAT Job. I trust you. ;) Your a Canuck! Take
Good Care Lad. :)

[kel4han]

I'm there with you Injecto. I constantly wonder what is my number? Why do I have that pain here or there. Why am I emotional, why why why why. What is really bad is my daughter was just diagnosed in December, she is six, and talk about thinking about diabetes constantly! I dont think there has been an hour in my days since then, between her numbers and my numbers that I dont wonder.

[TenderVittleS]

When I started to really focus on controlling diabetes and achieving better numbers I was like that too, it does wear off after awhile because you come to a point where you almost don't care anymore, even though you try your best. Since you only had it 5 months I can totally understand where your coming from. I'm sure I'll be the same when a new brand of insulin comes out.

[andypoo]

Do you blame every little physical problem on diabetes?
I'm wondering, am I alone in this predicament?

Injecto,I do the same thing as you.but we cannot worry about what "may" happen. I ,too,have lots of little things that go on, like aches and pains in my back,Is it my kidneys? or tearing eyes ,am I going blind?
or a pain in my big toe,uh-oh,what's happening with my feet?I still do think of these things,you cannot ignore it,but if you talk to other people that don't have diabetes,they have the same complaints,you know. Not that you wanna hear about other people having health issues,but it's just human nature to have these fears. As long as you see your dr. on a regular basis and ask him about these little things and they give you some response,that should aleve your fears.Fear is such a funny thing,but we can't let it control our every thought.then we'd probably die with worry,you know? pray for God to calm your fears,it is what helps me.

[jeggeman31]

I blame everything on PMS!

I blame everything on my wife's PMS! :D

[KritterMom]

Well, PMS is a powerful force, lol.
I used to do what you're doing all the time Injecto, but I've had Diabetes for 20 years, and I have other health issues also, and somewhere along the way, it just all started to blend together, and now it's hard to tell what does what. I think about being diabetic constantly, probably obsessively, and yes, I still worry about 5 years from now. It's hard not to think about it.

[Gary_W]

Perhaps this should be in another thread but I'm going to ask here anyways, for now. How can you, and others, say that you don't think about your diabetes that much? I think that's great that you can be like that and I really want to be like that myself. Unfortunately for me it consumes my thoughts almost every minute of my waking day. I constantly think about where I am, too high, too low, what if I sit all day at work will I go high, but I don't want to bolus too much to go low, is my basal right, what will happen to my BGs whem I get active. I worry about complications by the time I'm 50 when I still have at least another 20 years to live. Will I retire? Will I have enough $$$ to help my condition if I live to retirement? Am I already hypoglycemic unaware? etc.....

Don't get me wrong, I would love to just not think about it too much, but in order to not think about it too much I fear I won't be able to control it. I'm at a loss here.

If I am running really high then yes, I worry about the future. High BG makes me really blue and certainly makes me focus on the negative 'what if' questions. If I'm doing OK day to day then it really doesn't cross my mind.

Now let me ask you a question. Before you had diabetes, did you constantly worry about the fact that one day you will certainly die? Almost certainly not. Very few people on this earth constantly worry about this event as we know that constantly focusing on it will really spoil your day.

If the answer is 'no, you didn't used to do that', why are you spending your life now worrying about the 'mights' when the one absolute certainty in your life never used to worry you?

As long as you can look yourself in the eye and say that you are doing your absolute best to look after yourself on a daily basis then the future will just have to bring what it will; giving it any further thought will not change the outcome. Unless you get sick due to the stress you are putting yourself under by the constant worry.

If you worry about it when you are feeling good in the here and now, the condition has won and I just will not allow that. It is a part of me that sometimes affects me physically for the worse and allowing it to rule my thoughts as well is just giving it too much importance as opposed to enjoying life.

Gary

[hannahanne]

Injecto, Diabetes affects so many aspects of our health that I don't think that it's unusal at all especially when your first diagnosed to wonder how various symptoms might be connected to diabetes. I've been diagnosed for about 3 1/2 years, and I'm still learning that diabetes can affect me in unexpected ways. For example, last year I had my first serious stomach flu with diabetes, and my blood sugar stayed low for almost a week. Before diabetes, I would have just thought that okay I'm sick and I'll recover. Now, I have to consider how everything from illness, to stress, to certain foods affects my blood sugar.

Diabetes defintely is not the cause of most things. But having diabetes can have unexpected secondary-side effects. Sometimes it not always easy to decide what is important and not important, but with time you'll get a better idea. I'm still learning and know that I have a lot to learn. We're very lucky because we live in a time when diabetes can be managed, and I firmly believe that if you take it seriously and manage it well that you will die from something else.

[xMenace]

It's just another part of me There's not a decision I make or an event that happens where I don't consider the impacts. I just don't worry about it though. We're gonna all die anyway and many, if not most of us, will die from other causes. I can't say I've come to terms with my D and all this immortality ****, but I choose to live life while I can.

[am1977]

Ok, yes, I do blame a lot on my Diabetes~ from just feeling "off" to being in a bad mood... it's easy to say it's b/c of my Diabetes. However, I do feel that Diabetes does really impact so many different things, that whatever I am experiencing may actually be due to it. Who knows :dontknow:

[ant hill]

I think whenever we're handed a "chronic condition" such as diabetes, the control necessary for good health makes us so hyper-aware of everything going on in our bodies, especially at first. I know at one point, everytime ANYTHING happened, I would check my blood sugar. Have a headache? stick finger. Sore throat? stick finger, Anxiety? Stick finger. It does lesson somewhat, but even now, I wonder what my diabetes is doing at different times.

Good post Linda :)
I have had the desease now for 33 Years and to me the control of 6 mmoL/L or 100 mg/dl is everything!! :cool:
So for the stroke and their lazy eye that i had is due to the desease that we have so the idea is to be fit and active :D

[mg_2204]

I couldn't think about anything else at the beginning. Anxiety levels went through the roof. I remember telling myself that STRESS would finally kill me off, not diabetes. And very soon too!

In French we say 'vitesse de croisière' which, unfortunately I can't really translate. (Anyone that can help here please do!) ... But it means I've lived for a certain time with the disease and I am now sailing at a speed which feels comfortable to me.

I am trying to recall when this happened exactly but I can't. There were ups and downs along the way too. I certainly think about diabetes a lot when sick or having probs like at the moment with those stupid ACE inhibitors. Don't know if I ever blamed diabetes but I sure hate the disease. With a passion! At times I sure am frustrated let me tell you....!!!! I don't always think consciously about diabetes now but it's there, at the back of my mind. Pops up, once in a while, depending on circumstances. Now I even do stuff for my diabetes without really thinking about it. Weird, isn't it? But I know what the complications are, and I am not being careless whatsoever. I know that along the way my 'vitesse de croisière' will have to change and adapt to new circumstances too. That's what this stupid big D is all about : it changes. All the time.

I do hope you find your 'vitesse de croisière' soon Injecto. :) :) :)

[blue_eyed_devil]

nope, i don't... infact i hate it when i have a headache/pain/problem and someone says 'how are you bgs?' drives me nuts.

i can have a headache and it not be diabetes related!!!

on the other hand i understand what you're saying... when my feet go cold i wonder what's the circulations haps down there!!!

[June91]

We're members of DF, and therefore obviously a tiny ;) bit more concerned about our condition than a lot of other diabetics are. I would think that our particular group of people would have a higher overall degree of anxiety as we seem to have a greater need for control in our lives, including but not limited to diabetes :cool:

[2high]

Injecto, my theory is that a smart woman will always blame her issue on the nearest man...

So, no, I dont blame everything on my D!!

Just mood swings, headaches, shakes, dizziness, dry skin...lol

[cheryl]

I blame diabetes, for a few things myself, the more I started to care about it the more I thought, oh man is this cause I didn't take care of myself and all these crazy thoughts came into my head. But, I am trying not it let it get the best of me. I probably have so much fear now cause I have four kids too. The fear technically started around the third child. I also was a little older by this point. When you start thinking omg, am i not going to be around for these kids, every little tingle and pain your mind starts wandering. I am trying to get better cause anxiety will obviously kill me too. So I am dealing with it the best I can. But I too blame my moodiness of either D or pms.......so if it is those two, my hubby doesn't fight back lol

Cheryl

[Gangrel]

It all goes back to personality, I think. I'm the type of person who can have the world falling aroujnd them, and can (mostly) remain calm. Whether at work, at home, etc.

Therefore, I don't think about D all the time, because I have the feeling that "I can control what I control and *that's* it."

I do my best to keep my readings in line, but if I get one 20, or 18.3, I don't freak out. I simply take some Humalog, drink lots of water, try to figure out what may have caused it, and that's it.

I don't think "****, I had a 20, that's going to cause me to cut a toe off in 10 years."

I see life as a river. We're floating along, and some of us may make it to the open body of water at the end, some may get caught up the shore, and stuck, and others won't make it to the end.

I have no idea which one I am, and I don't put any thought into wondering. If I die at 60 because of diabetic complications, I'm ok with that, knowing I've kept myself in reasonable control while still having fun and drinking beers!

If I survive until 90, then even better.

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and I die at 31, well, that's when my ticket gets punched.

This has strayed a bit from diabetes, but i apply this way of thinking to it too.

So, just keep yourself in reasonable control, check yourself a few times a day, and that's that. If you sit around at work a bit and go higher then usual, deal with it. If you are playing with your kids outside, and feel yourself going low, eat some tablets.

Make it a reflex, not an action you must focus on.

[June91]

When I grow up :T I would like to be at peace with myself like Gangrel :five:

[Gangrel]

lol. Thanks. It's easy for me to do, again, because of my personality. I understand not everyone is like that. Trust me, i've had ex-bosses wound up tighter then a drum!

I just think the next time we all are thinking about diabetic problems, we should go outside (if it's warm) take a nice walk, and look at the pretty flowers.......

A little meditation and self-reflection does wonders.

[Neiler]

Hey there Injecto - You've sparked a wide array of opinions on this one - good question.

I can completely relate to your position. I've been officially with the Big D for a month and a half (Jan 5, 2007). For me, it's getting to understand what has happened, what is happening and what can happen. I wouldn't classify my thoughts as "worries" per sae - but in my attempts to understand - I find I do quite often think about what I'm doing and feeling and whether or not it has anything to do with Diabetes.

I'm still trying to find my niche. I don't want to worry about every little thing - but I don't want to ignore it all either. Both are probably not too good in the long run...

As a wise man once said, "Why go through life worrying about everything and always being extra careful - just to grow old and die safely?"

Ironic timing on this. Last night I was putting my 7 year old to bed and she gave me a big hug and said, "You're the best Dad. If you ever die and leave me - you'll still be the best Dad." I guess the point there is that some day the inevitable will happen - but I'm gonna do what I can today to make sure she continues to think I'm the best Dad. To me - that'll mean less "worry" and more "fun".

It is going to be a challenge for all of us here on some days, but I'm learning that with Diabetes a lot of it is in our hands to control.

[andypoo]

,
I see life as a river. We're floating along, and some of us may make it to the open body of water at the end, some may get caught up the shore, and stuck, and others won't make it to the end.

I have no idea which one I am, and I don't put any thought into wondering. If I die at 60 because of diabetic complications, I'm ok with that, knowing I've kept myself in reasonable control while still having fun and drinking beers!

If I survive until 90, then even better.

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and I die at 31, well, that's when my ticket gets punched.

Make it a reflex, not an action you must focus on.

Gangrel,This is very well put,I like what you said ,this helps me ,too. I will look at this again and again,Thanks

[tanyatype1]

Hi Injecto - I just feel the same as Dewey and Gangrel. I don't know why, but I'm lucky to not be a worrier. I have lived through things that were absolutely devastating - WAY worse than my diabetes. In the big picture, for me, diabetes is a small part. And because of the bad things that have happened, I just thank God that for all the good things in my life. I wish I could help you Injecto, to feel more at peace, but I do believe that it will come in time. ((hugs))

[Injecto]

Gangrel, you are right. Personality has a HUGE impact on the way you think and act. I'm working on becoming more relaxed, but it's now taking my two times as much work since the diagnosis of D gave me a huge kick in the groin and laid me down on the floor big time. Don't worry about straying from the topic, that's the nature of a conversation and you brought up serves as a great model to strive to live up to. I can only hope that one day I will be just like that.

Problem is I am and always have been a "forward thinker", planning my future, delaying current pleasures for bigger and greater rewards later in life. Of course, health was just assumed (and necessary) and now my outlook is pretty grim. I can't let that go. I just can't accept that my ticket may be up when I'm 50, or 60, or 70 for that matter. But that's 39 years away now and I no longer see a light at the end of the tunnel. Long complicated story short, I was supposed to be some hot shot accountant, and perhaps become a controller one day for some small company, and finally get the house I wanted, on a property I liked, give my girls and wife what they deserve, and finally get my boat and cottage up north where I can get away from it all. We live a pretty basic boring life, in a very small house. We don't go to the movies, we don't go to restaurants, we've put off big trips and vacations, big purchases etc.. all so that we can afford the schooling until I finally "made it". The formula was simple. Live small now (to save), and live BIG later. But, at diagnosis it all came crashing down HARD and FAST. I just quit my classes and the program. I can't handle it anymore, and I figured, what's the point? I just wasn't meant to have what I've been working towards all these years. It's as if "someone" was giving me a sign to "stop it", and now I've listened (There have been MANY hurdles, and each one got harder, this was just the straw that broke the camel's back).

Maybe that's not the way it "really" is, and maybe it is. I don't know, but right now one thing is clear, that is exactly how it all feels to me.

I know, it all sounds depressing (and it is). I'm not meaning to get all down, and I don't want to stir people up in any negative way as that is NOT my intention. In some weird way I don't always feel completely upset about it. I get by, day by day, some worse than others. This forum helps, in more ways than many of you can imagine, or perhaps you can. The DF and its memebers are a blessing.

(Now I've just let many of you into a very personal side of my life, which is kind of scary to let out in public, not sure if I should have, but I needed to get it out for some reason).

[andypoo]

Injecto,I am very touched by you and what you have just written. I feel honored that you let go like that to us,it takes a real man to spill his guts the way you just did. I'm telling you,Injecto I don't know if you're a religious person,believe me I am far from it,but one thing I do know is the power of prayer. I have lived my life believing this and having it proven to me time and time again. The answer doesn't always come right away,and may be far away,but it will come. I've learned that it's the small things in this life that are the most endearing. When you come close to losing it all,as I did,you realize this. You mentioned your wife and kids and your little house,this ,my friend is all that matters in the world.Please,I hope you overcome this,and you will,I just know it. Just know that we're all pulling for you,for each other.

[KritterMom]

You are a wonderful person Injecto. That is very obvious. I know what you're going through, I've been that way myself. I have started looking at life differently in the last few years. I've become more of a person who thinks short term instead of long term. I have enough health issues that I probably won't live forever, lol, so I look towards rewarding myself for the little things in life, and trying to make NOW count. It has made a difference in my way of thinking, because quite frankly, I'm afraid of dying. You can still have your dreams, don't let anyone take those away from you. If we don't have our dreams, we don't have much. Hang in there buddy, cuz we're all in this together. Thats why this is such a wonderful group!

[belyro]

Injecto, you know my thoughts on this.

I'm here for you.

[MJM]

48 years a diabetic and I have never worried about it. I have a philosophy that says 'what will be, will be', so I don't worry. I was 13 when I was first diagnosed and knew absolutely nothing about what I had. Since then I've been in and out of hospitals on many occasions and almost every time I come out thinking 'good grief, I'm so lucky'. This is because I've seen the problems others have had to put up with and I think my problems are insignificant in relation to theirs. I've always accepted what life throws at me and to date apart from a heart attack 16 years ago it hasn't been much. I've enjoyed life and did everything I wanted to do. In fact I'm still doing what I want to do, and get great satisfaction out of life and hopefully will continue doing it for a long time to come.

[tanyatype1]

Injecto, I feel happy that you do trust us enough to tell us your personal stuff. (or maybe it's the anonymity of the forum) You might have to take time off to come to grips with D and to become more comfortable/accepting of it, but then you can get back to making your dreams come true. Even if it takes a couple years - you're still young! I think that D seems to be impacting your life in such a negative way right now that it's almost as bad as future complications - but it's happening right now! Don't let D control/ruin your life - it doesn't have too! (I really feel for you and I'm trying to say something comforting or helpful but I don't think it's coming out that way.) I think that when you're 60, and your playing guitar, sitting by a lake at your cottage, you'll look back on this time in your life as a little blip on the radar screen! You can still totally make your dreams come true.

[mg_2204]

I know, it all sounds depressing (and it is).

In my mind, this is the main purpose of this wonderful forum : to be able to discuss stuff. It's easy to find info about diabetes here and there on the Net but this place actually brings people together. Your thoughts in this thread and all the other posts may have helped someone greatly, who knows? I am so glad we have this forum! :)

[Goldrun]

Hi Injecto,
Like the others, I'm definitely touched by what you are going through. I was diagnosed in June of '05, and was overwhelmed at the idea that I had a disease that has often been so closely linked with premature death. Especially, since I've always been relatively healthy (I've run 3 marathons for goodness sake!). The first few weeks were horrible, as I spent a lot of time doing just what you described...assuming that every little pain was related in someway to diabetes. It seemed as though there was this huge thing that was suddenly in control of my life, and I was just a passenger waiting for an inevitable crash. But as the weeks passed, and as I began to see how my healthy choices contributed positively to regaining control, I began to feel a little more empowered (to use a tired, overused word). In some strange way, I think diabetes gives me the incentive I need to make healthy choices consistently. I am more willing to work out or choose healthier/wiser foods because I want to be in control. I honestly believe that in this way, I'm better off than many non-diabetics. Sure, my bgs may be kinda whacky sometimes, but I've got a great heart :D

One of the greatest things for me was a strong support system both at home and here. I wish you the very best....

[blue_eyed_devil]

injecto...

i'm very intersted in your story and what you have expressed in the past and present on this site. i personally am a bit of a hard ***... i say this as i mean no offence to you and hold you in very high esteem. you've started some excellent topics on here and have great input...

i just want to express how i feel in relation to what you have said...

i get your fears, and understand your frustration, but what makes you think you had that much control over your life (health included) to begin with? i mean *god forbid* what if you had an accident? or caught a disease that lead to serious illness? i just ask because it may bring to light how little we do control our lives... we don't know what will happen, how can we?

life happens...?!?

i really do think you are fantastic and know the big d can suck... i hope you can work though these worries, and i hope that one day i can be helpful to you!!! :)

[Injecto]

Thank you, all of you, for your kind and supportive words and thoughts. I take them all very much to heart.

I'm working on things, I really am, but everyday is a struggle, and sometimes the struggle itself is too burdening.

Again, thank you.:)

[kel4han]

Personality is what this really is about!!!I realize this more and more every day. As the harder I try to not obsess, the more I think about "what is wrong with me?" Why cant I just carry on each day and deal with things? I dont "feel sorry" for myself per say, but I am constantly trying to make right, to prevent, to better every number. Every number to me matters. Every hour I wonder where I am at. I think if I had CGMS it would eliviate ALOT of this wondering all the time. I think the thought of any second everything being swept out from under me is what makes me paranoid. I am a very controlling person. Not feeling in control of one's self is not good for someone like me with a negative personality type. I have tried all my life to be optimistic and a happy person, its just not me and I cant find it anywhere within me. But, me being new to this like you injecto, I pray to god that each day we will forget a little more. Optimistic types with diabetes are very lucky. My one wish would be to be like them! Because I know in my heart I can do this, that it isn't a "big deal" but to a screwed up personality like mine, its a lot harder to live each day like it isn't there, becuase it is and it angers me. I dont have that sunshine happiness waking me up every day, period. I wish that I did, I didnt have it before, and I surely dont have it now. Sad...but, that would be a negative type personality for ya. I am ashamed of that, but thats me.

[Pote05]

""""""Originally Posted by Gangrel
,
I see life as a river. We're floating along, and some of us may make it to the open body of water at the end, some may get caught up the shore, and stuck, and others won't make it to the end.

I have no idea which one I am, and I don't put any thought into wondering. If I die at 60 because of diabetic complications, I'm ok with that, knowing I've kept myself in reasonable control while still having fun and drinking beers!

If I survive until 90, then even better.

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and I die at 31, well, that's when my ticket gets punched.

Make it a reflex, not an action you must focus on.""""



This says alot to me. I have been worried a lot also. Got the big "D" news in Dec 06 and it has been a constant on my thoughts. Taking it one day at a time, and with reading the D/F daily learning that we all have ups and downs. We all make mistakes and the thing is in here at D/F that someone is always learning from someone else's lessons... A Doctor can't help you in the ways your learn from someone who has been there, done that!!

[Injecto]

Kel4han, I sympathize with you, I sincerely do. I to have never been an optimist. Always expecting the worse and seeing the worse, (and some really bad has happened which doesn't help). Anywho, we just need to keep on fighting, and that's HARD, I know it, and so do many on the DF. I constantly need some people to give me "pick me uppers", and fortunately there are many here who do that in a variety of ways (posts, PM, e-mail, chats etc...) and it all helps so very much. I find as the days go by, slowly I improve, and there are some really bad still, but it's getting better (O.K. so there is a small optimistic side to me now...but it comes and goes).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here, other than making an attempt at being supportive and optimistic. We'll just fight together with a little (LOT) of help from our family here on the DF.

[sydneya]

No, I blame everything on being chronilogically advanced. :o Well, okay, I do blame some on diabetes. :confused: I do believe that we have to be aware of our bodies and know what can be causing our diabetes more problems. I had a spot of retinopathy a couple years ago. Knowing it was there really made me work on being in control. It cleared up within a few months and has stayed away. When I am wanting to do something obviously not good for diabetes, I think of that. Being aware can give us the time we need to correct the situation.