Dating and the D

[thomasb]

So i've been dating this woman for a while now. Or well, up to our third or so date tomorrow. Now, i have yet to tell her about my diabetes. I'd say i have kept from mentioning it on purpose for one reason: the infusion site. Many people seem to think the idea of having something going into your body is eh, not so nice. Gross even. That is the the reaction i've gotten before atleast. And i've just not wanted to mention this to her, first cos i thought it was no use, diabetes is a part of my life, but not sucha big part. But now, well you know, it might get serious. And eh, situations might eh appear where i find myself less, ah less dressed. And she'll know then anyway.

Anyway, of course i will tell her and i would not want to be with her if she could not handle it. But i find it a bit interesting what new difficulties pop up sometimes. Anyone else had a similar experience?

[xMenace]

No. Been married for a long time.

Just a couple of hints. Unhook if possible since doing it in the heat of the moment, in the dark can throw a kink in things (sorry for the bad pun). But if you don't want to remove it and the set is on the opposite side, let the pump slide over your back as you roll over.

[thomasb]

oh i'm removing the pump for sure. I'm more thinking of the infusion site. I'm thinking there will be enough eh exercise to keep the sugars down.

[xMenace]

oh i'm removing the pump for sure. I'm more thinking of the infusion site. I'm thinking there will be enough eh exercise to keep the sugars down.

When you get old like me you both tend to forget things and have less time to spare :eek:

I suggest bringing it up next date, the pump that is ;) I find it generally a very good conversation topic.

[Kristinabalina]

You need to bring it up the next time you meet. Not trying to be a negative nelly here, but you don't want to invest a bunch of time into something that she will have a issue with. It's not really fair to her not to lay it on the table. It's such a part of our lives that we don't think twice about pumps and blood checks, etc. I sometimes forget that doing a blood check in the middle of a sushi resturant probably isn't very considerate of the others around me.

I was just married in May, and my husband said something to me that I won't forget. He said that you reach a point that if you date, or marry for that matter, someone with a chronic disease, like us, it's something you have to think long and hard about. What if something happens? Are they prepared to deal with any of the side effects. Ugh! Sorry, kind of derailed! It's a part of who we are, and most people find the concept of the pump "cool". :) And we both know, chicks dig cool! :D

[Dawn]

I am type 2 and not on insulin so the circumstances are a bit different but I wanted to tell you that I felt cautious in telling dates. I didn't want to tell them if it wasn't going anywhere and it felt risky to me after a few dates to tell them and feel judgment. I just wanted to share that I know it is not easy with D and dating. I will never forget however telling one date...it was the 3rd or 4th date and I told him...he took my hand and said...'be who you are'. I thought it was very sweet. It did not seem to be an issue for most of my dates and often they would then share that so and so in their family was diabetic and it did not become an issue. I wish you luck.
Dawn :)

[tanyatype1]

Don't roll over and fall asleep, and forget to reconnect your pump! I forgot to reconnect once and when I woke up in the morning my bg was 17! I was surprised that it wasn't a lot higher actually. :)

[glashalful]

It doesn't sound as if you're trying to decide whether or not to even tell her (which is good -- you definitely need to tell her!) And if she's a decent catch, it shouldn't be a problem -- she'll be cool with it.

One thing to think about for, ah...... later is where your infusion site is located on that particular, ah...... date. My site, when unhooked, is kind of sharp, and you could, ah......., scrape her with it! That could throw things off a bit!

Good luck!

Elizabeth

[thomasb]

aah good advice there! thank you! I usually put the site on my back/side.
Im meeting her tonight, and am going to tell her. it will be interesting to see how it goes...

[TenderVittleS]

If you get kind of on the cranky side when your BS isn't stable I would tell her too. Sometimes I act very cold and want to be alone sometimes. Its not really who I am but its how I cope with diabetes sometimes. Hope all goes well.

[shabbie6247]

thomas i would set an alarm on my pump to go off during your date, before you get too cozy. it will help to bring it up (er..the D that is!). then if she gets too freaked it hasnt damaged your male pride where it hurts most...in the bedroom ;)

good luck ;)

[JediSurfer]

I never really had to tell a girl about my D. Most of the chicks I've dated I met at work or college and were already aware of my D after seeing me test and inject.
A couple of girls I have had to tell but there has never been a problem and never had a bad response.
Best just to get it out of the way and get on with enjoying your new relationship and having some good old fashioned fun.

Hope things work out well for you.

[Dan Gato]

Thomas,

You already made the decision.

But what I was thinking is get her to get hook-on-you first,
then when you know that she cares about you, tell her, she'll be more understandable.
There's a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation about D,
Dating is one thing, being married is different.

Good luck.

[Olidus]

Whatever happens now you have to keep us in the loop.
I need to know how this goes.
I must know.

Now I know how my wife feels when she watches her stories on the tele tube.

Good luck.

[thomasb]

aand the results are in! I told her yesterday, and as always it is a good story to tell, how i got sick while abroad and all that. She had a friend with it, and had met people with diabetes in her work(physical therapist). So she did not seem to shocked or suprised or bothered. it seemed all cool. She's is a nice person :)

thanks for the good advice though! we'll see what happens in the future...

[thomasb]

then if she gets too freaked it hasnt damaged your male pride where it hurts most...in the bedroom ;)

So true. haha :)

[Olidus]

Good stuff ThomasB,
So looks like we all got worked up and woried over nothing.
I don't blame yah - I would have been the same way.

[xMenace]

aand the results are in! I told her yesterday, and as always it is a good story to tell, how i got sick while abroad and all that. She had a friend with it, and had met people with diabetes in her work(physical therapist). So she did not seem to shocked or suprised or bothered. it seemed all cool. She's is a nice person :)

thanks for the good advice though! we'll see what happens in the future...

I was wondering if she was going to say she was diabetic too:eek:

[tanyatype1]

I was wondering if she was going to say she was diabetic too:eek:

Funny thing is, even if she's not diabetic now, she certainly could become one in 30 years! Lots of type 2's out there!

[thomasb]

I was wondering if she was going to say she was diabetic too:eek:

haha, that thought actually crossed my mind as i was sitting there. it wuld have been funny. in a not funny for her way.

[soso]

I love a happy ending....

(the acceptance part—not the idea she's getting it later..teehee)

[xMenace]

Funny thing is, even if she's not diabetic now, she certainly could become one in 30 years! Lots of type 2's out there!


They are getting younger daily :( She could be already.

[johgn]

Many people seem to think the idea of having something going into your body is eh, not so nice.

That's bad sign for any date.;)

[artwoman]

What I've used with my husband ( and I would think it would work with any partner) is "groovy Patches" They are decorative decals that go around the infusion site. They kinda look like a tattoo thing on the white part of the infusion site. There is a hole in the middle so you can disconnect. They come in all sorts of paterns. Maybe you cold get the animal print ones. Lots of women like leopard print! It just makes it look less medically and is a great conversation piece

[soso]

yeah man, show her you're a tiger!
tee hee

[tanyatype1]

That's bad sign for any date.;)

HAHAHA! That is sooo funny Johgn!

[thomasb]

Maybe you cold get the animal print ones. Lots of women like leopard print! It just makes it look less medically and is a great conversation piece
And they would go great with my tigerstriped underwear!

Hm, i'll look into that, i doubt there is any here though, i might have to order them from the states in that case. So they are made especially for the quicksets?

[PusCat1970]

Hi,

You should tell her about your diabetes, shouldn't think she'll run a mile. If she's really interested in you she will want to know everything about your diabetes. If she does run a mile she's mad as you're gorgeous LOL.

Let us know how the date goes! (not too many details though!)

Best Wishes.

[deansreef]

I remember trying to hide being a diabetic from my wife ( when freshly starting to date). She found out the hard way when I crashed with a bad hypo and almost had to have an ambulance come...luckily we were at my moms house at the time and my family new what to do.

glad you told her before she had to find out the hard way!

Dean

[thomasb]

i'm bringing this one back to life. Well, it didn't work out with the last one i dated, even though she was really understanding about the d. I've got someone new now, so soon it's the same situation again. This time though, im slightly more smitten then i was last time. It will be interesting to see what she says...

[shiftzor]

i'm bringing this one back to life. Well, it didn't work out with the last one i dated, even though she was really understanding about the d. I've got someone new now, so soon it's the same situation again. This time though, im slightly more smitten then i was last time. It will be interesting to see what she says...

This subject has worried me recently, it shouldnt do and i probably worry too much. Its all confidence i guess, if your confident about who you are, why should anyone say otherwise. Good luck with the dating ;)

[Nikky]

Mmm. Good topic. And I recognize what the starter said. I have had dates and more serious such, who has not even known I was Diabetic. Always wanted them to see that the D would not be a burden for them I guess.
But when you do tell and the other part does not react negative its a relief. Other half is a Medic, so he never thought it was a big issue.
When you do start talking about it you also soon realize that there are not that many people who are perfectly, 100% without ANY issues. If they are, they usually know someone who has one or the other thing to deal with :)

[thomasb]

Mmm. Good topic. And I recognize what the starter said. I have had dates and more serious such, who has not even known I was Diabetic. Always wanted them to see that the D would not be a burden for them I guess.
But when you do tell and the other part does not react negative its a relief. Other half is a Medic, so he never thought it was a big issue.
When you do start talking about it you also soon realize that there are not that many people who are perfectly, 100% without ANY issues. If they are, they usually know someone who has one or the other thing to deal with :)

usually i don't tell people that i've got the d. But if you talk to someone for a while, it usually comes up, since it is a rather big part of my life, mainly in that that it is the nr.1 reason i exercise so much and sacrifice a lot to do so. they are kinda connected. but yeah, sometimes you just wanna show people that it really isn't a big deal, and that you live your life pretty normally.
now, everyone is not perfect, but this girl is pretty near perfect looking anyway...;)

[KickStart101]

Hi Thomas: :)

I was just doing a pm and noticed your thread
title. OOOOOHH! you're in a tough spot.

I grew up in a wee town so everyone knew I had
Diabetes. It didn't seem to bother the Guys who
asked me out. Maybe because they didn't know
what it consisted of.

My Hubby and I grew up in the same town but
never met until we were 16 because we went to
different churches, different schools, had different
Life interests and hung out with different Friends.

He already knew just the basics of Diabetes since
he looked it up before he asked me out(our High
School was in another town where they had a library.
That action of his impressed me). I didn't know he
knew so I told him after a few dates since I liked him
enough.

Anyways, it all worked out and he still seems Happy
with me. :D ;)

I told both my Kids when they started dating to tell
the People that they are going out with soon that I
have Diabetes and severe RA before the other Person
fell in love with them. Since, once there it's hard to
get out of. Good Luck to you. Be confident in yourself.

I don't know if anyone has entered this article since I
didn't have time to read all the responses but it was
in my email and is somewhat related to your question.

Love and the Juvenile Diabetic - Diabetes Health (http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2008/01/17/5620.html)

[thomasb]

thanks kickstart! Im seeing her tomorrow, decided that if it comes up i'll tell her, otherwise not. keeping it cool. exciting though!

[DISCODIABETIC]

in any relationship honesty is the best policy right from the start. To not be forthright with who and what you are and what your expectations are is misleading and in my experience just leads to problems down the line.

I couldn't imagine not telling someone I was dating that I have D.

just my two pennies.

B.

[Eddy]

This subject has worried me recently, it shouldnt do and i probably worry too much. Its all confidence i guess, if your confident about who you are, why should anyone say otherwise.

Yes, it's far better that people know. It's not just a matter of honesty and acceptance, either: If you were to pass out from, ah, physical activity... consider what would happen if she didn't know what was going on. :eek:

[jimbob]

Really it seems to me that Thomas has a pretty good handle on things and passing out really shouldn't be an issue. I tell people I'm D only because I tend to talk a lot. But not always the first time I meet them. It's not being dishonest if it doesn't come up. If a person has a problem with me being D it's their problem, not mine. Now if it were an STD or something contagious, yes you need to be upfront about it. You can't catch D. Plus D is a lifestyle, not a death sentance. Granted I didn't choose this lifestyle, but I've adapted.

[amccrazgrl]

Before even dating my current gf, I picked her up from work after only talking 3-4 days. She said what is that beeping on your pocket a pager. I said no an insulin pump and she was fine with it. I even told her how long I been type one and that its the most managable disease out there if kept up. As I'm in great control.
She can tell if I get a little low cause I get grumpy!

[thomasb]

hey ya'll.

actually i haven't had a low for ages, so it's not really the passing out that worries me most. It's mostly the insertion point into the body, some find it eh scary. Esp if you'd find yourself with less clothes on.

But yeah, i'm seeing her soon again, and will see if i tell her then, depends on what comes up. Naturally, should she find it scary or not accept it, that's it for me. the disease and the pump is part of me and they have to accept that.

but still, it's an added factor of nervousness i find now when dating. But that's just the way it has to be i guess.

Thanks for all the advice!

[mike-munich]

back then I always tried to hide it from my gf's, and they usually didn't find out because I was on MDI's and there was no "infusion site" or other evidence that gave my secret away.

I met this girl in '94, dated her for a couple of weeks. drove her home one night and she was looking for something in the glove compartment. I always had a spare BG meter along with extra carbs in my truck and she saw that. she instantly asked me how my BG level was and if I needed something to eat before she would take me upstairs to her room...:confused: Well, she was a nurse and knew just as much about the D as I did. two years later we got married and are still today in our 12th year. nothing I can hide from her, she even counts the carbs for me...:o

today I would just tell my date what's going on (maybe not on the first date, but pretty soon).

[Jan B]

Hi Thomas,

You have a good level of maturity and good attitude. I'd tell sooner, rather than later. No sense in pursuing a relationship without all the facts on the table. You be honest up front & soon, & she's more likely to be the same way!

Besides, why would you want to lose any clothes in front of someone who you don't firmly know will accept you?? Don't worry; be YOU!

[thomasb]

ok, i hope this is not turning out to be a lifeblog about my dating, but i thought i'd do a follow up.

I met the girl in question today, and sorta brought up the d. i got no reactions at all. She said like, "oh". Not even curious so far. then we just continued talking about something else. I guess that's good. Well, now i told her anyway, and we are going out again, so all good so far....

[susique333]

A person could always say as they reach for food while at dinner "Not much bread for me, diabetes yanno. Would you please pass the salt?" and carry on as if you hardly mentioned it. Drop it and leave it would seem the best way to me.

Glad youre going out again Thomas. :)

[morrisma]

When I was dating and on a "meal" date, I'd always bring out the meter and do a measurement and then bolus the pump. That certainly seemed to get things right out in the open! The conversations can range from frightened to supportive to inquisitive. Frightened is usually a bad sign :cool:
For those that hung around, it showed I was taking care of myself - a serious plus to this condition.

Best of luck,
Mike