Blaming Myself For Hubbys illness

[Dode]

For years when I was first dx I blamed myself for getting diabetes --eating like a pig, eating all the wrong things , not exerciseing enough etc.etc.etc. I'm sure you know what I mean. I have been overweight since our fourth child was born. It isn't for a lack of trying to lose the excess as I have even had a stomach stapling(Which ripped out) to get rid of it. Last summer my husband was dx with diabetes and for awhild we had really good control of it. For the last while his bs have been on the rise and even a switch of meds don't seem to be working. He is now suffering with a bacterial infection and the Dr. doesn't think we wilol get a handle on that until we get a handle on the bs. I am now having the old feelings that it is my fault for not cooking right etc etc. does anyone else go through this or am I the only nut. At least through all this the Sr. is finally going to send the both of us to a specialist at out University Hospital. I have been going to another specialist closer to home but finally got up the nerve to tell the Dr. "I'm not going back to him as I was not satisfied with him '. I was surprised that the Dr. said no problem--we'll try someone else. Any way thanks for all the shoulders. I sure needed to get that off my chest.

[Linda57]

I think, before I started learning how to cope with the Diabetes, I had to learn to cope with the guilt...........I am still learning. :(

I find the folks around here are very understanding, and dont mind listening when I need to beat myself up about it.

Good to see you here - feel free to get anything off your chest

Love Linda

[am1977]

Sorry to hear you are feeling down...we all have those type of days, so don't feel like you are the only one.

First...please don't blame yourself for your diabetes or for your hubby's illness. The guilt and blame you put on yourself is not good for you or your husband and ultimately could be adding to your health problems, you don't need that stress. Yes, I'm sure you could have done things different in the past...maybe have made healthier choices...but so could we all. I'm sure all of us at some point have made choices that might be considered self-destructive, or just poor decisions in retrospect. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to change the past. I wish there was...I could have changed a lot ;)

What's important now is to change things from here on out. Start making a plan on how to get things back on track. Perhaps see a nutritionist/registered dietician. See what suggestions he or she can give you on meal planning. Talk with his doctor and see if there are any other ways you can help him and yourself. Encourage each other and motivate each other to keep healthy...for ex: start exercising together, test your blood sugars together, eat good meals together. And most importantly be there for each other. You are unlucky in that you both have to manage this disease, but you are lucky in that you have each other to lean on and can help each other get through the tough times.

I wish you the best. I know there are times that we all want to give up, but we must keep fighting.

Good luck :)

[rzrbks]

Dode,


YES, It Is Your Fault.

I just know that you figured out some way to insert a device to destroy you and your husband's pancreatic functions. You probably even giggled as you did it.

"BWaaAHAHaHAhaahaahaa---I am master of the world, I'll destroy our lives"


What's that you say? You didn't do that?

Then Please quit trying to blame yourself----Would you applaud yourself if y'all had won the lottery even though you never bought a ticket?---Nope, you'd think that it was an act of Providence/Kismet.

So, if you're not allowed to take credit for all the good things that happen to you and your husband--why are you allowed to take credit for all the bad things---I smell something fishy here. :D

[Dode]

Thanks for the "talking to" > I know my diabetes is possibly from inheritence as well as other things, but is seems so strange that my husband should get it as well as me. Yes I know these things happen but I sure wish it hadn't happened to us. It makes me think that we have been married too long and we are feeling sorry for one another and trying to take the others problems on our shoulders, :whistling :eek: ;) . Do such things happen???????????

[lgvincent]

You are not responsible for your husband developing diabetes. My father had many heart attacks when he was 47. He loved fried everything and that's what my mother cooked for him. Did she cause his heart disease? No. What he ate may have contributed to it but it very likely would have happened any way. There are MANY factors which come into play to cause a disease like this and you are not responsible for it.

[Harold]

I am now having the old feelings that it is my fault for not cooking right etc etc. does anyone else go through this or am I the only nut. Your not alone, we are all nutty! :1eye: However your not allowed to go on feeling like this. He is a big boy and could have insisted that you cook right and both of you eat right. So you could blame him when you swing the other way, but doing that you will be too busy blaming yourself/him neither one of you will get better. Better to take stock of where your at and decide your going to fix it and stay busy that way.

[Dode]

I do thank you all for your kind words. I hate having to be reminded that this **** is not my fault. I need to try harder to keep remembering that. As I said in an earlier post to someone---one day at a time---- and that is what it takes. Our lives have changed a lot since Hubby retired and that is taking a lot of getting used to as well as everything else. I think we need a holiday.

[Sharon Lambkin]

When I was diagnosed 2-1/2 years ago - I came home and told my husband - his answer "well it's payback time now - what do you do" :(

Even though I had to agree with him somewhat - because I have been fat for about 40 years, it has done something to me that I cannot overcome - it has tied my emotions up tight. My family is full of diabetes and I have been fortunate not to have gotten it until 2 years ago - I am 69 years old.

This is so out of character for my husband - he is a kind and gentle person - but he somehow thinks I have caused my diabetes myself.

Self guilt will destroy us I know, but I have had a hard time overcomeing this. I feel like I am so repulsive I'm not interested in getting close to anyone. I am a very positive person and can accomplish almost anything I set my mind to - but that statement has really done a job on me.

[Dode]

Sharon I know what you are saying. Even if it isn't our fault we are made feel that it is, especially when we are overweight. One person said to me the other day "You can't have diabetes---all diabetics are skinny." Boy how little some people know.I've had my times of feeling low because of this stupid disease and it isn't fun. One day at a time and this forum will take each of us a long way. ;)

[Barb]

I was close to 200 pounds when I got diabetes.....I lost and gained weight always gaining back all the weight and more most times ...I blamed my self for a long time for my Diabetes..till i found out I may have contributed to my getting it but I was probably not the cause..I may have got it anyway
I had Diabetes about five years before my DH was diagnosed..I cooked the same but I ate less and didn't have all the snacks... he loves his snacks and sweets so I baked and would buy everything he liked...Again I may have contributed to my and DH's Diabetes but I was not the cause...now we both eat our regular meals and have good healthy foods..and picking healthier choices for snacks. the stress we put on our self is not good for us boy I know how it can play havoc with the bs.