In Denial

[dazzy34]

Hello there.
I was diagnosed T1 in August this year after a very nasty attack of Pancreatitis.
Things seemed to be going fine, i got over my needle phobia, got to grips with my new diet and made all the lifestyle changes i needed to make. I kept thinking to myself that this Diabetes lark is not so bad really and so remained positive.

But lately, the past ten days or so, for no explainable reason, i suddenly hate it, i hate the needles, i hate the diet, i hate the routine, i hate the pen, i hate my pancreas and i hate the fact that there is sod all i can do about it.

Is this a common reaction?
Has anyone here felt the same?

I am doing things on purpose that i know is bad for me, smoking, eating chocolate, not testing, going hypo on purpose to see how how low i can go.
I know its bad, i know i should be positive, i know i know i know........

[ant hill]

Is this a common reaction?
Has anyone here felt the same?
Take hart Dazzy, I was the same and simpathize with you.

I am doing things on purpose that i know is bad for me, smoking, eating chocolate, not testing, going hypo on purpose to see how how low i can go.
I know its bad, i know i should be positive, i know i know i know........

Hey, I can still remeber this too whey back in 1971 and I was dancing ballet and that was hard work!! And diabetes did rule me as I was getting low on most classes and gave up in 1977. :mad:

It is understanding the ballancing act for this desiese and the people here will help you in this scary road and so may I welcome to this great website. :)

[SueM]

Hi Dazzy,
It is quite normal to go through a faze of denial. Fingers crossed it will pass as the only one who suffers is you :(
Take one day at a time don't look ahead and think I have years of this etc. Concentrate on the one day then move on to the next.
Now to diet :) There is no reason what so ever not to eat the same diet as everyone else just moderation is the keyword.
Learn to count carbs and adjust your insulin to take into account your carb intake.
Hope you cheer up soon.

[shockme]

hi dazzy! yes this is normal.....not good for ya,but everyone here has gone thru it-some of us more than once! ome here and vent all you want-it helps! take care,trish

[little_john]

hi dazzy! yes this is normal.....not good for ya,but everyone here has gone thru it-some of us more than once! ome here and vent all you want-it helps! take care,trish


I believe we are going through the same thing my friend. For the first time in my 17 years (dx'd at 4) I was hospitalized about a week and a half ago because of this ****storm we must endure. You'll have days that are so frustrating, where it's like you're constantly reminded that you have to take extra measures to keep yourself alive. It's not fair, it takes the piss out of you at times, and you'll get little sympathy from the apathetic docile masses. The means are there, however, and we can have control. This seems like a knock down bottle fight against the devil sometimes, but it's really comforting to know there's so many more going through the same thing.

[birds_eye]

It's not fair, it takes the piss out of you at times,
You're right John, it's not fair. But you've been dealt this challenge and it's up to you *and Dazzy to take it on. The most important thing Dazzy is to take a pro-active approach and learn all you can. The more you learn like carb counting, and insulin/carb ratio and more about your body and diabetes, the more flexibility you will gain in your lifestyle and become in a sense, "free" again. Granted, the big D will always be there and you'll always need to take care of yourself and control it. But only YOU can make a conscious decision to do it and fight it.

Just know that you're not the only one who feels like you do, we ALL do. That's why a forum like this and the countless blogs out there are so valuable.

Good luck man

[xMenace]

Whenever I go into denial I take a towel. It's wet. ;)
http://pictures.exploitz.com/Nile-photo---_srcgpx10001x13726x163067eb7.jpg

... that's exactly why many of us hang out at DF. These fine people help us stay out of the deep end!

[shabbie6247]

welcome dazzy and little-john!

after 18 months of working hard to gain control i have now relaxed the rules for myself a little. i only log my Bg's now, instead of logging each morsel of food and unit of insulin as well.

i'm pretty much taking this disease a meal at a time. i dont need the stress.

taking it easy on yourself, get back to basics and come here lots, this place is superb for straight talking advice, sharing and good fun of course as demonstrated by xmenace! lol

[lisa821]

Hi Dazzy,
Someone said something interesting to me about this once. I was telling her about when I had been diagnosed and what it took to accept that I had diabetes. She said it was like the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I said, "At least no one died," and she said, "Well, your pancreas kind of did." That gave me something to chew on for a while...
~Lisa

[Twisted]

Dazzy, I know just how you feel. I just within the last week have started to take care of myself again after a YEAR of not testing and eating like a garbage disposal. Just hang in there. You'll come back around soon enough.

[RobiJo]

... that's exactly why many of us hang out at DF. These fine people help us stay out of the deep end!

My thoughts exactly. That and doing frequent A1c checks are keeping me accountable...hmm, I think it's time to start doing them once a month as I didn't see the improvement I was looking for in my 11-3-07 lab work.

[PatKn_07]

I got diagnosed in March and I was depressed for a good three days. Then I handled it exactly as you did. (no needle phobia however) But than a few months after that I hated having it... didnt do my fasting and really didnt care. I got passed it withing a half-month. I hope that it passes quicker than it did for me! Good Luck!

[dazzy34]

Thank you all for your kind and supportive responses, its kind of reasuring that so many of you seem to have gone through something similar.

I think my problem stems from the fact that my Diabetes was completly self inflicted, it was alchohol that caused my Pancreatitis which then caused me to be type 1.
Unlike many type 1's, mine was completely avoidable, i suppose a lot of people will be thinking that i should stop my self pity and just get on with it.
I am trying to get on with it and with the help of forums like this, i will come out of this better, fitter and stronger.

The way i have to deal with this is to treat it as possibly the best thing that has happened to me, if i never had had pancreatitis and become T1, i probably would have died of a heart attack sooner rather than later anyway.
At least now, i dont drink, dont smoke and am eating a good diet, i am even going now to join a gym which i never would have done 4 months ago.

[SueM]

Thank you all for your kind and supportive responses, its kind of reasuring that so many of you seem to have gone through something similar.

I think my problem stems from the fact that my Diabetes was completly self inflicted, it was alchohol that caused my Pancreatitis which then caused me to be type 1.
Unlike many type 1's, mine was completely avoidable, i suppose a lot of people will be thinking that i should stop my self pity and just get on with it.
I am trying to get on with it and with the help of forums like this, i will come out of this better, fitter and stronger.

The way i have to deal with this is to treat it as possibly the best thing that has happened to me, if i never had had pancreatitis and become T1, i probably would have died of a heart attack sooner rather than later anyway.
At least now, i dont drink, dont smoke and am eating a good diet, i am even going now to join a gym which i never would have done 4 months ago.


Good Morning Dazzy, Glad to see you are feeling a bit more positive :)
Just one thing though Type 1 diabetes is not avoidable:)
So do not go through life saying if only I had done this hadn't done that etc,.
Best wishes
Sue

[little_john]

it was alchohol that caused my Pancreatitis which then caused me to be type 1.


I don't know if drinking was directly linked to my recent hospitalization, but I'm positive it had alot to do with drinking too much and not watching my numbers close enough... I guess we don't have the luxury of "self-medicating" like everybody else.

[chinku]

Dont worry people... the Cure is coming........

ah... what.... they say in another 10 years.... ;)

[ant hill]

Dont worry people... the Cure is coming........

ah... what.... they say in another 10 years.... ;)

*Cough* Heh yeah, Maybe more as I am going to believe that pharmaceutical companies are stretching the cure so their profits don't dwindle. ;)

[Kristinabalina]

*Cough* Heh yeah, Maybe more as I am going to believe that pharmaceutical companies are stretching the cure so their profits don't dwindle. ;)


You read my mind!!! I will be shocked if they "find" a cure in my lifetime. In the meantime you just have to deal.

If it helps, I have extreme anxiety with low blood sugars. I used to do everything in my power not to go low..so I was high majority of the time. I've worked through the anxiety for the most part and I have a really great Diabetic Educator that I have been working with since May. Sugars aren't great, but I think I'm on my way.

It's just a way of life you have to get used to. One day it just clicks and you realize if you want to live and have a great life, it's something you have to do.

One day at a time :)

[seanmarr]

Dazzy, when I was diagnosed at Age 11 in December 1996 (12 days before Christmas) I was fairly positive about being diabetic. All the extra attention made it worth not eating sweets over christmas (future christmases were a different story). Three months later I wanted to kill myself and actually took to self harming, it probably took a similar amount of time for me to recover from that stage.

I can only say that I empathise with you and that I do think it takes time 1) to fully acknowledge you are a diabetic and 2) to come to terms with being a diabetic. If you want something to be positive about look at it as being you've reached the first stage and now you've got to go through the second. Once you've been through the second, diabetes will probably just become a fact of life.

Though coming to terms with being diabetic is an extraordinary thing to have to do, later on in life you will probably look back on it as being pretty minor in the bigger scheme of things, and what doesn't bring you down can only make you stronger.