scared

[JR26]

my long term bf and father of my 2yr old daughter has out of control diabetes. he was diagnosed 3 yrs ago and has never managed it. at first he took advantage of it and lost 100 lbs in less than 6 months. he's now grossly skinny (which he doesnt like but its too late) he never took insulin regularly, instead would wait til his blood sugar sky rocketed and then took large amounts of insulin. he's been to the hospital twice to get ketones regulated and his doc refuses to see him anymore for lack of compliance with a plan. he has long suffered sexual complications due to this, has had cataracts removed, has unbearable foot pain and most recently his teeth have been falling out. i have been for 6 months saying that he's close to death. he's constantly in pain everywhere. i've read of these complications elsewhere but here's my question...is mental failure a symptom bc it seems as if he's losing his mind. sometimes he sees people aren't there, can't remember the day of the week it is and is all around confused. i started really noticing maybe 2 weeks ago and its getting more frequent already. progressing fast. i've already been preparing for his death but how much longer could this go on ? if this isn't the end, i don't think i can handle much more. he doesn't want to live but is not necessarily suicidal bc of our daughter.

[BlueSky]

It sounds like a desperate situation. While I don't think it kills brain cells, having very high blood glucose makes thinking straight difficult. I would think that making good decisions would become just about impossible. But it sounds like there are more profound mental health issues there. He must be very depressed. Is he being treated for this?

[The_QUIET_one]

I dont think thats a complication but hes probably feeling terrible, sounds unrelated though. more like depression. Highs do however make it harder to think as strait, just like lows. However ketones can be poisennous to the brain I think thats why dka is so dangerous mabey thats it. Like BlueSky said it sounds like hes depressed. That needs to be treated. Dont give up hope on him yet, he need you and your faith in him. Thats my take on it. I wish you the best.

[Tattoo azz]

It sounds like he's been in denial ever since diagnosis. All you can do is continue to tell him to seek help. This must be terrible for you and your daughter, are his parents aware? and his friends because the more people are telling him to sort himself out, the more chance he has of accepting it. Please keep us informed
Take care
Azz

[JR26]

everyone is aware of the dire situation but he is a hard head. he used to say he was invincible. later he said his body would cure itself of the diabetes. now he says he can't afford to take off of work to go to the hosp but honestly its only bc his employers are sympathetic that he even still has a job. they cut his hrs way down tho bc his vision is so poor and he's constantly in the bathroom. the 2 times he did go to the hosp was when he was near comatose and was physically taken in by emt's. depression, i don't think so but denial is a definite YES

[BlueSky]

... he doesn't want to live but is not necessarily suicidal bc of our daughter.
That sounds depressed to me. And my concern is that he won't change his attitude if the probem hasn't been dealt with. Could you get him to a counsellor? It needs to be someone who does not have a personal interest in him and is completely neutral. Someone who will ask the right questions, get him to talk about his feelings, and enable him to figure out for himself what he needs to do.

[JR26]

OK it was a lot to say didn't want to live. a few times he has said 'kill me' but i believe its more like 'help me'. these are the times when he can't get out of bed and feels worse than i personally can imagine. i think he regrets taking the whole thing less than seriously and would have done things differently.

[gettingby]

Hi JR26 and Welcome. I'm sorry it has to be under these circumstances that you found us.:(
He is in denial and he does show the signs of depression. It's not too late for him to start taking care of himself. He can turn some of the bad things around. It's not too late yet. So, there is hope.:)
BlueSky, I do disagree with you on one thing. I do believe that continuous high bgs can lead to some memory loss. When I was first diagnosed, I was being treated incorrectly by my GP. Almost a year after diagnosis, I ended up in the hospital in a DKA induced coma. There are some things in my past that I do remember but it seems that a lot of my memory is gone. Was it the high bgs? Was it the coma? No one can tell me but my endo believes that I could have lost some long ago memories because of the high bgs. If I have misinterpreted what you said above, I apologize.:)

[RobiJo]

You need an intervention and to get him in the care of a doctor fast. If his old one won't see him, find a new one.

How scary for you and how sad for your daughter!

Whether you agree or not, he certainly exhibits signs of depression because as you have described the situation--he has given up and doesn't seem to care about how it affects those around him.

[UpNorth]

Your boyfriend needs to be in hospital, and that is NOW, he needs to have those nasty sugars brought down, get regular contact with a good diabetes team and a pshycologist who can help him feel better about the whole thing and encourage him to take care of himself. By the sound of it, he's already having nerve damage that causes his pain, and hopefully some of that can be reversed if he goes down to normal levels and stays there. He'll also feel better mentally if he feels well physically! High bloodsugar really sucks!
As it is now, your boyfriend is slowly dying a painful death! I know it sounds harsh, but it is the truth unfortunately :(

[JR26]

not long after i posted he had the worst day ever in terms of the confusion. he was talking about 'my brother' when i only have sisters. it was bad. he ended up having a seizure that day while at work. he stayed at the hospital for 3 days because his blood sugar level was in the 900s ! since getting out he has been taking his insulin as directed and the change is unbelievable. he's had no more scary confused episodes and even has put on some weight which is very good. as his levels have stabilized so did his moods and as a result he's a more pleasant person to be around. i still don't know how this is all going to play out, how much irreversible damage he's done to himself but for now, he's in the best shape of more than a year. thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement

[Tattoo azz]

That's great news!! :D

Ask him if he'd like to join df as well, we all help each other and a few of us have been through either phases of denial or some kind of depression. Hopefully he now realises things can get better, but he needs help from friends and family and good advice from a strong care team.

[mrDiabetic]

I hope things are better now. How is your boyfriend feeling now?

[pokie]

I am so glad to hear that he is doing better and I hope it continues. I'll keep your BF in my prayers.