[nicole]

Originally Posted by JediSkipdogg

You can find a way to make it work. Get a job now and start saving the money.

Okay thats easier said than done!!
I CAN'T just get up and go get a job.. I have tried umpteen times and NOBODY is hiring right now, because of how the economy is at this point in time.

I'd like to see you just up and get a job like its nothing.

I mean for pete sake, MCDONALDS ISN'T even hiring right now. And to me thats a job ANYBODY can get, they'd hire a homeless man if he came in and filled out an app and said I need this job, I'm homeless. But right now, they wouldn't because there NOT hiring right now.

If you'd watch the news or read the paper, even check the internet once in a while, you'd see that there are so many layoffs and job cuts right now. Were in the worst economic downfall since the 1920's!!!! And you tell me to go get a job and start saving now, haaaaaa. Thats a joke right??? I've TRIED I don't know how many times and all I get is "Were not hiring right now, in fact were letting more people go than we ever have." Sales are down more than they have ever been, so no need to hire new people. Trust me if I could get a job right now I would, and there would be no question about what I was going to do. I'd go right ahead and have it, but that decision hasn't been made yet, and I won't know until thursday afternoon what I'm doing.

It's no easy being in this situation and I'm going to make the decision that bests suits me right now.

So until then I'll keep you all posted on what I do know, and then Thursday afternoon or Friday I'll let you know for sure.

[Lizzie G]

Hi Nicole

I can see how frustrated and confused you must be feeling by choosing to make posts on a public forum about something so personal. As much as everyone wants to help and as much as we all want you to make the right choice for yourself, your partner and your unborn child, and as much as you value the opinions of the people who give such great and heartfelt advice on this forum, I do think on this occasion that it might be a good idea to reach out to those close to you where you live and in your everyday life at this point in time; your friends, family and the people that are a part of your day to day life. These are the people that are going to be there to support you and to take care of you whatever decision you make, and by talking to them now you might be able to alleviate certain worries you have, for example, your parents. you might be surprised by how much practical and financial support they are prepared to offer.

On the forum we can all look at the pros and cons of your choice in a detached way, but we dont know the people involved and have no idea to what lengths your family and friends may or may not go to should you decide to go through with your pregnancy; it is those people you need to reach out to. I know you are young and you dont have a job and things are tough but try to look past these things and think about whether as a person you can offer the love and all the other attributes that a mother needs to have; and whether you love this baby already and the other stuff can fall into place.

Good luck Nicole, talk to you mom and let her help you.

[microwave]

Dont kill the kid, give it up for adoption if you have to.

I dont care what anyone says or thinks, you are terminating a life, not a bunch of cells. Anyway you try to bend it the end result is a life.

Be less worried about how YOUR life has been inconvenienced, your choices led you to this. It isnt the kids fault.

Not to infringe on your autonomomy or anything...

[Jan B]

It's not easy being in this situation and I'm going to make the decision that bests suits me right now.



This just about says it all. Nicole, in your profile, you say you have great parents. Please talk to them if you haven't already.

Sending you love.

[lugnut48]

So - let's make sure we get this correct. You're basically saying:

1) I can't talk to my parents because I live with my b/f, in their house and don't have a job. They'd be mad. Very mad.

-Counterpoint: perhaps your b/f shouldn't have been living with you? What obligation do your parents have to let him live with you? And if they're letting him sleep in your room, surely they'd expect something like this to happen. I know I would, but then again - I'd never let him live in the house, regardless of his situation.

2) I can't have a baby - I'm poor and don't have a job. I can't raise this kid.

-Counterpoint: yes you can. It's called growing up. It's called becoming responsible. It's called getting a life. Do you forget about all the assistance you could probably get?

3) I can't carry it around for 9 months and give it up!

-Counterpoint: sure you can. If you're so convinced that killing it is okay, then why isn't allowing it to live and go to someone else? Think of it like this: you'll be doing the kid a favor, society a favor, and a happy set of parents a favor. The kid because, he gets to live. Society because we won't have to support you. And a happy family because they get the gift of a child.

So - in general, this sounds like a form of birth control. Get knocked up, kill the kid. I'll bet you'd do it again, and again, and again when/if you get knocked up. And for someone who's SOOOO conservative, I'm amazed you'd even consider this option.

I may come off as if I am against every single abortion, which I'm not. There are good reasons to have an abortion, but you're reasons? They're insane. Here's some advice: grow up, get a life, and while you're at it, have your b/f do the same.

This post will probably get removed by me saying this, but - it's people like you that I feel shouldn't have children at all. You don't appreciate life. You can't care about anything more than yourself. End point: you're selfish. Why don't you think outside you're own little bubble that you're in for once and make a rational decision of life for the sake of life, instead of killing it because you can't deal with a child right now.

And one more thing: I don't care how you feel if you get an abortion. I don't care if it tears you up inside, if you can't sleep, or if you want to jump off a bridge. Your way of thinking is about as backwards as can be. Did the child in there decide to be put there? No, you did. You make the choices to allow this to happen. This is your own doing. And because it'll turn your life upside down, you want to just get rid of it? How pathetic.

[Psycho Penguin]

I'm just curious why you haven't heard of these things called "birth control" and "condoms" if you are having all these concerns now. Shoulda thought about this a month ago? Or "that can't happen to me" syndrome?

[owlyn]

What a bunch of nasty, miserable bastards (not everyone above, you know who you are).

Someone is trying to make life's most difficult decision, and you decide it's time for a lecture. Very nice. How supportive. Do me a favor. Don't ever offer me any of your "help".

Nicole, I will PM you.

[morrisma]

Nicole,
This sure has turned out to be a rough crowd considering the usual compassion available.

Still, as I said, I've been on both sides of this decision and if you need an eighty-fifth opinion, you can PM me as well. I'm 54 and while my experience was when I was in my teens, the emotional memory is still pretty sharp. You are in a tough spot no mistake but you will decide and will get on with your life. Here's to you.
Mike

[enigmalady777]

Nicole, if you haven't done so already, I really really urge you to talk to your parents. You may be very pleasantly surprised with how they respond to you.

My older daughter found herself in this situation twice. Both times, my husband and I told her we support her no matter what decision she makes. The first pregnancy, she had the abortion. Afterwards she cried about it for the longest time.

The second time she got pregnant it was a few years later, different boyfriend. She couldn't bear the thought of throwing away another life, so she had the baby. Our darling little granddaughter is now 13 months old.

As it turns out, my little granddaughter is the light of our lives. My daughter still lives with us, along with our granddaughter. My daughter has a very strong support network right here at home and there's always someone available to care for and spoil my granddaughter.

And yes, as a single parent, you should be able to qualify for a few assistance programs. My daughter was able to get WIC (Women, Infants and Children) Food package assistance until the baby was a year old and also was able to get medical care through a state program as well as cash aid from the state. The programs vary by state, but they are definitely there to help out. My daughter wasn't (and still is not) employed either.

There are many options available to you.

[lugnut48]

Originally Posted by owlyn

What a bunch of nasty, miserable bastards (not everyone above, you know who you are).

Someone is trying to make life's most difficult decision, and you decide it's time for a lecture. Very nice. How supportive. Do me a favor. Don't ever offer me any of your "help".

If she wanted support, I can almost guarantee there are other forums that she can sign up on and get it from there. She (and you) should know by now that if you're going to publicly announce something of this magnitude, be prepared for both sides. I think that's life in general. Don't want people's opinions? Don't ask.

And guess what - it is lecture time. Lemme ask you this: if I cam on this forum, a diabetes forum, and announced that I had lost it last night, and beat my newborn who is 10 days old, do you think I'd not get a lecture or nasty replies? Now - let's kick it up a notch - she's debating whether or not to stop a beating heart. Do you really think she's not going to get a lecture or nasty replies?

So owlyn, do yourself a favor - don't ask for any "help" in a situation like this.

[geegies]

Nicole,
I contininue to think of and pray for you, Bobby, and the little baby inside of you. You must be very scared...
I encourage you to continue to be open to this little baby and the absolute gift that it already is.
I agree with Evermont- it sounds to me like you are filled with love and compassion, and that you would bless this child in an amazing way, just as it, no doubt, will bless you.
All the best!

[Psycho Penguin]

Actually owlyn if you were a teenager and had unprotected sex and got pregnant then whined about circumstances, you'd probably get yelled at too for being stupid. That's life. What "support" does she need if she isn't even telling her parents?

[Evermont]

Originally Posted by lugnut48

...be prepared for both sides. ...

It seems to me that nicole is indeed prepared for both sides. She's certainly getting both and take note of how well she's handling it so far. Remarkable.

[genie86333]

Originally Posted by nicole

If I didn't want to hear what you all have to say I would have never posted this thread!

I posted it to get your advice and thoughts on it.. for example wether some of you would do it or not, or maybe some of you have and I wanted to know how it made you feel afterwards.

Not to be criticized for keeping my options open.

I haven't seen anyone criticizing your for keeping your options open - they're criticizing you for not using your brain in advance so that you wouldn't have to kill a child in order to keep your life the way you want it. Your options are open...but only as to what kind of a mother you'll be: one who gives the child she created a chance at life or one who doesn't.

[genie86333]

I also wanted to add a bit more:

No, life won't be easy with a child, but it never is. Even if you're stable with a job & a good husband also with a job, having a child is tough. Your life changes. HOWEVER: your life has already changed, just with the existance of this child. No matter what you decide - your life will NEVER go back to the same as it was, so if that's what you're hoping for, forget it.

When you first posted about this, you made it sound like your boyfriend was happy about this & you said he's not happy about termination - If you do decide to terminate, that will be between you two forever. Also, you won't be the same person as you were before you got pregnant, because of the major, life-changing decisions you'll have made (whichever way you decide.) And also, remember that this decision doesn't just affect you & Bobby...it also affects the child you carry.

Being a mom can be the most wonderful experience ever... holding your child for the first time, happy yells of "mommy mommy mommy!" when you come home from a long day of work...It makes up for the tough times. Just ask your mom. I'm sure she'd be glad to tell you.