I think it JUST hit me!!

[Kubilee]

I think all of this just caught up with me in the last 3-4 days, and I just wanted to vent a little but didn't want to really vent all overmy family. We have had a lot going on in my family lately and the last thing I want to do is give them something else to worry about.

I don't know exactly how to explain this but I'll try and see if I can. I am one when a problem is thrown at me, in this case, Diabetes, I jump and I run, and I run so hard that I don't stop and even think about it, I react in the most productive way I can possibly react to solve the problem and THEN, only when the problem is under total control do I stop and breathe and take in what exactly the problem is/was. I don't let anything get me down while trying to handle it, I just handle it and then I "breathe". I suck it up and I keep my spirits as high as I possibly can.

NOW, I think over the last 3-4 days this has all JUST hit me, the fact that I have been handed this "life sentence". Mind you, I am not scared, it just got me a little down in the dumps and my mood has been pretty bad, grumpy and so on. It's been nearly 3 months since I was diagnosed and I have done so very well in getting it under control..... but NOW that it is under control, I find myself actually sitting down and breathing from it and the capacity of this whole thing.

Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed, I am not scared, I am not missing any special food or anything like that. I just think it all finally caught up to me of the work I have just gone thru to get this controlled and that it isn't ever really going to be over.

Do any of you go thru this and if so, what do you do to dig back out of it? I am not a headcase and not a whiner, and my family has been so very awesome about it, I just think it just finally caught up with me that this is my life now.

I guess I just wanted to vent a little so as not to stay in this mood, I hate being in a bad mood or feeling distracted.

I am done now, I think. lol

[princesslinda]

Welcome to the club! I think we all have these emotions...I know I do. I'd love to tell you it will pass and you'll never think this way again...but i'd be lying. Even when your control is good, the life you had before diagnosis you'll never have again...and on one level, it really, really sucks!

One thing for certain, life goes on, and I do just what you do, suck it up, put on a smile and get on with it. My "bad" times are a lot less frequent than they were at first, but I do think whenever one is diagnosed with a disease, we go through stages of grief. Time helps with it a lot. Sharing with the forum family is also a lot of help as well.

I feel I have been given opportunity to live a much better and healthier life with diabetes than the life I led before, so for me, it's somewhat of a "mixed blessing."

I heard a saying once and I think of it on occasion:
"Pain is inevitable, misery is option, so stick a geranium in your hat and be happy!"

We can't change the hand we're dealt, but we can control our response to the situation. That's what I strive to do...until those moments hit. Just give yourself the right to feel bad about having diabetes once in awhile, then go on as usual. You've got a really positive outlook...you'll not stay down long!

[Kubilee]

I know what you mean about the mixed blessing thing, so well. When I first started dealing with this, I was all "up" because I FINALLY had a reason to make my house take better care of themselves. We don't eat bad... not compared to today's standards, and as a matter of fact, we eat quite well. BUT it can always be better so the few things we were doing wrong, we are ALL doing right now. And I keep that in my head, that we are all, for lack of a better term, much healthier and better for it. I can teach my kids NOW so they don't get the shock I got..... and they are honestly doing very well with it.

I don't know, I never stay down long, but I seem to be down about it now, and I think what has me down is know there is no "beating this", I know I am not going to wake up one day and I don't have it. I know I can and am controlling it and doing well, and I am proud to be doing so well.... I think the very aspect of knowing this is LIFE is what freaks me out a little right now.

The knowing I can control it but it isn't going to just go away I think is what is getting to me. I am used to fixing things and making them go away, I am not used to JUST controlling them, I want them to GO AWAY, and this will not. lol

Like I said, I am not depressed about, and like you, it's almost a blessing that it is JUST Diabetes, not to put that light, but it is at least something I CAN control. I think, like I said, it is just the thing that "I can't make this go away" aspect of it all.

I am the type, I laugh most things off, even the serious things... I just refuse to let it knock me down and I thought I had this to that point, bt realized today that I don't have this option of making it go away. and it JUST hit me. :o

[shockme]

i know i go thru varied emotions,tam.sometimes,i get a bit sad,sometimes pi**$% off....it's normal.as long as it's temporary-it's cool.come here and vent anytime.trish

[barko]

hello all....my name is Mr. Hamster-in-a-cage...

This is how I often feel with D :D

Video - Hamster Wheel Gone Wrong (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1569125216323959688)

[Kubilee]

hello all....my name is Mr. Hamster-in-a-cage...

This is how I often feel with D :D

Video - Hamster Wheel Gone Wrong (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1569125216323959688)

rotflmfao

That is SO what place I am in today. It made me laugh, thank you. I knew there was a visual for it somewhere, just didn't know where it was, THAT is it. lmao

Thank you barko.

trish, I don't look for it to kick me in the face for too long. This won't BEAT me, I just have to resolve myself that I am not going to beat it either, we'll jhust have to agree to disagree with each other and move on together, me and my Diabetes. We will just have to learn to reside in the same house that is my body. ;)

[moorejames]

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's easy to get consumed by it all and then burn out.

I tend to be obsessive compulsive about things, which leads to an "all or nothing attitude". With the big D, you gotta find your center and figure out a way to live in moderation, but in good control.

Sorry if my "life sentence" phrase in that other thread freaked you out. That person just seemed to need a little tough love. We all need it now and then...

[Kubilee]

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's easy to get consumed by it all and then burn out.

I tend to be obsessive compulsive about things, which leads to an "all or nothing attitude". With the big D, you gotta find your center and figure out a way to live in moderation, but in good control.

Sorry if my "life sentence" phrase in that other thread freaked you out. That person just seemed to need a little tough love. We all need it now and then...


No, you didn't get me with that. The day I found out, I told my husband I had just been handed a "NEW" life sentence... so that wasn't you. You just happen to use the same line I have often used, that's all. lol

I know all about the tough love, I dish it out when needed myself. ;)

[volleyball]

You may be a bit depressed because you reached your goal. Sound funny but since you were so focused, you are at a loss. Maybe you just need to make a list of small goals. Attain one, take a week or two and start #2, then #3 and so on.

[Kubilee]

You may be a bit depressed because you reached your goal. Sound funny but since you were so focused, you are at a loss. Maybe you just need to make a list of small goals. Attain one, take a week or two and start #2, then #3 and so on.


I ALWAYS have a goal, but I make them where I know I can reach them. My first goal was to control this and get those numbers down, I did that. NOW My goal is to make it to the next Blood work, which is on August 15th, at that time, if I am still doing this good, he is going to cut my meds in half and put me on some meds to protect my heart.

After I get that done, which I hope to make, in 6 months, if I am STILL maintaining it, he is going to lower that dose some more.

So yes, I set goals for myself, but I make them attainable.. maybe I need to shoot for the moon? lol

I do know what you mean though, I just found out years ago, I have to work for goals, no matter what my situation. ;)

[catgalla]

I know exactly how you feel Kubilee. I get the same way. I don't let things get to me, I just tackle them head on and not even think about it until I have a chance. I'm like you too, don't let things keep me down for too long. We will continue to have our days where you're depressed or pissed but it passes. People don't realize how hard it is to keep this disease under control. It's a lot of work. Keep up the good work and remember to keep your head high!! :D

[Laney1566]

The only time it really hits me is on the weekends. During the week I have a routine with eating and taking meds. On the weekend when I wake up after sleeping in, I dread taking my shot and pills because I really don't like to eat first thing in the morning. I never have, but seeing as how I have slept maybe an hour or two later than normal (or 3 lol), I have to rush to get my breakfast when I'd rather just move slow and enjoy my coffee. I have even contemplated getting up early on weekends just so I can go back to sleep:D
It doesn't depress me as much as it makes me angry. I guess I am angry at the inconvenience more than anything.