Discouraged/Depressed

[rca9]

I was diagnosed about a year ago, at 19, and having been a perfectionest my whole life I at first approached this whole thing with a perfectionist attitude, maintainging normal blood sugars and great A1Cs. However, at around Christmas time i pretty much lost it. It just seems too hard to continuously check blood sugars, adjust insulin doses (coming off of honeymoon) and still get bad numbers even when I do everything right! It began to feel like this was taking over my life, like a ball and chain holding me down. Due to this discouragement I have pretty much stopped taking care of myself all together. However, now I just start feeling panicked about the future and totally depressed about everything. I guess my question is if this whole thing ever gets easier, do other people go through the same feelings of depression/discouragement at first?

[Harold]

Yes, everyone to one degree or another. Diabetes and a perfectionist! Lotta luck trying to hold them together. There are just too many unknown variables to expect perfection every time you use a meter. Instead try to apply the perfection to say your A1c's instead and this will give you some more leeway to work in achieving your goals. Right now frustration is your enemy. Give yourself some room to work in and you will do better in the long run.

[thomasb]

i've been there too. Pretty much same situation, but it took me longer to get into the depression part. Feeling depressed or like diabetes is controlling your life is a pretty normal reaction to the disease and the drastic lifechanges it provokes.

First, yes it will get easier. And you won't feel like this forever. Harolds advice to focus on the A1c's is good. You need some room, everyday cannot be perfect. I have pretty good numbers, but i decided that i was going to relax about it over christmas, and was fine with having worse numbers then, since i ate a lot of stuff, new stuff.

And also, we can live a pretty normal life as well. I remember that i n the beginning i stopped drinking, didn't eat any sweets at all and generally just limited myself too much. As with most bigger lifechanges, i doubt that just cutting so much away and limiting yourself is i a good longtime strategy. It takes time.

Talk to people here if you don't have any other friends with the disease, it helps. I've tried to implement the disease into my life by stepping up my exercising. It's always been a big interest of mine, and diabetes pretty much fit's into it, since nutrition is a big part. You'll find ways deal with it.
I think that when you live with a chronic disease like this, lifequality is important. My life now is i'd almost say better than before, so it's totally possible to live your life the way.

[ant hill]

Yes this takes me back to the early 70's when I was diagnosed and you have this thing called diabetes and back then the whole idea is to stick with a regime of the horrible thought of injections and a strict diet and there were no BG meters then so you would have to "be good" to do well in your decease. :D The insulins are shocking to say the least as they're weak as water!!! and just think that you have to simulate of what a pig would eat.

That was so bad and mentally was just sad and today I feel some freedom to what I could do but it's still a lot of questions to ask and I can tell that you too have this bewildering quest of what I can do to right yourself of balance and it's that "balance" that you need to learn to balance insulin with food and it's frustrating work.

[Stuboy]

It sounds like your going through what im sort of coming out of now...

Perfectionist attitude to start with, for the first 6-12 months... then it gets old real quick right? I stopped monitoring and just completely lost it.

It's a phase... you'll get through it! Dont be afraid to talk about it to your D care team either, they can probably help.

[silverfrost]

I totally understand this. I was only diagnosed in May 2007, and I have gone through several phases... So first, it was me saying, "I'm going to be a really good diabetic and take great care of myself!" then it was "Well, no matter what I do, my BGs are out of control so... I'm giving up." Then, it went back to the first one after a while. It keeps going back and forth for me. It seems like I can't quite decide how I feel about diabetes, but I know that that is normal. Everyone gets fed up with it at least once in a while. I mean, it's very hard to deal with this disease sometimes. Other times, it seems/feels easier to me, so my spirits rise a bit. I think that you will definitely get through this, but in the meantime, just know there are people here that get what you're going through, and feel free to come here when you need support.

Oh yeah, and I am also a perfectionist!

[xMenace]

**** yes! And welcome :D

Yes it certainly can be a burden. It is work for those of us that have found a good balance, but it is a much easier load.

I hope you stick around and learn. I was where you are when I came here. These people helped me get on track. The people here have a wealth of knowledge. Knowledge is power, eh!

[TenderVittleS]

I think everyone has that first phase of depression, but on the bright side diabetes medication has come a long way. Its a manageable disease unlike some other diseases you may get. Try to find out what kind of foods work well with you and your insulin dosages and you'll feel alot better. When you start taking care of yourself the depression wears off. Some things don't work for all diabetics, just try to find what works for you!Good luck!

[Jan B]

rca9,

You have friends here. I'm going on 29 years with Type 1, and I've been through many, many phases. Until I joined DF a few months ago, I took care of myself much better than most diabetics I had heard of. Staying in touch with other diabetics, like we can do here has boosted me up a lot. I no longer feel I'm on this road alone. I'm glad you came here for help. We are all in this together. Perfectionism can drive you nuts!!

[jjl570]

Rca9,

I have been a type 1 for 37 years and have been where you are now quite few times throughout those years. Just don't let the need to be perfecct on blood levels become self defeating. Stress can and does cause levels to increase so when you are concerned about your sugar, it can create your own problems. Because the disease at times will not allow you to be perfect, you will learn to live with that.

Don't get down about yourself, you just wanting to talk about it says much about your resolve to get this thing under control. I have only been a member here for a month or so and the people are great. Share with us when you are down and listen to the common understanding of what it is like to be a diabetic. You will do fine if you run the disease and don't let it run you. But don't be upset when you have a short period of poor levels. :)

[Cyborg]

Remember also that the brain is the largest consumer of glucose in the body. With consistently high or wildly swinging bg values, it can greatly affect your mood and indeed cause depression. I've been there myself.

Personally, I found it much easier once I moved to the pump and was able to stabilize my bg and gain some freedom. Good luck and don't give up, the alternatives are not appealling...

[Eddy]

Oh yeah, and I am also a perfectionist!


Looking at your A1c progression, I'd say it shows...

[Emm]

Oh yeh... in fact diabetes brought the perfectionist out in me when nothing else ever truly managed.

The trick for me was to see the meter reading as a TOOL not a result. It was a number to help me reach my goal, not the thing that showed me failure or success. I made it so the short term numbers aren't emotional - just fact, just a number, just information that I can use to get where I want to be.

That SO helps.

[MarieD]

You are not alone!
I've been on my pump for a month now and the first two weeks went great then my results went high all of a sudden and I hit a low in my outlook. I am a bit of a perfectionist too and when I spoke to my nurse she said I was doing really well to say I'd just started with the pump and not to be disheartened - she said it's a women thing (note men that's not me who said that!) that we want to get everything right as soon as. There is no quick fix but as I say you're not alone. Don't give up! - There has got to be rain before you can have a rainbow :)

[davef]

RCA9,

You are most definetly not alone, I sure most people here can related to feeling depressed. When I was DX'ed first it came as a shock, followed by worry, anger, denial and then acceptance. I was kinda lucky as I came to grips fairly quickly and came out fighting. It has been a lifestyle change for me and yes it did get easier, I suppose that happened when I found a routine and regime that worked for me.

I'm now healthier than I have been in years. This forum and the people here have been a great source of support, strenght and information for me.

You are not alone, we are with you, stick with it and us and we will all get through the hard times together.

[Eddy]

Due to this discouragement I have pretty much stopped taking care of myself all together. However, now I just start feeling panicked about the future and totally depressed about everything.


Let me try twisting your mindset around and throwing it back at you. (I mean this in a helpful way, BTW.)

You're a perfectionist. If you can't achieve perfection, you want come as close as possible, yes? Even if you achieve only mediocre control, that's better than poor control.


I guess my question is if this whole thing ever gets easier, do other people go through the same feelings of depression/discouragement at first?


I usually find a bad day/week discouraging. But there's not much one can do to undo the past... just gotta "reel it in" and keep going. Live and learn; learn, and live.

Hopefully you have helpful/understanding friends and family. However, even their understanding will be limited if they're non-D. Realize that, then stop on by DF when you need some understanding company. :)

[susique333]

When my diabetes returned last year (after diabetic pregnancies 10,12,14 years ago) I held this stupid thought that if only I "did everything right" I could once again shake this disease. When it was explained to me that, no, its not going away and yes, it will progress...first I resisted. :trytofly: Im super woman yanno, I can do anything! I would be good a few weeks, then eat a cookie just to double check that I did indeed still have diabetes! Talk about stupid.:stupid: Now Ive come to terms with it and this forum is a big part in my accepting the diagnosis.

[MinimedPumper07]

I feel the same way. I feel incredibly depressed these days and I almost don't give a **** anymore. I am having surgery on my eyes and am also in college and controlling bgs is not easy. I need to find a way out of this depression. I am sick of feeling sorry and hopeless.

[Lulika]

Please dont slip into apathy and despair, rsca9 and Minimed. Yes, diabetes IS a pain in the behind, yes, it's not fair and we all have days when we just can't be bothered any more.
I am not preaching, truly I am not, but you are young and have your lives ahead of you. The alternative to this is WAY worse!
I went through severe depression last year, before I was diagnosed. I was really at the bottom of the heap and it took a diagnosis of diabetes to make me pull my socks up and start to live healthily. I had a tantrum this morning because my morning BG level was a tad over what I expected it to be....this is a real challenge but with all the help and support of this group, we will help you any way we can. Feel free to give me a shout any time...and don't worry, this too shall pass!

[GretchO]

My testimonial...I too was a perfectionist when I was first diagnosed as a Type 1, I went into overdrive with eating right, checking blood sugars constantly, exercising. My BS control was excellent, but it's really hard to maintain that level long term...it's a lot of hard work, under the best circumstances. I've been up and down, and on and off "the wagon" over the years. During pregnancy I was a star, post pregnancy I fell off the wagon in a huge way, just couldn't maintain it.

Rather than continuing to fight food, I decided to try to get it to work for me. I love food and love to cook, so found some diabetes-related cookbooks (Art of Cooking for the Diabetic is excellent, and there are tons more that's the only name I can think of right now). My family and friends LOVE the meals. The diabetic diet is really the healthiest there is. Also, some of the Food Network chefs (Ellie Krieger, nutritionist) have really well-balanced, healthy, easy, AND delicious recipes (stay away from Paula Deen though...love her, can't eat her food!).

Bottom line, it's good/helpful to find something you can focus some of your energy on - something that will help you in the long run (for me it was eating "diabetes right", but good tasting food) that can become fun rather than something you dread. And if you can get your friends and/or family on board, the more the merrier - they benefit, you benefit.

[ant hill]

Hey GretchO, That's the way to go. :D Diabetes is not the strict diet of 30 years ago as we have much better insulins now and the great advent of BG meters is a fantastic step forward in our control. Ho shure we have to look at what we should eat and practice good food habits and I am all for the good apple so chill out and relax.
It's nearly lunch here in the great southern land and there is a nice fresh roll and I will have in it ham with avocado red onion lettuce and some mustard. MMMmmm....YUM :D