Have You Made Peace With The Fact You're Diabetic?

[Staceyy]

Its taken me two years to finally come to terms with this disease. I'm okay with it now.

[princesslinda]

I don't think i'll ever get used to the fact that I have diabetes, but I have made peace with it to the degree that I am no longer constantly berating myself for having been overweight and eating badly prior to diagnosis. Nothing I can do will change the past, all I can do is positively influence my future.

I won't let myself ever get totally comfortable with diabetes, i'm afraid if I do, i'll not be as diligent about how I manage it.

I have seen many people who do very well the first few years, then lose whatever motivation they initially had, and then stop testing and gradually begin to eat whatever they want and their diabetes escalates out of control. After my personal experiences with my mother, I can't let myself get to that point.

Peace...yes, complacency...never!

[BriOnH]

Today I am. That could change at any given moment.

[mzteacher]

hi...great question!! i will be interested to read the answers...and as for me it has only been since may...and no i haven't

[princesslinda]

Today I am. That could change at any given moment.

This is probably the best answer you'll get....and the most honest!

[mho357]

Nope - still don't believe that I have it (whatever "it" really is). My mind knows that my BG is not as good as it is supposed to be.

It has only been 4 months since Dx.

I guess I did enjoy the stupid times when I was younger and a lot more foolish - I knew that I would have to pay up someday...

Why do "they" say that you don't give it to yourself but it is genetic? I can't help but think that if I had not had too much to drink too often, gained too much weight, and became a couch potato that I would not be where I am today. There are no other diabetics in my family tree.

Didn't I ask for it?

M

[Dewey]

I never really had to deal with this, because I was diagnosed at a younger age (9). If I was diagnosed as an adult, the feelings may have been different, but in all honesty, I never minded having/getting Diabetes. A big reason for this was at the very same time of my diagnosis, my grandfather was dying of Lung Cancer. To me, what he had was a heck of a lot worse than anything I was going (or could ever go) through.

When I was diagnosed & put into the hospital, I went into the bathroom, held up a clenched fist & exclaimed, "I'm gonna win!" I've felt that way from the very first day & still feel that way now.

Don't be fooled. I've been through times where I didn't care (teen years), but the minute my body started paying the price, I did a total 180 & got right back on track. I still get frustrated by high sugar levels & the like, but when a person falls off the horse, they have to brush themselves off & get back on. If they don't, they fail to learn the lesson that lies within, and may potentially cause more harm in the long run (by not trying).

Having Diabetes has actually made me a healthier person, because not only am I more in tune with what's going on in my body, but I've been able to help others as a result. I view that as a gift.

[owlyn]

About 2 weeks after diagnosis in 1991. I view it as an inconvenience most of the time. Every once in a great while I get annoyed because I just want to go out the door and get going! But usually I'm fine with it.

[Jan B]

YES.

My problem is caring for myself as much as I would someone else with my condition. So does that negate my Yes answer?

[beau91]

:) When i was dx, I did not really care.I did not change my diet a lot working Nights I had problems ,Then my endo sent me to a dietist i lost 35 pounds.After a i regained about 15.put me on insulin it wen't better.Took my pension in 2005 January,saw a neurologiit on the 13 was dx with PARKINSON. HAs you can know it hit me really hard. Parkinson has a tendency to put you on depression .So my diabetes i did'nt care anymore.Saw my endo in March 2005.He told me i would die from my diabetes well before my Parkinson.Someday i care some i don't. I gained a lot of weight was 185 (2005) now i'm 240.THE pills i take both for Parkinson ,Diabetes and high blood pressure makes me tired and restless. I take 25 pills a day.+insulin. I have to take care of myself. I need a kick in the %%% .This forum is helping me a lot .I read almost all the post .When i read the poms of Captain Dave I feel a bit like that.But i'm not in the same situation has him.
Bye Ricky.:boxing:

[dar917]

Yep. I'm at least the 8th person in my family to have it, I just always figured it was inevitable and I'd deal with it when the day came. Sure I cried a little bit in the hospital, when the pastor came to visit me and when my parents came to pick me up. I feel pretty good and I have pretty decent control so I'm OK with it.
20 years from now though who knows...

[JediSkipdogg]

I came to peace with it many years ago. When I was 18 it really hit me hard though, to a point only a few on here know how hard. Since then I've been able to deal with it all the time. Mainly now when I'm tired of it I just don't test as often. Yes, there's quite a few days where I only test 2-3 times a day total.

I think anyone can make it through rough days, it just takes a strong mind.

[EasyType2]

Yes.

After 19 years, it has become such a part of daily life that to do otherwise would make my life impossible.

[Penny]

Mainly now when I'm tired of it I just don't test as often. Yes, there's quite a few days where I only test 2-3 times a day total.


Not often, but I do this sometimes! I have a day once in awhile when I just cannot stand to deal with it! I wake to a high fasting number and know I am going to struggle with what I eat and do all day, and I just don't test again...unless I feel really bad. Sometimes I will eat without bothering to count carbs, just inject and hope it covers things, as long as I do not feel sick. This usually doesn't even last a day, I can almost always talk myself out of being down, but it does happen. Sometimes I just am so tired of dealing with it all!

[shockme]

today is a bad day,d wise! so no-no peace with it today.....ask me how i feel tomorrow...i may be "at peace" or i may still be where i'm at now-don't give a rat's a** anymore....trish

[mortis505]

For the time being, yes. And I have 4 reasons for maintaining control. My wife, my daughter, my son, and myself. That last reason may seem a bit selfish, but I have no intentions of letting this thing control me. I plan to live as long as I can, and enjoy every minute of it along the way.

:)

[Funnygrl]

I'm with Brian. At the moment I am, but I'm not always.

[grace girl]

At peace with it? What a complex question. There is a part of me that does not accept it, completely rejects it and will never come to to terms with it in any way whatsoever.
I take the best possible care of myself as I can, and I'm always looking for ways to improve. I'm not in denial about it in any way.
I do not think of myself as diabetic. I am a person who has diabetes. It doesn't define me, it's just one of the many characteristics of my life. I deal with it the same way I deal with anything else that I find unpleasant: take the bull by the horns and never give up.

[Dervish]

I can't really say I understand the question. I was diagnosed last spring when I took a trip to the ER with a case of ketoacidosis that almost killed me; that leaves no room for denial. I have diabetes, that is a fact and facts don't go away simply because you don't like them or don't want to believe them.

Asking me if I've made peace with having diabetes is like asking if I've made peace with the sky being blue.

[ladytaz]

Yes, I think so. I knew for a long time I was eventually going to have it [had GD with last pregnancy, and add in the family history]. And when the time came that they diagnosed me, I was, Ok, let's deal with it. Not saying I haven't had frustrating times, the worst of which was the first three or so months after Dx. I can say that it is MUCH easier for me, now, that I'm on insulin, than it was before insulin. Now I just count my carbs and calculate how much insulin I need, and there ya go [I still eat carbs in moderation 99% of the time]. If I'm high two hours later [rarely happens] I know that I can inject another unit or two and correct that. Before, it was count the carbs and pray like the dickens that I didn't go high afterwards. And if I did, then all I could do is sit and wait for it to come back down.

[volleyball]

I was only in disbelief until I saw for myself. Then I got working on it. It is something I have, but it doesn't define me.
It does give me hope. Having family members not diagnosed and not living long lives had resolved me to a short life line. Now I see the cause and devote a lot of energy to passing the word to my family so that I won't be attending as many funerals.
I hope this doesn't sound glum. I see it as a path to a "longer" healthier life

[BriOnH]

This is probably the best answer you'll get....and the most honest!

I'm with Brian. At the moment I am, but I'm not always.

word.

I came to peace with it many years ago. When I was 18 it really hit me hard though, to a point only a few on here know how hard. Since then I've been able to deal with it all the time. Mainly now when I'm tired of it I just don't test as often. Yes, there's quite a few days where I only test 2-3 times a day total.

I think anyone can make it through rough days, it just takes a strong mind.

At 18 it hit me the hardest too Kev. That's when anxiety attacks got the better part of my life for almost a decade. I almost wish someone would have given me a hard kick in the *** instead of babying my attacks with my diabetes.

[peej07]

After 28 yrs I deal with it. I wish I was at peace with it but it all depends on how I feel on any given day. Am I seeing clearly, are my kidneys working, are my BG levels good, all these things cause me a great deal of anxiety. So I've accepted it but I'm not at peace with it.

[RobiJo]

Yes.

After 19 years, it has become such a part of daily life that to do otherwise would make my life impossible.

Ditto. After 23+ years. Absolutely Yes. It has made me who I am.

[MJB]

It's been almost a year since diagnosis. The year has really gone fast and I'm doing a better job of control. I'm down to 1 500mg metformin daily and I think after my lab work next month I'll be able to go diet and exercise alone.

So yeah, I think I'm at peace with it.

[xMenace]

Ditto. After 23+ years. Absolutely Yes. It has made me who I am.

Mmmmhmmm.




.

[notme]

I have made peace with it like I have made peace with my curly hair. I don't always like it and some days I have bad hair days and bad diabetes days. It is part of who I am.

[Dawn]

When things are going well I am at peace with it.

Fortunately, there are more of those days than not.

A couple of weeks ago when I was testing a bazillion times a day because of my higher (incorrect) A1c I was not at peace. I remember standing outside in the sunlight and seeing all of the dark spots on my fingers from testing. It made me cry and I didn't feel like a regular person.

Today, right now, I feel at peace.

[RobiJo]

Mmmmhmmm.




.

What you don't believe me?

[Lizzy]

I'm like Dewey, I was diagnosed at 12 years of age so it's been with me a long time. I have never let diabetes keep me from doing anything, traveling, having a long happy marriage, a beautiful daughter who made it safely through my pregnancy 30 years ago with no monitor, pump or carb counting. Looking back I feel very fortunate to have made it this long. Yes, I am at peace with my diabetes, I know it will always be with me and I accept that.

[glashalful]

Wow -- great thread! And we're all over the place, aren't we?

I must admit I am the denial queen! I KNOW I have diabetes, but even just now writing it, I find it hard to believe! It's as if I think that every time I see a new endo, they're all making a colossal error! I fear that I really believe that the tests are all wrong, and I'm just sort of dealing with it because I should! I never really believed the t1 (vs t2) thing until after 15 years of diabetes ANOTHER new endo did a c-peptide that came back negative. For three years now (2.5 on the pump) I've been trying to get them to do another c-peptide because I just don't QUITE believe it was accurate. I'm just SURE that one day I'm going to wake up and realize it was all a nightmare!

The other part of me just doesn't really care -- I mean it's really not that big of a deal, especially with the pump, right? So I just muddle through, doing what they say I'm supposed to do (just so I don't feel like cr*p) -- but it's ALWAYS in the back of my mind that this is just all so stupid, and one day I'm gonna be REALLY pissed off about all this money I've spent unnecessarily!

Ok, having confessed my soul, I REALLY don't want to hear a bunch of cr*p from anyone trying to talk me into "getting" that I have diabetes, ok? I'm sensitive right now. I know I'm whacked, and I don't need anyone to tell me so!! LOL! :D

Elizabeth

[brownsugarbetes]

no, i am not a peace with this inconvenient disease. I doubt i ever will be to tell you the truth. i must have some purpose or i would be dead by now, or at least that is what i think.

[Funnygrl]

no, i am not a peace with this inconvenient disease.
I guess I'm glad my disease is only "inconvenient."

I doubt i ever will be to tell you the truth. i must have some purpose or i would be dead by now, or at least that is what i think.

Nope, you won't be, not with that attitude you have now, at least.

[notme]

Inconvenient is a very good word for diabetes. A death sentence it isn't if you take care of yourself.

If I had to chose a disease and I HAD to chose one, then this is definitely one that makes you get healthy. You eat right and exercise and you live a very long and healthy life like most others. It is not to say that you won't get unlucky and get a complication, but you can greatly reduce the chances if you don't ignore it.

Cancer, Hepetitis, AIDS, the list goes on and on. I will take type one diabetes over any of those, any day.

[Dewey]

Inconvenient is a very good word for diabetes. A death sentence it isn't if you take care of yourself.

If I had to chose a disease and I HAD to chose one, then this is definitely one that makes you get healthy. You eat right and exercise and you live a very long and healthy life like most others. It is not to say that you won't get unlucky and get a complication, but you can greatly reduce the chances if you don't ignore it.

Cancer, Hepetitis, AIDS, the list goes on and on. I will take type one diabetes over any of those, any day.
Thank you Nancy, & very well said! :five: I couldn't agree more.

I've lost loved ones & friends to Cancer. I lost my dad to a brain aneurysm, took care of my Mother-In-Law, who had Parkinson's and had an uncle who suffered from Alzheimer's.

I've helped a close friend (more like family member) fight his Cancer through multiple therapies, including a stem cell transplant - where they almost kill patients to rid their bodies of Cancer. After witnessing all the he** he went through (& personally helping him through it all), I'd totally take Diabetes over what he had ANY day of the week!

[mg_2204]

I don't know if I'm at peace with it... I manage my diabetes. I have no choice. I hate the disease but since I'm 99.5% responsible for my happiness I have chosen to be happy nonetheless.

[cheryl]

When I ignored it I was fine, now I was hating it, but it's what I got to do.....I am not so much at peace sometimes, I guess it's all about just accepting the ups and downs, and trying not to look at the other persons' just awesome numbers....cause I am not them, they are not me...they have a good a1c good for em....I try....LOL.....as long as I don't see someone bragging how they never ever get high, and there diabetes is oh so perfect and never ever have issue's I am good LOL....sorry if anyone reads this that is perfect, it is envy LOL....

Cheryl

[Alice]

I guess I've always been at peace with it...otherwise it would be like asking for forgiveness for being "me". There are many people in the world with tougher crosses to bear...my college friend is now in his 50's and being fed by his parents due to MS.

I think he is at peace too. It's just life. We've both discussed how we are the same people no matter what physical challenges we might have to deal with now.

All I have to do is remember that I've had a pretty decent life and would be "at peace" if I died tomorrow. (Not tonight, I have two loads of laundry to finish!)

Very few people are born "perfect". Or, think "perfect".

[Gary_W]

On the days when it behaves itself and obeys the house rules, I'm pretty much at peace with it.

On the days where it does what it feels like and treats me like a hotel then no I'm not. These are the days when you want to get out the door and need to drive to an appointment for which you must not be late and 5 mins before you plan to leave a hypo turns up out of the blue when you know well and good you didn't whack in too much insulin. It just does it to be a pain in the rear end... Those are the days when I could slap it. When it's being vaguely civilised then I do fine; it's a minor inconvenience now we understand each others point of view.

In either case, you have no choice. The scenario above frustrates me but doesn't make me miserable. If this thing makes you down in the dumps then it's won and I'm not having that.

Gary

[CaptDave4499]

No I have not accepted diabetes and hope to someday, but I more than likely never will. :(

[seanmarr]

I am at peace with my diabetes at the moment, but only because I take Prozac and it makes me not care about anything. If I could care, diabetes and the consequences it has had on me both biologically and socially would lead me to commit suicide. But what they hey, I'm at peace with it.

[VinceF]

I'm thinking I'm more at peace with myself and my circumstances...Diabetes never this is war! I plan to fight as long as I can. I can't remember not being diabetic. I was diagnosed at 5 years old.

[blue_eyed_devil]

Its taken me two years to finally come to terms with this disease. I'm okay with it now.

hmmm, that is an awesome question.

yeah i have but that doesn't mean i always do.

i, like everyone have my really bad days. it's interesting because i think it's not that i haven't come to terms with diabetes - i think i just let my diabetes fall to the bottom of a very large heap and it becomes neglected, almost as if i'm punishing myself...

good thought provoking question.

lauren

[catgalla]

When I was first diagnosed in 1991 it really didn't phase me which was surprising to me and everyone else. I just take what's given to me and do what I have to do. I'm not the type of person to dwell on anything. Life is too short and like everyone else is saying, it could be a he#$ of a lot worse. At least we can keep healthy with meds. We have a choice to feel healthy or not (for the most part). Ya, sometimes it's a pain but it's something I have to deal with. :)

[Alice]

I've always had a theory that the older you are when diagnosed, the more difficult it is to "accept"...What do you all think about this? I am actually thankful that I was diagnosed as a child... with little drama from my parents. In fact, I have been pretty self-driven with this disease.

At age 7, I barely stopped to think about it...wasn't afraid and didn't hear the boloney people said about diabetics. Now that I'm older, I get irritated with drama queens (and kings) who can't handle the smallest inconvenience and who fight progress. I grew up waiting for the next "development"...and a lot has come our way. Meters and better insulin to name two. Pumps, a third.

[princesslinda]

I've always had a theory that the older you are when diagnosed, the more difficult it is to "accept"...What do you all think about this? I.


I've always thought it would be so very hard on a child to have to be stuck so many times a day and not get to eat like all the other kids, but most children i've seen are very reslient/adaptive to their circumstances...but, as someone diagnosed at 42, I must say it was (and still is) very difficult changing many years of bad eating habits...and we all tend to be more "set in our ways" as we get older.

[Dewey]

I've always had a theory that the older you are when diagnosed, the more difficult it is to "accept"...What do you all think about this? I am actually thankful that I was diagnosed as a child... with little drama from my parents. In fact, I have been pretty self-driven with this disease.

At age 7, I barely stopped to think about it...wasn't afraid and didn't hear the boloney people said about diabetics. Now that I'm older, I get irritated with drama queens (and kings) who can't handle the smallest inconvenience and who fight progress. I grew up waiting for the next "development"...and a lot has come our way. Meters and better insulin to name two. Pumps, a third.
Thank you, Alice! I couldn't agree more! I too, was diagnosed at a younger age, & found it to be easier.

Seeing how far we've come over these years (as you said, with regard to pumps, meters, etc.), I think we now have it better (managing Diabetes) than we ever did. :thumbsup:

[Alice]

The fear of injections (needles) is a fear usually presented by adults...and then passed onto children. I had a great support team when diagnosed and never felt pain...or if I did...it was just a bad moment...a bruise? Just a brief, odd thing. Children know what is true & untrue. Besides, I loved the whole "nurse" theme!

I overheard a spouse of a diabetic tell a friend that her husband has started "shooting up" insulin recently. That really infuriates me, that she couldn't even say the word "inject" with respect. I politely told her that most diabetics prefer to use the word "inject" instead of a term normally associated with drug abuse. I had no problems telling her that...it's all education. She really had a hard time with the injections and it made her feel better to "make light" of them.

I never really altered my diet growing up. Still don't, except to embrace healthier eating than what I was raised on in the south. No different than anyone else who is more "educated" about eating. I didn't drink Cokes or Hawaiian Punch which was popular at the time.

Also, children burn a lot of calories. The point back then was to keep us on our feet in the vertical position! Also, insulins were different, more "feed the insulin"...instead of dose for the amount of food, as we do today with Humalog.

I still think there is a "Steel Magnolias" myth about diabetes. The older you are, the more you are willing to accept the stereotypes. As a child, you never had a chance to accept them. For me, that was a good thing.

[valc3]

Yes, I'm at peace with having diabetes. The way I look at it is why put myself at war with something that will be there tomorrow and the day after and the year after. Life is too short to get upset over something I can't change. I take care of myself and enjoy everything in life.

[Hikeandbike]

Diabetes sucks the big one. Feeling sorry for myself, went camping over my B-Day ran out of strips had to leave. Just wish could take a little break from this sh*t.
Rich

[Keezheekoni]

I was relatively young when diagnosed...I was 16. So much was happening at the time and I was pregnant too. I had been feeling bad since before my pregnancy, but figured it was just normal teenage changes...in fact that's what I was told by my pediatrician. I had accepted the fact that I was going to feel like cr@p for awhile longer and then I had the standard OGTT for pregnancy...

Once I was on insulin and felt great, I knew that it wasn't the normal teenage changes and was relieved that it was *just* diabetes.

I think, like others, that it's easier to accept and deal with when you're diagnosed early in life...especially looking at my dh who was diagnosed T2 as an adult. He's not too good about taking care of himself at all, and I sometimes wonder if he just doesn't want to accept it.

[diamondgirl53]

I was devastated with the news because I have HBP and sometimes its out of control. As my doctor was talking, I wept like a baby and he comforted me with tissue and explained it wasn't the end. The last thing I wanted to hear was I have T2.
I'm working hard to change my bad habits.
______________________________________________
T2, Metaforim 500mg 2 x daily, BP meds
A1C 6.3, just started weight watchers
multi-vitamin and exercise.

[Injecto]

Nope. And probably never will. I hate it. It has destroyed far too much in my life beyond just my health. That said, I accept that I have diabetes, but I also accept that I will eventually have complications and I know I will not take that very well either, so be it, that's just the way it is.

[Mich]

An interesting question. I do think I am completely at peace with my diabetes.

I think Dewey, Nancy and Alice all feel pretty much the way I do. I can barely remember not having diabetes and I was a kid when Dx'd. I didn't care for the situation much at first, but got used to it and learned to live with it.

There are times now when I feel like throwing a fit over having to drag a bunch of junk along with me wherever I go, but I immediately back off and consider how lucky I really am. I like life and I'm very glad to still be here. As others have said, some things are much worse.

I get a bit irked at the drama queens and kings myself. It doesn't help a thing, and many times makes things harder for them. My answer to that is: Go help in a children's cancer ward or burn unit to get a big dose of reality.

Dealing with diabetes is SO much easier now than it used to be.

Mich

[pepatrick]

Am I at peace with it. I dont know..I look at it as a life saver. I am eating healthier, excercising and look better than I have in years. The glass can be half full...or half empty...

It has only been 2 months...but I have knocked off over 30 pounds...and really feel better every day...I am sure as time goes on there will be some rough days...but right now...I look at diabetes as the disease that has probably added time to my life instead of taken away from it. It really all depends on how you look at things..

[ant hill]

I'm like Dewey, I was diagnosed at 12 years of age so it's been with me a long time.
I am also like Dewey as I was diagnosed at age 11 and it was a scary experience. I weighed in at 44 Kilos and the doctor looked at me and said i was ready to die. :eek: :bawling:
So the hospital that i was in had me on insulin and have me gaining weight so i have to accept that diabetes would have to be with me for the rest of my natural life and the help from here is magnificent.
So I am at peace with it now and now I have to see to get some fat off me and that's a challenge to most of us. :confused:

[ctskierguy]

I've never made peace with the fact that I'm diabetic.
But I have finally realised that I need to take care of myself or I'm going to die very young.
And that's not an option for me. I'm trying to have fun.
But I also realise that after not taking care of myself for over 30 years that I've caused some serious damage to my body, and that is going to shorten my lifespan.
So I do what I can, I'm eating well, working out almost daily, and I'm going to start pumping insulin sometime in the next two weeks.
Hopefully I can get back a few lost years. If not, at least I've tried.

Mike

[Gerald]

I am completely at peace with it. I do think that diabetes is probably easier to deal with as a T2 then a T1 since the complications of missing a shot or over-eating the wrong food is not as a severe. Speaking for myself and not to trivialize other's experiences, I agree with the other poster that it's been more of an inconvience then a big deal for me. Checking my blood and taking my 5 shots a day is on the order of oral hygiene in terms of impact to my life. Well OK, it's actually easier then oral hygiene because I hate flossing. :)

Seriously as Nancy stated in terms of the gamut of diseases at least diabetes is manageable, my Dad died of colon cancer and his last months were not pretty. Compared to that I'll take diabetes any day of the week. Additionally in some ways it's prompting some positive aspects to my life such as eating right and getting more exercise.

I'll freely admit I mostly ignored being T2 for several years, beyond avoiding eating sugary stuff I did little to take care of it thinking needles and medication were a hassle I didn't want to deal with. I ended up in the hospital in April with DKA triggered by pneumonia and that all changed. Now seeing how relatively easy it is to manage my diabetes, giving myself shots and checking my blood, I'm kicking myself for not doing it earlier and avoiding the DKA and the mild neuropathy I have in my legs.

Also, with respect to another post I often refer to giving myself injections all the time as "shooting up", I have zero issues with that term. I give myself injections all the time in public in front of friends and family and making light of it makes them realize that diabetes is a manageable disease and not a death sentence.

[HiImDan]

I made peace with the fact I have the disease, but not the three years it went untreated. From the time I was almost 10 til I was almost 13 I missed out on a lot of growth and put up with a LOT of abuse.

[jvetter18]

i thought i had accepted it, but reading these posts, i've realized i haven't fully accepted it yet.

It's a tough pill to swallow. Even though i've made all the lifestyle changes. I still take my BG's in the morning if it's higher than usual, i get pretty bummed and want to scream WTF!!!!

[peej07]

I made peace with the fact I have the disease, but not the three years it went untreated. From the time I was almost 10 til I was almost 13 I missed out on a lot of growth and put up with a LOT of abuse.


That's it! I feel the same way, so I constantly beat myself up for the mistakes I made and now because of those mistakes I live with constant anxiety over what's next in my list of complications. I need to realize that I'm not that bad off and i can control this and live a long and full life.