Need some family advise...

[Cinnabon]

I am experiencing a bit of family trouble. My older sister and her husband do not seem to understand the details of Diabetes. The funny thing is I have had this for 22 years now and they still don't seem to understand the way I must lead my day to day life, my schedule. The foods, the amounts, and especially the times. They think I am some type of control freak, it is very frustrating. How can I help them understand?

[lgvincent]

I wish I could help you. I had the same trouble with my father. I remember I once went with him to Chicago and around 5:00 in the evening I told him I had to have insulin and would have to eat supper or I would have an insulin reaction if I didn't eat a meal. I kept telling him that until about 9:30 in the evening when he finally stopped somewhere and I got to eat supper. The next morning I told him the same thing. I got to eat breakfast around 11:00 that day. Some people seem to think that if you ignore it, it doesn't exist, kind of like the "hear no evil, see no evil" deal.

[zookeeper671]

How about, "If I don't manage my life this way, I'll die, or suffer horrible complications! Flexibility isn't an option."

Wonder what they'd think if they had to plan for meal times, count carbs and calculate insulin dosages for a day?

[mg_2204]

... But diabetes IS about control!

I have the same problem with my husband. Especially when we go on holidays. I'm not on insulin, I have perhaps more flexibility than you but I hate to abandon my regular schedule. In fact, it jeapordizes our holidays because I'll go low and than high and I end up with incredible mood swings. Not good. But he just can't understand the dynamics of diabetes or so it seems. But it has stopped to bother me. I just tell him ok time to eat... ok time to rest... and he has no choice. Because I sure don't.

I may be wrong thinking that but... people with diabetes will understand what your lifestyle is all about. Perhaps a few rare other individuals. And that's it. Unfortunately.

I find it frustrating to say the least...

[DeusXM]

I'm confused. Being on MDI, I feel I have much more flexibility with my condition - I can eat whatever I like, whenever I like. I definitely don't have any schedule as such that I stick to.

[am1977]

Hey Cinn...

Boy is that familiar turf...I know exactly what you are talking about. I don't think anyone in my family really understands my Diabetes at all. I know they can't truly appreciate what I go through unless they are in my shoes, but it seems like they make very little or no effort to really learn something about it. It does hurt, b/c in a way I feel like they just don't care. It makes me very sad and angry sometimes. Ok, I know they do love me, but I just can't understand why they are so resistant to trying to learn something.

My advice is to continue to try and educate them if you can. If you stumble across an article that's interesting, bring it up in conversation, maybe watch DLife together, or have your husband accompany you to your dr's visit... these are some small ways to get them involved. If that fails, I think you have to just have faith and trust that they do really care, but just are having a hard time showing it. You can't force anyone to learn or become interested in something they just aren't interested in. I am learning this myself. Yeah, I wish it were different, but I think I've reached a point where I realize it's just a wasted effort trying to get them involved, sadly :( .

I know it's tough, but be strong. Also remember that you have all of us...I truly think of this forum as family and don't know what I would do without it. ;) \

[sparkle9]

Actually I have somewhat of the opposite problem! Years ago when I was on NPH and regular, I did feel locked into eating at certain times, especially with the wait time between injecting regular and eating. My family understood that really well, and would always make sure to serve meals at the right times. Now that I'm on lantus and humalog, I have so much more flexibility, but my elderly parents can't seem to grasp the idea that I don't have to eat at certain times. They are still worrying about it! They also think I am "not allowed" to eat anything sweet. I smile, try to be patient, and explain (again) how MDI has changed over the years. I guess that's about all you can do unless they are willing to read about it. I find that most people aren't interested in doing that.

I think that if you are on the appropriate MDI regimen, the timing of your meals should not be a big problem. The only problem I really have with that is that if I eat dinner too late I will tend to stay too high during the night.

[Cinnabon]

You guys are truly awesome..... Thank you so much!!
It is very sad and unfortunate that after having this so many years, they think it is simply about just being too strict with myself, they really don't believe its a way of living, day in & day out, for me.

[Erin]

Cinnabon,

I completely understand! When I was younger my extended family didn't understand at all, the holidays were a mess. Of course I was still a kid so my parents pretty much handled it. They took the relatives who didn't understand aside and said something like:

"look, erin has diabetes and because of how the medicine works she has to eat at specific times. she eats breakfast at ____ lunch at _____ and dinner at _____. If we do not keep these meal times she may end up in the hospital. So, if you can't be sensitive to her medical needs we won't be able to spend time with you, unless you come to our house."

You could try the same thing, sometimes people just don't realize how serious diabetes is, especially if you keep good control. They tend to think "Sure, she's got diabetes, but she doesn't have the BAD kind"

I hope everything works out.

-Erin

[Cinnabon]

Erin...

That's so funny because that's the exact way they think. Me being DX at age 9 my sister and brother in law would highly criticize my mom, accusing her of having me spoiled because she was always so attentive to my schedule. It just hurts really bad to think family can actually look at it that way. My sister would even encourage me to "eat more, eat rice, eat sweets." "One day won't kill you!" It just really blows me away.

[Erin]

It sounds like you need to educate your sister... is she very much older than you? (I figured she's older because you mentioned having a brother-in-law when you were 9, unless I'm mis-reading something). A firm statement such as the one I gave in my last post should do the trick... but you know your family, you know how you should talk to them.

My sister is much younger than me, and when we were younger she did used to get jealous of the extra attention my diabetes caused me to receive. (funny because I resented the extra attention and I wanted my parents to "just leave me alone" I guess the grass really IS always greener on the other side) She used to accuse me of "faking" low blood sugars to get attention, and she put guilt trips on my parents "you love erin more because of her diabetes." But she is completely protective and respectful of it now, mostly because I moved out of the house and she's got my parents all to herself except for the occasional phone call.

Sibling rivalry is an incredibly complex thing, and your sister very well may still resent the changes that occurred in HER life as a result of you being diagnosed. It seems cold and uncaring, but I think we diabetics don't realize how much our illness altered the dynamic of our childhood homes (that is if we were dx'ed very early) It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or care, or even really that she thinks you're a control freak... It means that she doesn't understand the disease, even now, but she knows that it made your parents at least marginally less accessible to her when you were younger. I'm not excusing her actions or attitudes, but I'm trying to understand them.

Have you tried switching to Lantus? One of the benefits of it is NOT having to keep such a strict schedule... I wouldn't suggest a med switch just to make your sister's life easier, but not having to keep such a strict schedule has drastically improved my life, and my control. (My family is sort of confused because they see me eating at funny times and eating "bad" foods, but my control is as good as ever) So, if you haven't yet, maybe it would be something for you to talk to your doctor about?

[Cinnabon]

Erin,

yes she is, she is 15 years older than me. Funny thing is, she had them all to herself for a REAL long time till she decided to move away. I am visiting a new Endo this coming Friday and he will mst probably switch me to Lantus. First time I switched, the Endo that put me on it was completely "fried" :eek: . I had a very bad experience w/ him and got off it. It wasn't the new Lantus at fault, lol. We will see how that goes this week with the new one. THanks Eri.. you R AWESOME! :D

[Belinda]

point out to your sister that there could be a chance that she, husband, or child will develop diabetes and then and only then she might understand your "control" over the disease. When I was DXD....my family was already in medical mode ....my mom the previous year was diagnosed with breast cancer so we pretty much just kept going with the support we always had...even today my mom ask me....isn't it time for you to eat? No, mom I am on a pump....eat whenever or whatever....I am fine....

[Cinnabon]

Today my sister was real sweet to me, my brother on the other hand was a real @#$Q! He actually walked in when I was going through a low blood sugar reaction, and I even went up to him to greet him and he walked away saying he didn't want to catch any of that "sugar thing" It felt really crappy! I just don't get it. He is a kidney transplant patient, I would think he would have more understanding nerves in his body.

[Erin]

It sounds like your brother in law may have a very dry sense of humor. I find it difficult to believe that he said that thinking it was true. You might have to sit down with him and explain that you find his commentary insulting and hurtful, not funny.

[Lee73]

Cinnabon,

I am really sorry to hear about your frustrations with your family. I sort of can't relate too well, because in my family it was not an option to understand diabetes it was an imperative. My mom did a good job getting every single one of us involved in what diabetes entailed for my dad and my sister. I've said it before, but, we were a "diabetic family". I actually cringed when I read about your brother's comment to the effect of not wanting to "catch that sugar thing". Ugh. When are you too old to punch your brother? ;)

I guess I would say that you might want to have a big talk with your family, but, I know that that is easier said than done and does not always yield the desired results. So, maybe it is better if I just say keep on doing what you have to do and remember that you can choose your friends, but....well you know the rest.

Good luck,

Lee

[Cielo]

Your brother-in-law sounds pretty ignorant. Perhaps there's no point trying to teach him. As for your sister. Why not introduce her to the forums? When I started dating Adam I wanted to learn as much as I could about diabetes and so I joined this forum to ask questions and read about daily problems yall go thru as diabetics. You have no idea how much we've learned. We talk about you guys all the time and about what we've read. I've learned so much from this site. I think your sister could benefit from it, and then perhaps she can get on her husband to have some more respect.

[Cinnabon]

LOL.....

Oh yea! I wanted to slap/punch and all that other stuff too. It's just unbelievable how ignorant he can be, even after surviving a kidney transplant, you would think he would be a bit more sympathetic, or much less HUMAN. What can we do?! lol

[Lee73]

Cinnabon,

Yeah, it is particularly strange that he would be so insensitive considering his own medical considerations. Have you pointed this out to him (politely, of course ;) )? Family dynamics can be strange. I think sometimes family members feel bolder saying certain things to other family members than they would to anyone else, for the simple reason that they can get away with it...anyone else would just end the relationship after repeated insensitivites.

Well, hang in there. I do think it could be a good idea to introduce your brother and sister to this forum.....just to read if they want.

[archimeech]

Today my sister was real sweet to me, my brother on the other hand was a real @#$Q! He actually walked in when I was going through a low blood sugar reaction, and I even went up to him to greet him and he walked away saying he didn't want to catch any of that "sugar thing" It felt really crappy! I just don't get it. He is a kidney transplant patient, I would think he would have more understanding nerves in his body.


Cinna'
sounds like he's not only a Kidney recipient, but also a living heart donor! Honey, if you need help getting them to understand, just let me know. I've got some very choice words for all of them. On second thought, you better not let me talk to them, unless you want them to never speak to you again. I have no tolerance for insensitive people. You can't let it affect you. It's a shame that your sis and the Tin Man you call a brother don't have the sense God gave my dog. Even she knows when I'm feeling bad and comes and puts her nose in my lap.

[Cinnabon]

LOL....

Boy that ,made me laugh! You're good archi!
Yea he is a real nutter. But, as you say, I can't ;et it get to me. Thanks;)

[mg_2204]

... Once I was told by a (so called) friend that diabetic people (T2) deserve everything they got because they were greedy pigs. I would lie if I said it didn't hurt. But at one point you must let it go or you let those idiots destroy you little by little. The best revenge is taking good care of yourself and have a happy healthy life. My guess is that some people will always be clueless...

[Cinnabon]

Wow...
What an ignorant comment. I agree there are some people out there that are just plain CLUELESS and IGNORANT and they use that as a defense. Makes no sense to me, but you just gotta turn your cheek.

[mg_2204]

... there's no cure for diabetes but at least I can take meds to help me out. Now when it comes to stupidity, there is no cure... and no meds to help either!! :p