Hubby doesn't understand

[carolyn]

I am feelingso down tonight. Earlier on I realised that I had run out of diet coke and asked hubby if he could nip to the shop to get me a bottle. He got really cross with me and started shouting why can't you drink what everyone else is drinking. They drink orange juice and coke. He just can't, or won't, understand how difficult it is for me. A couple of weeks ago we went out to eat and I got served a normal coke, by mistake. It sent me really high, 15+, so surely he can see the damage it does. How can I get him to understand? Life is so hard at the moment.

[JediSkipdogg]

How long have you been married and how long have you been diabetic? That may help us understand a little more.

[RobiJo]

How long have you been married and how long have you been diabetic? That may help us understand a little more.

I am wondering this too.

Also, had you formally not watched what you were eating/drinking and have suddenly made drastic changes?

[Penny]

My Hubby was not too sympathetic for a long time. He just did not understand why I had to eat and drink differently than the rest of the family. I would fold under the pressure and not take care of myself for long periods. I would get sick, then try again, until it was too much family hassle. When I had the first heart attack at about your age, he all of a sudden got very involved. Now he says he "could kick myself" for the way he was about my Diabetes. Tell your Hubby to PM me and I will tell him all about it, and why it is so much easier if you have the support of your family. :)

[carolyn]

We have been married for 31 years and I have been diabetic for 4 years.

[JediSkipdogg]

Seems like a long enough time for him to understand. Maybe he needs to go to a doctor's appointment with you next time to see what it's all about. He simply just needs some education on the subject.

[xMenace]

Start ordering water.

[patricia52]

I am so sorry you are not getting the support you need from you spouse. I don't know if there is anything you can do to make him understand.
The next time he makes a comment like that you could say, it's because I am a diabetic and I am trying to take care of myself so I can be here to take care of my family.
You might eliminate some of the friction in your relationship by always making sure you have the foods you need just like you try to make sure he has the foods he likes.
I really don't have an answer, just don't let him make you feel bad about yourself. You deserve to have something you like to drink just as much as the rest of the family. Come back any time you need to vent. We understand and many of us have already been through what you are going through. Even if we don't have an answer, it sometimes makes you feel better just to tell someone.

[Emm]

Perhaps you could ask him WHY he acts that way? Is it really the diabetes annoying him? Perhaps he's worried that he'll have to look after you. Perhaps he's just annoyed that he was sent to the shops. Perhaps he prefers to pretend diabetes isn't there because he worries about you?

It's time to have a talk about it... and yes, I agree with above, he needs some educating so that he knows what's going on.

[shutterbug]

Carolyn,

I feel bad for you. I and my lovely wife are married for little over 5 years. She completely understands my situation and prepares meals for me that would suite my needs. She is pregnant (7th month) with our 2nd child. Although she always cares for me, I sometimes feel that I have to take care of myself too.

I make sure I have all my supplies including my diet soda and low carb yogurt and all other diabetic snack that I need. I think your hubby was probably on a bad mood when you asked for a diet coke. Give him some time.. he'll be ok :)

[Subby]

Sorry to hear of the problem. I agree with Emm, you need to talk together about this to start to resolve what might be going on.

Something in me tells me that it's not a lack of understanding of how diabetes works in a functional sense... but rather part of the problem might be a lack of understanding of the personal price you really pay for going high - feeling ill, lack of control, etc, and how that makes you feel. Not seeing the emotional dimension, if you will.

I wonder if the animosity came from being annoyed you were asking him to go, rather than going yourself. So, not so much the diabetes itself but more "don't involve me in your medical problems, sort yourself out". I know a few guys who can communicate openly on multiple levels but when it comes to publicly dealing with medical issues, turn into close-mouthed, disapproving gits. Seems to occur a bit with males.

When thinking about how to talk about it, something springs to mind for me. To use those horrible "differences of the genders" generalisations for a moment:

when you say "he doesn't understand"
- you mean he doesn't understand the total price, including the emotional aspect of going high, and you tag this onto a general lack of understanding and caring of who you are and what you "go through"

- he might hear that you mean he doesn't "understand" the fact that carbs make you go high. Which, assumably, he does, and might take it as a nasty or spiteful comment about his mental ability.

Good luck with it all.

[pokie]

I am sorry your hubby is being such a boob. Maybe he needs reminding of the "in sickness and health" part of the marriage vows. I don't know what I'd do if my fiance reacted like that when I needed something; he bends over backwards to make sure I have everything I need for my diabetes. But, I always am sure to get the things I need at the store, too, we usually do the shopping together and we each have things we need/like and we both make sure we're well supplied.

[alicat61]

:) Hi,
I undrstand fully how you are feeling, For 75% of the time my hubby of 6 years is caring and helpful for the rest he is hopeless. He will say things like why can't you just eat or drink normal foods.He will constantly offer me lollies and chocolates then he will crack up because I'm eating the wrong things!!:(
I'm sure it is as someone says he is scared that he will have to be responsible and is scared of something bad happening but instead of saying that just gets aggresive.
It is important to talk about how you feel and to stick to what you need to eat and drink.Also include him in your treatment . I tell mine everything whether he is interested or not. I know I'm a lot happier when I'm not high which makes for a more peaceful life.:D
My hubby has IBS so can only eat certain things so I end up cooking 2 meals some nights.It works out OK
Just remember you are not alone and if you want to pm me any time to discuss Hubby's feel free

[davef]

Carolyn,

Sorry you are having a hard time at home. Do you think it would be possible to just buy diet coke and stop buying "full fat" coke altogether, that way you would be drinking the same as everyone else? If you ask your children (I'm guessing there's more than you and hubby on the house) to support you in your work to control your BG, they would probably agree to switch, especially as it's better for them too and then maybe your hubby would follow the children's lead?

[shabbie]

carolyn, all i can offer is this....
(((HUGS)))

i'm sorry he has been so insensitive, i hope you get to the bottom of it ;)

[art]

A little bit of denial and a whole lot of fear?

Sometimes we forget our partners suffer with us and possibly more than we do.

Don't get me wrong. Part of me thinks you should have smacked him with a 2x4. But it just may be all he's thinking is " i want you back like you were".

It can be so hard.

Art

[ant hill]

We have been married for 31 years and I have been diabetic for 4 years.

Hello Carolyn, We know that to have a good BG is our goal and to achieve that takes some juggling to perfect that harmony and to have someone who don't understand is indeed difficult.

How would he react to if you to fall low? Would he understand to give you something sweet that would get you out of that low in a hurry.

How strong is your love to your husband? :confused:

[Scrabblechick]

Hugs, Carolyn. I hope you guys get this worked out.

[shades9323]

My wife tests my diet drinks for me at restaurants to make sure they are really diet. To her own detriment she tries to take care of me a little too much. She deprives herself of the food she loves becasue she doesn't want to tempt me, no matter how many times I tell her it is ok to have that food in the house.:(

[Penny]

My wife tests my diet drinks for me at restaurants to make sure they are really diet. To her own detriment she tries to take care of me a little too much. She deprives herself of the food she loves becasue she doesn't want to tempt me, no matter how many times I tell her it is ok to have that food in the house.:(

Don't let her go, Shades.......she sounds like a winner to me! My husband loves sweets, but gave them up at home for me. If the wife wants something you can't have she can have it when she is out someplace without you. Give her an extra hug, she deserves it.

[Alice]

Maybe he feels the diabetes is taking a little "attention" away from his side...that's ok...you need to take care of yourself.

[Janlaton]

Sorry he is giving you a fit. DO not assume he will change with time. I've been married 44 years and 40 yrs diabetic. My husband can be asked to hand be a diet soda from the fridge and he will bring me a regular one and not know the differance. He is just out of it. I gave up on educating him years ago. It would be much better if he were understanding he is a nurse so you would think he would. He will bring home gifts of chocolate even now and get upset when it does not get eaten. I just toss it a few pieces at a time so he thinks I eat it.

Take heart that you have support in the forum. Develope friends and family support who can give you strength. If you are in a church develop a support group there. Praying things will look up for you.:)

[GinaLynn]

Carolyn~
Your story and a few other ones I read bother me:albertein ...I not married, but in my defense I have had serious relationships, which if we did fight about my diabetes it was because I wanted to have a regular soda when I shouldn't. I always would hear "you can't have that" or "no she is a diabetic and can't have coke- she needs diet" I know that diabetes affects not only the person who has it ,but the people that love them. It sounds like your husband is either not understanding what diabetes actually is, or the possible side effects of not taking care of yourself could result in- but either way, he needs to realize that when he acts out like that how it must make you feel! (it makes me upset if someone would act like that to me :mad: ) but I hope everything works out for you :) :itsme:

[caswellhb]

Hi,
was this normal to his general behaviour or a one off?
Would he be willing to come and ask questions and /or vent here with us?
I know there are many articles on the web about diabetes so could you print a few of the "friendlier" sounding ones off and leave them lying around for him to read?
I tend to joke my way through situations like this. I'm offered something I shouldn't have and say "Hmmmmmm this Death by chocolate pudding or keep my toes. ****,do I need toes?" and giggle.
Another thing I did was name my toes and when offered something would say that Edward couldn't have it. This would lead to a light hearted conversation that highlighted the complications of diabetes without being too dramatic.
I hope this works out for you sweetie. Keep posting, stay strong and know that we are here for you.

Heather.

[Janlaton]

I am sure I came on strong earlier about my husband. Your's may change with time. I pray he will. Sorry if I let my frustrations vent over on you. Try to keep him educated. Hopefully with time he will be looking out for you with TLC,:cool:

[ant hill]

That's OK Jan, He just needs some education on this and so some food changes. It's no big deal realy.
So let him have his cake and eat it too as you may have some, but just a small bit. :)
A little exersise or a lot and better food choises is the go, I think. :D

[Janlaton]

I am too lazy to cook 2 meals at a time so unless my hubby buys something out, he eats the way I do. I am very careful with my food intake how else could I have been diet controlled for 25 years? The exception is I do buy him regular sodas!

I think he is one of those people who has his mind made up that all this stuff about sugar and carbs is in my head and I use it as an excuse. He has told me I am a drug addict because of my diabetic meds so why should he not be a drunk? We have recently seperated after 44 years.

I still hope yours will be better with education.