Deep affects of Diabetes on a young person

[kemist]

As a single person in my late 20's, I am constantly going over things in my head that relate to my diabetes... I find as I have gotten older, Diabetes has gotten more difficult to manage, and is MUCH less forgiving. When I am at work, and suffer a low (which i immediately correct), I get so drowsy as if I am going to fall asleep... I feel worthless, unproductive, and start to limit myself both professionally and personally.

Things that sometimes really depress me, make me wonder how I should go about things, etc, are stuff like:


- Guilty feelings about possibly ruining someone else's quality of life because of my Diabetes (i.e. serious girlfriend, wife). Thoughts about them leaving me if things were to get worse.

- Loss of independence. When I move out, my parents don't want me to be living by myself. So It then feels like that person I am planning to spend my life with is obligated to take care of me as a live-in nurse. Or when they realize I can't live on my own, then they probably think about this to themselves also... I feel like **** about this. But the possibility of low hitting me when I normally have had someone to literally 'save my life' with glucagon is very real. It's a gamble isn't it? (lantus has made things much better now, but STILL).

- Feeling like I don't want to commit to having kids with anyone (pretty much making me very undesirable in the dating scene) because I am so worried about being able to take care of myself, let alone children. I am really scared about that. I hide it, but it's not right.

- Feeling like I am going to have to just settle for someone just because I am lucky to have anyone. I think about the guilt of meeting a great girl, with a great future, intentions of having kids, great career, and then I think listen buddy, you can't have that, you'll just end up ruining her life as well... take what you can get.

- Worrying about the sort of work I am in, and wondering if I should just stick with a simple job (not as challenging and satisfying) so that I can manage and keep an eye on my diabetes more.

- Preparing myself mentally for things that could happen down the road.

- Not even thinking about long-term planning, retirement savings plans, etc, because I am just thinking short term and of the quality years of life that lie ahead (hopefully many).

and on and on.... anyone else have these thoughts - how do you deal with them?

kemist

[koblenz]

Kemist, you are SOOOOOOOOO not alone!

I am in my mid 30's and was diagnosed only a year ago and I have pretty much the same thoughts from time to time. I imagine just about everyone here has had the same thoughts. I am no Psychotherapist (just psycho... ;) ) but I would bet it is a normal part of dealing with this stupid disease.

I don't know if there is any "magic bullet" that will alleviate your anxiety... dealing with diabetes, as life, is a day by day struggle. What has worked for me is one simple phrase: make up your mind! Everyday I make up my mind to go to work, manage my BS/Food/Insulin, love my wife the best I can, never miss any episode of SouthPark or ATHF, etc, etc, etc.

Is it hard... uh huh. Do I have down days... yes. Are there days I fail... yep. Do I make some big mistakes along the way... Oh brother do I! Everyday suck it up and push on.

The best advice I can give on the girl issue is to just be the best you can be. I know, it sounds cliche'. Someone will see you for who you are and not what you have. The diabetes won't really matter to them.... except the fact that they will want you to take care of yourself so they can spend many many years with you.

Kids... well I don't have any. I do watch my brothers kids from time to time (he has 5). All I can say about that is that after a weekend watching them, managing my diabetes seems like a breeze compared! Don't get me wrong, I love each and everyone of those kids like they were my own, but Oie Vey! They think nothing of it.. They tell me they don't know how I manage to live with diabetes. I think I am trying to say that you can adapt to any situation you put your mind to.

OK, I will quit rambling. Someone else help me out here.

[Dewey]

Koblenz said it quite well. I'm a little different (in that I'm a girl, and have had Type I for 23 years, lol), but I share some of the frustrations... ;)

At one time, I was upset because I was told not to have children (as my sugars were way less controlled - pre-pump days). I felt like some restriction was put on me, but then my sister had two girls and my whole life and world changed. I raised them for a while (till I moved), and still take care of them when I visit, so it's like having occasional kids. :D

I've also felt "dependent" at times (if I've been made to feel like someone always needed to be there). I didn't like that feeling that way, but after my hubby and a friend decided to drive a truck for a living, I got to spend alot of time alone. It was at those times that I took the best care of myself, as I was alone so often. I did pretty well, and hardly had lows.

There are days when I'm really tough on myself, especially if I'm having higher numbers. I sometimes over do corrections, too (especially if I'm mad at the high sugar). There sometimes seems to be no happy medium, but like Koblenz, I just suck it up and go on. I hope nobody misunderstands me here, but on the days where I've been down about myself or my Diabetes, I've thought about those who are less fortunate, and it tends to pull me out of that "funk."

I also understand the work situation, as I've felt that way myself (when low, etc...). Don't let it get to you, though. Definitely pursue your dreams and go for a job you'll like, even if it is more challenging. The only boundaries we have are the ones we set for ourselves (Sorry if it sounds cliche).

As for long term planning, well, I'm a spontaneous kind of gal (I've been accused of that, and worse ;)). My thoughts on life are that it's far too short to worry about the future (but, by the same token, it's wise to plan ahead). There's also that lingering possibility that we could be struck by lightning or hit by a bus, so I just roll with what each day brings. If I want to go on a road trip and leave at 2a.m., I do it (money/time permitting). :D

I think the best thing you can do is believe in yourself, and be as strong & as confident as you can. In the love situation, if there's a gal out there that's truly worth your heart: She'll love everything about you, stand by you at all times & be there for & with you, no matter what. Never settle for anyone or thing less than that, and you'll be happy. Hope this helps...

[Erin]

Kemist,

I think sometimes that our heads get away from us. I often walk the mental road of "what if" and "is it ever gonna happen for me" Just to put your fears into perspective,

- I am 23 years old. (I'm the oldest 23 year old on the face of the planet so take the advice as if I just told you I was 30)
- I live alone.
- Eventually if you think independence is what you want you need to tell your parents to get a life and make your own decision about where you live. (and ever hear of a room mate? you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to not live alone)
- I have had severe hypos, but I've always woken up and been able to fix them myself.
- When I finally get out of grad school I'll be a elementary school teacher, I can't think of a more demanding job, I know I'll be able to make it work.
- I plan on having children.
- You shouldn't worry about "ruining" someone's life, you have so much to give to a relationship outside of your diabetes that the person you share your life with will probably not mind helping you with your diabetes care.
- just as a funny aside, the guy i'm dating now (not seriously) is terribly afraid of needles, so that makes the relationship interesting.

I get through life one day at a time, and I also make a point of figuring out how to do everything someone ever told me I couldn't do. Yeah, there's a degree of danger but what's the point of living if you don't actually LIVE! In my opinion riding on a motorcycle (which I've done) is way riskier than living by yourself on insulin or having children, or driving, or doing the job that you love. You need to develop your own internal "risk/reward" calculator and live based on that, and only that. Diabetes is hard, do you need to make it harder for yourself?

[Smoky Joe]

Kemist,

I think your concerns are valid and normal, but you just can't let yourself get hung up on them. I was DX'd at 19, when I was most disturbed by being told I couldn't drink anymore. I'm now 36, and while certainly no role model or even necessarily a good example, I have made it through some of those tough issues. That's not to say I don't still hate having to deal with diabetes, but it only has to limit you as much as you let it.

Girlfriends: everyone has their share of problems: the girls you date. The other guys they can date. You are not going to ruin someone's life because you have diabetes unless you try to oppress them with it (e.g., blame them for your lows or highs, and then if they have any sense they would leave you anyhow). In fact, their reaction to your being diabetic once you let them know is a good gauge of their sincerity. Who knows, it could positively affect others: One girl I dated for many years actually ended up becoming a dietician.

Independence: you can be as independent as you want to be. Like Erin said, a roommate is wonderful reassurance. It does not mean that they have to take care of you, but if something does go horribly wrong, someone will know. I have also lived alone - more challenging, but certainly doable.

Kids: Never liked little ones and never wanted 'em, so I decided to pull my faulty diabetic gene out of the pool. Married a girl with kids already, instead! That being said, with the medical advances coming at the rate they are, especially preventative, I wouln't let being diabetic be the deciding factor.

Work: Don't feel limited! If anything your experience with diabetes management makes you even more qualified to handle a demanding job. If you can find a job that is satisfying and challenging, everything will be much better, including your diabetes control.

Well, I did not realize that I had begun a novel! I guess sitting down and reflecting on your questions is theraputic for me too. Hope something in my babbling helps!

Jeff

[duck]

Dude,

Are you on a pump? I know I talk around here so much about "the pump" that I am sure people must think I get some kind of a nice kick-back for each pump sold, but I am a FIRM believer in a pump for a diabetic, especially since it changed my life profoundly.

I've had the same considerations that you mention (I am 32), and before I went on the pump, I was afraid to live by myself (you only have to wake up once discombobulated and not knowing where you are/who you are/what's wrong when you have a bad low), afraid to have kids, etc.

When I started dating my wife (I tell this story all the time, skip ahead if you've heard it), I was considering getting a pump. So I ordered propaganda from MiniMed and Disetronic, and the MiniMed video I watched with her...On that video one guy said something like "Being on the pump, I have become so much less moody and a better person..." and my hunny says to me "That thing can make you less moody?"

At the time, I did not realize what a burden I was on my family and friends because of my moodiness. Now that I look back, I feel like sh1t about it, I was awful...I particularly feel bad for the dudes I lived with in college and my girlfriend before I met my wife--that woman put up with me for almost 4 years! She should be sainted.

Anyway, pumping has helped stabilize my blood sugars tremendously. Any time your body chemistry can change, you can get moody...Wild blood sugar changes are not good for mood.

Also, I wonder if you get really sleepy after correcting for a low because of "wild" blood sugar swings? Do you know if you are real high and real low a lot throughout the day? It takes its toll over time...

The good news is that today diabetes is more manageable than ever, and you don't have to be a hostage to it. I'm not saying it's not a PITA, but I think we're better off today than even five years ago, and in five more years I hope to worry about this disease a lot less than I do today. We'll make it, I'm certain of that!

[CarlyesHope]

Kemist,

I want to offer my $.02 but, I feel I should remind you, that I am not a diabetic; my daughter is, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I think first of all, and everyone here has taught me this, it sound like diabetes runs your life, and it needs to be the other way around, you need to have your life, diabetes is simply part of it. With this realization, you will find that your quality of life will not be bad, as a matter of fact, and again this comes from people on this site, they have pushed hard to make sure their quality of life is better than that of the average Joe, kind of like the commercials, I am a pilot, I am a physician, I am diabetic.

I am sure it is exhausting having diabetes, I only have to manage my daughters (and only portions of that) I don't have to live with it, for that, I am sorry to everyone, but I would like to think, that after the initial shock, I would get off my butt and show the world that being diabetic doesn't change who/what I am.

As for the girl, having diabetes will not stop you from finding the perfect person for you. It may help you get rid of those not worthy of being your wife or girlfriend. Because, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't accept you as you are? What would happen if you acquired a more serious illness like cancer? This girl is the type of girl to pack up and leave, and it’s best that she leave sooner, rather than later when you have built a life together.

Kids, there is no reason why you can't have them, none. If you feel you don't want to risk them having diabetes, Adopt, there are millions of children out there that need homes and if you have a big enough heart not to want to bring a potentially sick child into this world, then you have a big enough heart to adapt - - your wife (when you find her) will understand this, and will agree because she will love you as you are, because she has accepted you as you are.

Finally, and sorry about the preaching, as Dewey states, Plan for the future, while living for today. You can't predict what will happen tomorrow so, enjoy today as if its your last, but, you have to be smart. You have to dream as if you'll live to be 150 and save as if you'll live to be 100 otherwise, why bother living.

Kemist, Go for the Girl, Go for the Job!! Live your life; don't stand around waiting to die, that doesn't seem like much fun.

Cheer up,

Kelly

[zookeeper671]

There sometimes seems to be no happy medium, but like Koblenz, I just suck it up and go on. I hope nobody misunderstands me here, but on the days where I've been down about myself or my Diabetes, I've thought about those who are less fortunate, and it tends to pull me out of that "funk."
Wow, that's a jinx. I said the exact same thing in a thread about depression. (Except I was misunderstood. lol)

Kemist, oh MAN have I had thoughts like yours float through my mind. I wasn't able to move out on my own (for other reasons, not diabetes) until I was 30. Always had to have someone watching over me. When I moved out, I reeeeally moved out...moved 1600 miles away. lol I was living on my own, but someone would check in on me a few days a week. There was only one time where 911 was called in an entire year. Moving in with a roommate is a good idea, Kemist. Just having someone near who knows your situation, and would "check up" on you (as a roommate! not care-giver) sounds pretty good. Having a roommate is cheaper than living on your own, too. lol

As for finding the right lady... she may find you, instead. I found this wonderful man when I was in one of the worst funks of my life (total mess), and he still fell for me. He helped me get through the rough spots and never wanted to runnnnn awaaaaaaay (Monty Python) from me. Romance kind of just happens...rarely planned (unless you live in India?).

As for jobs... well, from what I've been told from just about EVERYbody, is you can do anything you wish to do, career-wise, as long as you can prove you're in very good control of your diabetes (haven't had hypos for a while). I'm talking about demanding, stressful jobs, here. It can be done. You don't have to "settle".

Kids. I'll be 34 in June, and I don't have kids. I doubt I ever will. Instead, I have pets who I treat like my kids. (Drives my bf nuts, but he still loves me. :) ) My bf has an 8 year old hyper hyper hyper son, but he lives the majority of his time out of state. We get him for the summer. By August I need a padded room. Kemist... if you want kids, then have them. (You know what I mean.) There's noooo reason why you can't, or shouldn't.

I tend to think too far ahead. Plan wisely for your future, but not too far ahead. It'll only make you anxious because you're trying to put some reality into the unknown.

[DeusXM]

anyone else have these thoughts - how do you deal with them?

Simple - I take them with a grain of salt.

From reading your post it sounds that your parents concerns about diabetes have rubbed off on you and you're looking at a worst case scenario. That's fair enough, it's fine to plan ahead, but you have to ask yourself - seriously, how likely is it that you're likely to have an incapacitating hypo? Maybe I've just been very fortunate, but in 7 years of having diabetes and generally treating my body with the utmost contempt, I've yet to have a single hypo that I couldn't treat myself. In fact you can count the number of people who've actually seen me have a hypo on one hand. That doesn't mean I have them, it's just that a hypo isn't suddenly the end of the world.

It sounds to me like you need some more confidence in managing your condition, and moving out is the first step for that. See if you can get some friends together and then rent a house to share for a year or whatever. You'll be less tempted to rely on them as you may do with your parents, and it'll teach you that diabetes is something that YOU can deal with, and you don't even need to get other people involved.

Don't stop. Aim higher. Diabetes is something to be fought at every possible opportunity. Don't let it hold you back, otherwise you will end up with a life you don't want. Despite what many people may tell you, diabetes can be a very, very small part of your life and you can still have good bg control. Sure, I've got diabetes. I've also got lots of other facets to my life too, and I let those ones bug me, rather than the big D. In fact it kinda ends up that most of the people I know don't actually know I've diabetes, or if they do they tend to forget about it. I actually get a bit of a kick about suddenly telling these people that I have diabetes because it always gets a surprised reaction - and that for me is one **** of a reward.

[am1977]

Hey there! :)

I think we all have had the same thoughts cross our minds at some point in our lives. Those are very real concerns and worries, there's no doubt about it. However, saying that, I think that you can't let those worries stop you from living your life. In a way, it sounds like that is what is happening and I think you are wasting a lot of time doing that. There is no reason why you can't have a long, healthy, AND happy life as a diabetic. Yes, there is the extra responsibility of managing your diabetes, but I don't think there is a person who is w/o issues of some kind whether it be health related or other wise. Don't let those fears prevent you from having a normal life!

Yes, we all get depressed at times...I definitely have my moments, but then I realize that tomorrow is another day and it most likely will be better. It's important not to lose hope. If it becomes an ongoing problem, it might be wise to seek the help of a professional. Diabetics do have a higher incidence of Depression and that can affect all aspects of life. Diabetes is no easy thing to deal with, it's with us 24/7, but I truly believe that it's made us stronger people as a result.

Hang in there ;)

[bac4uw]

kemist-
I too am a male in his late 20's. In sequential order, these were my thoughts when I was diagnosed about six years ago: (1) I'm not passing these bad genes on to kids no matter what, (2) I'm not getting married because I don't want to take anyone down with me, (3) I now only have a limited set of jobs to choose from where my disease won't severely impact my performance, (4) however, I need to have a job with benefits so that when things start breaking on me - I won't be stuck with the bill.

I'm now married, 16 weeks pregnant (well, my wife is), and numbers 3 and 4 just sort of took care of themselves. What changed? I just said, screw it! (using other "choice" words) I pray that my kids will not get this disease -- but, I'm hopeful that there will be a cure in their lifetime (if not mine). From time to time I feel terrible that my wife may have to take "care" of me... but I was not going to just wait around for that to happen (and neither was she).

The BIGGEST thing that I've had trouble with is this: 100 years ago, if I got this disease I would be dead by now. I have a tough time dealing with this fact alone. Without human intervention, "survival of the fittest" would have weeded me out. That's a kick in the you-know-what...

But hey: screw it! I'm here, you're here, we've got needles and insulin, make the best of it! Think of yourself first as a person, and secondly as a diabetic, and you can't go wrong. When this fails, I suggest a good Oregon Pinot Noir, you'll feel better almost immediately! :)

Bryan

[dixiepixie64]

The best advice I can give on the girl issue is to just be the best you can be. I know, it sounds cliche'. Someone will see you for who you are and not what you have. The diabetes won't really matter to them.... except the fact that they will want you to take care of yourself so they can spend many many years with you.

Everyone did a great job expressing how we all feel in this thread. I think Koblenz mirrored what I was thinking when I read the part of your post about dating/relationships/marriage as a diabetic. Me being the eternal optimist always felt if I saw an potential beau withdrawing because of my diabetes then he just saved me from wasting a whole lot of time & the pain of discovering later down the road when I had more emotional investment that he did not truly see/care about the real me. My wonderful hubby never batted an eye and is the best support person I could ever ask for. I owe much of my current state of good diabetic control (and motivation to stay that way) to him and his love for silly ole me. :)

[Cielo]

Hey Kemist,

I am not a diabetic but I had the great fortune of meeting the perfect man, and he is a diabetic (for those of you who don't know...Oradev). Anyway, his diabetes has nothing to do with us as a couple. I love him for who he is and what he stands for. His having diabetes makes me love him more b/c it just goes to show how dedicated and strong his willpower is. I don't feel sorry for him and I don't feel obligated to be his "nurse." I am here for him as his girlfriend and friend. I am here to help him thru his rough times as well as his good times. I would never leave him BECAUSE of his diabetes, like I said, that doesn't affect the way i feel about him at all. As for our future and having kids, don't feel discouraged about that. You are just like me, regardless of your diabetes. If you want a future and kids, go for it. I plan on living a long and healthy life with Adam, as well as starting a family. His diabetes is not a reason for us to not pursue that goal. I don't know if your diabetes are really rough on you....but don't worry so much. Take the best care of yourself as possible and hold the same dreams that you've always held. Don't feel like you don't deserve everything out there just b/c you're a diabetic. Diabetes is just a disease, but it can be managed. I'm not trying to say that it's simple to have diabetes, trust me, I've seen how much of a day to day struggle it is. I'm saying, don't let it hold you back.