[nicole]

So I haven't been on here in a while. I really haven't been on the computer though.

And thats all because I've been feeling really depressed. The kind of depressed where I either want to curl up in bed and sleep all the negative thoughts away or just end it all. I find myself wanting to cry all the time. Why I'm so depressed...I don't know. Its like as soon as I find things going better than ever...I begin to fall back into that down kind of mood. Granted there has been alot of things going on the past couple of weeks or so, well I should say the past couple of months. I wasn't feeling like this up until the middle or end of February after my boyfriend and I were jumped by four or five people. Since then I've had a rough time going out by myself, and all that. But recently it started to get worse. I thin kit really got bad after I had to take my boyfriend to the hospital. He was in so much pain and asked me to drive him there, and I did, doctor came in said he had appendicitis and had to have them removed. He went for an emergency appendectomy first thing the next morning. All I could worry about was if he was going to be okay, because the doctor said if he had waited a couple more days they would have burst probably killing him, then a week later I had to take him back because the incisions were infected. I don't know...maybe I worry too much and think about things that I shouldn't. On top of all that I've been really stressed out. I lost my job, I'm having trouble finding another one, I'm trying to get back to school, but every time I go to start something comes up preventing me from going, and theres other things going on too. Personal things I really don't want to broadcast on this forum, but if you want to talk to me about it, and maybe try to make me feel a little better send me a private message or send me a message on myspace- MySpace.com - www.myspace.com/271085540 and I have AIM-niicoleemariiee3. So whatever you feel like doing. I just need someone to talk to, so I can get things off my mind.


p.s. Its back to the poor testing again...HELP!!

[adiantum]

I'm so sorry your having such a hard time Nicole . It's wierd how life runs really smooth , & then all of a sudden we are dumped into all sorts of experiences & challenges. We try to deal with them & then our lives turns around & become fun once again.
I hope your fun times are just around the corner.
Just be kind to yourself. Do something exciting like going to a live concert etc. Something you have to force yourself to put on the good gear & the smile on your face & close the door behind you for a few hours. The weather should be warnming up, making an outing more fun.
I'm not a good communicator so wont PM you, so all I can do is send positive energy up there for you & wish the very best for you.

[davef]

Nicole,

I'm so sorry you have been having such as rough time, I can't imagine what it must have been like for yourself and your boyfriend to be attacked. Have you had any professional counselling following the attack? Are there any victim support agencies where you live?

I really won't fret about the appendectomy, I went through a very similar experience about 8 years ago. Day after my birthday I had a pain, thought it was from the excesses of celebrating my birthday (or trapped wind) and I thought I could walk it of , that's when my wife knew there was something wrong, cause at the time I only walked as far as the car! I too ended up with a wound infection, it took a while to clear up but once the doctors discover it, they can treat it. The important thing is that you/your boyfriend didn't wait for the appendix to burst and now that it has been removed that can't ever happen.

I really think you need to do two things, first of all give yourself a break, you have been dealing with a lot of things and secondly I think if you can get some professional help for depression that you should really do it. Being depressed is nothing to be embarrassed about (I'm not saying you are embarrassed), it is an illness that needs to be treated they way you need to treat your diabetes.

I think you were right and brave to post here, you needed to vent, please keep posting and if you need to - venting. We are all here for you, I know there are people here far more qualified to help you but I wanted to let you know that you have my support.

[caswellhb]

Hello Nicole,
I have pm'd you.
Firstly, well done for coming here and letting your feelings out. That takes courage.
It takes time and love and encouragement to overcome what you have been through and are still going through. Are your family supportive?
There are so many wonderful, warm people here. I think you really came to the right place.
I hope you reply to my pm.
My thoughts are with you sweetie.


Heather.

[nicole]

Thanks for all your support.
Dave: yes I do see a psychologist for my depression, but he doesn't seem to help. He asks how my medicine is working and thats the end of my appointment. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety middle of last year. And since then I have had quite a few anxiety, panic attacks. It always seems to subside for a while, but then it all goes down hill. It also stresses me out that nothing was ever done about that attack on us. And that really had me stressed. I'm going to continue to hold my head up and know that I have people I can talk to. Again thank you all so much for your support and advice it makes me get through the day much better knowing that people actually care.

[davef]

Nicole,

My mother suffered from severe panic attacks, they started about 6 months after my father had a major heart attack. The attacks could strike her at any time of the day, but night time was the worst, it seems that this is when her mind paid more attention to sub-concious things and co-incided with the time of day my Father had his heart attack. It take some time for her to recover, but she did recover with help.

Do keep posting if it is helping you, we are here for you and if you can talk to/answer Heather, she's a good person.

[Holly]

Sending a big cyberhug. Life can seem overwhelming at times but some day you will feel much better about having gone through all this stress and getting through it. Stress does make us stronger. Tackle one issue at a time and the others will fall in place. Not to say it is easy. The post traumatic stress you are feeling from the attack may take awhile to get over. If you don't feel your therapist is helping - maybe a different one would relate better to your needs.

Peritonitis from a perforated appendix is something I'm glad your BF didn't have to face. I was a surgical nurse before I retired and they can be mighty sick.

[nicole]

Holly,
thats what he had. I remember the doctor comin gin and saying that. I couldn't think of the word.

[pooh3465]

hi Nicole,
besides the phys guy what you need is to speak with a therapist the phsy guy just writes the prescriptions but the therapist is the one who listens and talks to you and helps you work through things if you can't afford one fine a community mental health center they usually will go by your income. I have dealt with type one diabetes 33 years and have dealt with manic and bi-polar for just about as long it took me a long time to seem like I was making any headway as alot of my depression was from childhood abuse by my dad but I have made it very far and you will too. We are going to be ok as long as we ask for and find help. I am on my space and yahoo same id as here pooh3465 so anytime ya wanna talk or cry or just say hey feel free. There's alot on your plate and your shoulders and normally it won't go away but we can deal with it and put it in it's proper place. Another thing that really helped me and it's not for everyone but for me was finding a church and getting very active in it theres alot of support there and help when you need it. Talk to ya soon April

[nicole]

Thanks for all your support.
My boyfriend and I were just talking the other day about going together to find a therapist for me, he even offered to go with me. With everything thats been going on I'm trying to remain strong through it all. I realize we all have problems at one point in life, and there are alot of other people out there with problems much bigger than mine. I just feel better when I can speak my mind and get it off my shoulders, you know. It helps alot and I can rest easy for awhile.

[shiftzor]

Originally Posted by nicole

Thanks for all your support.
My boyfriend and I were just talking the other day about going together to find a therapist for me, he even offered to go with me. With everything thats been going on I'm trying to remain strong through it all. I realize we all have problems at one point in life, and there are alot of other people out there with problems much bigger than mine. I just feel better when I can speak my mind and get it off my shoulders, you know. It helps alot and I can rest easy for awhile.

Its always good to get it off your chest, i know that feeling. All is not lost .

[nicole]

Thanks, it seems like every time I sign into DF theres always someone there to pick me up. Thanks =)

[Jan B]

Nicole,

I feel for you. I just want you to know that age 19 was one of the hardest years of my life, and I have made it all the way to almost 47. I went through a lot of denial about having diabetes forever, a so-called suicide attempt, therapists, drugs to help w/depression and sleep, and I'm amazed sometimes I'm still alive. I promise you that it will get better as long as you hang in there and believe. I'm really glad you express how bad you feel. Please hang with us, and work on getting your blood sugar until control. I used to get so sick of doctors blaming all problems on the diabetes, but there is a lot of truth to that. With better control, you won't be quite as down, and your whole body will cooperate more, giving you a better feeling and quality of life.

[nicole]

It seems like the older I get the harder it gets.
I have had the suicide attempts once or twice, but stopped to realize life is so much more and with people by my side I can get through it all. I have also tried making those feelings go away by getting high off of percocets, vicodin, and tramadol (sp). It helps...only for a little while though.

But like I said I'm trying to see the positive side of life and forget about the negative and just move on, get it together, and go. I definitely have people by my side I can tell. Not only the wonderful people on here but also my boyfriend, my mom, and my grandma are a great support team also.

[davef]

Nicole,

I do hope you are feeling a little better. It is great that you can talk about your feelings and share with us. You will never know, but by doing so may help somebody else who just reads your posts and knows that they are not alone.

I'm glad to hear you have a great support team in the one's you love and who love you, do lean on them (and us) when you need to, asking for help is often the hardest thing to do.

It's lovely to see that you are working to look at the positive side of life and want to move on, I know it's not always easy, but I feel from your posts that you have the inner strenght to do it.

We're here if you need us,