- Guilty -

[Delphinus]

My daughter has type 1 like me. I passed on a defective gene. So I gave her type 1.

I did tho, didn't I??

[Cassini]

First of all, I am sorry to hear your daughter has also been diagnosed with type1.

IMHO you did not "give" it to her any more than your family member "gave" it to you.

Genetics are pretty hard to know about whether to have children or not in case it gets passed down. I couldn't imagine there would be nearly the amount of people on this earth if we all had to "check our gene pool" before procreation. That being said, there are times when knowing ahead of time will make a huge impact on whether or not a couple/partnership will go ahead and have children, depending totally on their free will to choose.

I have some genes in my closet too, pun intended, that I sure hope my kids don't end up with. But the joy, happiness and the wonder of their lives now would not make me change my mind about them one bit

Please don't blame yourself, you are human like the rest of us. This is just how we are.

Good luck with working out your daughters D, I am sure all will work out in the end.

Cass:T
Helen

[Delphinus]

First of all, I am sorry to hear your daughter has also been diagnosed with type1.

IMHO you did not "give" it to her any more than your family member "gave" it to you.

Genetics are pretty hard to know about whether to have children or not in case it gets passed down. I couldn't imagine there would be nearly the amount of people on this earth if we all had to "check our gene pool" before procreation. That being said, there are times when knowing ahead of time will make a huge impact on whether or not a couple/partnership will go ahead and have children, depending totally on their free will to choose.

I have some genes in my closet too, pun intended, that I sure hope my kids don't end up with. But the joy, happiness and the wonder of their lives now would not make me change my mind about them one bit

Please don't blame yourself, you are human like the rest of us. This is just how we are.

Good luck with working out your daughters D, I am sure all will work out in the end.

Cass:T
Helen

She was diagnosed when she was six. She is twelve now.

I just feel responsible somehow.

[Delphinus]

Here is her story.

She called me from the hospital, after she was diagnosed, and said this, "Daddy, I know my life has changed forever, but I am not scared, I am not gonna cry.".

This, at six years old.

And ever since, she has been doing her own injections and her own bloodwork.

[NoraWI]

That is quite some daughter you have raised! Now, about the heredity of DM... Yes, T1 is autoimmune but heredity is NOT the only way family members can "share" the condition. Has it crossed your mind that other environmental factors can be at play? Things like viral infections, environmental toxins, food pollutants can all be shared factors in a family. We just don't yet know the cause. It might be the water you all drank, or the chicken pox or flu that set it off. So don't beat yourself up!

[Delphinus]

That is quite some daughter you have raised! Now, about the heredity of DM... Yes, T1 is autoimmune but heredity is NOT the only way family members can "share" the condition. Has it crossed your mind that other environmental factors can be at play? Things like viral infections, environmental toxins, food pollutants can all be shared factors in a family. We just don't yet know the cause. It might be the water you all drank, or the chicken pox or flu that set it off. So don't beat yourself up!

Thank you for trying to cheer me up. :P Yer a star.

[Subby]

My type 1 seemed to be triggered by a traumatic event in the family when I was younger. At times my family have blamed themselves or claimed that they feel responsible. There's very few things I've ever liked hearing less. not least because it was not their fault, and because I would not want them to beat themselves up in any way anyway. I'm sure your daughter would feel exactly the same. If held onto, these feelings do nothing but harbour more pain and difficulty. If it becomes a problem, discuss it with her, and LISTEN to her. If it becomes a continuing problem, get help about it.

[lorilei]

My immediate response Jason is that you DID give her something: LIFE....

[shiftzor]

I agree, how can you blame yourself for something that you have no control over? Be positive, it sounds like your daughter is doing an amazing job looking after herself and you should be proud of that. Thoughts have crept up about this topic in my own mind however I don’t think there’s a correct answer, removing yourself from the gene pool on a hunch or a possibility is foolish as there are so many things that could happen diabetes or anything else. There are worse things out there than diabetes believe it or not. I doubt there are many Darwinists on this forum ;).

[AngelKitty]

My daughter has type 1 like me. I passed on a defective gene. So I gave her type 1.

I did tho, didn't I??

Hi Delphinus, as a type 1 parent I can totally understand how you feel, however your daughter's attitude towards her diabetes is testatment to what a great dad you are.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that saying you "gave" someone something implies that you had a choice in the matter - I'm pretty sure this was not a choice you made or had any say in.

You never chose to give diabetes to your daughter any more than you chose it for yourself. I think perhaps what may bother you more is the fact that you don't want to see your child suffer or struggle - this is normal. You know the ins and outs of our disease and of course you don't want your kids to have it - no one does - and no you didn't give this to her, I'm sure you chose and gave her something much nicer for Christmas. ;)

Our gene pools are like a "lucky dip" - you never know what you're going to get, and even though being a diabetic is a daily challenge, your daughter has a terrific example in her dad: you have given your daughter the gift of love and the knowledge that you can have a full and happy life - no matter what.

My family had zero history of diabetes and yet my 6 year old nephew and I were both diagnosed last year - so who do we blame? - interestingly we had both been through traumatic experiences less than 18 months prior to being dx.

Take heart, look at the glass as half full - you have been blessed with a smart and lovely daughter who has inherited her father's positive attitude - sounds to me that you gave your daughter some pretty good genes. :)

[AngelKitty]

My daughter has type 1 like me. I passed on a defective gene. So I gave her type 1.

I did tho, didn't I??

Hi Delphinus, No you didn't!!!

As a type 1 parent I can totally understand how you feel, however your daughter's attitude towards her diabetes is testatment to what a great dad you are.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that saying you "gave" someone something implies that you had a choice in the matter - I'm pretty sure this was not a choice you made or had any say in.

You never chose to give diabetes to your daughter any more than you chose it for yourself. I think perhaps what may bother you more is the fact that you don't want to see your child suffer or struggle - this is normal. You know the ins and outs of our disease and of course you don't want your kids to have it - no one does - and no you didn't give this to her, I'm sure you chose and gave her something much nicer for Christmas. ;)

Our gene pools are like a "lucky dip" - you never know what you're going to get, and even though being a diabetic is a daily challenge, your daughter has a terrific example in her dad: you have given your daughter the gift of love and the knowledge that you can have a full and happy life - no matter what.

My family had zero history of diabetes and yet my 6 year old nephew and I were both diagnosed last year - so who do we blame? - interestingly we had both been through traumatic experiences less than 18 months prior to being dx.

Take heart, look at the glass as half full - you have been blessed with a smart and lovely daughter who has inherited her father's positive attitude - sounds to me that you gave your daughter some pretty good genes. :)

[foxl]

Gee, that's funny -- I thought I got it, from my KIDS!

Seriously, I am playing the blame game myself, in thinking that I adopted my kids when I was TOO OLD. And now I am dealing with their (at times stressful) developmental delays and my BS at the same time ...

Of course I KNOW this is not true. I do not "blame" them, even as you should not blame yourself for your dd's dx.

Your family, like mine, will have more insights to share with one another and be better support for each other. And probably be better citizens, for it (patriotic music swells from background, drowning out speaker and gagging audience).

[cherokee_psh]

You have to love that DNA lottery. I have been doing family research and thyroid problems, diabetes, and asthma seem to have a good hold. I have all three. I have 3 daughters. One has the asthma and the other 2 seem to have prediabetes. I didn't have a choice in the genes I received neither did my children. Do I feel bad they got something through me, YES! I stop at responsible. There are too many unknown factors. Such as the unually high number of people from the mid-Ohio valley (I'm from Ohio) that have the same auto-immune disease (Hashimoto's Thyroiditis) as I have. Did I intend to pass anything on, NO.

[foxl]

Interesting about a Hashimoto's cluster, there.

I know 1 in 10 women have Hashimoto's ... I have it, got it in my mid-30's and seemingly it is increasing -- in the late 90's there was a NEJM article about increased screening at younger ages for women. But they still would not have screened ME!

Also in case you did not know it there are GAD antibodies which attack both beta cells, and the thyroid ...

[genie86333]

My immediate response Jason is that you DID give her something: LIFE....

Exactly my thought, Jason. If you knew before her mother got pregnant that you were going to create a child who would definitely develop diabetes, would you have decided to prevent the pregnancy? You would have missed out on every "Daddy!" when you walk in the door after a long day, every hug & kiss, every smile & laugh - and you're not the only one who would have missed out on those things - she would have also. I'm sure she's pretty glad she's here to experience all of these things in spite of the diabetes.

Plus, as someone else mentioned, it's not necessarily a genetic component that caused her diabetes. It could very well be environmental!

[Delphinus]

Thank you for the replies everyone. I just needed some cheering up.

I know I couldn't control it, but it's just there, in my mind.

I wanted to type up more, but I am bailing for the night.

Take care everyone, and happy stabbing! :D

[myfranz]

Delphinus,

You, just before her conception did not go to the gene bank and "purchase" the gene that may or may not may not caused her type 1. Nor are you responsible for her glorious auburn hair, her green eyes, her nail biting (which you happen to do too) or sense of humor, etc. Okay maybe you always say-"she got her sense of humor from me!--but her enviorment probably plays an equal role.

Who do you blame your diabetes on? How many generations are you willing to back in search for a blame? That would be endless!

I have type II but I also have bipolar disorder, some of the meds I've been on for many years have contributed to the diabetes. I've yet to blame anyone in my family, I just try to get better with this highly difficult disease with a very high mortality rate, 1 in 5 of us die from bipolar.

If one day you daughter blurts out some anger at you, please recall the Kubler-Ross book, "On Death and Dying", the stages anger, grief, disbelief and acceptance are NOT just for the terminally ill, they are for all major illnesses and the trials we face in life.

This may be an opportunity for you both to get closer, that's priceless.

Goodluck!

[Barberian]

No one living has "perfect gentics", just think of all the good genes u DID give her, along with the outstanding upbringing you seem to be doing, I'd say you and her are "winners".

[robbytype2]

Here is her story.

She called me from the hospital, after she was diagnosed, and said this, "Daddy, I know my life has changed forever, but I am not scared, I am not gonna cry.".

This, at six years old.

And ever since, she has been doing her own injections and her own bloodwork.

they are brave and resilient , the little ones that is . delph could be and could not be who knows? no reason to feel guilt . and at least you have experience with it to help guide her . but honestly she will probably help guide you more ...

best wishes to you and your family my friend

[Caravaggio]

Don't feel guilty. Life continues by passing on genes from one generation to another. You have no choice on which genetic traits to pass on to your descendants. As also mentioned, her diabetes could very well have been of a non-genetic but entirely environmental in origin. While you would wish her not to have diabetes, would she be who she is without it? From your account, she's a strong-willed, positive and caring girl. Perhaps she also inherited that from you. :)

[kayCee]

Oh sorry, but why worry about what you can't change

[davef]

Delphinus,

By the sounds of things you are raising a wonderful girl, who will grow up to be a wonderful woman. As others have said, to "give" something implies you have a choice, if you daughter inherited this through genetics from you, that is not something you had choice in. We can choose our friends but we cannot choose our family, my mother has chronic asthma, my Father has had a AAA, major heart attack and a bypass - so medically I don't have a good family medical history. But they did not choose to have these afflictions, they did not choose to "give" me such a family medical history - they did choose to love me, support me and always be there for me.

My children are possibly at risk of T2 diabetes, I did not give it to them, but it's a risk. It's not something I am happy about but equally it's not risk I can take away - if I could I would - that would be a gift!

So don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you daughter does not "blame" you. Give yourself a firm pat on your back for raising such a great, resilient child and be proud of your little girl.

This morning a friend introduced me to the Optimist's Creed and perhaps there is something in it for you when you are feeling the way you do:

Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

[TommyC1]

My Mom says she inherited her diabetes from me!
But that couldn't be. She's type 2. I'm type 1.
Silly Mom.

Tommy

[princesslinda]

Fear of diabetes kept me from having a child, as my mom became diabetic while pregnant with my sister and ended up dying you. I felt if I didn't become pregnant, just maybe i'd end up not having the disease that killed my mom.

Had I known I would have gotten it anyway, I might have made a different decision.

However, even knowing i'd end up with diabetes at some point in my life, I am still glad to be alive...and have a great life even with diabetes.

I'm sure you daughter is equally glad to have had the chance to share her life with you.

Don't waste precious time with guilt/blame.....your daughter was meant to be here...with you as her father.