[thomasb]

so naturally i ate 3 of them, went a bit high and took my usual walk to get back down. And since walking stimulates deep thinking(all the great philosophers did it, alot, i hear), i started thinking. Here it is:

i got my diagnosis in the states, in December. at the time i was with a girl who i had left Sweden to be with. I remember that semester to be pretty bad, i was always tired and had no energy for anything else than work, school and barely taking care of myself. We weren't in a really good place either as a couple, had some issues. I didn't really feel anything other then numbness. not a depression though, just, y'know, tired.
Then after i got diagnosed it changed, i started feeling more strongly towards her especially, since she gave me lots of support. It was a bit like coming out of a coma. Not really an unusal reaction though since i had been thorugh a trauma of sorts. but anyway.
Then i went home to sweden to finish my degree, and we eventually broke up. The times before my diagnosis was a huge factor in it, as she didn't feel loved back then. True.

So anyway, looking back, i am suprised that i did as well as i did before diagnosis. I don't know how long i had prediabetes, but the symptoms were there for a long time. I also want to believe that that had a lot to do with us eventually breaking up.

Eh, so now i'm single again, and looking back, i almost feel like it's for the best. My life has changed so much recently cos of this. to the better to, i feel better then i ever have, both mentally and physically. I doubt that i'd have ended up here had i been with her, since i think personal change is easier when you only have yourself to focus on.

So wondering is maybe I have handled this better, and/or ended up in a better state because i went through the first time with the D as a single, rather self-focused individual. I've only had myself to worry about, and have been able to establish new habits and routines, that i've worked hard to make a part of my personality. Downside being that i've not gotten the emotional supports that can be given from someone as intimate as a spouse. Support is always tricky though since sometimes it can be easy to need too much, and use it as a the main tool for handling the issue, relying on it too much.

Part of it is of course wishful thinking, i most surely subconsciously want to think i got something out of this whole breaking up deal as well.

Ah well, just reflecting...

[viranth]

You're not the only one that went through your D like that. I too felt like I was all alone and probably got a bit selfish in a way. Luckilly I had family that came to visit every day, multiple times a day in the hostpital, so I didn't really get the time to be alone and get too selfish.

But I do undertand, because since D is such a personal problem, and so individual, it can seem like no one understands you in a way. Those around you are also new to the new lifestyle, and most of the time they might not have read as much as you might have, so they are in the dark.

All of these things gets better as you become familiar with your new lifestyle, and you also have to remember that if what has happened didn't happen, you wouldn't be the one you are today!

[Evermont]

Human pair bonding is tricky business, but it's in our nature. It's something we're driven to do but few succeed long term. It can be quite vexing.

Things turn out best when we become interdependent. For two people to become interdependent requires that they both first achieve independence. We can start relationships before these things happen and still get there. I think it's best to become personally independent, then find a partner that is either already independent or clearly has that potential.

This is all like the opposite of codependence which is really not a good thing, though people often think it is for a time.

She's out there somewhere Thomas - enjoy the hunt.

You didn't mention what kind of muffins, I like to think they were blueberry.

[artlizard]

Well ... first I thought philosphers did their thinking in a bathtub!

It's great that you got things under control and in hand now, no matter the past. In the future you won't have the issues.

As for emotional support, at least you have us! I know, not as much of a warm fuzzy as another person close by, but have faith that things will work out and it will be even better next time!

[thomasb]

interdependence, so true.

it was totally a blueberry muffin, or well, 3