frustrated

[angelsbridges]

I don't know what to do.

What DO you do when someone you love is in denial that something is wrong with you?

Someone close to me doesn't want me to talk about it, won't help me watch for symptoms (like a hypo or high-I've told them what behaviors to watch for, and to remind me of blood sugar when it's happening), and basically doesn't "buy" that bs levels affect your mood, as well as other things.

I feel like giving up. I just don't know what to do. I live with them and share everything. I've run out of ideas.

[Jan B]

Just a guess . . .

This is new for you and it is the thing you think most about. The person you love does not want you to have diabetes, and wants you to quit thinking so much about it. They hope it just all goes away! Am I a bad guesser?!

[angelsbridges]

No, that's initially what I thought, too.

But, I just don't know what to do. I understand if he doesn't want to talk about it, but I need help, you know? We eat together, and do activities together, live together. He's the one person who can actually help me recognize the beginnings of an episode before it gets too far, and instead, he scolds me and tells me I'm being a b!tch or "crabby", and it ends up being because I'm going low or high. I don't talk to him about it anymore, but I need his help.

I actually told him last night that I was scared if I ever am diagnosed as full blown, that he won't be there for me. I know he would be, but I don't know how to get him out of denial?

[Subby]

It's usually hard enough to deal with whatever denial issues crop up in ones self, let alone others. Is this approach usual for his character? Does he have much empathy in general, as in truly trying to get into others "shoes" (even just briefly), even if he might have little similarity/little similar experience? Or does he tend to dismiss, categorise, or even "feel sorry" for most people and issues out of his experience, especially if there are negatives going on?

[angelsbridges]

He is dismissive.

It's like he won't acknowledge that there is a problem.

[Subby]

Generally, of other people and situations, do you mean? I'm wondering if you are fighting uphill against his usual approach, or whether that is a little out of the ordinary.

[angelsbridges]

It's uphill against his usual approach, but I guess I assumed he would actually want to know and help this time.

[Subby]

"Can't get a leopard to change their spots...." I know that's not a nice or comforting thing to consider, but at least acknowledging that you can't expect people to change thier ways, might suggest other ways of approaching or dealing with the issue.

Often we think people are judgmental or dismissive of things, because they just don't "care" enough about most things, and this leads to the thought they will "care" more and change behaviour for one or other thing. Been there, done that myself in hoping someone will surprise me. But that ignores the possibility, that people fundamentally view things from a different angle, think a different way, and act for an internal reason. To him, giving you "tough love" and "helping you fight" against what he may think is a self fulfilling prophecy, (issues through health) is probably what he considers the more caring and useful thing to do.

[jshuffle]

I would suggest that you spend time reminding this person what you are doing. Such as "I'm testing my BS before I eat so that I will not over/under cover for my meal and pre-meal BS", and keep at it. Your friend may not understand exactly why you are doing what you are doing, and therefore becomes dismissive of you being a healthy person.

It is confusing for non-diabetic people to understand why we do what we do. If you can clear up the communication difficulties, then your friend may be more motivated to help you accomplish your goals.

[angelsbridges]

Well, I'm not being scolded anymore for talking about, since one of our other roommates is now concerned he has diabetes. Strange how that works. The guy concerned runs on high stress and caffeine drinks (red bull, rockstar, etc). He won't let me test him with my meter, though, haha.

I just hope it becomes OK to talk about it casually at some point, and that I do get support from my (boy)friend.

[Barberian]

My suggestion: a compromise. Do some 'net searches on diabetes. Pick out a few sites with good info on control and diet, the bad, and ugly of diabetes including pictures (this site is a good one, maybe even this thread, hint, hint). Don't overload him with too much. Write down the addresses, put them in a "Favorites" folder in your browser, or some way he can easily access them. Tell him if he visits the sites, and later discusses what he saw/read with you, you will drop the subject for a short period of time after that unless he wants to bring it up. As we all know diabetes is much easier to deal with if those around us are knowledgeable and supportive of our lifelong condition.

[EeyoreButterfly]

I know you need his help but it sounds like he is not ready to handle this yet. It sounds like the way he looks at it this is your issue, not his. At this point I think you need to let him come to terms with it and not expect him to help you manage. Continuing to harp on him is going to drive him away. You need to ask yourself if this is the person you really want to spend time with. It sounds like you are very resentful of his reaction and you can't count on him changing, especially as this sounds normal for him. So you need to decide what you will do if he never "gets" it.

[angelsbridges]

I'm not resentful, just confused. Whenever he goes through any issue, I'm always there and supportive, even if I don't understand that. I just don't bring it up anymore unless he asks.