How to Handle Insensitive Comments??

[klpants]

Hi All

How do you all handle insensitive "Diabetic" comments? I'm asking as having to deal with one particular person at work who feels the need to constantly "remind" me of what I can and can't eat by making silly jokes at my expense.
It all began when at a Cmas work dinner this person ordered me a regular Coke even though I asked for a diet Coke, I explained how this woudl cause me BS fluctuations now and totally spoiled the whole dinner (he didn't tell me the drink was Coke until I had almost drunk it!).
Now, he always says things like "Don't offer Kathryn any sugar" and even makes bets with his colleagues that I won't accept the offer of cookies and other sugary items, is he just jealous of my discipline??

I'm starting to get really annoyed and have tried to be assertive with him by saying "it's not funny" and "not a joke to me" but he still says inappropriate things which make me mad. If he could see how much of my time is spent managing my BS (and I know you can ALL understand this!) maybe he wouldn't make jokes?? I don't think I'm being too sensitive!

Any suggestions? This is my rant as well!!!:mad:

[princesslinda]

Your co-worker sounds like a major pain in the A$$!... Sure, most of us deal with our share of idiot comments, but to knowingly give you a sugared Coke...that's something else altogether.

I'd have a "come to Jesus" talk with him (with your supervisor present as a witness) and tell him that you've had enough of his embarrassing and discriminatory behavior, not to mention his potentially physically detrimental acts like the one at the Christmas party. Tell him if he can't treat you with the same courtesy and respect you show for him, you'd prefer he didn't speak with you at all.

Normally, i'd just advise you to live and let live, but it sounds like this guy would make it impossible for you to do that. It's time someone put him in his place. There's ignorance and then there's bullying...sounds like he's a bully.

[klpants]

[QUOTE=princesslinda;232820]

I'd have a "come to Jesus" talk with him (with your supervisor present as a witness) and tell him that you've had enough of his embarrassing and discriminatory behavior, not to mention his potentially physically detrimental acts like the one at the Christmas party. Tell him if he can't treat you with the same courtesy and respect you show for him, you'd prefer he didn't speak with you at all.

Thansk Princess Linda, unfortunely he is kind of my boss and would be difficult if I made things difficult.......but your reply makes me feel better already!

[princesslinda]

If he's your boss, you'd better watch your back...he sounds like a real prince...NOT!:mad:

I think in light of him being your supervisor, i'd treat him with professional courtesy and ignore ANY personal comments. If you don't give him or his remarks any response, he'll most likely get bored and go on to bother someone else. It's your reaction that he's counting on...ignore him like you would a misbehaving child and heopefully he'll go away.

[rzrbks]

I'm afraid I'd be tempted to see how much I could make his "Sense of Humor" backfire on him.


Now, he always says things like "Don't offer Kathryn any sugar" and even makes bets with his colleagues that I won't accept the offer of cookies and other sugary items, is he just jealous of my discipline??

Response:

"Sure, I'll eat that cookie, if you'll be the one who takes me to hospital."

or

"I'll bet that (whatever sugary food) is really worth having my fingers and feet cut off for."

or

"Please(fill in name) hand me that (sugary food)I really want to be on renal dialysis for the rest of my life."

or

"Have I upset you so much that you want me to spend the rest of my life blind?"

Or worse yet, stealing from Cyrano ( I admit some of the rewrites do not scan as well they might)

Kathryn : to the aformentioned idiot
Ah no! doofus! You are a trifle short!
You might have said at least a hundred things
By varying the tone ... like this, suppose, ...
Aggressive: 'Madam, if I had such a disease
I'd amputate it!' Friendly: 'When you sup
It must annoy you, poking your finger then jabbing another needle in'
Descriptive: ''Tis like the Symphlegades!
—Caught between a rock and a hard place!'
Curious: 'How serves that oblong capsular?
For insulin or just a joke?'
Gracious: 'You love the little birds, I think?
I see you've managed with a fond research
To give them the food you do not eat!'
Truculent: 'When you pull out your syringe
Do not the neighbors, think that you carry a firehose?
Considerate: 'Take care, ... your body bowed low
By such weight of medical supplies will wear you out!'
Tender: 'Pray get a small umbrella made,
Lest your insulin in the sun should fade!'
Admiring: 'Sign for an apothocary!'
Lyric: 'Is this a plastic flute you carry with you?'
Simple: 'When is the pumping to be in view?'
Rustic: 'That thing a syringe? Marry-come-up!
'Tis a dwarf water hose, for injecting a prize rose!'
Military: 'Point against cavalry!'
Or ... parodying Pyramus' sighs ...
'Behold the disease that mars the harmony
Of its master's phiz! blushing its treachery!'
—Such, my dear sir, is what you might have said,
Had you of wit or letters the least jot:
But, O most lamentable man!—of wit
You never had an atom, and of letters
You have three letters only!—they spell ***!

[bryan42]

:evil: GET ME HIS E MAIL ADDRESS, PM IT TO ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE!!!

[klpants]

[QUOTE=rzrbks;232834]I'm afraid I'd be tempted to see how much I could make his "Sense of Humor" backfire on him.

Response:

"Sure, I'll eat that cookie, if you'll be the one who takes me to hospital."

or

"I'll bet that (whatever sugary food) is really worth having my fingers and feet cut off for."

or

"Please(fill in name) hand me that (sugary food)I really want to be on renal dialysis for the rest of my life."

or

"Have I upset you so much that you want me to spend the rest of my life blind?"

LOL!!! These are terrfic suggestions, thanks!! Now just to be able to remember them at the right moment............do you think If I printed them off and stuck to my desk and reffered to them in my rebuttals I'd look like a smooth operator! ;)

[klpants]

:evil: GET ME HIS E MAIL ADDRESS, PM IT TO ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE!!!

Hmmmm......very tempting!

[Gerald]

Sometimes people need to be told clearly and distinctly to lay off, telling him it's not a joke to you or it's not funny may not be sufficiently assertive to do the trick. My suggestion is to simply talk to him in private and clearly tell him in a forthright manner that you find his diabetic jokes offensive and you want him to stop them immediately.

The key here is to do it in a respectful way that doesn't cause him to get his back up. Do this right and for most normal people that would be sufficient to put an end to it. You would be surprised how many people don't realize when they are being a jerk and are suitably apologetic when confronted.

However, if your boss is a total prick and ignores this you have to decide if you want to put up with it for the sake of the job or get it stopped for the sake of your sanity. If the later, you can escalate the issue further up, either with his manager or HR, but be aware there may be repercussions. Many times HR is not your friend, they work for the company and have the companies best interest at heart, not yours.

Also, in my opinion, coming back with the witty replies posted here will only encourage him as he will think you are playing along with his jokes.

[Cyborg]

If that doesn't work, take him into a dark alley and teach him the errors of his ways...

[klpants]

Sometimes people need to be told clearly and distinctly to lay off, telling him it's not a joke to you or it's not funny may not be sufficiently assertive to do the trick. My suggestion is to simply talk to him in private and clearly tell him in a forthright manner that you find his diabetic jokes offensive and you want him to stop them immediately.


Also, in my opinion, coming back with the witty replies posted here will only encourage him as he will think you are playing along with his jokes.

Yes, Gerald you are right, I just wanted to avoid a one on one confroatation, I'm **** at confronting people!! Oh, well, practise makes perfect.

Yeah, maybe he doens't get it as I joke too much!! one of the guys.....

[GhostRydr]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having these issues in your workplace. I've been so fortunate, my coworkers and my boss are so very supportive of me. When we have lunch meetings, our area associate will, at my bosses request, ask me what i'd like as they normally order pizza or subs in.

In your situation, perhaps sitting down with the fellow in question privately and explain how it makes you uncomfortable and is really not a joking matter to you about your health might help. Barring that, normally the words "hostile workplace" will hit home.

Best of luck

[marchez]

Hi,

I really feel terrible about your situation. One characteristic of a good manager/boss is empathy, which it sounds like he lacks completely.

If I were in your shoes, it would confrontation city and I know my emotions would get the best of me. The conversation would start with "Do you have a problem with me?" and get messy from there...I have no patience for that.

Based on your personality and from what you have written so far, it doesn't sound like you are prepared to confront him. Does he treat anyone else in the office in a similar way? If so take notice and try to rally some troops with you.

You can always ask him if he has any medical conditions...if he says no, you can ask if has you have any psychological conditions. If says no, you can pause....and say "really...." and walk away....
If he does have a medical condition turn it around and create some synergy between the two of you.

Lastly you can always rely on the presence of karma...eventually he will end up an obese Type2 who doesn't take care of himself and will lose his feet for being such a pompous, insensitive A$$.

[Gary_W]

If he did the coke thing on purpose then it's a personel dept issue. I would hope for the more likely situation that it was a genuine mistake that has embarressed him slightly (due to you telling him in all seriousness that he had 'spoiled the whole dinner') and he doesn't quite know how to handle it.

What I would say is that many blokes in the UK have a sense of humor that is not always very appropriate, but they don't really mean anything by it. Poking fun at other people seems to be a staple of British life, and it is something you only do to people that you like / feel fairly safe around. I realise this may sound rather odd to the folks over the pond (my sense of humor nearly got me shot in Florida as they just didn't get me at all), but it's just how it is a lot of the time.

IMO, the most likely problem is that he doesn't have the interpersonal skills to manage a woman (especially one whom he now considers has special needs) and consequently tries to use humor to make up for his shortcomings. If this looks likely to you, do you really want to take it further? Just put it down as the ramblings of a social gibbon and don't worry about it.

Sure, you can make a big thing of it, but (if you otherwise like the guy) then you'll long for the time when he made fun of you as the silence will be far worse. If you really feel you are being victimised then fair enough, but he just sounds like a socially inept buffoon that doesn't quite know his way around a non-standard relationship as opposed to him being a nasty piece of work.

Gary

[mg_2204]

Ask your colleague if he can spare 10 minutes, that you would like to have a talk with him. Have someone you trust there as well, as a witness. In a calm polite manner explain to him how the way he behaves makes you feel and that you will not be treated like that from now on. Tell him that if he does continue you'll treat it as harassment and you'll take it further, the manager, and so on.

Not relevant nor is it his business to know how much time you spend managing your blood sugar. Don't lose time trying to educate this idiot. If you were battling against cancer he wouldn't harass you like this now, would he?

The very best to you! :)

[Erin]

Keep in mind that my standard response to "But you don't LOOK like a diabetic" is "Well, you didn't LOOK like an idiot either, but I guess looks can be deceiving, can't they?"

"I certainly CAN eat that, if I take enough insulin to cover it, but maybe I'll just give you the insulin and skip the cake... the silence would be MUCH more satisfying"

Or Alternatively "I certainly CAN eat that, if I take enough insulin to cover it, but I can really only handle one pr!ck at a time... and right now, you're it"

"My blood sugar is 36mg/dl... if you know what that means, and can with authority tell me not to eat that, I'll give you the honor of calling the ambulance when I pass out... otherwise mind your own business"

"Dude, did you have some potty training issues? Because you are WAY too interested in what goes into my digestive tract"

It also doesn't seem like he understands that you need to BALANCE what you eat to the medicine you take... it might help to sit him down and really explain that the coke at the christmas party wasn't as much of a problem as you not KNOWING it was a coke... Knowledge is power.

[VinceF]

I have offered to hook tormentors up with just a few shots...then go on to explain what a little extrra insulin will do to them (try to embellish they're obviously idiots) Try to smile sinisterly if possible.

[jjames]

If it was me - I would go off on the person full-speed. Nothing get's the point across like being extremely rude and relentless. But - that's just me. Then again, if I did that with one of my co-workers, the others would laugh and think it was funny. (Monkey brain mentallity at the place I work at.)

But - for your situation I would talk to him in private with someone to witness it all, and tell him that it makes you fee uncomfortable.

[gettingby]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having these issues in your workplace. I've been so fortunate, my coworkers and my boss are so very supportive of me. When we have lunch meetings, our area associate will, at my bosses request, ask me what i'd like as they normally order pizza or subs in.

In your situation, perhaps sitting down with the fellow in question privately and explain how it makes you uncomfortable and is really not a joking matter to you about your health might help. Barring that, normally the words "hostile workplace" will hit home.

Best of luck
I'm with you Kurt. :)
Nowadays, the words "hostile work environment" say a lot without you having to resort to his level.
Hang in there. :)

[catgalla]

Sorry to hear your boss is such a jerk!! I agree, you should confront him and tell him you don't appreciate it and it is harrassment. This is your personal business and he shouldn't be saying anything to anyone about it especially where he is your boss. Personal information like that is supposed to be confidential. I can't stand ignorant people and I too would probably insert my foot if I had a similar situation. I let myself get so mad that I'd just explode. Good luck with this and keep us posted!! :mad:

[klpants]

Your replies have made me feel so much better and that this is an issue I need to resolve.

Gary: I know the sense of humour in the UK is different to where I'm from (Canada), but I've got used to it now. But, this instance is making me feel uncomfortable so I don't think I can just leave it...maybe if I saw this guy only once every few months then ok but I seem him almost every day. He is supposed to be my manager and shoudl know this kind of behaviour is inappropriate.
I can also understand what you're saying that he feels comfortable with joking with me, I can have a laugh at alomst anything (toilet humour, childish humour) except somethign which hurts someone else, I'm just too nice!

I'll let you all know what happenns!

[klpants]

Well, I decided to "bite the bullet" and confront this person.

Even before I closed the office door he had started to apologise! I explained how his comments were inappropriate and a slap in the face to my diabetes regimen. He aplogised and said he sometimes "forgets himself" and that I am the healthiest person he knows and appreicated how much dedication I have to keeping fit and well. He mentioned the other people he knows who have diabetes have given up, I hate it when people compare one person with diabetes to another person, we're all different with different physiologies!!

Anyway, our chat ended with a handshake and a hug, so hopefully no more diabetic jokes!:thumbsup:

Thanks again everyone, I found the strength to approach this person from your replies! :D

[princesslinda]

KL so glad you spoke up to your boss and that things went so smoothly. I'm proud of you!

[June91]

I was getting a bit tired of threads ranting about people's stupid comments but am very glad that this one has a happy ending.

[GhostRydr]

Good job, sometimes sitting down quietly does the trick. Better this path than sinking to his level.

[poper77]

I JUST went thru civil treatment training yesterday at work! THis is called harassment. Since this person is your supervisor, it would be a great idea to go to someone in hr or his boss to let them know what is going on. In sitiuations where it is your boss that is being the harasser it is easier if you don't have to confront them. It is by no means acceptable. - at least in my company.....

[Just_Plain_John]

CONGRATULATIONS !!

:party:

Great job seizing the control there !

[rachelb]

Hi,

I'm sorry that I don't have time to read each and every reply and that I might repeat what someone else has said.

As a diabetic you are covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act. As a human you are covered by the basic moral mandate that other people should treat you with the respect that you deserve and that they would like in return.

Even if this person is your boss you should feel entitled to sit and have a serious conversation with him about how his comments make you feel and about how difficult a disease this is to manage, especially while working and having to deal with insensitive people.

If he still doesn't want to respect you then you should take it to your Human Resources group and file a formal complaint. Because of labor laws he will not be able to do anything to make your job more difficult as a result, and if he does then he's broken the law and could be punished as a result.

You might also try mentioning your discomfort to other people in the office so that they can band with you making this person aware of his asshole ways.

Whatever you do, don't just let him continue to treat you badly. You don't deserve that, no matter what kind of person he is, and you shouldn't have to stand for it. Sometimes the only way to make a point to someone with such a thick head is to do it officially.

As a totally separate aside which I hope makes you smile - I can only wonder what inadequacies he is dealing with himself that would allow him to make such awful comments about other people!?!?!?! Must be quite a few!

[blue_eyed_devil]

can i be really frank? i'll tell him to get bent. and then i'd find something about him i could use to make fun of him, give it right back to him. immature maybe, but that's what i'd do.

you're not being too sensitive.

[someone]

Maybe I am just weird, but I take a completely different approach. Not everyone can do this (much easier if you're on a pump), but I would simply take the cookies, eat them and bolus. He loses all his bets, and what does he have left to bet on? I avoid these situations by eating, drinking and acting like I would if I didn't have diabetes and it works! Eating a cookie or drinking a regular soda here and there isn't necessarily going to make you lose a limb or even cause a high for that matter. This is how I handle these situations and my control has always been perfect.

[Kubilee]

I am just taking the high road here with you, I am a very outspoken person so I would have approached him a long time ago and ironed this out fast. I would take him aside and let him know that struggles you are going thru with this and how very hard you work to make sure you are safe and happy. Let him know the results if you do NOT and by all means let him know this scares you. Sometimes if people don't actually have or know someone who has a disease, they don't realize the struggles that we that do go thru to control things that are involved.

This is given he is an all around good guy and he really likes you and this is why he is "picking on you". I know that sometimes it can sound brutal, but it could very well be that he genuinely likes spending time around you and this is how he shows it. Guys are some funny creatures when it comes to this. No offense to any guys here, but in general guys never grow up and picking on a girl can mean anything from he is a genuine jerk to he has a crush on you and it is hard to say which is which.

I would definitely pull him aside and let him know that this bothers you though. He may be a jerk about it at first, but if he is a genuine good person, and this is just his way of ribbing you, he will be more sensitive and if he isn't then take it above his head.

NO JOB is worth this insanity, that can be replaced, your sanity and self preseration cannot. I have quit a few very nice jobs because they didn't give me the respect I deserved. I had one guy get all over me because my son got hurt at school and was taken to the hospital, he told me if I left not to come back. I didn't. They called me a week later and asked me to come back, and I didn't.

Bottom line is YOU are responsible for your own self preservation and no one is going to protect you if you don't do it, if this is not ok with you, then YOU have to confront him, you can do it with respect, but you have to do it. :)

[gettingby]

I'm glad everything worked out for the best, and like GhostRydr said, you didn't have to stoop to his level.
I hope your supervisor has learned a valuable lesson here.

[jerryn]

hmm use the net job hunting boards and start looking for a new job that pays more $$$ and has more benefits.

The guy sounds like a real jerk.

[Goldrun]

Hooray for you that you took the 'bully' by the horns! I do hope you'll give us an update on how things have progressed.

And, to the others that gave such scathingly funny replies....I laughed for a long time...I believe my favorite was Erin's:

"I certainly CAN eat that, if I take enough insulin to cover it, but I can really only handle one pr!ck at a time... and right now, you're it"

[xMenace]

Even though I'm quiet and reserved, I walk tall and carry a big stick. I've been known to defend myself quite agressively. There's nothing like the slap of a hockey stick across the back of your leg :fight:
http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l155/xmenace/P1010025.jpg

[mg_2204]

Anyway, our chat ended with a handshake and a hug, so hopefully no more diabetic jokes!:thumbsup:


I'm glad everything worked out so well! :)

Now you can concentrate on work and not worry about stupid comments or feel uncomfortable. Work is enough on its own, don't need to put more on your shoulders.