Spouse killing himself while we fight "D"

[kel4han]

Our trip today to Costco had me so pissed off. Here we are trying to do everything right with our health because we have this crappy disease that beats down our health, while the spouse pollutes his body in every imaginable way. :mad:

We HAD to buy energy drinks at Costco, thats $30 for a pack of 12! My husband now has a bad habit of 2 a day. How can that be good for you? The worst part is the smoking, he is up to almost 2 packs a day. Then, there is the ENDLESS soda. I am talking a 6pack of REGULAR DR Pepper a day. It's worse than that during the week really...he is a truck driver and has unlimited refills at Circle K to which he delivers all day, so , we are talking 6 or more 32 or 40 oz Soda's a day when he is at work!! He eats one HUGE meal a day, or two HUGE meals. HUGE portions! My husband is 32 and 20lbs overweight. Smoker. Alcohol binge drinker occasionally, addicted to energy drinks, soda, never excersizes, compulsive, impulsive money spender. Oh, I was so mad today I could scream! He spends an average of $600 a month at Circle K on all this ****, while I am counting every carb, excersizing, saving money to afford Diabetes supplies for me and my daughter and analyzing everything I put into my/our bodies.

I am 30 years old dx'd at age 28. 5'4 115lbs and yet I MAKE time every day to excersize because, well I always have, but because now more than ever I NEED to. I just HAVE to. I quit smoking the DAY I was diagnosed, limit drinking (which I love wine) eat healthy, get my 8 glasses a day etc etc etc Why doesn't he feel like he needs to be healthy for our kids future? For his future? I am so sickened and done with his unhealthiness I could SCREAM. It just isn't fair.

[Ailsa]

Yeah Kelly,
I know what you mean.
My huband isn't that bad, but he drinks too much & really loves his food, including second helpings he doesn't need.

Nothing you can do except keep in mind you'll out live him!

What would really really really piss me off , would be if mine gets T2 which he could easily avoid!!!!!!!!!

[kel4han]

Exactly, I always think do you have any idea what length I would go through to NOT have this disease?

[wiseguy]

What if you and your daughter did not have diabetes. Would you... still have quit smoking, still be eating such a healthy diet, still be counting carbs, still be as diligent about exercise? Are you just angered because you are forced to do these things and your husband isn't?

I can relate to your circumstance as I also gave up smoking and most of the food I like, I count every carb I eat, and must force myself to exercise every day if I feel like it or not. My wife in the meantime continues to smoke, eat lots of junk food, drinks a 12 pack of Mountain Dew ever day, and rarely gets any exercise. And while I worry about what this is doing to her health, I never get "pissed off" about it. I'm a diabetic and she is not. That's just the way it is.

[princesslinda]

I understand your frustration. It is hard to have to watch others get to basically "live their lives" while we, as diabetics, have to be much more diligent to have the same opportunity.

My husband is not a diabetic. We both lived the same excessive lifestyle before I was diagnosed....I got diabetes, HE didn't (something I'm very thankful for, as I think I can deal with it better than he could food-wise anyway)

Since my diagnosis, he eats healthier simply because we don't have a lot of "bad" foods in the cupboard, something HE suggested would help me adjust to my new lifestyle. He eats whatever he wants when he's at work or when we eat out.

Recently, he's been under a lot of stress and put on weight. I know he's eating a lot more and I have worried about him, as he has a family history of diabetes, just as I do.

He had his physical last week...ALL his blood work was normal, thank God...his cholesterol MUCH better than mine, even with him having a "Double Quarter Pounder" value meal for lunch every week.

Its really made me see the part "good genes" play in your life...his family lives to be quite old and stays basically healthy...mine don't. Therefore, I have to work harder at it.

Try not to let the actions of your husband frustrate you so...you can't MAKE someone change a behavior they enjoy...they have to want to change....and many of us require a health "wake-up call" before we are willing to do so.

[Cyborg]

It really sux when you don't get the support from your spouse. The fact that he is also diabetic and is not taking care of himself (for you, at least), must be extremely frustrating. Hopefully he will come around before he goes blind, ends up on dialysis, or loses a limb. Keep up the good work for you and your daughter. Best wishes...

[shockme]

i can totally relate kelly! my hubby is very overweight-possibly even obese. eats ****,smokes, binge drinks 15-18 beers per sitting.....he has a family history of diabetes,too. of course- he still doesn't think i'm diabetic,cuz my bgs are in control "must have been a lab error" AAAAGH!!!!!! i have visions of us shooting our lantus together....trish

[Alice]

This reminds me of one of the "financial help" shows that was on cable a few months back. The family had no idea how much money they were spending on junk food.

Combine that with health issues...I hate to say this, but a lot of Americans are in the same boat.

I love that "good" convenience stores now sell fruit and (if you look hard enough) a few healthy snacks.

I almost think your husband needs to see a financial counselor who may be able to point out the unhealthy spending of your hard-earned dollars.

I feel for you...and to think I was upset that my husband ate Trail Mix on the way home from work in my car!

Hugs!

[Jan B]

Oh Kelly!

My husband drinks about 12 cans of Pepsi every day & smokes (and coughs) all morning long.

It's not that misery loves company; instead - we love having company that can share our misery!!

[deansreef]

is your husband stupid or suicidal???? he is headed for an early grave- those energy drinks are especially dangerous.

[kel4han]

No, my husband is not Diabetic.

And Wiseguy, YES, I have always been cautious of what I eat, I have always excersized. I would still be TRYING my hardest to be healthy even if I never was diagnosed with "D". I have two children and if not for my own self, I owe good lifestyle and healthiness to them, as everyone with children should see.

I am the rare one that realizes excersize isn't just for losing weight, but for being healthy and staying that way. It is my mental relaxation and without it I feel like ****. I feel like **** when I eat ****, diabetes or not. But non Diabetics (like my husband) have no idea that they feel so crappy becuase they have never felt good. They are body polluters in my mind. There is no excuse for habits like his on a daily basis, especially when you have kids. They don't need to live life with a father that shows reckless habits, and potentially risks diseases, that could kill him at an early age!

I am NOT upset because he can be a body polluter while I do everything "just right" all day every day. I am upset because he CHOOSES to do so. It costs us his well-being, his health, risks my children's future and our financial stability. Your lifestyle choices not only affect yourself, but everyone that loves you. I want him to live to be 80 and see his grandchildren. So what does it take? A heart attack at 35? Lung cancer at 32? New onset Diabetes? It makes me sick. And yes, I KNOW there is nothing I can do to help him.

[princesslinda]

You know, at some point, his luck will eventually run out. None of us can abuse our bodies continually without paying the price at some point. Hopefully, his wake up call will be something that can be "undone" instead of something like T2 diabetes or heart disease that he'll be stuck with forever.

Right now, he's young and feels invincible...doesn't help that we're all inundated by fast-food commercials whenever we watch TV or open a magazine.....and everyone is so busy, it's really easy to hit the "drive-thrus" and put on weight....I applaud you for being so health conscious, even before your diagnosis. At some point, he'll hopefully see the light and you'll be there to help him.

[kel4han]

And, I hope I don't send the impression that I am a health freak....I am not even close to being that strict. I don't work out every day, but I always shoot for 3 times a week. I am happy with at least once lately! I have my run in's with binge eating, too many sweets often, or too much of something just becuase it is yummy. I just think that the new energy drink addition on top of the soda is outragous, and expensive! That is what sparked my fire!

And, before our Costco trip I had to go thru medical expenses for last year, for my daughter and I Diabetes supplies cost us $1700 in prescriptions last year, not including the $1800 for our pumps, and $1000 we paid for her hospital bill when she was diagnosed. So that $30 twice a month he chooses to spend on Energy drinks doesn't help financially on top of his desire to keep killing himself. Neither does the $300 a month on cigerettes. I work part time to support his bad habits for gods sake! -VENT FINISHED-

[deansreef]

take all the bad foods and thrown them out. when you do the shopping do not purchase any other the excesses his is consuming- he gets enough on the road.

good luck- I have a wife that eats to many carbs and does not really want to hear my opinion about her reducing intake.

Dean

[Alice]

I think we are sensitive to those people who abuse their bodies since we have to work so hard at just keeping our diabetic heads above water...

I felt the same way about teens/young adults who partied with drugs in college and 20's...I saw no fun in even thinking about taking/doing drugs. I avoided such people (as we should, but for many young people, it's difficult).

Why party with a drug/food when you need drugs to stay alive? I feel the same way about junk food. I'm sure this is what you are feeling, as well.

[lisa821]

Oh, Kelly, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with this. Without knowing you or your husband, may I offer some armchair psychology?

What if you sat him down and said to him that you really need his help, that you're trying to eat right and deal with your disease and you can't do it alone. This puts the ball in his court, and maybe he'll feel more responsible for what happens to you and your child if you all try to take better care of yourselves. I dunno, something's going on here and I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's some kind of rebellion or something--he's living in a home of three where two of you are diabetic?

You sure are handling it better than I could, though. I'd be giving in to the temptation of all of that junk around. I admire your strength.
~Lisa

[kel4han]

Just 2 of us are diabetic. Him and my older daughter are not. I have tried your tactic. Butm he just "tries" to do better. :eek:

[TenderVittleS]

Wow you would think with all that caffeine his heart would explode! Here's whats going on with him, I drive also. He needs caffeine to stay alert, he loads up on the carbs because driving all day just does that to men and to go to sleep he drinks beer. He needs the beer or the caffeine will keep him up all nite.Not justifying what he does, just telling you how a drivers habits are. If he had a different job beleive me you would see a different person.

[wiseguy]

And Wiseguy, YES, I have always been cautious of what I eat, I have always excersized. I would still be TRYING my hardest to be healthy even if I never was diagnosed with "D". I have two children and if not for my own self, I owe good lifestyle and healthiness to them, as everyone with children should see.
By your own admission you were a smoker until the day you were diagnosed. This doesn't sound like someone who "would still be TRYING my hardest to be healthy even if I never was diagnosed with "D". Smoking is the number one avoidable health risk.

Yes, you husband has some unhealthy habits and you have every right to be concerned about his health. But to get "pissed off" only suggests that you begrudge him for being able to have these habits.

[Holly]

You can only lead by example. You don't put the food or drinks or cigarettes in his mouth. Sounds like he is in denial of your diabetes and that it could be where he is heading. Kind of unfair that he is flaunting it and I can see why you would be angry. He is away a fair amount which makes his co-operation essential to the diet plan.

It took diabetes, a stroke and undiagnosed silent heart attacks to change our lives at 60. That may seem a lifetime to you both now since you are only thirty. Believe me those years creep up quickly especially as you get older. Time flies as the saying goes. Both of us are on a diabetic diet now - to do otherwise would be cruel. Both of us are over-weight. We weren't junk food eaters, smokers or alcoholic drinkers. Our problem was portion control and a diet that included lots of carbs. I heavily salted my food at the table. Jim never picked up a shaker in our 30 yrs of marriage. We ate out a lot. I was a bit of a chocoholic. I haven't touched it since Jim's diagnosis.

This diagnosis was unfortunately too late to avoid major consequences - which have changed our lives significantly. Jim's BG numbers are within normal range thanks to meds and careful diet. Veggies remain an issue. He has according to the dietitian a significant problem with overly sensitive taste buds. He eats mainly starchy veggies - corn, carrots, potatoes, etc but actually shudders, gags and vomits others. Yet he will eat vegetables in some soups. We're working on this. He will eat mushrooms. Finding textures he'll tolerate are our next challenge. He is trying though. He knows it is a life/death/disability issue. Even V8 is causing him to gag. It doesn't seem "temper related" because he will remind me that I was going to try something. He never ate veggies as a child. I can only try them at lunch as he takes meds at other meals. His idea of a salad is a pasta salad. He only eats bananas and OJ for fruit. Anyone try hypnosis?

We weren't good at exercising. I'm retired - Jim had a sedentary but stressful management job. Now we walk daily. I'm not sure with Jim's heart failure how much more we should do just yet. I was more artistically inclined. You learn early in life when you are the last one picked on a team for a game - that you don't like sports activities.

From now on our lives will include regular medical check ups and a healthier life style. Jim is still going to rehab, has lost his license to drive, has considerable higher level cognitive function to recover etc. Tell your husband the price to pay is just too high to pay for his lifestyle. The fact is..... he will pay eventually and this has an impact on your future years. To not change is just plain selfish. Men are genetically more triggered to instant gratification. This may be a stumbling block but shouldn't let him off the hook.

Wishing you well.

P.S. One tip that worked for us years ago when we drank regular pop. I put a list on the fridge and we counted the calories we saved when we drank diet pop. In a two days we saved over a day's total calories. Now neither of us like regular pop - just too sweet for our taste buds to enjoy.

[blue_eyed_devil]

i'm that unhealthy anyway and i am the diabetic in my relationship. i drink well over 2.25L of diet coke a day and love chocolate and carbs.

it might be prudent of me not to comment...

[georgepds]

You know, at some point, his luck will eventually run out. None of us can abuse our bodies continually without paying the price at some point. ....

True, but some people can handle it better than others. My sweet wife just had her blood workup, FBG of 80, LDL 70, HDL of 80,and she's at least a pack a day smoker, and some of us just have to work hard at it.

Luck of the draw
--G

[wiseguy]

True, but some people can handle it better than others. My sweet wife just had her blood workup, FBG of 80, LDL 70, HDL of 80,and she's at least a pack a day smoker, and some of us just have to work hard at it.

Luck of the draw
--G
No doubt about this. My grandfather chain smoked his entire adult life, ate greasy bacon with just about every meal, never went to a doctor, and lived to be 94 (and physically active at that).

Bad habits only increase our odds of developing health problems, they don't guarantee them.

Personally, as I grow older I want to put the odds in my favor as much as possible. ;)

[HollyB]

Hmmmm. I wonder if you could get him to watch the film "Supersize Me." It was on TV last night and it does make quite the impression!

The point that you can't change another person's health habit for them is well taken. However, your husband is also spending a lot of family income, when you have two people in the family with expensive health-care needs. A session with a family finance counsellor does seem like it might be helpful, if you could get him to go with you.