Help: My 14yr old daughter is depressed

[tommo]

My daughter was diagnosed type1 in Sept 04, we thought she was coping with it quite well but how wrong we are, she is angry frightened and depressed found out today that she has thought about suicide, but thank god has not attempted it have other children felt like this we live in a small village in the UK and it's like she has some contagious disease the friends she has left can't seem to understand how bad this disease is,
as when she has to inject they make comments like "do you have to that now" or "your only doing that to draw attention to yourself". Sorry for going on a bit but any advice would be much appreciated
tommo

[caswellhb]

Hi,
get someone to go into her school to give a talk about diabetes. In my humble opinion, since there is such a high population of diabetics, it should be taught about anyway.
Has your daughter got people she can talk to?
If she would like to join up here we would be more than happy to talk to her and help her out.
This must be a scary time for all of you. I am so pleased to see that she has loving, concerned parents.
Please keep talking to us. We want to help.

Heather.

[HelenM]

There are a lot of people on here who have had personal experience of Type 1 as a tenager. I hope they'll have some useful ideas/experiences.

Meanwhile, (and I'm writing from a teacher's perspective)I think contacting the school is very important, her class or year group tutor may be able to help in the way Heather suggests. S/he will also be able to keep a watchful eye on her and may find ways to intervene with her 'friends'. She is not alone, many young people become depressed, the peer group is often the most important thing in adolescent girls' lives and anything that makes them different causes anxiety. It is good that she is able to talk to you and has told you about her feelings.
I also think that you should discuss it with her diabetes team.
The NICE guidelines specifically say If the diabetes team thinks a child or young person may have anxiety or depression, they should arrange without delay for them to see one or more health professionals who specialise
in helping children and young people with mental health problems. http://www.nice.org.uk/pdf/

[ant hill]

Hello Tommo, I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is having problems over diabetes and i can still remember those old days too. I can see that there is peer group pressure on your daughter and she would think that she as to deal with those injections. Some education is the key here as she would want to know how to be herself and get her frends to understand her condition and show her friends that there is no big deal.
On the suicide side of things, I would like to know if diabetes is the major part of the problem. If that is not the case then i will look at another avenue like an physiologist. I hope that may help you in your quest to have a happy girl. Peter... :)

[ladytaz]

Hi tommo, welcome to DF! I'll be keeping your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. I don't have an advice specific to your case, as I don't have any children with Diabetes. But there are lots of parents here on the forum, that may very well have the helpful words of wisdom and encouragement you are in search of. Good luck to you, the parents, and your daughter!

[notme]

Hi Tommo, I hope you can get your daughter to sign on and visit the forums. She will see that she is not alone. I think having someone talk at the school could be good or could be bad. Right now I am sure your daughter wants as little attention as possible. Bottom line is your attitude will be the one your daughter adopts. Diabetes only means she will need to live and eat healthy.

I really hope that you get her some counceling. I think that she needs to have a person to talk to that is removed from the situation.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[shockme]

hi tommo.get your daughter some counseling.and it would be great if she would join df-alot of type 1's who have been thtu it as a teen.trish

[jleonard]

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I think this disease has had most of us at one point question why we should continue.

My thought would be to look at an insulin pump. It completely takes away the visuals of needles and medicine. Yes, the draw back is a mini hose attached 24/7, but BIG DEAL :).

A small price for some cool technology and better control. The devices look like mp3 players or pagers and are built where a dose can be given without looking (Animas 2020).

The unfortunate side is that you may never get her friends to understand. Adults barely can and it just seems like until you're "one of us" you won't get it. Lastly, is your daughter on the computer too? This is a great place for support and
understanding.

[tommo]

Hi All
Thanks for all the advice it is greatly appreciated, I will get her to sign up and come on here, she is being referred to a paediatric phsycologist but don't know when as for school her diabetic nurse went in and gave a talk to staff and pupils.
she injects six times a day
2 lantus and 4 or more Nova Rapid
the pump would be a great idea but they are not readily available in the UK.
On the suicide side of things I think we are winning on thatshe has so many questions but she won't believe the answers at the moment. Thankyou for your prays
Tom

[Emm]

Does she know anyone else with Diabetes? I think the biggest struggle with D in the teen years is feeling like we stand out in social situations. Kids can be cruel, and teenagers even worse. Maybe she just needs to be around others who are dealing with the same **** every day?

Do you belong to any support groups? Even online groups are great but if your daughter could meet up with someone local it could really help.

Knowing others with D has helped me HUUUUUGE amounts - sometimes it's just great to talk about it with others who totally get it. Especially the wonderful people here at DF!

[ant hill]

Hey, well said Emma. :) I like to have people like herself to see others who has this crazy disease so they can share experiences that your daughter must know!!! Not to alienate her current freinds and people that are her age.
As yourself, A parent, You should be congratulated to understand this stupid disease and that takes some front.

[gettingby]

Hi Tommo.
Being a teenager plus having diabetes is hard. I know from experience as I was diagnosed type1 back in the dark ages (1984) and I was 13.
It will be difficult to get her friends to understand. It may not seem like they ever will but she will find out who her "true" friends are. After I spent over a week in the hospital with DKA, upon returning to school, my counselor got me together with another diabetic and that made a world of difference. I'm sure that there may be other diabetics in her school.
Please have her come on here. I will do my best to help and listen. Just PM me or have her to.:) I'm always available to help.

[sbuff28@charter]

Look into getting a pump. If she has been doing MDI for 3 years having a pump is a whole new level of freedom. The best part is its so quick and easy no-one even notices.(a huge benifit in schools) I don't even notice if i do it sometimes. It really does make life less stressful if the day-to-day struggles (embaracment, hassle, attention , ect) of MDIs are getting to ya.

my 2 cents.

[Lynne59]

Other kids can be very cruel even if you don't have diabetes. I have been diabetic for about 15 yrs and have also been seeing a dr for depression. It seems to go with the diabetes. I have been on meds just as long as diabetic and yes I did think of sucide. As all the others said she will learn who her friends are. Really good advice you have been given. Please keep in touch. And God bless.
Lynne59

[KickStart101]

My daughter was diagnosed type1 in Sept 04, we thought she was coping with it quite well but how wrong we are, she is angry frightened and depressed found out today that she has thought about suicide, but thank god has not attempted it have other children felt like this we live in a small village in the UK and it's like she has some contagious disease the friends she has left can't seem to understand how bad this disease is,
as when she has to inject they make comments like "do you have to that now" or "your only doing that to draw attention to yourself". Sorry for going on a bit but any advice would be much appreciated
tommo

Hi Tommo! I'm Very sorry to hear that your
Daughter was hit with this. That has to be
the worst time.

I was dxd at the age of 3, so I grew into the
fun of teenagehood with Diabetes.

I also grew up in a wee town. But no one ever
said or insulted me for being Diabetic. They also
didn't treat me like I was contagious. I wasn't
taught much but I was treated Nice.

A lot of Good info has been given. I just
remember that I was not depressed about Diabetes.
It peed me off at times cuz it was a pain in the butt
and it interferred with my Life.

I rebelled and got caught up with my Friends smoking/
other stuff trends. What can you do? As much as my
Parents tried, they didn't know the half of it. I did grow
up through it all and managed to make the right choices
through it all. A Strong Life Partner is A Life Saver. Mean-
while Parents/Friends are important. Has she found a Friend,
maybe her age to help her that has DiABETES?

[andypoo]

Oh man! I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having to go through this. Especially at her age,some teen girls can be so shallow,and can't stand that she has something that "draws attention",at least what they view as "attention grabbing." They are jealous of the most ridiculous things. My own gr-daughter was jealous of a little girl in her class that was a "little person",even though she had disabilities because of this,my Gr-daughter didn't view it as such,she was jealous because the little girl got some attention from the teachers and others She,of course has out grown that attitude,but young girls can be this way. I like the idea of having a talk in her classroom or maybe even the whole school,she may not be the only diabetic there. Tell her to hang in there and be strong,I know it's hard,I got the big "D" when I was 16 yrs. old,I remember how hard it could be. I've had it for 38 yrs.

[Cyborg]

Definitely try and get your daughter to join the forums. I'm sure it would be very helpful for her...

[HollyB]

The unfortunate side is that you may never get her friends to understand. Adults barely can and it just seems like until you're "one of us" you won't get it..

That may be true but it's not inevitable that friends will undermine you like that. Some here have reported their friends were supportive and my own son has never had any of his friends question his need to test and treat. He used to do his injections right in the classroom in front of everyon and it was just understood that this was what he had to do. He's in high school now and his friends don't necessarily understand the gravity of his illness but they accept what he has to do and don't make a big deal out of it, which is what he wants.

Your daughter has not been so lucky, and at this age being singled out like that is really tough. I hope you can make her understand that it won't always be like this, that there are lots of people out there who will do their best to understand.

A counsellor would probably be a good idea to help her over this hump. I know pumps are not common in the UK, but a teenager with diabetes-related depression and peer issues might just qualify. Aaron has found it really allows him a more "normal" lifestyle.

All the best... like someone said, she's talking to you about it now which will help in itself.