Diabetes and Being a Parent

[RyanN]

I have had type 1 diabetes for about 15 years now and have
been okay with it--weathering the ups and downs and ins and outs with little fear or frustration.
I am a new dad now though (my little girl is 7 months old and an angel) and for the past 7 months I have been going crazy
worrying about my diabetes and health. I know this type of worrying is really common among new parents, but it is exacerbated by the fact that I have diabetes.
I worry about going low when I'm taking care of my daughter
and the wife is away. I worry about all the possible complications that doctors warn us about. I worry about getting perfect blood sugar readings, and am frustrated
when I can't get them. I hate all this worrying!
As I said, I've been pretty cool with the fact I have diabetes
for most of my years with it. It's only now where I am
easily upset about this.
How do you parents deal with these fears? Have you gone through this too as new parents? What advice could you offer to help me take control of the fear so I can get back to
my ordinary de-stressed outlook on my diabetes?

Anything anyone might offer I'm sure would make me feel a lot better.

Thanks!
Ryan

[ant hill]

G'day ryan :D, Congratulations with your new born baby and it's good that you are taking control with your diabetes so that you can be with your family though happy times.
I am not a parent so family matters are not my bag but one thing that you should look at diabetes wise and look at three things, Diet, Exercise, Insulin and have that balance and test frequently as this gives a good idea on whare you're at.

Don't jump the gun at what you should do. Look at books and try and look at good food as that will help you with good health and may like what you have discovered :D as you know that a diabetics life is a journey of rather technical nature and you will have some answers here and good Friends as well.
Have fun with us and enjoy your new borne baby. :D

[shiftzor]

I am no parent but the only advice i can give you is: take some time out for yourself; you are no good to your child with complications further down the line. Sorry if that’s a bit harsh and I can only imagine how difficult it must be. I wish you all the luck in the world ;)

[xMenace]

Get your A1C into the sub-6 range. Being in the best possible control will cure many worries.

[Mick]

I AM the dad, of 2, my oldest is 25, my youngest 17--I've been T1 for 42 years. I've got to disagree with xMenace on the "sub-6" A1c range goal--especially when there are rugrats about, that low a number can easily put you in hypo risk too much of the time, and if we know anything, it's that parenting a little one is totally unpredictable. We don't want to run ourselves too close to the line--I'd lighten it up a bit, I think 6.3-6.6 is fine, and I'm sure your doctors will agree. And of course we will have anxieties about our health and longevity--that's natural, but hey--you never know. Whereas I was supposed to be the one to die young, it was my younger, healthy wife who left me and my kids alone--she died of cancer last year, so what good was MY worry about myself?? Don't waste your time! My parenting years went relatively smoothly--of course a few minor glitches over the years, but I still have one at home, and as a single dad, I do okay. Have fun with the baby--that's what's really important!

Michael
T1 dx'ed 1966

[Olidus]

Hey Ryan,

I totally know where you are coming from. I have a lil one at home - my 1st. He is going to be 3 months March 4th.
When mom is away its the 1st thing that comes to my mind.
What if. WHAT IF?
Things that help me.
I am a diabetic - and need to remember that at all times. I am a diabetic before I am a father. Cause if I don't take care of myself then I can't be a proper father.
When I am home with the lil one alone I always keep a juice box close by - and test often when. I also tend to allow myself run a lil higher then normal.
For me anyway - its best to be a lil higher then lower. Don't have as tight of control.

I know its easier said then done but lets not forget that with the D almost everything affects our BGs, including stress.

Think positive - and do the best that you can.

Cheers~

[Mich]

Hi Ryan, Congrats on that baby girl.

Your post struck a chord in my heart. I remember the worry-fest caused by the birth of each of my daughters. That was 26 and 31 years ago. I went through several months of "what if" at first with each of them. Guess what? All went fine, they grew up well and the worry went away with time.

I learned to keep glucose tabs with me at all times (and only rarely let the kids have one.) My kids learned to eat good food because the whole family did. Everyone in our family has been more compassionate regarding so-called disabilities, knowing what mom deals with daily. They accept differences in people without even thinking about it.

So far no diabetes in them, but they have known for their entire lives that they had a slightly higher chance. Due to my attitude, it doesn't bother them.

And please note: I'm still here and feeling fine. After 48 years with Type 1. I haven't always taken perfect care because at the beginning, we didn't even have a means to test our blood sugar. It was a lot of guessing. I turned out fine and you will too. My personal belief is that worrying takes a lot more out of you than diabetes. Learn to relax and breathe deep. You'll need it anyway to raise kids...;)

My hat's off to you, dad. Love that little girl and teach her to be a good person.

All My Best, Mich

[Gangrel]

Get your A1C into the sub-6 range. Being in the best possible control will cure many worries.


Personally, I think this would cause more worries then it would solve. If he's already worrying about trying to be "perfect", and you're telling him to get his A1c below 6, which is terribly difficult, you're only going to add to his worrying in my opinon.

I have said this time and again, but I think a lot of people on here have lots of anxiety issues caused by trying to force their A1cs down to the 5's.

If a person can do this without testing 20 times a day and drastically altering their lifestyle that then enjoy, then I'm all for it.

But I see lots and lots of posts on here that scream the opposite of "i'm doing it easily" to me and it makes me sad to know many people feel pressured to be "perfect" and this pressure at the end of the day just adds another layer of frustration onto an already frustrating disease.....

Just my thoughts.....

[RyanN]

Thank you all so much for your replies--keep em coming:).
I've been so wrapped up and worried for a while now.
I remember the day I was diagnosed with diabetes and
the long list of things that can go bad if you don't take care of yourself. They never said exactly what "taking care of yourself" means, so I assumed it meant 100% perfect control.
I guess that first impression has stuck with me.
Lately, my body has been really sensitive to my insulin, giving me downs and then ups and a lot of stress.
I'm working so hard to get my A1C into a good range (it was 9.1 last time--the highest it has ever been for me) but it seems it just wants to stick at that
number. I am really really active; I walk everywhere--about 6kms on average per day; I don't drink or smoke; I eat
well; I lift weights often; I train in martial arts often during the week; and I am disciplined enough not to want to eat outside my diet. My only problem is my insulin regimen, which works sometimes and often requires alteration due to my active lifestyle. I'm working really hard to keep those levels level, but it is hard.
So, because of this A1C, my mind sometimes dwells on all the bad that could happen from that list--kidney disease, blindness, foot amputation, impotence, etc.--and I get even more stressed, especially now that I'm a dad.

One thing that REALLY has made me feel better is coming to this forum and reading all the great advice from you all.
Today is my first day on this forum, and I REALLY feel better already. Thank you all so much!

[xMenace]

Personally, I think this would cause more worries then it would solve. If he's already worrying about trying to be "perfect", and you're telling him to get his A1c below 6, which is terribly difficult, you're only going to add to his worrying in my opinon.

I have said this time and again, but I think a lot of people on here have lots of anxiety issues caused by trying to force their A1cs down to the 5's.

If a person can do this without testing 20 times a day and drastically altering their lifestyle that then enjoy, then I'm all for it.

But I see lots and lots of posts on here that scream the opposite of "i'm doing it easily" to me and it makes me sad to know many people feel pressured to be "perfect" and this pressure at the end of the day just adds another layer of frustration onto an already frustrating disease.....

Just my thoughts.....


It's the work harder vs work smarter argument. Trying to force your way down is definately not the way to go. Managing this thing smarter in much more effective, safer, and less stressful. Many here do it. Come here every day and learn. Learn about your insulins and their behavior, learn about how you react to different foods, and learn how to find the right balance for you. It may take years for the light to come on, but it's doable for everyone.

[palefacegirl03]

I am a mother of 2, my son is 21, so he was 4 yrs old when I was diagnosed. My daughter is 7, I remember the anxity of what will happen when I am alone with the baby and my blood sugar drops, I tested often and kept some form of sugar close by. Now of course she is old enough and has been around it her whole life, she knows what mom looks like or how I might act when going low and she will get my meter and tell me to test and she brings me drinks and stuff.
I still worry, that happens to all of us, regarding our children , even if we are not diabetic.

Test often, keep sugar close by and enjoy your daughter.
Is she crawling yet ?

[Gangrel]

It's the work harder vs work smarter argument. Trying to force your way down is definately not the way to go. Managing this thing smarter in much more effective, safer, and less stressful. Many here do it. Come here every day and learn. Learn about your insulins and their behavior, learn about how you react to different foods, and learn how to find the right balance for you. It may take years for the light to come on, but it's doable for everyone.

I agree, and for you everything comes easy. Undoubatbly after many many years of trial and error, and I've always applauded for that. But for every one post screaming sucess with minimal effort, I can find 10 from people developing anxiety problems, worsening their anxiety problems, or just all around feeling like losers because their A1c of 6.6 is considered "too high". In fact, I have had conversations with some members and ex-members on here who stay away because they are made to feel "less perfect".

I'm not disagreeing that an A1C of 5.5 isn't better then that of 6.0. I just think each individual needs to do their own cost/benefit analysis of this goal.

For me, I would have to sacrifice too much of what I love in my life to achieve these numbers. I also prefer to do very minimalist thinking when it comes to calculating doses and carbs and GI indexes and the phases of the moon..... so it would drive me batty if I always did post-prandal checks, correcting every two hours, and calculating just how much Humalog is left in me so I don't over correct when the mealtime finally comes......

I just want to clarify that I'm not saying that you're calling anyone a loser, or anything like that.... Just that there are differing levels of expectations for different groups of people on here, and that it's ok to find what you're comfortable with and dont' feel like you need to get blood from a stone to drop down to the next group......

[Gary_W]

Hello Ryan, welcome aboard :) Advice coming and lots of it, but you did ask... Get a beer in.

I've been T1 for around 13 years and I have two young children; our eldest is 6 and our youngest is 20 months.

Chilling out is really, really important. Being a parent (especially for the first time) can be very stressful indeed because you're always wondering if you're doing it right etc. If you are worrying about diabetes, your stress levels will not be your friend. When stress is high, it makes your blood glucose unpredictable (though for most people this is in an upward direction...).

I know it is hard to do, but persuading your mind to not worry about what you cannot change is good advice for life as far as I'm concerned. If you are doing all you can to manage your diabetes on a day to day basis, the future brings what it brings and (as worrying will generally raise BG) worrying about it is not only counter productive, it spoils your day / week / month / year / life.

When you are alone with your daughter, test often and make sure you have glucose tablets (or your particual hypo cure) to hand; that's really all you need to worry about. And, as you should always have blood testing gear, insulin and hypo cure with you anyway, it really isn't anything to worry about at all; nothing has changed just because you are a parent. If you do those entirely responsible things, you can enjoy being a parent without diabetes getting in the way. When she's at the age when she runs around a park, you'll have the odd occasion where you'll be sitting on the swings shaking like a leaf with a hypo, but as you'll have prepared for this then it's a 10 minute gap in the play. No worries. And then go and treat her (and you) to an ice cream :D

So that's the day to day worries taken care of. Now the long term stuff. Worrying about complications is something you should worry about in terms of you and not involve your daughter in those emotions IMO. This is hard. In low moments, I have worked out my age and theirs and wondered if I'll meet my grandchildren. And then I've slapped myself as this kind of thinking causes you to disappear up your own rear end and you are a friend to no-one. The thought of complications is bad enough in terms of YOU. Adding the guilt trip of what they do to your family is not helpful.

When you feel a bit better about things in the 'here and now', start reading up about basal testing on this board and I'll bet the good folks here will get your HBA1c down a point or two which will help your long-term anxiety as well.... Mine has come down from 8.x to below 6 within a year and I haven't radically changed my lifestyle. I agree with bits of xMenace's and Gangrel's posts on here in terms of HBA1c. Getting it lower is better but don't fret about it. At the moment you are clearly worrying about it being too high, so lowering it will help you to feel better in general. Don't get too obsessive about a 5. Any move in the right direction will improve outcomes, so take it a small step at a time.

Enjoy your daughter. Trust me, it won't be long before she's at school and giving you a whole bunch of advice on life, the universe and everything. When she was 4 years old, my wife suggested swimming lessons for our eldest daughter. She responded by saying 'you're ruining my life....'. Four going on 14... Do not let this rather unfair disease spoil a wonderful time in your life. Wring every ounce of pleasure out of it you can as it doesn't last long. Just take reasonable precautions, take care of yourself long term and calm down.

Gary

[Injecto]

I am a diabetic before I am a father. Cause if I don't take care of myself then I can't be a proper father.
When I am home with the lil one alone I always keep a juice box close by


Precisely, and that's a sentiment I really try to convey (at lease a mindset that I try to convey if not express it outwardly). I was dxd when I had a 9 month old girl (and a 7 and 4 year old). It's tough, very very tough. But truth be told, things "seem" to get easier with time (not control, but accepting the disease). It's a part of not just my life but that of my whole family.


Ryan, you'll do just fine once you get used to your new little creation and how she fits into your life. At least you've had many years to get to know your disease beforehand.

[xMenace]

I agree, and for you everything comes easy.

Nothing's easy in this game! Nothing.

Not trying hard was fine for years until the awareness went away. You don't realize how much you depend on this until it's gone. 9 911's later, more laser than I care to remember, and lots of hard work, I am almost feeling secure again.

The stress of working at it for me has been much much less than the stress of ignoring it. Generally when you are in control of a situation it is much less stressful.

[Evermont]

Ryan,

A useful distinction for us: influence vs. concern. In this life there are things that we can influence or do something about, and there are things that we can't. It helps of course to know which is which. The best advice is to focus on those things that we can do something about.

Worry is not a cure for what ails us. Worry doesn't help at all, in fact, it is known to work against us. Worry, or fear, is natural and it does serve a purpose but we should make sure it serves us, and not the other way around.

I recommend interpreting any worrisome thoughts as a simple signal. A call to action. A message that should induce us to acquire more knowledge. Knowledge is power. With knowledge we can distinguish between those things that we can act upon and those we cannot. We learn how to act in the best interests of ourselves and those we care most about.

Love and knowledge are the keys to the good life with or without diabetes. All fear is bad, kill it with knowledge.