Confession

[shot caller]

For the past 2 months, I have been pestering everyone about type 1 coz I was crazy about this girl who has type 1 and I wanted to marry her so I thought it would be a good idea to educate myself about this condition. Anyway, I don't know if anyone is really interested to know what happened but I'm going to blurt it out anyway. It didn't work out coz I was too scared and uncertain about the future. I was scared and uncertain about what would happen to her 10, 20 years from now when she would be middle-aged and what would happen in her later years, scared about going on a vacation with her, scared that this would affect our relationship and scared about just about everything inspite of the fact that I diligently researched for about 6 months. Plus, I don't know anyone who is type 1 and is married so I couldn't get any reassurance from anyone. In short, I backed out of the relationship. So all that support from members about me being a great guy, well guess you can toss that in the bin now.

[cheryl]

I am sorry that you could not wrap your head around your ex-girlfriends condition. Some people just cannot handle certain things, and to me it just sounds like you are one of those people, and she was better off with someone who could handle it and all. I am sorry you are feeling the way you are, but the guilt I can tell in you writing this tells me you are still a good person, just the sort of person that cannot handle certain things. Don't beat yourself up to bad about it......you tried, you have feelings too, and you can't do it.......but try to keep more of an open mind that this disease is really not our fault and it sucks for us too......

cheryl

[princesslinda]

I'm sure your decision was a difficult one. I admire you for wanting to search out information and ask questions about something that would have certainly impacted BOTH your lives forever. I hope this decision is one that you will both look back on without regrets. Not having been in the same situation, I can't say for sure what my response would have been in your circumstances, but i'm certainly glad that my diabetes is something my husband has been more than willing to put up with.

Just remember, there are no "perfect" people out there. We all have our scars. If you are searching for a woman with no problems....you'll be searching a LONG time.

[poper77]

Wow! I am kinda in shock to read that. I have had type 1 for 24 years and recently got married (this past June) My husband doesn't mind that Ihave diabetes - in fact I am probably healthier than the average person without diabetes since I watch what I eat and work out almost everyday. His support really helps me. It is probably better off that you did end it, in the long run you would be doing her a favor if you were unable to give her the strong support team that she may need.

[Pote05]

If you love someone no matter what they have, or you have you live for the day... What ever happens in the future is called life! You wanted reassurance from someone??? Sh*t Happens daily and none of us get to chose how it happens. Well since you got rid of someone you once cared about and now want to get on here and try to clear your mind from what you have done... I hope you can sleep at night with yourself.. Blame your cowardness on her Diabetes. You make me sick!!


I'm sorry, but anyone that is scared of anyone that has any type of illness, disablility because they are worried about themselves and how it is going to effect them, I have no use for...

[LancetChick]

I think you made the right decision, because I was under the impression that your girlfriend was not very responsible about managing her care. There is no way on earth I would ever marry an irresponsible diabetic. You'd be miserable with worry. It's a very personal life choice, not a hiring decision for who's going to be the next clerk.

[orpy]

Well, it could be that you marry the perfect person, and then they develop diabetes.

[mzizgayle]

It is a shame in a way that you could not deal with the unknown, but it is better you realized this before marriage. When you go into a marriage, it is for better or worse, in sickness and health. My husband and I have been married 36 years. He is now disabled with heart disease (4way bypass, 11 stents) and yes even tho he is on a dozen meds, he can still have a heart attack and die on me any given time, or I could suddenly get stupid and not take care of my diabetes and have major problems...but if I was shown the future would I have still chosen him??? YES, I would, I could not picture my life without this man and he knows he has to keep me also lol

[DeusXM]

If something as relatively minor as this was enough to sway your decision, then I'd say you didn't really love her as much as you thought you did. In which case it's a good thing you're not getting married.

[tanyatype1]

I agree with Deus. I've been married for almost 14 years, and was only diagnosed Type 1 a year and a half ago. Still happily married......

[Oradev]

I'm getting married this June, so I guess your marriage and diabetes theory has some flaws... My future wife has supported my diabetes every step of the way. She has known about my condition from day one and has supported me from day one. Everyone has their problems! Remember that nobody is perfect. If you truly loved her, you would look past something as minor as diabetes. Remember that Diabetes IS a manageable disease.

Just my .02

[andypoo]

You are so lucky that you have no flaws. I hope you never get diabetes or anything happens to you that may cause an illness or disfigurement,but if you do ,I hope the "perfect specimen of a woman that you have found,also truly loves you and has no qualms about what happens in life, such as..........."LIFE". I'm sorry,I know you wanted people to say that's alright,that's ok,at least you tried,at least you cared enough to look us "abnormal" people up.You really made me sad,

[LancetChick]

You are so lucky that you have no flaws. I hope you never get diabetes or anything happens to you that may cause an illness or disfigurement,but if you do ,I hope the "perfect specimen of a woman that you have found,also truly loves you and has no qualms about what happens in life, such as..........."LIFE". I'm sorry,I know you wanted people to say that's alright,that's ok,at least you tried,at least you cared enough to look us "abnormal" people up.You really made me sad,

Why are so many people so supercilious and holier-than-thou about a decision someone else is making? Being married, all by itself, is really tough, but being married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for her disease is like being married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for finances, or childcare or anything else. Prenup counceling makes sure these things are known ahead of time because they are legitimate deal breakers if they can't be fixed. How the **** do any of you know what the situation is? You don't, you just rush straight to judgment.

[andypoo]

Why are so many people so supercilious and holier-than-thou about a decision someone else is making? Being married, all by itself, is really tough, but being married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for her disease is like being married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for finances, or childcare or anything else. Prenup counceling makes sure these things are known ahead of time because they are legitimate deal breakers if they can't be fixed. How the **** do any of you know what the situation is? You don't, you just rush straight to judgment.

You know what,he didn't say one thing about her being irresponsible in this post he said he was afraid of what might happen in 10 yrs. or 20 yrs. when she's "middle aged",he was afraid about going places with her,what the future holds,(the future is NOW) we don't know what the future will bring.She may be healthier then him one day. I didn't berate him,I was just sad that another person is giving up someone,I thought,that he loved, because of diabetes,there are no guarentees in this life,I mean he was thinking of marrying her,why? Was it her eyes,her hair,her personality? It's all still there. She may still have her eyes,her hair,her personality when she's middle -aged. And he may,too. . He was "in love " with her enough to MARRY her for,(whatever reasons),but not enough to marry her with diabetes added to the list !That's what makes me sad. Sorry you think that I'm holier -than-thou,but I don't think I am at all. He's entitled to do whatever he wants. I didn't ask him what his opinions were,he asked us.

[glashalful]

I'm not sure why you would tell people on a diabetes forum that you are, in essence, prejudiced against them. If you feel you need "beat up" for it, it looks like you've come to the right place. On the other hand, it would appear that some folks are understanding. Not sure I would be.

[andypoo]

Why are so many people so supercilious and holier-than-thou about a decision someone else is making? Being married, all by itself, is really tough, but being married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for her disease is like being married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for finances, or childcare or anything else. Prenup counceling makes sure these things are known ahead of time because they are legitimate deal breakers if they can't be fixed. How the **** do any of you know what the situation is? You don't, you just rush straight to judgment.

Lancetchuck,I noticed that you seem very angry in a lot of your posts and negative when it came to this SHOTCALLER guy,he never said that she was not taking care of herself,he asked questions about all the "bad" things that could happen with diabetics. It sounded as if you assumed that she wasn't taking care of herself. In on epost you even said a 6.9 a1c wasn't very good,and I disagree with you on that one. I think he was trying to find a way out anyway.

[andypoo]

For the past 2 months, I have been pestering everyone about type 1 coz I was crazy about this girl who has type 1 and I wanted to marry her so I thought it would be a good idea to educate myself about this condition. Anyway, I don't know if anyone is really interested to know what happened but I'm going to blurt it out anyway. It didn't work out coz I was too scared and uncertain about the future. I was scared and uncertain about what would happen to her 10, 20 years from now when she would be middle-aged and what would happen in her later years, scared about going on a vacation with her, scared that this would affect our relationship and scared about just about everything inspite of the fact that I diligently researched for about 6 months. Plus, I don't know anyone who is type 1 and is married so I couldn't get any reassurance from anyone. In short, I backed out of the relationship. So all that support from members about me being a great guy, well guess you can toss that in the bin now.



I wanted to ask you something if I may. I read one of your earlier posts and you mentioned you had a friend who was pregnant and also has type 1 diabetes,is this the girl you've been talking about all along?

[Oradev]

One word, and it's a biggie!!!

KARMA

[poper77]

I'm not sure why you would tell people on a diabetes forum that you are, in essence, prejudiced against them. If you feel you need "beat up" for it, it looks like you've come to the right place. On the other hand, it would appear that some folks are understanding. Not sure I would be.

REally I was trying to nicely say that this type of discrimination REALLY offends me...:mad:

[KCP]

To be honest I dont think you were ready for marriage anyway, regardless of whether or not she had diabetes...
Not that im saying you are an awful person, im just saying that it was probably wise of you to pull out now before any hard desicions were being made so that when you are ready for a wife, you can use this experience to help you..
My husband married me, not because I have diabetes. In fact, he knows that while he can support me, inevitably it is my desicion as to how I look after myself. And while I understand the sentiment in learning all about her condition, i cant help but feel you may have had the feeling you would have had to look after her later on in life, which is in essence the basis of a marriage. Give and take that sort of thing.. If you were scared of that now then use this experience and learn from it so that later you have a deeper understanding of how things work..

[KickStart101]

Hey Shot: Hmmmmm. Lamb in the Lions den. :D
I'm not sure why you came back to confess here. I
for one had already forgotten about you and your
very detailed questions. You don't affect my Life any.
Most People here identify with your Girlfriend because
we have the same disease. But we do understand your
point of view also.

My Hubby knew I was a Diabetic before I met him.
When our paths did cross again, we soon started
dating since I had dropped my last boyfriend. I told
my Hubby(Boyfriend then)that I had Diabetes and
he said he already knew. He had bought a book
and read up on it and said it wasn't a problem with
him. We were 17.

When we were 19 he begged "someone" to let him
see me in ICU since "someone" in my Family did not
like him. Oh, I had been in a coma for 3 days then
and the Doc's said I wasn't going to make it. I woke
up to him sitting beside my bed holding my hand. I
knew he was "the one". :D

Sure we had many hurdles to jump over but so does
every other couple. Just different hurdles.
We've been married for 26 yrs., together for 30 yrs.
We've had a Good Life mostly so far and we have two
Nice Kids who make us Proud. In fact our Son got
married last June. We are helping them to move next
week into the first home that they purchased. I have
had only 3 minor complications which are fixed. I may
kick off tomorrow but right now I'm doing okay and
taking time for you.

My Hubby was in a bad accident yrs. ago and needed
alot of medical and personal care. Guess who helped
him?? This frail Diabetic Girl(I was actually slapped
with 3 life-threatening diseases). I did practically
everything for him for 1 1/2 mths. He was in severe
pain, could barely move. He had 2 slipped discs and
muscle and nerve trauma.

Last Sept., he had a severe back spasm. Again he was
totally helpless. Guess who fed him, supported him in
and out of bed, rubbed him down, helped him walk, etc.?
I finally had to call 911 since he was too bad. That
happened 2 other times.

Anyways, I think you made the right decision because
your ex. needs a strong man to support her not to put
her down for any mistakes she may make trying to
control her disease.

No regrets on your part. You're probably still a Great
Guy if you were in the first place. I honestly hope
that Life doesn't kick you in the butt and the Best to
you.....and her. ;)

[cheryl]

I just want to say I am so glad my hubby married me and didn't even look at the fact that i was diabetic or realized how uncontrolled i was, **** I think I would of never gotten married then, and for someone not to marry me cause I was bad back then would of sucked tremendously, I guess cause he was not perfect either, so he didn't seem to butt in or even pay much mind, he just learned how to treat a hypo, just in case and never ever questioned me about the unknown, to me that is true love, some people like I stated before cannot handle certain situations, I looked back and read some of your posts and you asked to many scarey questions that would freak anyone out. In my opinion, but you did what you had to do.....and as far as being out of control like I said just before thank god, my hubby didn't do that to me.....that would of sucked,

[Cyborg]

For the past 2 months, I have been pestering everyone about type 1 coz I was crazy about this girl who has type 1 and I wanted to marry her so I thought it would be a good idea to educate myself about this condition. Anyway, I don't know if anyone is really interested to know what happened but I'm going to blurt it out anyway. It didn't work out coz I was too scared and uncertain about the future. I was scared and uncertain about what would happen to her 10, 20 years from now when she would be middle-aged and what would happen in her later years, scared about going on a vacation with her, scared that this would affect our relationship and scared about just about everything inspite of the fact that I diligently researched for about 6 months. Plus, I don't know anyone who is type 1 and is married so I couldn't get any reassurance from anyone. In short, I backed out of the relationship. So all that support from members about me being a great guy, well guess you can toss that in the bin now.

I have no sympathy whatsoever for you. And I think she is better off without you...

[JasonJayhawk]

My wife and I were dating (girlfriend at the time) for 3 years before I was dx'ed with Type 1; we were married about 14 months later. Twin boys were born just 2 months ago.

Couldn't say I could imagine having anyone more supportive and knowledgeable about Type 1 as her.

[TenderVittleS]

Who knows what will happen if you get with a perfectly healthy person one day then they go to the doctor and find out they have cancer or another disease. Sh%^ happens to everybody at any time, thank God for each day and take it one day at a time. Diabetes is just one small part of a person and there are MILLIONS of diabetics out there so good luck buddy.

[andypoo]

Hey Shot: Hmmmmm. Lamb in the Lions den. :D
I'm not sure why you came back to confess here. I
for one had already forgotten about you and your
very detailed questions. You don't affect my Life any.
Most People here identify with your Girlfriend because
we have the same disease. But we do understand your
point of view also.

My Hubby knew I was a Diabetic before I met him.
When our paths did cross again, we soon started
dating since I had dropped my last boyfriend. I told
my Hubby(Boyfriend then)that I had Diabetes and
he said he already knew. He had bought a book
and read up on it and said it wasn't a problem with
him. We were 17.

When we were 19 he begged "someone" to let him
see me in ICU since "someone" in my Family did not
like him. Oh, I had been in a coma for 3 days then
and the Doc's said I wasn't going to make it. I woke
up to him sitting beside my bed holding my hand. I
knew he was "the one". :D

Sure we had many hurdles to jump over but so does
every other couple. Just different hurdles.
We've been married for 26 yrs., together for 30 yrs.
We've had a Good Life mostly so far and we have two
Nice Kids who make us Proud. In fact our Son got
married last June. We are helping them to move next
week into the first home that they purchased. I have
had only 3 minor complications which are fixed. I may
kick off tomorrow but right now I'm doing okay and
taking time for you.

My Hubby was in a bad accident yrs. ago and needed
alot of medical and personal care. Guess who helped
him?? This frail Diabetic Girl(I was actually slapped
with 3 life-threatening diseases). I did practically
everything for him for 1 1/2 mths. He was in severe
pain, could barely move. He had 2 slipped discs and
muscle and nerve trauma.

Last Sept., he had a severe back spasm. Again he was
totally helpless. Guess who fed him, supported him in
and out of bed, rubbed him down, helped him walk, etc.?
I finally had to call 911 since he was too bad. That
happened 2 other times.

Anyways, I think you made the right decision because
your ex. needs a strong man to support her not to put
her down for any mistakes she may make trying to
control her disease.

No regrets on your part. You're probably still a Great
Guy if you were in the first place. I honestly hope
that Life doesn't kick you in the butt and the Best to
you.....and her. ;)

Kickstart WELL SAID!!!!

[jvetter18]

Shot Caller,
I can only hope that your next partner does as much research on your and finds out that being an asshole 10, 20, 30 years down the line is worse off.......

You are such a friggin tool. Also, get your own life.

[DeusXM]

Aw, be nice. We can't all be holier-than-thou heroes. Like I said, if the fact she had diabetes was enough to put him off marrying her, then he simply didn't love her enough to actually marry her. They'd have got divorced over something else a few years down the line, so both of them have dodged a bullet there.

I hope he finds someone who he does love enough (and loves him back) to make that big commitment, and I hope that she doesn't start blaming her diabetes for her being single, and that she finds someone else who will love her enough to not even worry about diabetes.

[ProudNanaof5]

From one diabetic married to a non-diabetic..."NO COMMENT!!!"

[BriOnH]

Maybe I am the one in denial, but I can't for a second believe that diabetes is the relationship killer here. I'd love to read her side of the story, as it probably goes something like this:
"I dumped his a$#, what's he talking about diabetes for?";

But hey, whatever you need to tell yourself sc. That at least beats "It's not you, it's me" coming out of her mouth.

[ProudNanaof5]

:rofl: You are probably right.

[xMenace]

Maybe I am the one in denial, but I can't for a second believe that diabetes is the relationship killer here. I'd love to read her side of the story, as it probably goes something like this:
"I dumped his a$#, what's he talking about diabetes for?";

But hey, whatever you need to tell yourself sc. That at least beats "It's not you, it's me" coming out of her mouth.

Ya. It smacks of some type of obsessive-compulsive or adjustment disorder.

[Cyborg]

What kind of horror stories could he possibly have read on this forum during the last 6 months to make him break up with the love of his life. :hmmmm:

I agree, there's probably another side to this story...

[andypoo]

Everybody, you have just experienced prejudism in one of its highest forms. To be turned away from,because of a ****ed friggin disease! honestly this was the first time I witnessed it, on such a blatant scale,and on a diabetic forum,no less. I think he just kinda used us.The girl that he put through the test, must feel like ****.But really she should be so happy.

[condensr]

Not taking sides here, nor even playing "devil's advocate", but .. Perhaps he felt the need to come back here and talk about it because he is questioning his decision. At least this might indicate some remorse or regret for the action taken.

The relationship, though, was not strong enough to cope with it though - as was posted earlier. True love will find a way.

Granted, it is terrible for the poor girl's self esteem to have such a thing happen.. She must be crushed. If I'd had to face a rejection like that, it would have hurt. I know for the longest time I thought that no woman would want me with my diabetes and all. I now know that is not true, my wife loves me very much for all that I am, diabetes included.

I know what it is like to be on the other side of the fence, too, as my wife was dx'ed with fibromyalgia at the young age of 24. I can't say that I wasn't a little scared by it, I can't say that I didn't wonder about how it would affect our life together. But, that is where it stopped; a passing thought. We'll all face seeing our loved ones age, possibly get very sick, and definitely die (unless we are first.) It's just life. It's the way things are, and will always be. I know I need to be strong for her as she is strong for me, and God is strong for both of us.

[June91]

"I dumped his a$#, what's he talking about diabetes for?"
But hey, whatever you need to tell yourself sc. That at least beats "It's not you, it's me" coming out of her mouth.

:laugh:

There, there, we mustn't laugh. It has to be some kind of disorder - this guy probably started a thread "Medium vs. rare: how do you like your steak?" at vegetarianforums.com...

[JasonJayhawk]

:rofl: :hahaha: :pcguru:

[Patti]

I agree with andypoo. This is the first time I've heard such a thing too. Well, all I can say is what goes around comes around. He's day is coming.

[orpy]

If you have to do that much research before marrying then you shouldn't get married...while he's at it, he might want to hire a private investigator too...

[andypoo]

You all got it,right. This guy was looking for an excuse to leave. It'd been different if he truly wanted to educate himself and her,she would've come on,too. I doubt if she even knew he was checking us out. I believe when he sent the last post he was outta here,never,ever to have to deal with this again.Probably saying to himself , "I didn't know them people and they don't know me,so sayonara,suckers!" Oh well,I'm over it,now. Let's get on to better things,guys.