How do you not get a victim mentality because of your diabetes

[mazea]

I'm recently diagnosed with Type 1 and just going on 6 months now. I ended up in hospital with some kidney damage and dehydration and a blood glucose level of 20. The doctor put me on insulin and sent me to a diabetes educator. My diabetes educator got cross at me early on in one session when I put myself down about a high blood glucose level. I said I'm terrible. And she raised her voice quite sternly and said, "I don't want to here you say that again." My eyes popped as the reprimand was aggressive.

My diabetes educator told me every time I get a bad blood glucose level I should enthusiastically praise my self out loud," I'm doing great and doing the best that I can". I found this to be a great way to keep positive about my diabetes and actually slightly secretly look forward to the praise part of all the needles and testing now. It got me curious. I was wondering how other people stop from having a victim mentality of feeling they have a disability. Do you have any inner tools that keep you from getting caught in the victim mentality trap?
She also got cross at my mil who kept bringing up her dead diabetic Aunt Florence. The diabetes educator told mother in law to not do that any more and let Aunt Florence rest in piece. Mother in law cried when she got the sturn lecture. I think this was another good way not to have a victim mentality was to stop your relatives comparing you to dead Aunts.

When I first got diabetes, I had some problems with my husband starting to feel sorry for me and being a bit negative that I couldn't climb mountains with my diabetes. I told husband I didn't want to be treated any differently to other people. I might be a diabetic but I am not becoming woeful and I needed his encorougement and did not need his comments about my food intake and we agreed not to talk about anything bad about diabetes anymore and let me work it out autonomously. I wanted him to become my advocate- and see the diabetes as just something that was only a 1/billionth of who I am. I wanted him to notice the diabetes about as much as it was a part of me ie 1/billionth. He had been very good lately and has turned into my advocate.

So what do you people do to keep away from becoming a victim?

[Lizzie G]

Hi Mazea

I got diagnosed about a year and a half ago with type 1. The first year or so was a rollercoaster. I went through phases of feeling like i was disabled, thinking about unlikely scenarios, like plane crashes, stranded on a desert island, how i would never survive etc etc. There was anger, grief, feeling a victim and it gradually passed. For the longest time i had this background grief, whenever i spoke of the diabetes and how i had it forever i would cry and talk about these scenarios (yes, i was really painful company at times!)...but time is a healer, i can talk about these things with a degree of pragmatism and dont get upset by it very much (not never, i think there will be days for the rest of my life where i grieve my poor little pancreas but then everyone has baggage dont they?) The biggest thing I did to take control of my grief and feelings of being different and to prove to myself that it doesnt change my life was to push myself harder in every aspect of my life, in particular to compete more in swimming, and to take part in a channel swim relay. this was a big feat, very physically and mentally challenging and really helped me to find peace with myself; i pushed the limits of what any able bodied person can do without letting diabetes stand in the way and maintained great BG control during 18 hours on the boat (and about 4 in the water). its something that makes me proud to think back to as i raised money for diabetes UK, met other sporty diabetics and some great friends, and ultimately it was the one thing that drew a line under my negative feelings and made me realise my life was there for the living and even with this s***Y little pancreas i can still do way more in my life that the average joe if i choose. funnily enough though, having done that, i dont feel the need to do anything too extreme at the moment, i have proven to myself i can do it and im at peace with myself and my 'normality' and can take life as gently or as energetically as i choose, regardless or diabetes.

As well as this I have found having a mantra of 'I can DO or EAT anything i want' to be the best therapy ever. I know this doesnt work for everyone, type 2s in particular, but teaching myself how to cope with a normal balanced diet, what to shoot and at what time allows me to eat what i want without compromising my control, and thats a massive mental hurdle for me, i know i dont have to be different in any way to any one else, at a meal, a party, a sporting event. sure i keep a really close eye at all times, but i do this behind the scenes, and if i choose no-one need ever know about my diabetes.

Lastly, I also find that good control equals good mental state. sugars darting all over the place makes me feel awful, i seem to go up and down with them, and with good control come good state of mind and good quality of sleep for me.

sorry i have gone on a bit, but please be re-assured, you will gradually gain more confidence and count your blessings and lose your guilty feelings, it takes time but you one day you will reach the point where you dont feel like a freak any more (sorry if this offends anyone but thats kind of how i felt way back then!)

[fgummett]

Learn to take control of the things that you can control and to live with the ones that you can't ;)

BG tests are just numbers - feedback that tell me how I am doing and to help inform me what I need to do next - they don't need to imply guilt or elation.

[matingara]

i have had this diagnosis for 18 months now. i feel that if it had been 25 years ago i would not have been diagnosed.

my health is better than ever because of this.

i have asked my doctor to prescribe me insulin because it is the most natural therapy.

i have never once been mad, upset or in denial.

i don't think of diabetes as a disease - because it isn't. as i have said before - it is analogous to having red hair and fair skin. people with fair skin are more sensitive to sunlight. we are more sensitive to carbohydrates.

i am as much a victim of diabetes as a 90 year old man is a victim of "old age".

-- joel.

[art]

I'm a diabetic

So what

It does not define me nor do I let it run my life.

Art

[Lizzie G]

I'm a diabetic

So what

It does not define me nor do I let it run my life.

Art

no offence art, but when you find out you are type 1 and that you will die very very quickly if you do not inject yourself multiple times every day (average, 6 to 8 maybe), and need to test again maybe 6 or 8 times a day to make sure you're not dangerously high or low, it IS a big deal, and for the first year or so it DOES run your life, if you are trying to learn to manage it in a way that is conducive to a long and healthy life. and sometimes during this first year you DO feel like a victim and wonder what you have done to deserve it.

[Psycho Penguin]

Yeah seriously, diabetes is a big part of my life, but I've never considered myself a "victim". It's not a painful condition, I can manage it, and I'm alive.

[fgummett]

Taking care of myself (and the ones I love around me) is an important part of my life... I think one trick is to integrate and not make it a "chore". BG testing to me, is just like brushing my teeth... something that I do several times a day :)

[Lizzie G]

Taking care of myself (and the ones I love around me) is an important part of my life... I think one trick is to integrate and not make it a "chore". BG testing to me, is just like brushing my teeth... something that I do several times a day :)

perhaps i put that across wrong; it doesnt bother me now, being a pincushion is a part of my life but to start with it was an alien concept and tough to deal with.

[fgummett]

perhaps i put that across wrong; it doesnt bother me now, being a pincushion is a part of my life but to start with it was an alien concept and tough to deal with.I understood you Lizzie: it was 5+ years ago for me but I can still recall the shock and awe I felt one day standing in the pharmacy staring at a pill-organiser...

...it was something like this http://www.diabetessupport.ns.ca/images/gee.gif

...shortly after which I felt like this http://www.diabetessupport.ns.ca/images/juggler.gif

I guess what I am suggesting, is the mindset that has helped me gain some perspective :)

[Mich]

I think it is pretty normal to have diabetes "get to you" now and then. When I am the last one out the door and everyone is telling me to hurry up and I have to refill my glucose tabs or do a quick test/correction, I feel like a victim. I get thoughts of IT'S NOT FAIR! I think the stress of handling diabetes and trying to have a life too is sometimes annoying and a bit overwhelming.

The good news for you who are newly diagnosed is that things do become easier as you go. Kind of like driving a car. You will learn that brief ups and downs won't kill you and that you are pretty much trying to keep the whole thing on the road. Soon you will be shifting and working the pedals by remote.

No, it's not fair, but there are people, including children dealing with debilitating, even terminal conditions that are a lot worse. Take the time this Christmas to spend a few hours helping with the Holiday party in a children's cancer ward and you will see people very young facing much worse conditions because fate has picked them to be a "victim." It will make you feel lucky. Young people returning from Iraq and Afghanistan are facing long rehabilitation in hospitals and their lives are changed in huge ways and also forever.

In my teaching career, I met a sixth-grader, star student, wonderful young lady diagnosed with brain cancer. She lasted a few years under great duress. She taught me everything I needed to know about grace and I will never forget her or the lesson she taught us all about life.

Yes, it is unfair, but most people have unfairness in their lives.
As Nana used to say "It could be worse."

Just my opinion,

Mich

[art]

The question was "how do you not get a victim mentality"
My answer applied to me.

I know very well what a type 1 faces. My step mother was a type 1 that died in 1968 at age 50. At age 12 I was injecting her insulin. I lived with her fear and knowledge she probably she would never see me married or her grand children. She didn't. But she never said "feel sorry for me".

To me the question didn't relate to the steps needed to survive but to how do you deal with it in your head?

No disrespect was intended.
If I offended you my apologies.

Art

[andypoo]

I've been through all of it. "The woe is me",the feeling sorry for myself,the "why can't they treat me like everyone else?" I've been in denial,I've been almost in a panicked state of mind, Thinking "OMG! I'm going to die soon!" ,"I'm doomed!!" I've been totally depressed,you name it" I've been there, done that" That's been 40 years ago. It makes me think about a saying that my dad always says "If I'da known I was gonna live this long, I'da took better care of myself" LOL! Thank God,I am still here and I am going to take better care of myself,I might have another 40 years to go.!

[Subby]

One thing I'll comment about the original post. What do you personally think about someone who has, let's say for the sake of argument, a "genuine" disability? The word is loaded and probably forever tainted but lets be adult about the concepts for a second. Having a disability or a condition basically means you've got some sort of situation going on that may require more care, attention or consideration than a "normal" person might need. (Whatever "normal" really is, anyway).

So in this respect having diabetes can certainly be a disability. So what? Why would that limit you, depress you in itself, or stop you climbing mountains if you so wish, if your situation might allow you to? Again I ask, what do you think of someone with a "real" disability? (Lets say, no use of legs, in a wheelchair). Are they some kind of poor sucker condemned to eternal "non normalness" and disappointment as you seem to suggest "having a disability" entails, or are they just another person with a different set of issue they (and those around them) may have to cater for in various situations/various times of their life?

Your post is really rather distasteful in the extreme when you lump disability with being a "freak". Break down some of your own preconceptions about what "disability" entails, and you might realise the whole question is just a rather self-torturing puff of smoke.

[fairyblood]

Sometimes the way that people process and think about it depends on how long you have had the disease and were in the cycle you are. I have had diabetes since early childhood and in the beginning it was no big deal and the thought of it slowing me down or something to feel sorry for myself was an odd concept at the time. I have had diabetes for most of my life and feel very differently about it now. I think I am just now experiencing grief about what is wrong with my body and how much can go wrong. It is hard for me to face how much damage I might have caused myself as a teen and it very much scares me. I am very ashamed about what I may have done and live with a lot of fear. This is not an easy journey for me and I am sure that I will go though all kinds of cycles before I die. I don't think of myself as a victim per say but I don't always feel very good about myself and I struggle with how much of my time, and energy it drains from me. The way I view my diabetes has grown and changed as I have grown and changed. It never really stays stagnant. I feel that in the beginning of the disease the feeling you have are only a fraction of how you will understand it later. With that said we are all different people and process things differently and go though different experiences. There is an aspect of choice involved and if you don't want to feel like a victim that is by part a choice. At the same time it is important for growth I believe to feel sadness or grief if you need to at some point without getting stuck in that place.

[lorilei]

this can be a very scary diagnosis...especially as it can include long term complications as well as entail life or death moments...I'm not sure if i feel myself a victim...yet...i am still in the guilt stage...I am trying to armor myself with knowledge... Mazzea, i think you have actually answered your own question within your first post...you are in the process of taking charge..of course, this is all still easy for me to say at this moment! I have my other moments as well...

[mazea]

Great story Lizzie. Very inspiring how you chose to become an athlete.

I liked the story about the fair hair and staying out of the sun. Diabetics being sensitive about carbohydrates like sunlight:) .

Mazzea, i think you have actually answered your own question within your first post

Yes but I don't have all the answers. :T

[A_Darling]

I think I've just recently come into my "depression" period. Probably started with the thought that I've been diabetic for more than half my life. More with than without the disease, injections, BG tests, all the fun stuff associated with type 1.

When I was diagnosed I approached it as just another daily "chore", like brushing teeth or putting in my contacts. I was aggressively independent and I think that gave me a sense of ownership of the disease process. That mental approach worked for a long time, but as the years progress I went thru high school, college, and into the workforce my state of mind and general feelings about life have shifted greatly, so it's only natural that a person should feel differently about something at different points in their life.

As much as I like to believe that my independent attitude gave me strength, I think it was more of a defense mechanism to allow myself to believe that I wasn't "disabled". I think I've been avoiding the full repercussions of the realization that I do have a disease and that I am not the same as everyone else, no matter how hard I try to act like "there's nothing wrong with me".

Studying a bit of philosophy has definitely led me down a different path recently, but that's only natural. It's been for me to hard to think about my place in the whole good/evil world view, but I'm okay with not having it all figured out yet.


ps - exercise really, really helps my emotional state. A nice boost of endorphins really helps to get my head straight.

good luck!

[TenderVittleS]

Having Diabetes SUCKS!!! But, the better you take care of yourself the better you feel. You most likely will become healthier than most people around you and find something you really like while everyone else is eating cake and chocaltes etc. While my family members eat dessert I'm loading up on more MEAT!! Yeah!!

[yong86]

i was dianogsed with type 1 recently. but actually i knew it since 7 years ago, just afraid to prove it. untill recently my kidney is pain, and i have no choice but to see doctor. finally as i what i suspect is correct. i have diabetes.

the day my doctor check my blood sugar all the health care team are so tension because my blood sugar level reach 26.4. and i am so young . my doctor wan me to admit immedialy because im going to DKA(impending DKA). i was not ready that time and i insist . i only want to go back home. eventually i deal with the doctor and i i sign a litter and i go back home. but i have to come back after this to admit to the wad.

the first day in wad, doc came and see me. he explain everything to me. i still remember he said that....''Yong you need to inject for yourself for the rest of your life. 5 times a day.'' my tears almost fall down and i didnt dare to see his eyes.

life in the wad wasnt easy, the nurse check my blood sugar level every hours even is my sleep time. my fingers all full with the hole. the nurse come and get my blood for the lab test 2 times a day. still remember, they cant find my vein then they force to try to inject repeat and repeat again. i almost forget how many time they already inject to my body just to get a little of blood.

4 day after that, i go back my college life. i dont want my housemates see me inject so i wake up very early to avoid them to see me inject. still remember i have a morning class and i wake at 7 to make basal injection. 2 times i inject, 2 times the blood come out. its pain. because im not master to inject that times, so it was a bit hard for me. i cry in the living room and i ask myself how im going to face it for the rest of my life??

the desease have hauted me day and night, sometimes make me cant fall to sleep. im scare someday i become a burden of other people. what if i cant see or my leg is gone? and i dont really want to end up in the hospital to dialysis my kidney. when all this come to me i just pray to the god and tell Him that....God please give me more time , its too young for me, im fragile, i cant really take it.

[Caravaggio]

By learning all you can about diabetes, you will find out that it is not a debilitating condition and will not stop you from climbing that mountain you so want to climb. People with diabetes have achieved fantastic things. In fact, many stories about diabetic achievers revolve around those with Type-1 diabetes. Be inspired by them and their achievements.

I'd also suggest doing volunteer work - in a hospital, hospice, orphanage, places ravaged by natural disasters, shelters, whatever is available. Refocusing your attention to the needs of others will take you out of a "woe is me" mentality in no time.

[Lizzie G]

One thing I'll comment about the original post. What do you personally think about someone who has, let's say for the sake of argument, a "genuine" disability? The word is loaded and probably forever tainted but lets be adult about the concepts for a second. Having a disability or a condition basically means you've got some sort of situation going on that may require more care, attention or consideration than a "normal" person might need. (Whatever "normal" really is, anyway).

So in this respect having diabetes can certainly be a disability. So what? Why would that limit you, depress you in itself, or stop you climbing mountains if you so wish, if your situation might allow you to? Again I ask, what do you think of someone with a "real" disability? (Lets say, no use of legs, in a wheelchair). Are they some kind of poor sucker condemned to eternal "non normalness" and disappointment as you seem to suggest "having a disability" entails, or are they just another person with a different set of issue they (and those around them) may have to cater for in various situations/various times of their life?

Your post is really rather distasteful in the extreme when you lump disability with being a "freak". Break down some of your own preconceptions about what "disability" entails, and you might realise the whole question is just a rather self-torturing puff of smoke.

subby, you are totally misquoting me here; at no point did i use the words 'freak' and 'disability' in the same sentence and i take great offence at how you have turned my words around and made implications. in fact i didnt use the word disability at all in my original post so please dont manipulate my words.

i said I felt like a freak, an emotion personal to me and i did not extend this analogy to persons in general with a disability. perhaps a better word that freak could have been 'oddball' or something similar but i thought people on this forum had enough intelligence to interpret the overall sentiments conveyed rather than to pick out a poorly chosen word and to take offence by it, maybe if you carefully re read my previous posts you would appreciate that what i was trying to do was to explain the negative emotions i had experienced and how i overcame them and perhaps help someone a little on their own journey. for the record, i climb mountains, i swam the english channel, i think i do provide a positive role model for what someone with ot without diabetes can do, maybe im just a little more honest about some of the negatives and they are fresher in my mind.

in terms of what constitutes a disability [interesting that you ask me to question this concept having made no reference to it, it of course being you that chose to 'lump' (your words) the words disability and freak]. a disability is defined by the oxford dictionary as 'a physical or mental condition that limits a persons movements, senses or activities' or 'a disadvantage or a handicap'. im pleased that the definition is suitably vague,open ended and open to interpretation.

perhaps instead of attacking people you could actually think about the original question being asked and try to put yourself in the shoes of the newly diagnosed person who is struggling to come to terms with things, as im sure you once did.

to be honest i think im absolutely none with this forum. the number of times that someone is after advice and re-assurance and people start attacking the person that started the thread (and others at their whim) is quite shocking for a supposedly supportive forum. people come on here to deal with their negative emotions, not to be attacked for having them in the first place. people need to hear that its ok not to cope and to think horrible things sometimes, and that they will get through it, get a grip.

[alicat61]

:) Hi,
I'm a positive person and I think my stubborn gene:D helped me not to become a victom of having a cronic disease. Over the years people have tried to stop me doing things becase I'm diabetic. When I was 1st diagnosed my work place would not let me work night duty.I talked them into letting me try.(silly me know I do it all the time:D )
I wanted to do my General Nursing (become a Registered Nurse) I was turned away because the Matron thought it would be to stressful being diabetic(this was 25years ago)
I went off and did it else where.
I try to live life to the fullest (though since being married I have slowed down a bit:D )
I have also had brushes with melonoma's so I reckon if the diabetes doesn't get me the cancer will or a car accident or maybe evan old age. In otherwords I try not to take things to seriously:D

[davef]

I think myself and Alison must be related! I tend to be a positive person but I also have a stubborn streak a mile wide. When I was diagnosed a year ago, it came as a shock, I went through the gammet of emotions (denial, anger, feeling down, overwhelmed) and then came out fighting. Certainly finding the forums helped me get through the initial feelings quickly.

I guess that I took the words of advice "You control your diabetes it does not control you" that I got when I joined and went with it. Diabetes, is part of my life, it is not my life. It has brought very positive things into my life - I have found new friends here, whom I treasure and feel so connected to, I have lost a pile of weight and I feel great. Sure I need to take tablets, watch what I eat and test, but for me the positives have out weighed the negatives. I know I'm only a year into this, but I can only live one day at a time. I can't change yesterday, so I focus on today in the hope that it will make tomorrow as good as today if not better. I can only do my best, I accept I will have bad days or days I didn't do my best but I also accept that I am after all only human.

I suppose being diagnosed also made me stop and realise what the important things in life are. Life is too short, we need to cherish those around us.

Just my 2c.

[yannah]

welllllll..........mmmmmm...where to start????

first, I have a disability, I am on disability. I have bipolar disorder with phychotic features. Generalized anxiety disorder, OCD and panic disorder, OCD. that is my disability, not the diabetes.
For the bipolar disorder I took a drug called zyprexa. side effect diabetes. I have it. I was told when i started zyprexa, my blood sugar would be carefully monitered. I had labs done every 3 months, I never looked at the results. When I got the diabetes dx, I called the therapist office to see what my blood sugars have been, thinking I could not have had it for long. turns out I had two blood sugars done in 07 that were prediabetic and nothing was said to me. then in from may 07 on they quit testing my BS. just did liver enzymes and lithium levels. so, yeah...I have a lawyer, and yeah I felt like a victim.

I have alot of trouble managing life, let alone diabetes. but i was a trooper. lost all this weight, got the AC down, did a great job, got rid of the fatty liver. but started developing all kinds of symptoms anyway, I think most of you know the list.
I suddenly developed hypertension last week, I have to have an EMG etc... this is very hard for me to deal with. and I have become med phobic. I have drugs in the cabinet I will take, and drugs in the cabinet that have been prescribed, but I can't take them.

I can't afford all these medical bills. i am sinking. I am virtually homeless form paying the 460 for cobra and all these medical bills.

I rarely sleep at night. I take sleeping pills but nope, don't sleep.

and the very worst part is I had to stop taking antiphychotic drugs, they raise blood sugar. and now with the hypertension, i don't know how I am going to take my lithium, most hypertensive drugs run the risk of lithium toxicity. what am i just going to spend the rest of my life in and out of the phyche ward?

I try to count my blessings,, I have two fabulous kids, and I still get to see them, they live in maine 900 miles from me. I saw them on thanksgiveing and i will see them over Christmas.
they are in college. doing very well. I was a good mom, despite my issues. My daughter called me crying the other day, cause she missed me, she said that i am a good Mom and she wouldn't change a thing about her childhood.:) The freind that I live with, she takes care of me, pays my way, holds me, loves me. More than my husband of 23 years could do. If it weren't for her, i would be dead. I am not kidding. I have known her 17 years. she has seen me through my darkest moments. It is hard to be intimate with a person with alot of mental issues, but it does not seem to be hard for her. When i was freaking out about the diabetes in the beginning, she told me she would carry me if I loose my feet, not to worry. and if I go blind, I will still be able to feel her face. (I was freakin out big time)

My doctor told me when I got diabetes, that "I had one of the worst, if not the worst disease." OMG!


In the past year, I lost my job, my husband, my family, my home, and my health.

so yeah, I feel like a victim at times. but mostly, I have impressed myself. My blood sugar is so stable that I ate a bowl of cereal the other day to see if I still have diabetes! (183...whoops!)

but you all, whom I consider my friends now, may see me freak out on the boards from time to time, and I hope you can understand. This is just a little tough for me emotionally.

but it is what it is.

[Funnygrl]

I work in a critical care area of oncology and rountinly see people die horrible deaths after a brutal disease they knew could be fatal right along. I see people lose the family members they loved either to severe illness or death. I see people who are truly struggling.

If diabetes is the worst I have to deal with (and it's not my only chronic illness), I feel nothing but blessed. Everyone has their cross to bear, and I'm glad mine is a managble one that does not affect my daily quality of life.

[lorilei]

Lizzie,
I think your original post was and is a very valuable, especially for those of us that struggle with the whole diagnosis. even reading some posts from long time members, those who took it all in stride originally...the life changes, then testing and the injections, still have the ugly head of despair crop up...mincing words and semantics aside this is a very insightful topic to discuss from all different perspectives...please do not leave the forum as i appreciate your positive attitude, especially because you are more recently diagnosed and seem to have a good handle on things...and b/c you are not afraid to express your opinion.

[TenderVittleS]

I work in a critical care area of oncology and rountinly see people die horrible deaths after a brutal disease they knew could be fatal right along. I see people lose the family members they loved either to severe illness or death. I see people who are truly struggling.

If diabetes is the worst I have to deal with (and it's not my only chronic illness), I feel nothing but blessed. Everyone has their cross to bear, and I'm glad mine is a managble one that does not affect my daily quality of life.

Amen.:) ..............

[Subby]

subby, you are totally misquoting me here; at no point did i use the words 'freak' and 'disability' in the same sentence and i take great offence at how you have turned my words around and made implications. in fact i didnt use the word disability at all in my original post so please dont manipulate my words.

i said I felt like a freak, an emotion personal to me and i did not extend this analogy to persons in general with a disability. perhaps a better word that freak could have been 'oddball' or something similar but i thought people on this forum had enough intelligence to interpret the overall sentiments conveyed rather than to pick out a poorly chosen word and to take offence by it, maybe if you carefully re read my previous posts you would appreciate that what i was trying to do was to explain the negative emotions i had experienced and how i overcame them and perhaps help someone a little on their own journey. for the record, i climb mountains, i swam the english channel, i think i do provide a positive role model for what someone with ot without diabetes can do, maybe im just a little more honest about some of the negatives and they are fresher in my mind.

in terms of what constitutes a disability [interesting that you ask me to question this concept having made no reference to it, it of course being you that chose to 'lump' (your words) the words disability and freak]. a disability is defined by the oxford dictionary as 'a physical or mental condition that limits a persons movements, senses or activities' or 'a disadvantage or a handicap'. im pleased that the definition is suitably vague,open ended and open to interpretation.

perhaps instead of attacking people you could actually think about the original question being asked and try to put yourself in the shoes of the newly diagnosed person who is struggling to come to terms with things, as im sure you once did.

to be honest i think im absolutely none with this forum. the number of times that someone is after advice and re-assurance and people start attacking the person that started the thread (and others at their whim) is quite shocking for a supposedly supportive forum. people come on here to deal with their negative emotions, not to be attacked for having them in the first place. people need to hear that its ok not to cope and to think horrible things sometimes, and that they will get through it, get a grip.

Healer (preacher?) heal thyself. Your post is by far the most vitriolic I've seen for a while. It's a minefield to try and reply to which is a shame as I'd be quite prepared to discuss your points and my points and apologise if my reading of your post was incorrect this way or that. You accuse me of all sorts of things in misreading and twisting your post, attacking people, needing to "get a grip" whatver that means. I'd suggest you've taken mine rather out of proportion yourself and it seems to be because there is some criticism implicit. That you can't reply to perceived criticism with anything but a huge blast with a range of "counter-attacks" is unfortunate and I wish I could help. That you seem to see my post as some kind of personal attack on everything and everyone that you are and everything you've done is just... way out of proportion and simply untrue.

You speak of the "negative emotions" that can occur and how it happens on the forums - sadly your reply is one of the most negative-laden one I've seen in a while. I'm all for facing the negative emotions in ourselves - my previous point was nothing to do with you "facing your demons" or negative feelings you had been struggling with, but with the impression you are happy to have washed your hands of this freak thing called disability. As I said I'm happy to have been corrected that this is not how you actually feel.

You talk of positivity: where is yours in clarifying your post to me without a range of attacks or giving me a chance to modify my view once you've make your thoughts clearer? You do have so much to offer. Did I ever attack you on that front in any way? Did I do anything but put a very different perspective on disability and yes, point out I found your (my perceived) link with it and being a freak very distasteful. Re-reading your post I don't think it's a stretch at all to see the link, whether it's intended or not. Your further clarification is welcomed by me. The general spray of machine gun fire I'm not so keen to embrace.

Well, be all that as it may. I'm happy to apologise if when I feel strongly about something and I either misread or overstate it and it hurt people's feelings, and completely extend that apology to you.

Having said that the only point I will make is that if you did not intend any connection between feeling disabled and feeling a freak then perhaps as well as biting my head off for reading your post the way I did, consider also that you might take more care with your communications as well (as so we might all). You appeal to reading up on other posts you have written to understand you and where you are coming from. No, I haven't read or can't directly remember your previous threads/posts (I have a disability giving me difficulties with detailed memory) and make no apology for that, it's just not practical to rely on old posts to fill the missing blanks in for people on a forum.

(But at the same time nobody else seemed to have a problem with the way you seemed to equate solving the "feeling disabled" puzzle with proving and/or pretending you are "normal" and proving the condition may well not exist, so it's may well be safe to assume you did express yourself sufficiently for the majority of people. In which case perhaps I am guilty of being way out in left field or "making things up" and can only again, apologise.)

[Riannon]

I was diagnosed at age 4.
I rebelled because I felt it wasn't fari at age 15 and ended up in DKA.
I went on my first pump in 2006 after my grandmother died and I went into DKA yet again. (Almost yearly while I was married thanks to the stress.)
I'm turning 35 in about a month ... it's still not "fair."
My son was diagnosed at age 4.
He just went on a pump last month.
He deals with it better than I did because he has me to help him through it.

Diabetes isn't a disability ... it's a disease.

It's NOT "fair"but it also doesn't discriminate. It's face may change depending on the age you are when you're diagnosed, but it's still a lifestyle you have to follow.

Learn about it. Educate yourself about the disease, its care and management, and also about people who have it and what they have achieved.

Billy Talbert was a fantastic and famous tennis player (whom I had the priveledge of meeting when I was younger) ... and a diabetic.

Bret Michaels of Poison was an 80s rock star ... and a diabetic.

Halle Berry is a well-known actress ... and a diabetic.

Diabetics are everywhere and we are doing great things with out lives.

Your husband said you can't climb a mountain anymore? Why not? I have climbed mountains in the Adirondacks ... and I didn't start until I was in 5th grade. (Which was obviously after the diabetes diagnosis when I was 4!)

There are even diabetics who just ran the Ironman Triathalon a few months ago! They have a website ... Triabetes 2009 (http://www.triabetes.org)

If you search YouTube for diabetes, there are TONS of videos! (Lots are related to Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers, but there are others, too.)

I still get the "Why me"s sometimes. Mostly when I'm overly stressed, overly tired, and my blood sugars are bouncing like a yo-yo, but they're there. But it's part of who I am ... diabetes may not define me, but I live it every day.

I am a mother.
I am a sister.
I am a daughter.
I am a friend.
I am a companion.
I am a confidante.
I am a teacher.
And, yes ... that thing hanging on my hip is an insulin pump, but I'm a person, and i can do anything everyone else can if I choose to.

It's ok to be upset sometimes. Deal with it however it's best for you to deal with it, but don't hold onto it. If you let others treat you like a victim, though, it's a lot harder to get out of. So share your knowledge with your friends and family.

And remember ... all of those grandparents and great-aunts and other people family may discuss ... well, they lived in the past. Diabetes care has come a LONG way! After all ... it was only in 1921 that Banting and Best discovered insulin and its function! And where would we be without that?

[GeishaGirl]

I've had moments of mental breakdown because of this condition, but I must say the only time I felt like a victim was during my Complete Misdiagnosis Phase when my sugars were 500+ and I couldn't get a doctor to see me and I was afraid I was going to die.

Otherwise, I refuse to feel like a victim. If anything, I'm determined to become a Voice for diabetes, especially the "late blooming" Type 1s like myself. I grew up with a diabetic mother, so I knew a lot about it before my own diagnosis at 27 years old. After my diagnosis, I was SHOCKED at the amount of people that haven't the foggiest notion what it means to be diabetic.

I teach high school, and being open about being a diabetic opens up lots of dialogue between students who are interested in the condition, students who want to be doctors, and, at last count, five diabetic students -- two of my own, and three from clubs I advise. I get asked a lot of questions by everyone (teachers and teens are both naturally curious species) and I see no reason to hide anything.

I don't feel like a victim or a disabled person because I'm NOT. I have Barney, my plastic pancreas, sitting on my belt. I eat what I want, within reason, like every other health-concious person should do.

Does this condition suck cahones? Abso-freakin-lutely. Would I survive in the event of a nuclear disaster/desert island/apocolypse scenario? Not a chance. I also probably wouldn't survive an attack by a werewolf or serial killer -- that doesn't mean I worry about any of it.

I was raised to look for solutions first. "Solution-oriented thinking" is the phrase, and while I occasionally have my whiny moments (and, yes, depressed, weeping, screaming moments where I wonder why this disease didn't befall a "friend" who seems to WANT to be constantly sick instead of me!) my first thought upon diagnosis was "What can I do about this?"

You can't be a victim if you're proactive.

[Lizzie G]

Subby I sent you a PM in response to your last post

[Subby]

Thanks Liz, recieved :)

[SueM]

How do you not get a victim mentality because of your diabetes?

For me it's very simple......... I am not a victim and have never been encouraged to think I am/was a victim.
Diabetes is a condition that lives with me nothing more nothing less.