[millien]

Mood swings are real especially when diabetes is out of control and going from high to low over and over as a person medicates and eats. I am a non insulin diabetic for about 15 years. I had more mood swings before oral medications were prescribed for me. I was controling by diet and exercise. I still have them now but I am usually able to cover them up as a "blonde moment" or a "senior moment". Mine seem to be memory lapses when something I am familiar with just does not come to mind or I do something strange for no apparant reason. I also have some problems related to head injury from auto accidents too so at times it is really hard to determine which is which.

I am familiar with the lashing out. I try to hold it back. Don't know if that is good or bad. I know the time will pass and I will regret it if I say or do something I don't really mean except at that moment. When I start feeling weak and hot and I feel cold and clamy to Doug's touch then I know I'm having a low and test my sugar and eat something or drink some juice. I carry flavored glucose tablets in my purse at all times. Sometimes traveling we are not at a convenient place to stop and eat when it is time for me to eat. I carry snacks for both of us. For him to get over the hungry and for me to prevent lows. So far I have been able to do something about a low before it gets medically a problem (pass out). I have told Doug that is a possibility but I don't think he would remember if it happened. I have started wearing a medical alert bracelet that states I am diabetic in case of a situation where others would need to treat me (car accident or something).

Your Bill sure needs to discuss all his problems with his Dr. with you present if he wants to make a success of this relationship. Your wanting to go with him should make him feel good about you and he.

I have rambled a bit but perhaps you have gained some useful information from my post.

Love and blessings,
Millie

[Mick]

CherylAnne,

Hello. I am a "diabetic husband" speaking. I totally understand the frustrations and difficulties you face dealing with Bill--I WAS pretty much that kind of guy for quite a while, and it does put a lot of stress on the individuals, not to mention the relationship. From the point of view of the diabetic, let me attempt to explain something, which does not in any way excuse his behavior, but may help you to understand it. We're scared of high readings. We're scared sh!tless of them--they represent the bogeyman of complications, unseen, wrecking our internal organs. If high readings are our enemy, it must follow that low readings are our friend. Faulty logic, we realize, but nonetheless, the more time we spend low, the faultier our logic becomes and the less we can feel our lows, until this sort of twilight edgy state of consciousness becomes accepted as nearly normal. It makes us edgy, nervous, paranoid, stubborn and, unfortunately, enormously resistant to seeing how "off" we are and trying to change it. It makes us resistant to suggestions that we need to change anything. And it's a vicious cycle--Afraid of highs, we drive our sugars progressively lower and lower. the lower we get, the less we "feel" low--in other words, when we live at 90 and seldon venture lower than 75, 65 feels pretty bad. But if we live at 70 and often venture down to 55, we barely notice 50. It's a VERY small range, when you think of it-- between 75 being just below fine, and 55 being just above whacky--only 20 points. There's no clinical difference between the 20 points separating 85 and 105, but a HUGE difference between 55 and 75. The more time we spend in the 70's and lower, the less we feel it affects us, and the less we feel it at all.

Bill has no doubt dulled his sense of alarm and danger by spending way too much time in this "too-low" neighborhood. There IS one fairly certain way out of this--it requires a lot of dedication and hard work. He needs to scrupulously avoid a reading below 80 for two weeks. If he can manage that (and he can--IF a coalition of friends, family, doctor, employer, whoever can be enlisted to support you puts the screws to him) than he will recover his own internal sense that these low readings are bad for him. It's a form of intervention that took me from a twilight of nearly 10 lost years of my life into a fully functioning person. I remember doing the same stupid things--being outside working in the yard, or shoveling snow, lost track of time and eating, went too low to know or care, figuring, "Whatever...", then wondering why, when my wife finally pulled me in to eat when I was way too low to stop and figure it out myself, why someone hadn't taken better care of me sooner... And her being really mad at me for letting myself get like that, and me being mad at her for letting me get like that... and around and around.

It's HIS fault, and it's NOT his fault--at this point his thinking processes are likely slightly impaired on an on-going basis, and if he spends a lot of time low, he likely has never sufficient glucose in his system to built up his counter-regulatory store of glycogen in his liver to allow him to fight off lows himself. He requires a time-out, as we say in Special Education, both for his mind and his body. He needs to repair his thought process and his liver response to hypoglycemia. He needs to back off his dangerously tight degree of control. with many low blood sugar episodes, he's courting permanent brain damage, which will scar his memory, judgement, reaction time and mental acuity. I've been diabetic for 38 years, and I lost the entire 1990's to the fog of hypoglycemia. I dragged myself back through fear, guilt over the hurt I'd inflicted on my wife and children, a couple of near-misses in the car and one wake-up fender-bender, two 911 calls at work and several more at home, and a desire to stop being a ticking time bomb. I wanted control, not just over the diabetes, but over myself. It takes incredible patience, determination, strength and willpower to do it. Read him the riot act. Call his doctor and insist that the doctor read him the riot act as well. He may think he's protecting himself from a tomorrow of being blind, in dialysis, in a wheelchair, but he's subjecting you to a today of anger, frustration, danger, hurt, emotional torment and confusion. Print out my letter and sit with him as he reads it. Look into his eyes and ask him, "What are we going to do about this problem?"

He MUST test his blood sugars 5-8 times a day, especially as he attempts to get off the roller coaster and normalize his readings. Self-regulating insulin doses IS a fairly standard practice, but he is obviously not doing it successfully. Perhaps he needs his ratios recalculated, or his basal dosage adjusted. Maybe he's not counting carbs accurately enough. There are a lot of things which would lead to his difficulties, and all of them are correctable--this is NOT a side effect he has to tolerate.

Good luck. Michael, type 1 since 1965

[TAutry]

G'day Mick!

Now that is a post! You offer some great insight and information. I had not looked at CherylAnne's orginal post from your perspective, nor could I.

This is great!! Please become regular here with us and post more often.

Travis

[Harold]

Hey Mick it's been awhile and that was a great post straight from the heart. You have been holding that one back for awhile. Like the way you brought that lows can become effectively habit forming and a way of life. The damage from extreme lows are long lasting and likely some of which can never be recovered from. Whenever the bodies cells are starving it sacrafices some cells to save others and it happens accross the board to all of the different types of cells.

[millien]

Mick,

That was a great post. I'll re-read it a couple of times to be able to pass it on to Doug. It will certainly help him understand better what is going on.

Thanks,
Millie

[CherylAnne]

Michael,

WOW!

Reading your post, I could hear Bill. He has told me some of the things you have mentioned.

He IS frightened at the thought of what is happening to his body! And 20 points from 70 to 50, is a HUGE difference...

Until coming here and doing even more internet research, I didn't realize how frightening this disease is. Bill's Mother, would tell me how important it is to keep an eye on him. I would tell her, he's a full grown man, he should know how to take care of himself! I have learned different... He does not always know what he is doing.

You explain, nearly a mirror of Bill's experiences, since the onset of his diabetes. He has an incredible inner strength and willpower. He is literaly a walking book of knowledge when it comes to foods and their affects on the body. I know he has what it takes get a grip on his blood sugar levels. He is a perfectionist, and having fought the ties of perfectionism myself, I know that too, plays it's own nasty roll in his frustrations.

When I started this thread, I was frustrated at the way I thought Bill was treating me. I felt he had no respect for me, as he would lash out at me for seemingly no apparent reason. I had been through a few months of periodical, unacceptable behavior and apparent negligance of his blood sugar levels. Since I have applied myself to learn about diabetes and payed better attention to him and his blood sugar levels, the unhealthy occurances of either have subsided. My lack of knowledge kept me from seeing what was actually happening. I can communicate better, and have more compassion and patience.

Bill, has always been proud of his body, his appearance is a fine speciman of male physique. He tells me that he hasn't worked out with weights, in a few years and amoungst other things, I think he's been in a slump. Last night, we started a weight lifting program and he told me, he will be monitoring his blood sugar more often, in order to compensate for food and insulin. I know, if he feels better about himself, he will in turn take better care of his body.

MILLIE, I have noticed that Bill may be having the memory lapses you speak of. It seems to be more short term, like he will not remember the name of a friend I introduce to him, even after he has met them several times, been to their home, etc. When he's talking about something, explaining whatever, the point will be on the 'tip of his tounge', so to speak and I see a frustrated look come over his face, he know's it's there, but it won't come out! Bill has also been in an auto accident, with head injuries, over 10 years ago.

When Bill lashes out, he'll smile afterwards, almost like he is surprised at what he said. He never stays angry.

Thanks again, for getting involved in this thread, you've been a great help to me...

CherylAnne

[millien]

Cheryl Ann,

I can truly understand what Bill must be going through with the memory lapses. Head injury problems sometimes don't show up for many years or start causing problems but not often enough to think there is anything really wrong. Does he have any problems with balance, particularly in the dark? Ever fall for no reason?

Low blood sugar can certainly add to these events. Drs tell me high sugar can as well. Can't win.

I had to quit my job 3 years ago because of the memory problems. And quit night school about a year before that. I got to the point that I could not even balance the bank statement. It was lengthly and I would forget where I was when I would be interrupted (phone, boss, customers, etc.). I started making mistakes in data entry that I would not catch until the next day. Lots of dyslexia there. It was very hard for me. I worked there 3 years and most of 2 years was great. Every now and then I would have a lapse but not enough to worry about - then it got worse. It was explained to me by a neuro-psychologist that whenever I was distracted, tired or not feeling well I would have concentration and memory problems. She gave me several tests - verbal and written and one on computer and talked to me for quite a while to make her determination and reviewed my medical file. There are days when I do great. I really enjoy those days.

I have a pilots license (private pilot, single engine, land). I have not flown as pilot in many years. Loved it when I had access to an airplane. Between my diabetes and the memory and balance problems I doubt that I could pass the physical now to fly. I am having to accept that with health problems I won't be able to do a lot of things I have enjoyed in the past. Not even sure how I would do on a boat. Maybe my balance problems (from head injury and ear disorder) and the boat could rock opposite one another and cancel each other out. A friend of mine said his sister told him "getting old was not for sissies". I am beginning to realize that. I am far from old at 60 though. My 82 yr old Aunt is beautiful and such a great outlook. She does not look over 60 (any only because of the gray hair). She is charming. I hope I can acquire some of her charm and grace as I get older.

I wandered a bit as usual. Hard for me to stay on the subject sometimes.

If Bill's memory gets worse or he is having balance problems a neurologist would be a good place to start and follow up with neuro pshychologist. Several Drs thought I had possibly had a stroke but no evidence of that in any of the tests. I was not able to work and did not have insurance during these tests. I was lucky to qualify for medical help through the County or I could not have had the tests. Applied for disability social security and finally got that approved near a year ago. Took 2 years and a trip to a hearing with a judge and an attorney to get it done.

all for now,
Love and blessings,
Millie

[CherylAnne]

Millie,

A result of Bill's head injury, he only has hearing in one ear, and a slight ringing in the other. He says it's difficult to socialize with a group of people because he can not hear all of the conversation. Ha, last night, I said to him; 'I have dinner ready for you' and his reply was; 'I love you too.' Ahhh... As for music, he hears the bass over treble. If the song doesn't have much bass, to him it sounds a blur. He's an excellent mechanic, worked on cars all his life, since losing hearing in one hear, it's difficult for him to hear the sounds of engine error, without hearing in stereo.

I have noticed his unsteadiness, but I have attributed it to low blood sugar. I have never seen him fall, nor has he told me so.

I have a sailboat, a Morgan 34. He went with me once to deliver it a short distance, in calm water, without the sails up. I didn't notice if he had any problem with it, and we sat most of the time anyway. It's being hauled out next week, for a new bottom job and then we will be able to take a cruise. I suppose, I will find out soon enough if he's steady on uneven, bouncy surfaces...hehe

Kudos to you, for making it through the process of social security and disability. I helped a friend through it, I thought I was in a time warp! Papers, more papers please! Where's your papers? And then hurry up and wait...!

Yeah, I have to agree, getting old isn't for sissies! Although, I'm nearly 20 years your junior, I am certainly beginning to notice the affects of aging. Years ago, I started letting my hair grow long, I had always kept a short doo, so I told myself, when my hair covers my breast, I'll cut it short again... Haha, my hair is still growing and you can imagine where my breasts are going!

I have heard, that attitude and the immune system go hand in hand. Keeping a possitive attitude and omitting stress is good! So let yourself soar, my dear!

CherylAnne

[millien]

CherylAnne,

I had a reply all typed and when I sent it I was offline and did not know it and I lost it. If it shows up in cybe space anywhere I will try to repeat it now.

Glad to hear things are going better for you 2.

I have tinnitus in both ears along with a hearing deficency. I too; have difficulty having a conversation in a crowd. I have hearing aids but they seem to bother me more than not hearing. They increase "all" noise so the background noise is still there. They have been adjusted as much as they can. the noise in my ears is 24/7 and gets worse as the day goes by. My Dad had the same thing - runs in my Dad's family. My Aunt has great hearing aids, computerized, etc. They are so small and fit entirely in the ear with a little wire to pull them out by. About $5,000. I can say "Huh" a whole lot for that amount of money.

In one of my previous lives (marriage) we had a 26' wooden hull Chris Craft. Sure enjoyed it. Sold it when we were transferred to Dallas from Beaumont. We enjoyed salt water fishing. Never knew what you were going to catch and sometimes even before you could reel it in a larger fish or a shark might bite part of it off. Fresh water fishing was boring to me and I did not like the bait. I don't mind putting a shrimp on a hook. Just have to have someone else take my catch off the hook. When my step son was younger we had a 14' fiberglass boat and fished in Galveston Bay. One day he hooked a sting ray and when he realized that he ran to the back of the boat away from it. We kept the chris Craft at Port Arthur to go out in Gulf through Sabine Pass. there was a pet alligator that lived in the Marina. We would feed it our left overs when we would get back. Beat on the back of the boat to get his attention and he would swim over. Did not let him get too close. He did not care for peanut butter cookies but liked ham sandwiches. A stranger to the marina with a gun (not allowed) shot Allie Gator one day. Did not know he was a pet of sorts. All he had to do was stay away from him. We were not there that day or that person would have certainly heard from me. Illegal gun and shooting Allie Gator.

We are going to meetings of Coast Guard Auxilliary at Lake Conroe. Doug transferred his membership and I will re-qualify. Other flotila lost my paperwork or something.

All for now,
Love and blessings,
Millie