I think I'm going inpatient

[tilly-roo]

For my eating disorder.

As I have posted on here before, I have an eating disorder on top of diabetes. It's just becoming totally out of control and I don't think I can keep getting myself back on the horse anymore.

The cycle goes like this - 1) feel big, cut out insulin 2) go for 2-3 days without insulin 3) lose a lot of weight 4) feel safe enough (not to mention ill enough) to go back to insulin 5) gain 4-5lbs in fluid due to going back to insulin 6) feel too big, cut out insulin...

And so it continues. I feel I need IP treatment to help me cut the cycle. This will be my 3rd attempt at inpatient, and I am certainly under pressure because I go to India in 7 weeks for 3 weeks so I MUST be well. This stint will most likely be about 4 weeks long so it'll give me time to stabilise my weight.. my weight usually takes about 6 weeks to sort itself out.

Thanks for reading, I just needed a rant. Feel free to post any thought you may have. Thankyou.

[Jacque]

I don't think it is wise for you to interrupt your intake of insulin for the purpose of losing weight if that is what you are attempting to do.

Get your BG under control first. This is your number one priority.

There is an excellent thread dating last week if my memory serves correctly where a member of this board shares how he/she is able to lose weight and take insulin at the same time.

But for your sake, keep with the insulin! A mild anti depressant might also help you if you are concerned about the perception of "feeling big"

Don't give up!

[GeishaGirl]

I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck in getting healthy!

[zoelula]

Hi Tilly-roo
My heart is right there with you, friend. I realize every day how lucky I am to have had 13 years recovery from my eating disorder before I got diagnosed with diabetes. I agree with the earlier poster about the importance of treating your diabetes, but for you your ED is getting in the way of your being able to do that so it has jumped to the forefront. I absolutely support you in getting treatment. I'm sorry the upcoming trip is putting pressure on you; any way to postpone it?

Best of luck to you in your treatment. You are absolutely doing the right thing.
Zoe

[kt89]

hey i have a similar problem. i want to tell you all the usual like don't feel big and focus on your health, but i want to lose weight too. i was diagnosed two weeks ago and all the control on my eating has intensified my stress about my weight. i feel so fat after taking insulin. i dont care if i was dehydrated before i was diagnosed i want to be skinny again!! i want to know how to be skinny and healthy at the same time. is that possible? do you have to take insulin? what if i dont eat carbs and just free food and some protein and exercise lots?

[genie86333]

kt89,

If you are type 1, you need insulin - it's necessary for survival & your body doesn't make any (or enough if you happen to still be honeymooning.)

You may be able to decrease the insulin you need to use by eating low-carb. Look around the forum and you'll find lots of good info.

[DCaplinger]

I completely agree with a decision for inpatient therapy. Your issue is a psychologically rooted one. Simply chosing to take your insulin won't fix the underlying reasons why you are trying to sabotage your treatment. Eating disorders are real, and can be fatal. You really should seek treatment to help you recover. :)

EDIT: Also, try to remember that while it's hard to see the bigger picture now, the longer you prolong seeking treatment now, the more you will hold it against yourself 20 years from now if complications set in because of the unnecessarily high blood sugars.

Regards,

D

[palefacegirl03]

hey i have a similar problem. i want to tell you all the usual like don't feel big and focus on your health, but i want to lose weight too. i was diagnosed two weeks ago and all the control on my eating has intensified my stress about my weight. i feel so fat after taking insulin. i dont care if i was dehydrated before i was diagnosed i want to be skinny again!! i want to know how to be skinny and healthy at the same time. is that possible? do you have to take insulin? what if i dont eat carbs and just free food and some protein and exercise lots?


Yes , you will still have to take insulin. With out insulin, your blood sugars wil continue to rise , you get very sick , pretty quick and it can kill you.

Eating as you are describing will allow you to use less insulin, but you still need it to live.

[tiffanyfaith86]

For my eating disorder.

The cycle goes like this - 1) feel big, cut out insulin 2) go for 2-3 days without insulin 3) lose a lot of weight 4) feel safe enough (not to mention ill enough) to go back to insulin 5) gain 4-5lbs in fluid due to going back to insulin 6) feel too big, cut out insulin...


Hey tilly,

I relate oh so well with you. I to cut out my insulin for a day and then take very little for a few days to a week so that i can lose 5-10lbs and then i start my insulin normal again and i put on the 5lbs in the next week. I sometimes think about just cutting out my insulin completely for a month and lose alot so that when i start it again i wont gain to much to be at an unhealthy weight anymore.

When i was diagnosed it was at a time i had just lost alot of weight and i thought most of it was due to the exercise i was doing, now im wondering if it was all diabetes. I went from 227 to 187 and now im bouncing around 177 to 194 depending what week it is.

Wish i had the time to go to an inpatient thing to get over this rollercoaster too.

I hate insulin because even very low carb and lots of exercise for me i wont lose any weight just gain.

[PrettynPurple]

knowing and admitting that there is a problem is the biggest step to overcome or at least the 1st step. I wish you the best and hope you get well. If you don't mind I will say a prayer for you and hope that you can find your way to getting better. maybe something in this article may help

Diabulimia: Skipping Insulin to Lose Weight - Type 1 Diabetes Center - EverydayHealth.com (http://www.everydayhealth.com/type-1-diabetes/diabulimia.aspx)

[AngelKitty]

Hi Tilly,

I'm glad you're taking back control of your life, your eating disorder and your diabetes.
You know this treatment needs to be done in order to get your health back - which is the most important thing.
A healthy lifestyle will help you achieve the rest ;)

Stay strong - you can do this - you go girl!

[davef]

Good for you making a positive decision to get healthy. Remember, if you need more time that India will still be there it's not going anywhere. don't rush your treatment for the sake of 3 weeks in India.

Stay strong and be well. Do let us know how you get on.

[yannah]

hey, I understand. i did bulemia for years. I wouldn't say I was anorexic - but I hardly ate.

it is a wierd thing, and eating disorder. so I have no advice. my parents took ne to doctors, but nothing helped. it wasn't till I had a boyfriend that found out and flipped. I was in college. and I really like that boy. thats when the healing began. go figure. it didn't happen till I found something else to control and freak out over. then controlling the eating problems became as much of an obsession as food had been.

and I did get better and I never went back. but I still obsess about stuff. just stuff that isn't as bad as that was. I think I thought about food and weight 24 hours a day. It was awful and didn't get better till I really knew I wanted to let go. I was lucky.

do what you have to do, an eating disorder is no way to live.
do what you think will help

[tilly-roo]

knowing and admitting that there is a problem is the biggest step to overcome or at least the 1st step. I wish you the best and hope you get well. If you don't mind I will say a prayer for you and hope that you can find your way to getting better. maybe something in this article may help

Diabulimia: Skipping Insulin to Lose Weight - Type 1 Diabetes Center - EverydayHealth.com (http://www.everydayhealth.com/type-1-diabetes/diabulimia.aspx)

Thankyou. :)

Well, I went to an appointment today and they;re not willing to take me in if I insist on going to India so it's up to me to get myself better in the next 8 weeks. I think I can do it. I can't let the ED win and take away India; it's taken away too much. Everybody's so angry at me for going but I have to go. I've made a promise to go and help and I'm going to stick to it.
My plan is to low carb to keep as much weight off as possible and exercise everyday. I'm going to buy the Dr Bertstein book and try and follow that. Any thoughts?

[zoelula]

Hi Tilly-roo

Yes, I have thoughts, as someone who has dealt with an eating disorder in my past, and is dealing with diabetes today, and can only imagine how it is dealing with both at the same time. I agree with the person above that said that India isn't gong anywhere. It sounds like a very special trip to you and you don't have to give it up. It sounds like you plan on doing some aid or volunteer work there but what good are you to anyone if you are sick? My suggestion is get the treatment and reschedule your trip and you will enjoy it so much more being there when you are better.

Your plan...to eat low carb, keep weight off and exercise sounds like it is feeding into your eating disorder not treating it. I think you know that, because you have been to treatment before. I feel like you are totally lost in your ED and need help and support to get out.

In your saying "I'm not going to let my ED take away India" I hear a desperate desire to maintain control over your life. I understand that, but the way to do that right now, paradoxically, is through letting go and accepting help. Nobody will take away India, but you can willingly set it aside for a time in order to take good care of yourself.

[Beckernj]

taking yourself off of your insulin is the worse thing you can do for your overall health. Try and loose the weight like how everyone else does with exercise and eating better. I know you have an eating disorder but fear is the only thing that can beat it. Just think of getting lots and lots of medical problems like your liver having issues or heart problems. Also think of amputations.....I have issues eating a lot as well,(6ft 3 140lbs male) but I take the fear of those issues and others like dialises and it makes me stay on insulin no matter what

Id rather gain a little weight than die any day of the week.

[zelack]

As for gaining weight on insulin...well, I struggled with anorexia (not diabulimia, but still body and trust issues) and have been freaking out over the increase in my insulin needs as I've been put on hormones to correct everything I'm messing up by being underweight. I haven't gained an ounce from just insulin so far, and my nutritionist and I agreed that "low-carbing" would just be using my diabetes as an excuse to kindle my anorexic, restrictive tendencies. Since getting into recovery, I've gone from barely taking twelve units of Humalog a day (since I was eating nothing) to averaging thirty-six, and I eat around 180-200 carbs from fruits, veggies, and whole grains every day. The only time I've gained weight throughout this whole ordeal has been when I was eating 3500 calories a day, and my insulin requirement back then was very low compared to what it is now, where I haven't gained weight in weeks and weeks.

So my insulin needs tripled and, despite my fear the entire time (and the distrust I still have), I haven't gained an ounce from the insulin. I am still slightly underweight but have lowered my calories to maintainance level, around 2000, which I adhere to very well. Basically, don't eat too much or too little, stay active, eat what you want in moderation, and trust that the insulin is not making you gain weight if you do; it's feeding the insulin, eating way too much to compensate for overbolusing. I only say this because I think it's really hard to get over an eating disorder if you bar yourself from entire food groups. Eat carbs and figure out the best way to cover for them.

I did out patient for my treatment but wish I'd gone to in-patient, looking back; either way, treatment will change your world. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, PM me. : )

[lorilei]

If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, PM me. : )

Me too i have been there and am a bit further down the road...stopping has enabled me to have a wonderful family and regain my life...seemed so hard to believe at the time. Diabetes adds another edge to it..to get over one food obsession, only to have another need for food to be the center of your life is a cruel slap in the face (and often times i felt a deserved one)..this topic alone could have it's own chat room.

Please hang in there..india will wait, but i know what you mean..you may need to google a support group or a rest in peace forum for ppl with eating disorders..it is very moving and may help to refocus your energy...

[zoelula]

Me three on the people to PM, tully-roo! I'm new to managing diabetes and insulin but have fifteen years recovery from my eating disorder. Lori and Zelack I can relate so much to what you say. When people on here and elsewhere told me I needed to go very low carb and account for everything I put in my mouth I said, "no way!" I had to work hard to gain a healthy relationship with food, I like how I eat and the last thing I want is to go back to obsessing about food! I've modified that view because I know that, especially as I learn about bolus dosing I HAVE to count carbs, but I don't plan to be a low-carb person, just a "lower", because I'm a vegetarian and because even after fifteen years I know what works and doesn't work for myself in my recovery.I would never want to go back to that insanity. But, I do believe that bottom line, my health comes first. It's a balance but I believe we can have both, good diabetes care and ED recovery.

[lorilei]

one thing that should also be said about inpatient vs outpatient..if u r in a day program u have rthe opportunity to face some food challenges in both a protected and realistic environment as half your meals would be with thwe group and the other half in your real life..much can be said for this format as it is one foot in the real world vs the preexisting boundaries of inpatient..

I am wondering how well the nutritionist un ur program understands diabetes...

any interest in a chat room about this..? just wondering...

[windireed78]

I have read majority of the responses here. I had an eating disorder when I was younger, granted I got it taken care of. I also was over 304 pounds when I had my son 7 years ago. I sat and did nothing for a while until I figured that I wanted to be healthy and happy again. Instead of not taking insulin, getting yourself sick, and putting your body through all of the complications, find someone who will work out with you, if you are so worried about weight. Everyone wants this perfect body, well I am sorry there is no such thing as the perfect body, or wanting to be so skinny. Go to the in patient treatments, they will teach you this. I am 5'9 and 148 pounds, two beautiful children, and have had diabetes for the last 29 years of my life. I have been big, I have been to small, now I feel that I am perfect, because I am healthy, happy and I have 2 people that cherish and depend on me on a day to day basis. Stop putting your body and your health on the line to be super skinny, it's not worth it. Go to the gym walk, lift weights, tone and have something that you will be proud of, instead of not eating or not taking your insulin, trying to lose weight, and taking the risk of not being around in the future, because you wanted this wonderful super skinny person more then you wanted your health and happiness.