[Faerie]

Hi. I want to know whether any of you guys (sorry, gals) with type 1 diabetes have had children and being diabetic or whether any of you are thinking of becoming pregnant. I'm thinking very seriously about it, but I've only heard horror stories. Some info would be great!

[Willow]

Hello Faerie

I'm type 1 & my husband & I are hoping to start 'trying' later this year. It is scary thinking about it & worrying that everything will be okay. I remember reading posts a while back on pregnancy/birth which you should be able to find using the search function - happy reading!

All the best.

[Cinnabon]

YES it is very scary to think about. I remember asking one of my doctors how risky could it be for a diabetic woman to have children. he simply said, "Diabetic women are sterile"
I walked out of his office and never went back. My next doctor informed me well and assured me that as long as there was tight control & good prenatal care, I was just like any other woman wanting a child. Here I am, 11 yrs later with a beautiful healthy daughter.

[Faerie]

Thanks guys. The doctors here in South africa seem to be a little more conventional than overseas. I'm only 19 but I want to become pregnant as soon as possible. Hope you're all doing well.

[Middle Aged Man]

Originally Posted by Faerie

Thanks guys. The doctors here in South africa seem to be a little more conventional than overseas. I'm only 19 but I want to become pregnant as soon as possible. Hope you're all doing well.

Would you be offended if I asked why? I have a 19 year old daughter and the thought of her becoming pregnant this early in her life frightens me. I'm just wondering why someone would be so eager to be a parent. I had my oldest when I was 23 and my youngest when I was 42. I can tell you, it's a lot more enjoyable later in life. So much less stress to deal with, and so much more ability to enjoy your time with the baby.

[duck]

Originally Posted by Middle Aged Man

Would you be offended if I asked why? I have a 19 year old daughter and the thought of her becoming pregnant this early in her life frightens me. I'm just wondering why someone would be so eager to be a parent. I had my oldest when I was 23 and my youngest when I was 42. I can tell you, it's a lot more enjoyable later in life. So much less stress to deal with, and so much more ability to enjoy your time with the baby.

Wow, I appreciate your insight into this...We had our kid when I was 30, and I often find myself wishing I had my kid when I was younger, maybe 23-27...The few years would mean that now I would have a kid who is at least 3-4 years old, and probably another. I worry about this disease and the toll it can take on me, and I am sure you can understand the desire to be around later in life for your kids.

Anyway, it is interesting to hear you say it is easier when you are older. I think sometimes I wish I had the energy of a twenty-something again, LOL.

[Middle Aged Man]

Originally Posted by duck

Wow, I appreciate your insight into this...We had our kid when I was 30, and I often find myself wishing I had my kid when I was younger, maybe 23-27...The few years would mean that now I would have a kid who is at least 3-4 years old, and probably another. I worry about this disease and the toll it can take on me, and I am sure you can understand the desire to be around later in life for your kids.

Anyway, it is interesting to hear you say it is easier when you are older. I think sometimes I wish I had the energy of a twenty-something again, LOL.

Having done it both ways, I'll tell you the difference.

When you are young and have the children, you do have more energy. You are also learning to balance a new family, save money for a home, balance all the bills, handle the lowest income of your married life, come to grips with all the new responsibilities you face, learn to deal with your marriage, balance time with all the extended family, and secure your professional reputation and job security. All those stressors add to the stressors induced by having a child at that young age.

Since you have been through a few decades like me, as you age, you change a lot. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. You no longer insist that things be right, but you choose your fights more carefully. You can tell when you are being bamboozled by a phony expert, or given the runaround by a lazy teacher or doctor or administrator. You know your rights, your responsibilities, and your limitations. You also have managed to come to terms with your roles in your job, family, and have likely saved enough that you have your home and the ability to add a child without major impact to your stress or finances. Instead of each choice being a new issue, you are at peace with much of life's concerns, and can make a fairer and more rapid assessment of the right things for your family and your child.

So, having a baby in the house at 43, I feel very relaxed. Yes, I've been there before, but I'm not nervous about whether the car is good enough . . . whether my job will hold me another year or three . . . whether I can afford to provide my child an education or good car seat. Instead, we look into what is best for him, make a decision, and move forward. We knew so much more going into this, and find it much, much simpler to handle.

I honestly wish I'd waited to have all my kids. But then I wouldn't have the great ones I already have.

[Faerie]

Originally Posted by Middle Aged Man

Would you be offended if I asked why? I have a 19 year old daughter and the thought of her becoming pregnant this early in her life frightens me. I'm just wondering why someone would be so eager to be a parent. I had my oldest when I was 23 and my youngest when I was 42. I can tell you, it's a lot more enjoyable later in life. So much less stress to deal with, and so much more ability to enjoy your time with the baby.

Hi. I understand your response. I know 19 seems very young, but I am eager to have kids for the following reasons: -As I am a diabetic I don't know how long I'll be around, even though my sugar is under sontrol. I'm engaged and plan on getting married soon, and I cannot leave my fance with nothing to remember me by. Surely you can understand that I'm scared to wait until it might be too late? -I think most people wait to become pregnant until they are financially independant or at least their spouse is. I'm well off, and can definitely afford too have children. Do you agree with me that this is the reason why MOST people wait until later?

[Middle Aged Man]

Originally Posted by Faerie

Hi. I understand your response. I know 19 seems very young, but I am eager to have kids for the following reasons: -As I am a diabetic I don't know how long I'll be around, even though my sugar is under sontrol. I'm engaged and plan on getting married soon, and I cannot leave my fance with nothing to remember me by. Surely you can understand that I'm scared to wait until it might be too late? -I think most people wait to become pregnant until they are financially independant or at least their spouse is. I'm well off, and can definitely afford too have children. Do you agree with me that this is the reason why MOST people wait until later?

I'll speak as a dad to a girl your age, and I hope you have a good relationship with your own parents and can speak to them. If you're well off, then that should take a lot of stress off you, but why do you believe you won't be around long? You have a disorder . . . not a death sentence.

But let's assume your comment is real, and that you do have some incredible time limit to your life. Is your fiance' prepared to raise a baby by himself? I've been a single parent for a prolonged period to two girls, and I will tell you that it is VERY difficult to manage. It also is a great hardship on the child/children to have only one parent.

I'd ask you to seriously rethink your logic. Are you certain you are not long for this world? Why? Because of a diabetic condition already under control? (Remember, this disease only progresses if you fail to control it.) What are your motives to have the child so early in life? It sounds like you've made a decision based on your life, but what about your fiance's life, or your baby's life? If you die, their lives will be the ones impacted the most by your personal decision. Is this the right situation for them?

I hope you have found a loving relationship with your fiance', and that marriage will be a great thing for you both. However, a loving relationship is every bit as alive and a part of your lives as anything or anyone else, and the time and love you share is something you will always remember. You don't need a baby to be remembered. The motivation for having a baby should be that you both are ready to raise a child and wish to do so. If you're not even married yet, then do you really want to restrict the beginning years of your married life with the burdens and restrictions that accompany having a baby? It's a wonderful thing to do, but it will restrict your ability to travel, engage in social events, or even stay up at night.

I don't know the details of your situation at all, but as a dad of a daughter your age, I can tell you that I'd be having long talks with my daughter if she told me the same. A baby should never be planned for selfish motives, but for selfless ones. Please, before you take that step and do become pregnant, be sure that you've talked to the people who will be affected and ask their advice. Please also talk to your doctor. If you see yourself as dying an early death from diabetes, then someone has unnecessarily frightened you, and getting some clarity may help you plan a happier life for you and your planned new family.

I hope that was what you asked for. I don't mean to meddle, but I do wish a great life for you and your baby and your family.

[camjen1]

I had my first baby at age 17 (now where is that bitting the nails emoticon) and and it was hard. He was 10lbs and 14oz when he was born and 1 1/2 years later I was diagnosed with diabetes. I had the pump throughout my last pregnancy and maintained pretty good numbers but it still left me with a 10lb 5 oz baby girl. I don't know how they do things where your from but when I was pregnant I had a DR's visit 2 times a week from 12 weeks and on at a hospital an hour and half from my home. I was a planned c-section at 38 weeks. I wish you luck in your decision.

[gettingby]

Ok gotta chime in here.
I was 19 when I had my daughter. I did not have tight control of my diabetes.
I had a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. My daughter was huge. 11 lbs. 12 1/2 oz. I also experienced quite a few lows that required ER visits.
Sorry to give you another horror story but it's stuff you need to know.

[camjen1]

Originally Posted by gettingby

My daughter was huge. 11 lbs. 12 1/2 oz.

Did they know you were having a big one and that is why you had a c-section? I was forced to give birth the normal way (sorry didn't want to say the female part) which led to many complications after the birth. After that experience they took me by c-section the next time.

[KickStart101]

Hi Faerie: Nice to meet you. Well, my, my, if my 19 yr. old was talking about having a Baby now, her Father and I would sure be having something to say about it. She is getting her College out of the way first and her boy-
friend has 4 yrs. of University yet, so they won't be wed until they are done with that and they are okay with it. Things may change in a couple yrs., who
knows. Sure if you are financially secure now, that's Great that you won't be stressed out about bills. But I would suggest that you wait a year, make sure
that your relationship is well-grounded(that is the foundation after all). Then get married go to your parties, go travelling to the places you's want to see and have a life with just the 2 of you(actually you's can do most of that now). Then if you are both ready have lots of Kids. After you have one, there will most likely be more, and I tell ya if you put your heart and soul into them, they will suck the life right outta you (figuratively speaking, actually I
was exhausted for the last 18 yrs. ), but you'll feel Good that you did. The past several yrs. they've been working and doing all their own stuff so I'm enjoying relaxing alot more.
We were married when we were 21 yrs., we worked for yrs. I had my Boy at age 23 and my Girl at age 27. I am glad I had them back then since i did have more energy during those first about 8 yrs. Yippee! No more making sure they do their homework, or parent/teacher meetings, all their little friends running in and out wrecking the place(the past several yrs. their big friends and still now come running back and forth, wrecking the place, but now they clean up their mess, and no more those **** lunches, etc., etc..
Now I'm just waiting for my Son to give me a Grandchild in the next 2 yrs. so I can spoil it and send it on home with them.

[Faerie]

I thought long and hard about what all of you said. Firstly, I want to ask a huge favour - this is only for some of you - please don;t attack me and be so aggressive, I was asking for opinions, not criticism. Some of you obviously think that because I'm 19, I don't have brains, knowledge, experience, maturity etc. Please, you don't know me. As for the comments about what my parents should do, say, should react blah blah blah - I DON'T HAVE PARENTS, I DONT HAVE FAMILY. I'll be honest, I inherited a large amount of money, which I received when I was 18, six years after my parents died. I have not touched the money since I rev\ceived it, except to pay for my second year of studies and paying my tuition fees for Law School next year.

I understand 100% where you are coming from, I realise that you are probably right, but I have no-one in this world except my fiance. I did not expect to get this kind of reaction from people. I'm not like any other 19 year old, I don't want to party and drink and go out etc. I want to relax and have a quiet life, one that is meaningful. I'm a good person, and having a baby is the most important thing to me.

But thanks for giving me some things to think about.

[duck]

I didn't think anyone was attacking you, but text has a way of being "meaner" than intended. I always apply the "Donald Duck" voice to emails and forum postings when I wonder if the intent was mean or attacking--if it sounds mean with Donald's voice, then it is, LOL.

Faerie, I think you are brave to even consider having a child at 19--I look back and I was a DUMB 19 year old, any kid of mine then would have been in deep doo-doo. Heck, there are some who say I am a dumb 32 year old, so...But as far as your diabetes, it can be done, obviously. It will require intense attention, lots of testing and checking in with your healthcare team. Most of the onus will be on you, but IT CAN BE DONE. Just like any big decision, take your time.

I'll add this last bit: I had some older lady give me advice when I was about 25 about having kids--She said to wait later in life, because she had kids reeeeeal young (I think at about your age), and she felt that she missed out on things like travel, fun getaways, etc., that you just can't enjoy when you are older/after the kids move out. Now that I have a kid, I am not sure she is right, but she does have a point in that you give up a lot of freedom. Also, the grass is always greener on the other side, if she had kids later she probably may have thought differently.

Anyway, my wife and I are pondering having a second, so you and I are sorta in the same boat. Again, consider it carefully! And good luck with it and let us know what you decide!