[camjen1]

I don't think anyone here intentinally attacked you, they just gave you what you were looking for, ADVICE!! I personally could careless if you chose to be a parent at age 19 but believe me if you asked for some advice I would give you an earfull. I'm not one to party nor drink but after I had my son I realized the damage I had done. For the first point in my life it wasn't all about me anymore. I'm currently enrolled as a student but let me tell you the program I'm going for was supposed to be only 2 years but by time I'm done it will be 5 years. I can't even begin to tell you when the last time I treated myself to something or even went out. My relationship fell apart after the man realized this was for life and we weren't just babysitting.

I know it might seem harsh but that is the facts of life. When a new baby comes along be prepared for a huge adjustment and keep in mind that you cannot act the way you did before. You will not be able to get up when you want to, you won't be able to go out when you want to. Now you have the issues of childcare and trying to find a schedule that will work for the baby.

Far as my relationship goes I had a perfect one before giving birth. I was with the man forever but people change once kids are involved. We obviously couldn't go the places we wanted to and I'm not talking about bars or partying. It was a simple movie we couldn't go to. If such an event was to take place he would talk to me as if it wasn't his kid and I needed to find a sitter. The time spent alone with him was cut drastically and he decided to find a relationship with a woman who had no kids. I am not saying thats what they all do but that is something that can happen.

I know its an earfull but this is only meant to be helpful. Please don't think anyone is trying to hurt you here on this forum as we are a very helpful bunch when we all come together.

[Harold]

Many people have put off having children in the name of becoming more secure, mature, or to establish careers only to find out later that something along the way happened and now they can not have any. My take on this is if your ready, go for it. You may later decide you wish you had waited, but at least you won't regret not having any. I will also add finish Law school even if you get married and have children. There is meaning to life without children, and after children have left the nest and your education will help you accomplish this. I have seen too many people go down hill after their children leave and go out on their own, because they don't know what to do with themselves.

[Middle Aged Man]

Originally Posted by Faerie

I thought long and hard about what all of you said. Firstly, I want to ask a huge favour - this is only for some of you - please don;t attack me and be so aggressive, I was asking for opinions, not criticism. Some of you obviously think that because I'm 19, I don't have brains, knowledge, experience, maturity etc. Please, you don't know me. As for the comments about what my parents should do, say, should react blah blah blah - I DON'T HAVE PARENTS, I DONT HAVE FAMILY. I'll be honest, I inherited a large amount of money, which I received when I was 18, six years after my parents died. I have not touched the money since I rev\ceived it, except to pay for my second year of studies and paying my tuition fees for Law School next year.

I understand 100% where you are coming from, I realise that you are probably right, but I have no-one in this world except my fiance. I did not expect to get this kind of reaction from people. I'm not like any other 19 year old, I don't want to party and drink and go out etc. I want to relax and have a quiet life, one that is meaningful. I'm a good person, and having a baby is the most important thing to me.

But thanks for giving me some things to think about.

I hope you didn't feel that I attacked you, and I really didn't see any post that seemed to do so. We don't know your life. We do, however, know our own. You also are in a different nation from most of us, with different customs and attitudes. We can only speak from our cultures and experience.

I remember thinking myself a mature 19 year old. My 19 year old daughter regularly tells me the same thing about herself. What is odd being older and looking back is realizing all the things that we had no way of knowing at age 19. The world around me at age 43 (today) is so very much different than the one I had at age 19. I have changed, grown, and become more able to deal with this world on comfortable terms. That's part of aging. Also, any child benefits greatly from having a calm and capable parent.

I am sorry for the hard times you have been through, and I am glad you have someone special. I hope you do speak with him as you contemplate these decisions. I also hope you grow that love thoroughly and ensure that you are fully ready for a child . . . financially, emotionally, and logistically (ie, with your schedules and availability) before you have that child. Not said to be mean, but said out of love and compassion for a girl so much like my own daughter.

Faerie, everything I have said to you was what I would have said to my own daughter out of the love I hold for her. But I would have told her one other thing. I'd still love her no matter what she decided, but I will always want what is best for her and her family. I don't know you the way I know her, nor do I know your history the way I know hers, but I do know what I have seen in life. And I do know that I wish you, your fiance, and your baby . . . whenever you have him . . . every happiness.

[gettingby]

Originally Posted by camjen1

Did they know you were having a big one and that is why you had a c-section? I was forced to give birth the normal way (sorry didn't want to say the female part) which led to many complications after the birth. After that experience they took me by c-section the next time.

At first they really only thought she would be around 8lbs. Sorry guys, but I'm built rather small and he thought the chances of me pushing out an 8lb'er without complications was just too risky. My sister and I are built the same and he delivered her last one (9lbs. 11oz.) by c-section after she languished in a bad labor for over 12 hours !!!!!! BTW, she's not diabetic, he was just a big boy (her daughter was almost 8lbs and she was a natural birth but very hard).

[Faerie]

Everythings

[camjen1]

Originally Posted by Faerie

Everythings

Cooooool

[soremom]

Faerie, I have two boys. My first I developed gestational diabetes, so everything I learned was very quick and didn't last very long. Went back to normal after I had him. Eight months later, the symptoms came back and was diagnosed T1. We decided no more kids, wasn't fair not to be here for my first if I developed complications.

After getting a good doctor and talking with her, I realized with tight control I could have another baby. Just because you are healthy doesn't guarantee a problem free pregnancy, I found that out the first time.

So we had another, almost 10 years later. I was 23 the first, 33 the second. I don't regret either. I had some problems with both. Both came early 1st 18 days, 2nd 4 weeks. Both are fine and healthy, we I don't beat them for fighting with each other, lol.

I would suggest 1) talk with your partner about what is involved in a pregnancy. It is alot of work and having help makes it so much easier. See how he feels about all this. It is his life also and knowing his feelings is easier later. 2) You may want to wait till after you are married and go through an adjustment period. It can be difficult getting used to each others habits. If you are already living together and know each other habits, then do what is best for both of you.

I wish you luck with both your marriage and having children. Both change your life forever, but I would have my life no other way.

Kim