Upset by rudeness

[Lulika]

I was at work today, talking to a good friend and colleague about my new diagnosis. I haven't told everyone, as I am still getting used to it myself. I happened to tell her that I have Type 2, and another woman passing by said "Oh diabetes? Type 2? So you're not a real diabetic then!"
I had no clue as to what she meant so I asked her and she said "well, real diabetics are people who are born with, or get it as children. Type 2's are just the ones who let themselves go and overeat,aren't they? You could have avoided that if you hadn't been overweight".

I was stunned and shocked that anyone could be so rude..and as a newly diagnosed diabetic, I didn't know what on earth to say to her. It really upset me...has anyone else been met with such nastiness?
Thr truth is, I still don't know enough about this disease to know if there is even a grain of truth in her words. I mean, I understand that being overweight might be a contributing factor but is it really that simple?

[muse]

This is a classic example of what I call being "blamed but not trained" - it is so unfair and really sets you back. I have been there, and when it happens now, I let people know what an unfair statement it is.

First of all, you can't blame someone for not knowing something. We are all here to learn, it is just that some of us have more experience than others.

Secondly, there are genetic predispositions to diabetes, just like there are genetic predispositions to gallstones. Some will be more prone than others.

But most importantly, we are all in a society that has forgotten how to eat. The daily food for most Americans, is poisoned, because of the food composition - the ratio of fat to protein to carbs. The human body needs a more or less even balance of these three, it is like putting a bad fuel mixture into your car. You would not expect to get efficient mileage from a car that you put the wrong fuel mixture into. We are all surrounded by bad fats that increase insulin resistance, by bad carbs that make you hungrier when you eat them, and by way too many calories in every fast food meal. When we all eat unconsciously, with very little knowledge or support from others, we fall victim to the greater waves of energy that we do not know enough to avoid. That is pretty much the case of every type II in America now.

The task is to become a conscious eater. Actually, I am very glad I went through what I did, because now I can show my two daughters, who are genetically prone to type 2, how to avoid it. They don't listen very well, but at least they have seen the transformation I went through, and as they get older, perhaps they will make it part of their lives, too.

At least they know I don't blame them. I love them. We all need more of that.

Muse

[davef]

Lulika,

I'm sorry to hear you had a negative experience, unfortunately there are rude and ignorant people out there. It would seem that one of the last remaining socially acceptable discrimminations is against overweight people, many people feel it is acceptable to comment on weight but would think twice about commenting on skin colour or religion.

The simple fact of the matter is, you have diabetes, but it is NOT your fault. There are many overwieght people who will never develop diabetes because the do not have the "diabetes gene" necessary.

For me somebody saying you don't have real diabetes is like a woman being a little pregnant, they either or not, they can't be a little bit.

These people need educating, but they don't deserve your energy. At times, when I'm not feeling tolerant, I have been known to respond with, "I may be overweight, but I can lose weight, you can't change you personality and will always be rude"

Don't let these people get to you, you do what you need to look after yourself and control your diabetes. Who you tell is your call and you will know yourself which of your friends and colleagues will be supportive. Be aware that you will encounter the "diabetes police", friends/family who with the best will in the world will be watching what you eat and ask if you can eat something. My standard reply is "I can eat anything, but there are some things I choose not to eat".

Chin up and keep on keeping on.

[Lulika]

Thanks Dave...thats a comforting reply!!

[Olidus]

Wow - ignorance is bliss.

Some people really do have a lot of nerve.
With what your un-educated on diabetes co-worker said it means that I am not a true diabetic.
I was diagnosed 1 week before my 30th Birthday as Type 1.
So I guess I don't really need the insulin every time I eat to stay alive.
Ha!
I wish.

Lulika , the best thing you can do is let these comments bounce right off you. The more and more people I talk to about Diabetes it shocks me about how little the general population really knows about the disease.

Learn as much as you can about it - for myself I learn something new about the D almost every day.

And when you hear another comment like this from someone best to shake you head, laugh at them and suggest that they research a little bit more before they start to preach about it.

[Holly]

You could say..... Yes - but I'm so much sweeter than you!
Jeesh. I too get tired of victim-blaming.

[Stuboy]

arse.

I would have turned around to her and said something like "ok, so when you're an expert in the field of Diabetes and actually know what you're talking about, maybe you can come back and poke your nose in uninvited. until then... HOP IT!" :D

the general public have no idea.

Just to warn you... you will have comments for the food police as well as some point "you can't eat that, you're diabetic!" "are you allowed that?" "You're not allowed"

those are the comment i particularly hate.

You just have to be quick with these people and make them realise they're understanding of diabetes is wrong and take the opertunity to educate them a little... even if yo udo it in the most sarcastic manner you can think of to put them in their place.

[morrisma]

Awful. Just awful.
Take heart and imagine something nice - not her - and understand she will not be the last to spout ignorance.
Sorry.
Mike

[xMenace]

* sigh *

[Schlep]

I was at work today, talking to a good friend and colleague about my new diagnosis. I haven't told everyone, as I am still getting used to it myself. I happened to tell her that I have Type 2, and another woman passing by said "Oh diabetes? Type 2? So you're not a real diabetic then!"
I had no clue as to what she meant so I asked her and she said "well, real diabetics are people who are born with, or get it as children. Type 2's are just the ones who let themselves go and overeat,aren't they? You could have avoided that if you hadn't been overweight".

I was stunned and shocked that anyone could be so rude..and as a newly diagnosed diabetic, I didn't know what on earth to say to her. It really upset me...has anyone else been met with such nastiness?
Thr truth is, I still don't know enough about this disease to know if there is even a grain of truth in her words. I mean, I understand that being overweight might be a contributing factor but is it really that simple?

As with any disease we have to learn to not only cope with the disease but learn tolerance.

Think about how educated you were before you became diabetic, and take the opportunity to teach others about the disease so they will not remain without knowledge.

I know when someone passes out chocolates and bypasses me then says you can't have this it hurts but we must learn to let these things roll off.

Was the person passing out chocolates being rude or just trying to let me know they did not forget about me?

Because of this disease we must learn to practice tolerance and also learn to teach others so the next diabetic will not get their feelings hurt by that person.

[Jan B]

As with any disease we have to learn to not only cope with the disease but learn tolerance.

Think about how educated you were before you became diabetic, and take the opportunity to teach others about the disease so they will not remain without knowledge.

I know when someone passes out chocolates and bypasses me then says you can't have this it hurts but we must learn to let these things roll off.

Was the person passing out chocolates being rude or just trying to let me know they did not forget about me?

Because of this disease we must learn to practice tolerance and also learn to teach others so the next diabetic will not get their feelings hurt by that person.

Very impressive comments Schlep.

[princesslinda]

Lulika, after this, guess you can say you're "offically' a diabetic now...unfortunately it does sometimes come with the territory.

It never ceases to amaze me how people feel they have the right to make ugly and hurtful comments whenever they feel like it.

If you had a co-worker who had smoked for years and developed lung cancer, would you say "well, perhaps if you hadn't smoked all those years this wouldn't be happening?" OF COURSE NOT!!!! but..."you can't fix stupid."

The main thing you have to realize is that diabetes isn't your fault....there are plenty of overweight people who aren't diabetic...and there are plenty of T2s who aren't overweight. Sure our lifestyles may bring on diabetes earlier than if we had been more "proactive" and kept the weight off and always watched our carbs...but maybe not...anyway, there's no point in focusing on the "what if's." We could do that in all parts of our lives....with nothing positive coming from those reflections.

Bottom line...you have diabetes, its not going away, but you have the choice to take the steps you need to take to live a long, healthy and happy life.

Your co-worker is obviously a very unhappy person to say such ugly things...you should pity her.

Next time she says something like that, look at her and say "you know, at some point YOU'RE going to have a disease too, and wouldn't you rather people support you than try to make you feel bad?" If you can't support me, please don't comment at all, as I don't need anymore problems."

You hang in there!

[Jan B]

Lulika,

You are so nice; I really am sorry this horrible/tacky person had to come your way. She'll get hers sometime, someday and in some way. (Now I don't sound nice.)

[Cyborg]

Unfortunately, there is a big misconception and stereotype towards diabetics and diabetes. Much of the lack of knowledge of the disease comes from the media.

Try to brush off the statements and don't let them bother you in anyway. IMO, the best thing to do is to inform them of the facts regarding this disease so they don't continue to make incorrect hurtful statements to other diabetics.

[Schlep]

Unfortunately, there is a big misconception and stereotype towards diabetics and diabetes. Much of the lack of knowledge of the disease comes from the media.

Try to brush off the statements and don't let them bother you in anyway. IMO, the best thing to do is to inform them of the facts regarding this disease so they don't continue to make incorrect hurtful statements to other diabetics.

Thank You ..........:)

[Jan B]

Unfortunately, there is a big misconception and stereotype towards diabetics and diabetes. Much of the lack of knowledge of the disease comes from the media.

Try to brush off the statements and don't let them bother you in anyway. IMO, the best thing to do is to inform them of the facts regarding this disease so they don't continue to make incorrect hurtful statements to other diabetics.

Such maturity (instead of revenge feelings)!

[Alice]

This lack of public information is one area I'd like to see JDRF & the ADA step up to the plate. One might say that is a waste of money, but I feel if some diabetics are "swayed" by misinformed family, friends & peers then it is a direct detriment to their own perceptions about diabetes. Therefore, the "bad" advice is hurting diabetics of any type.

My latest jab was from my "fitness trainer" two weeks ago who asked if my tummy flab was due to being diabetic. I told her that no, in fact, my tummy flab was due to my 10 lbs of overweight excess and that is the reason I joined her class. I then told her she is probably thinking of the broad stereotype that Type 2's are overweight and have big waistlines...didn't matter that I was Type 1...she still made a judgement that was based on very little knowledge.

I had already had the discussion about which is more "severe"...Type 1 or 2...

I made the decision with my pocketbook to not return to this trainer.

[bryan42]

:eek: I had an employee at work, actually tell me, my cats gave me diabetes!:eek: Can you believe people like this exist?
Like cars, I think some people ought to be "recalled" for defects :(

[silverfrost]

With what your un-educated on diabetes co-worker said it means that I am not a true diabetic.
I was diagnosed 1 week before my 30th Birthday as Type 1.
So I guess I don't really need the insulin every time I eat to stay alive.
Ha!
I wish.

Yeah, I was diagnosed at 20- not truly a child. I guess I'm not a real diabetic... it was all my fault for overeating too!

Wow, sorry to hear about your experience, Lulika. I've had plenty of them myself, and I've only had diabetes for about 10 months. I generally don't tell people I have it, because there is always some kind of horrible stigma about it that I have to hear... people actually believe some crazy things about Diabetes.

Once, I told a good friend that I am now a Type 1. I told her how much I struggled with it and whatnot, and she said, "Wow, I always thought Diabetes wasn't that big of a deal."

Ugh, that hurt my feelings, her brushing off the disease like it was the common cold. I mean, it wasn't as if I wanted all this sympathy or anything, but still. Then again, since I told her about how hard it could be, I guess she learned a little about it. I suppose educating others is key.

[Jan B]

:eek: I had an employee at work, actually tell me, my cats gave me diabetes!:eek: Can you believe people like this exist?
Like cars, I think some people ought to be "recalled" for defects :(

This is hilarious . . . once you get over the awe of it all. I like the idea of recalling some people!!

[Schlep]

So if you have a dog do you get dogbetes maybe even catbetes. :) :)

[Mich]

Hi Lulika,

Unfortunately, there are a lot of self-proclaimed experts out there, willing to give you their opinion.

Over the years, I've learned to consider the source of the remarks. If it is someone I care about, I correct and explain. If not, I smile politely (in that special "knowing" way ;) ) and brush them off.

Diabetes makes you tough. In more ways than you'd think.

Hang in there, Mich

[Carwy]

Lulika,
Sorry to here of that persons ignorance . You should have told them I can control my disease but ignorance is forever.:)
Do that mean I'm fat because I now have it. Or is it because all the things againest me?:hmmmm:

Hang in there and do not let the wrong people get you down. You have done nothing wrong to get it. It happens.
Keep your head up.

[patricia52]

When I was first diagnoised I guess I was miss informed too. I told the Doctor that I knew I needed to lose weight but I was too hard because I was so hungry in the evenings. She told me the reason I was so hungry was because I was diabetic. That made it harded for me to control my eating. It made me feel better to understand the reason, but I still am not skinny.

[Kim_in_TN]

I had a very similar experience when I was first diagnosed. I was speaking by phone to someone who had for years been my very best friend! Along the course of the conversation we always ask how eachother is, family etc. I mentioned my new diagnosis of Type II Diabetes to which she said, "yea, but isn't that the one that if you just lose wait you're ok?" That hurt me SO badly and discounted the fears that I had just finding out that I had this disease!

Adding this on top of the response to my depressive illness from my ex-husband that there is no such thing as depression ... it's just an "inability to cope with every day life" and I have a double whammy! YES, depression causes you to not be able to cope with everyday life but it, like diabetes, is a true illness ... a chemical imbalance, that we do not give ourselves!

I'm so sorry another of "us" has had to deal with ignorant and hurtful people. I agree that the media needs to step in and clarify / educate the general population!

[orpy]

It is infuriating when people do that...my sister upset me when I was first diagnosed by saying, "wow, I guess I dodged that bullet by how I watch my diet." I took it very personally. Also my boss told me I was making too much of a fuss about it when she saw how I was carefully selecting low carb lunches. I guess making such a fuss is why I am now starting insulin?? I seem to get this attitude as I am extremely thin and people just cannot understand why I'm a diabetic.

It is very difficult to hear the ignoramuses give advice; people are always trying to advise me.

Thanks for this forum; I can come here and know that folks understand me.

[andypoo]

Everyone of us here have probably had to hear some one make comments about having diabetes or being too fat,there's always something.. I hear it all the time even from my own mother,no less,and she's even diabetic! She got diabetes later in life and I've had it since I was sixteen. I am on the chubby side,while she is very thin. She is very ill though with liver disease and it has caused her to lose lots of weight,which is not good,but none the less she feels she must tell me how fat I am and that I do eat too much(she used to be as fat as me). I used to not be so fat but since I have heart disease and take lots of meds and lots of insulin,I've gained about 40 pounds in the last 10 years.She even at times offers me cake and pie and candy,which I find weird. I always say "no thanks, I don't eat that stuff,it's bad for you.She just laughs. I don't get what she's all about,really.I love her and I know she loves me,but sometimes I just don't get her and I'm not going to try and figure it out.Life is too short. Well,anyway, I've rambled on enough,I just wanted to acknoweledge that I know how bad that it made you feel to have someone make remarks about your personal health,that know nothing about you. You just have to get used to it or tell them to shut up.

[Emm]

I'm fully aware that not all people are educated about diabetes - I was one of them until a few years ago! So I attempt to be patient and nice & just educate people as much as possible.

However, if I could get away with it, I'd kick their butts so hard they'd be the first to land on another planet without a space ship :P You can be uneducated without being rude!

In my opinion, there's something about a T2 diabetic's pancreas / body that causes the weight gain in the first place. It's obviously true that a lot of T2s are overweight - but how many of them WANT to be overweight? How many of them would love to eat less / exercise more & feel better? Overweight people generally don't enjoy being bigger, but struggle with appetite, cravings, and feeling 'blergh'. I think there's a deeper root cause.

We all know that insulin is a hormone that encourages our bodies to store fat... surely the connection is there?

Food for thought (and that sort of food is calorie free and guilt free and insulin free, yay)

[princesslinda]

I can understand someone not being educated about an illness..or even from family that may be basically well-meaning and asking questions to learn more. What I can't fathom, however, is someone being rude just because they can.

I will be very patient and kind in answering any questions meant to educate...otherwise, I wil give back as good as I get, esp. from those "well-meaning" (NOT!!!)co-workers and non-family members.

[halfpint6924]

One of my co-workers would bring in sweets every day to the office. She was well aware that I couldn't enjoy them. My other co-worker started bringing in sugar free treats for me. So, sometimes we just have to accept that others aren't always as thoughtful as some.

[gettingby]

I can't believe that idiots like that woman are allowed to breathe the same air we do. :-
I say give her one of these :reddy: the next time she says something stupid.:D

[Lulika]

You have all been instrumental in really cheering me up..thanks so much.
I was pretty down yesterday after what this woman said; I played the silly game of paranoia, imagining that her comments were what everyone else was secretly thingking and just not saying.
But after reading all your supportive comments, I realise, somewhat sadly, that people are generally not educated about diabetes and that what I experienced was in fact not uncommon.
This woman was not even someone who knows me well, but a relatively new colleague; she is pin thin, very bossy and glamorous in a Cruella Deville kind of way!! Its not just me she picks on either, another friend told me that she had made nasty remarks about her clothes and asked her if she had inherited them from her Granny! Her Granny had just passed on.
So I can see that she is pretty much a nasty piece of work in general.
ANYWAY...I will put this all down to experience and thank heavens I have all you wonderful people to turn to in moments like these.....and I have only been diabetic for 5 days!!

Keep your fingers crossed for me today please; I have an appointment with my doctor and she is going to reveal the results of all the blood tests I did on Monday, so I should finally know my numbers, and know what meds I need, how exciting! Lets hope they are not too high. Also I will know if I have thyroid problems too and rheumatoid arthritis, so a big day for me.
Again, thanks so much for all the great support guys... =)

[gettingby]

Fingers crossed. Good luck Lulika.:)

[davef]

Best of luck Lulika, it will be good for you to get your numbers so you know where you are starting from. Do let us know how you get on.

[Kim_in_TN]

I was reading through this thread again and something came to mind! I was always very tiny and underweight up to age 30 or so. Just before and during my divorce at age 27 /28 I began over-exercising and starving myself and using laxatives. I was obsessed to be skinny. I had been around 110 (my "biggest" ever) and thought I was FAT! Anyway, I obsessed myself down to about 98 lbs. This lastest for a couple of years and a complete emotional breakdown and hospital stay due to stress and abuse from my ex husband. My point is (finally) that I screwed up my own metabolism by basically becoming anorexic. Then add to that that I had to start on anti-depressants for life and those added pounds! So, I did not get fat from being lazy, it was from quite the opposite!

Anyone else have comments on this?