new, looking for help

[JanetJeff]

This is a lucky break for me - I was searching for a diabetes forum to help us deal with my husband's son's diabetes. I had been on an Alzheimers Forum to help me with my mother's AD before she died in December 02.

Andy is 51 years old and has had diabetes for over 20 years now. I've just known them for a couple of years now so don't have too much info on his past condition. He is living with us as he is out of work. He seems to vary his insulin according to how he is feeling that day. His eating is not regular. Sometimes he eats alright and others it is sporatic. Most of the time he is in control of his condition.

However, when he starts to go wonky, sits there with a smile on his face, saying he is fine, but just staring at his plate not eating, we know we are in for a rough time.

I imagine this is a normal condition you have all gone through, but hopefully you have some ideas. HOW do we handle him at those times - we tell him he has to eat, he just smiles, says ok and does nothing. We threaten to call the ambulance (as we have had to in the past) - same response - nothing.

This can go on for some time or resolve itself. Last night after about 1/2 hr of trying to get him to eat, he left the table, then was back in a couple of minutes rummaging through the cupboard for chocolates or cookies. This brought him around and his Dad was able to get through to him that the sugar wouldn't last long and he had to eat.

He got all apologetic, said he'd given himself extra insulin that morning and that was the problem. He eventually ate his supper.

It seems there is no way of getting through to him to get him to help himself.

Apart from shoving food in his mouth which won't work, what can we do?

thanks,

Janet

[lgvincent]

I have the same problem. When I go into insulin shock I may not be aware of it and will resist any attempts to get me to treat an insulin reaction which I'm sure I'm not having at the time (even though I am). I would say don't try to be forceful with him, he may resist, like I do. I think I would respond better if people would just tell me that my blood sugar looks like it might be low and ask me to check my blood sugar. I get really confused at times and don't know what's going on. Perhaps the same happens to him. What does he do if you ask him to check his blood sugar?

[JanetJeff]

That is another part of the problem - he doesn't check his blood sugar levels as far as I know, just judges it by how he is feeling. Usually he is on top of it, but if it goes too far he is beyond reach.

Thanks

[lgvincent]

It's none of my business, of course, but does he have a blood glucose meter? I started checking mine back in the early 80's. There are many fine meters on the market and can help give him better control over the diabetes. Some are expensive but many offer a small rebate on the purchase. For example, the Freestyle Flash has been offering a $40.00 rebate and I have at times seen it on sale for $40.00, so it will end up costing very little.

[JanetJeff]

I don't believe so. I offered to get him one of the new (easier) ones about a year ago and he declined, said he wouldn't use it.

He's a big boy, supposed to be able to take care of himself, but obviously not.

There may be underlying problems too. His mother also died of Alzheimers.

Janet

[Belinda]

Janet. Welcome to the forums. YOu will find great support here. I was just wondering...will he go to the doc? if so have him checked out for all other possibilites to under stand what is going on. A complete mental check may give you some insight. If is shows up nothing then you will know and breath a sigh of relieve. It it does show something there may be an easy fix (like medication) and all will then fall into place. He must go to some kind of doc. to get his insulin? I assume he is!. Maybe you can talk to the doc before the visit. My grandmother had Alzheimers (wasn't dianosed as that back then...just said she was senile) but know my aunt has been tested and is in the early stages of it. I had my mom tested about 9 years ago because she does some wacky things but she was given the all clear at that point. I still think she needs tested again since she is doing even wackier things but she is convinced that she was fine then and nothing has changed! UGGGG....I am still working on it though...

[lgvincent]

I wonder why he would refuse to check his blood sugar? I don't like doing it but I know I'm better off checking it than not. There must be some way to get through to him the importance doing this.

[JanetJeff]

He did go to his doctor a year ago, was having trouble with his shoulder. He is really good at covering up/denying things. Didn't bother to tell his doctor he has trouble with his feet. I don't know if he would go see the doctor again, but doubt if at that time he would admit he is having any problem. It seems over the years he has had more problem than help with Drs. and has lost faith in them. Says he knows more about what works --- etc. His dad goes to the same doctor, maybe we will have to go that route ( behind his back).

[lgvincent]

Do you know any other diabetics? If so, perhaps you could get one of them to talk to him about the importance of keeping check on his blood sugar. Are there any diabetic support groups in your area? That might be a good place for him to see the value of checking his blood sugar, too.

You could always try buying a glucose meter for him but I can understand the problems with that. If he is unemployed, he may feel shame in being unable to get one himself so that may cause a problem. Christmas is coming up and perhaps you could give him one then, but that is still three months away and he needs one now. I could send you a meter and some strips but the problem there is all my meters are used. I don't feel comfortable in giving a used "gift" unless the person is aware of it before hand.

[JanetJeff]

Your offer is more than kind. I certainly don't mind getting him one, but "getting" him to use it is another thing. I'll talk to his Dad about local groups, but knowing his temperment, I don't think he would go - I know I'm sounding negative about all your good suggestions, but I seem to be hitting brick walls with everything I think of too.

[lgvincent]

Yes, it's hard, but I act very similar when my blood sugar is low. I don't mean to be that way and I usually wouldn't be but when my blood sugar is low I become confused. What I'm doing seems normal at the time although after my blood sugar goes up, I can see that it wasn't. There must be a way to get him to check his blood sugar. It looks like finding it is the hard thing.

[Belinda]

Well this may not help but I teach special ed and we have to do a FBA..Functional Behavior Assessment on students when they have an occuring behavior that gets them in trouble. This means we have to look at everything from who is in the room, what triggers it, the reaction of the ppl around etc....you pretty much know who is around and your reactions. I am just suggesting maybe a different reaction from you/husband? I am sure it is not easy and you probably tried them all but it was what I thought of when I was reading this...my students and how we try to change behaviors and habits!!!!!! frustrating in the least not to mention lots more paperwork.

[JanetJeff]

You may be right, others have suggested he is using us. We have tried to ignore him, let him manage without advice, reminders or proding, but with dire results, after a day without our input (mostly his Dad's) he had a severe attack, went into convulsions and was only brought around when the ambulance got here. After that we have been hesitant to attempt it again.

Usually after he has a bad spell he is extra careful and diligent - promises faithfully to watch it closer and eat better etc - but that only lasts a couple of days and he is back to his old ways.

It seems it is too risky to take a chance, he may look healthy but really is very fragile.

[am1977]

Hi Janet and Welcome...

I applaud your effort in trying to help your husband's son. I know it probably isn't always appreciated, but I think it's wonderful that you are trying to support him this way. :thumbsup:

I have to agree with Ig. and Belinda...I think something is definitely up here...especially if he isn't testing anymore. I haven't had Diabetes nearly as long as he has (only about 2.5 years) but what I have learned is that you can't always rely on how you feel. Many times I will asume that my blood sugar is at an adequate level by the way I feel, but when I test it sometimes really takes me by surprise. No matter how in tune he feels he is with his body, he still needs to test. It is the key to controlling this disease. By testing frequently you can prevent dropping too low or correct high blood sugars...which later can save you from dealing with complications from the disease. In the beginning I had a tough time with testing, but now I see it really isn't that bad. It only takes a second and it really can provide insight on diabetes control and management. I'm curious, how are his A1c's?

I am sure that he is probably aware of this, being that he has had the disease for 20 years. My feeling on this is probably that he is burnt out, which I think is common when you have had this disease for many years. In this case, I would try to strike up a conversation with him on how he feels he is doing managing his Diabetes. Perhaps you could ask them if there is anything you could do to help. Yes, I understand that he is a grown man, but everyone needs help from time to time. It might also be that he doesn't want help or doesn't want to change. Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do in this situation. He will only change if he wants to.

I would, in the meantime, see if you have any glucogon on hand in case of an emergency. If he ever passes out from low blood sugar, this could be a real life saver. If not, then the second best thing to do would be to call 911. I don't think force feeding always works and it's best to let medical professionals handle these things if this sort of thing should happen.

I hope that this was of some help to you. Again, I think you are really kind and caring to want to help him out. I hope he sees that himself.

Take care :)

[TAutry]

Hi Janet,

Welcome to the forums!:)

It seems you have a rather difficult problem on your hands. You stepson, doesn't seem to be using good judgement for a 51 year old. Does he have any diminished capacity or is he just obstinant? If he has learning or mental difficulties, you may need professional help. However, if he is just being obstinant it may be time for one of thos 'gentle' father to son talks. He may need to be told what is expected of him and what the consequences are if he fails to conduct himself properly. All of that, of course, would be up to your husband.

Personally, I expect people who are capable of using good sense to do so. If they will not, then they can accept the consequences. I will not be manipulated. If a grown, capable man chooses not to care for his diabetes and winds up with severe complications or even dies from it, that is unfortunate but his choice.

Good luck to you. Please keep us posted. We can't offer much here, but it is a place where you may feel free to express your frustrations or ask questions.

Travis

[JanetJeff]

Thanks to all for their comments and support. To answer Travis, I think it may be a bit of both, with the main part "obstinant". Up until 2 years ago Andy was working in Europe, living on his own and as far as I know functioning. Maybe his mother's illness and death has affected him more than we know. I do know that his father will continue to do everything he can to keep him "healthy". I guess somewhere Andy knows that and has let things slide. I don't really know, but I feel he has never accepted his illness and his need to deal with it.

Looks like we will continue as we have. It is annoying, we would like to go away for a day or so, but Bob is not comfortable leaving him unattended. Bob's 80 and refers to himself as the "world's oldest nursemaid". It is very sad as he, too, cared for an Alzheimer patient on his own for a few years and I know only too well what a toll that can place on a person.

thanks again

[HeatherP]

Welcome, Janet. I can't really add anything to what's already been said. Some people just prefer to live in denial and feel like if they ignore it, then it doesn't exist. Unfortunately, you cannot force an adult to do something they are not willing to do. I hope that you are able to find a way to get him to face his problem. Easier said than done. Please feel free to visit often and ask questions. Maybe you could encourage your stepson to visit himself?

Best wishes,
HeatherP