[EBenFl0w]

Hey all, I hope this is the right place to post If it's not, let me know and I'll move it (or the mods can, I suppose :P)

Let me start by saying that I don't have diabetes, and that posting here feels very much like when I tried to jump into the Deaf community after learning American Sign Language. You can learn the language (a1c? bolus? pump? endo???), the quirky humor, and do everything in your power to understand your friends and the people you love... but it's still the friend, the loved one going through it. I've been told way too often "you'll never understand" for it not to click.

I've tried writing the next part about ten times, but can't quite put what I'm feeling correctly into words (and it's still not right, heh). My girlfriend is a type I diabetic. For a long time, when it felt like she was trying to hide her diabetes from me, I would ignorantly cook the most ridiculous meals for her - everything was breaded, pasta, ramen, pizza... when we ate out too, I just didn't know any better. But here's the important part - she almost never spoke up about it. She'd hint to me extremely indirectly, but if I don't know what I'm doing is hurting her, how can I know to stop???

Let me quickly say that she's an extremely private person - in fact if she checks this board and sees that I've posted, she'll probably beat me over the head with a frying pan or flower vase, hah. That's most likely why she never said much about it and I freely admit that I should've done some research on my own sooner.

Recently I faced a decision of throwing myself into our relationship or letting it continue on with myself less than wholly committed. I decided the former, of course Otherwise I wouldn't be posting here. So now that you understand my background (the typical type 3? I dunno...), I'm going to ask some simple questions that I could've asked without the back story, and some that need it (I feel).

1. (Not background related) I've tried googling for diabetic recipes, but everything is either way too complex or doesn't sound tasty at all :/ Can you all recommend some *simple, tasty* recipes (think college student...) that are tried and true?

2. (Yes background) Do any of you have similar experiences from the other side of the looking glass? I want to make sure that I'm not fumbling about in the dark, I really do love her and want to make everything work, but her lows and highs really test me and strain our relationship sometimes. I dunno what I'm really looking for here, but I always appreciate advice

3. (Not really background) Are there any major faux pas that I should know? For anyone curious about Deaf culture, some major ones would be offering to interpret in a professional situation if you know maybe 50 signs, or shouting with GAPING LIPS at someone who would rather you just speak normally (if they're even trained in reading lips!) I don't know if I should remind her to bolus or not, ask her what her level is when she tests or not... and believe me, I've tried talking with her first about it, otherwise I wouldn't ask here I know it's probably very subjective, but I'd appreciate other perspectives (and *why* you feel that way!)

So yeah... sorry my post was so long I really hope this isn't making a fool out of me or her, but I really don't know who to ask about it other than her. Worst case, you guys tell me I'm barking up the wrong tree and I peace out - nothing ventured nothing gained.

Thanks in advance for reading this huge post, and putting up all (if any) of your replies; I'm really looking forward to reading them!!!

- Evan

[Morris "Type 1"]

Welcome to the forum

While you may not experience diabetes in your own body, by being supportive to someone else you are making it easier on theirs.

There is a special person in my life, without her I would have found this way more difficult. I was only diagnosed a few weeks ago and she helped me to do even some basic thinsg, like remembering to test before bed or taking my lantus injection (24 hour). Also she knew about what foods I could eat before I did.

I am soon to start my British Sign Language Level 2, I am a hearie so I have had a small taste of not being directly effected by deadness or whatever else.

That being said, the people going through it may notice how they are restricted or limited by a disease but it is YOU who can see the changes in them. Subtleties that they themselves will miss, like when I have a cloudy mind due to high blood sugar levels, sometimes I don't notice but my lady friend can and makes a mental note of it.

Also there is also the perspective of there being insufficient information out there for the general public, who may or may not be effected by diabetes some day.

I have both of my parents who are diabetic and I knew virtually nothing about it, if you had asked me about it back before my diagnosis I would have been able to talk about a bunch of things but not actually with any degree of accuracy. Now I can, It isn't because I have the disease though, it is because I am motivated to learn.

One example that I feel is relevant is that, one of my interests is Hypnotherapy and I learned this in order to help someone I care about to get over sexual abuse. Being a guy pretty much limits my capacity for understanding what it is a woman would feel from such a trauma, but with time I had learned a great deal about it. I don't think I needed to know the depths of it in order to help, I knew enough to have a level of understanding that was of benefit. Biggest lesson I learned was to seperate my emotions from the situation, in the long run this has served me well for years since but also it helped her to deal with things better because I wasn't adding my own feelings into it. I wouldn't have known the importance of this if it wasn't for her explaining it to me.

Anyway, I have waffled on a fair amount, I haven't even finished reading your post actually (5am here and I feel a bit lazy to read), I will read the rest tomorrow probably.

In the meantime, welcome aboard, lots of lovely people here with useful information and experience. I have learned a great deal thanks to those people.

[Morris "Type 1"]

Okay, I couldn't resist but read some more.

Today I played with lowing my carbohydrates consumed, it stabalized my blood sugar pretty much straight away.. It is a weird feeling when the numbers run nicely around a good level.. 5.5 / 6.0 roughly because of my sugars being so high for months / years.

Yesterday I ate a steak for lunch, again toying with low carb.. I did have some carbs with the meal which if I do it again I won't add to the meat.

Besides that I can't cook very well so I can't really offer full on help, especially as I am new to this myself.

Quite simply, you know what are carbs, don't feed her to much of it in one go because of how it messes things up..

She needs to test, test test her sugars, I have tested maybe 20 times today.. that is excessive perhaps but I had enough strips and I was being creative with my food.

I would recommend maybe reading a thread that I created here when I joined, it has a lot of valuable type-1 related information:

*waves* Newly diagnosed

In regards to protocol, it varies with each person obviously, if you try to tell her what she can and can't eat and she disagrees then you are going to have a situation on your hands that sucks for both parties involved..

Even if you believe you are right, so will she, it's just how things are. I also noticed that I would ignore some things people told me, until I heared it coming from fellow diabetics here.

I have heard people talk about being in denial with diabetes, I don't know how you can deal with these situations because of my own lack of experience.

Also I would say surprising her with a meal could probably be awkward if it doesn't fit in with what she had planned. If she is thinking low-carb and you give her pasta, she might not disagree directly and it is YOUR job to detect it and remove all of your preconceptions regading the right way to eat.

That exhausts anything I can really add. Best of luck

[genie86333]

Hi, Evan.

I think it's great you're here to learn.

Recipe-wise, generally avoid "white" foods (exept cauliflower & mayo) - pasta, potatoes, rice, bread, flour, sugar.
Remember "low-fat" usually means "higher-carb" (in other words, the opposite of what you want...)
Also, "no sugar added" doesn't mean less carbs, in fact in many cases there's *more* carbs than a similar serving of the "real" stuff.
Sugar-free baked goods...still have flour, unfortunately.

Some good things to eat: Eggs, meat, cheese, nuts, some veggies (not the high-starch ones like corn - or potatoes if you consider that a veggie!) dark chocolate...

Look around here, you'll find lots of recipes. You'd be surprised what cauliflower is good for. LOL I've seen and tried recipes that use it to replace noodles, potatoes & pizza crust. (the pizza crust is my personal favorite!

If she's a private person, I wouldn't push it...but maybe ask her to tell you if you've cooked something that doesn't work for her, because all diabetics are different & some are more affected by some foods than others. If she's not receptive to that, *shrug* but at least you'll have some idea from what you learn around here.

[SuzySushi]

Hi Evan,

I think it's sweet of you and admirable to want to be involved in your g/f's diabetes care and routine.

As the widow of a Type 1 (my husband died suddenly of pneumonia last year) and mother of a Type 1 child (our 12 y.o. daughter was diagnosed with diabetes just before she turned 9), I, like you, am viewing diabetes from the perspective of a very concerned outsider.

You didn't mention how long your girlfriend has had diabetes, what her insulin regimen is (shots? pump?), and how strict her control is. Does she carb-count? Does she want help with her diabetes, or is she used to doing everything on her own? If you advise her, will she feel you're coming across as a concerned partner, or as a warden? (That last question depends on her personality and yours.)

When I first met my husband 18 years ago, he had been taking care of his diabetes on his own for a long time. It was only after about a year into our relationship that I got involved with his blood sugar readings (after he had an episode of near-DKA). He still -- till the day he died -- did all his own meter readings, all his own insulin calculations, and all his own shots.

It was only after our daughter was diagnosed that I really read up on Type 1 and learned to do blood tests, calculate insulin, and give injections.

As far as cooking goes, I try to serve healthy meals (with an emphasis on low-fat protein, vegetables, some fruits, and whole grains) but do not use "diabetic" recipes per se. I do have a few dessert recipes made with Splenda (which works very well in cheesecake!). Any recipe that lists carb counts can be helpful -- or get yourself a good book on counting carbohydrates, if your g/f doesn't have one already. Genie gave you great advice on foods.

My husband very much resented it if I tried to control his diet through "reminders" (which he considered nagging!) that such-and-such was too high in carbs. I never had to remind him to bolus or asked what his numbers were; when he became comfortable discussing his diabetes with me, he'd talk aloud as he was doing his blood tests and calculating his insulin.

I very strongly recommend that you learn to recognize symptoms of highs and especially lows in your g/f. (They're not the same for everyone.) Symptoms of lows can include shakiness, feelings of being weak-kneed, cold sweats, and mental confusion. Be ready with glucose tablets or other quick-acting sugar (which your g/f should carry with her all the time, and it wouldn't hurt for you to carry some, too, and/or keep some in the glove compartment if you have a car), or offer a half-glass of fruit juice or sugary soda or a full glass of milk. When my husband and I were out or traveling, I could tell he was going low if he became indecisive about where to eat/where to go, etc. At that point, it was important to just get some food into him!

Highs are more difficult for others to recognize, but often include unquenchable thirst (if my daughter is drinking a lot of water or Crystal Light, I gently suggest that she test her blood sugar), headache, stomach ache, and crankiness.

Let me think some more on this, and meanwhile ask away with other questions!

Suzy

[Katrina Stovold]

Well, as a type 1 diabetic I do like the following qualities in my husband:

He cooks and I eat it! I adjust my insulin accordingly! I try to avoid carbs at night and therefore know exactly how much insulin to give myself.

My husband is very understanding and kind and it means alot to me especially as a diabetic, he understands that if I get a low that he must not say anything and just let me eat my sugar and 'll be fine in a few mins.

He listens and understands and that's all I need.

XX

I would hate it if he got frustrated at me all the time! That would be the worst!! Even worse if he tried to control my diabetes for me, that is my job!

[DanG]

Hey, type 3 - hang in there with that woman.

As you have framed it, I would not adjust much in your serving food - that is her choice to eat what she can - she will always know better than you what she can eat. However, do keep in mind what someone else said about your meal preparations - steer more toward high protein stuff, less white stuff. I don't worry too much about carbs, as the carbs at home are all whole foods, such as whole wheat, oatmeal, etc, which are beneficial for overall health. Oh, also - do not use any artificial stuff in cooking - use only real foods - you are a real person with a real body, you are not a chemical and chemicals never satisfy appetite.

If/when she does talk, encourage her to keep a steady routine as far as diet and exercise are concerned. Once in a steady pattern, insulin use and eating will also be routine and then high/low blood sugar may also be predictable. I say, "may" be predictable, because you must realize, that there are some physical curve balls that we get pitched at us, even when we have a good routine. That is just the way things are with insulin users. But, your woman probably knows that already. Plus, I think some woman things affect high/low blood sugar also - at least that is what I read from time to time. Just be patient and let her manage things - let her be who she is - that is why you like her.

[GeishaGirl]

Be concerned, but please let her lead.

I have a WICKED temper, and I am VERY anti-authoritarian (in other words, someone tells me what to do, and sometimes even tries to direct me, and I stick out my chin and refuse) so my husband was very cautious about getting involved. (I was diagnosed at 26, after I was married.) After awhile (and my first severe hypo) I realized that I couldn't shut him out and, while I didn't want him dictating, I DID want him to understand and discuss my care and treatment with me.

So I gave him my copy of the book that helped me digest everything in the beginning -- Diabetes Demystified if you're interested, it's kinda of a For Dummies, but it's a great overview -- and now he can actually talk to me about my pump settings, basal rates, what constitutes hypos, and what to do when I have one. He's learning to use low-carb pasta and to (still cautiously) tell me that, maybe, just maybe, a bowl of ice cream isn't a good idea.

So, long story short -- get educated. Show her you want to help her. Ask questions if she won't get offended. "Why do you do that?" "How do you know how much insulin to take" etc.

[Lizzie G]

Hi there

Welcome to the forum, and its really great that you are so supportive of your girlfriend.

I guess what I would like to add really, is that everyone is different. some people control their type 1 (i say type 1 because dietary issues are very different to a type 2 in many instances) by following a very strict and regimented diet, whereas others find that they can work very well with a 'normal' balanced diet in combination with being active and healthy and avoiding a few key things that they personally find challenging in terms of blood sugar....for me personally i prefer to lead a 'normal' life, i eat plenty of wholegrains, salad, meat, fish , cheese chocolate and wine, but i know that in the mornings unless i just ran, most carbs can make me feel rough and spikey (i have rye bread with cheese now, the cheese slows the absorption enough to make it manageable...)

anyhow the point im making is that people make choices, there are no 'rules' and i personally find the concept of 'diabetic' recipes a bit irksome and un-necessary, a little of what you like is seriously not a problem for most of us (assuming that to be against the backdrop of a healthy balanced diet), and most of us have come out of the dark ages where diabetes was about 'sugar' , not an inability to metabilse carbohydrates. personally i much to prefer to have some simple sugars in my diet than nasty artificial sweeteners and maintain excellent control of my diabetes, talk to your partner about how she feels about these things, its the only way you will know how to support her best.

when i think of what my partner does to be so wonderful and supportive is really to talk and listen and be accepting of my choices. so basically he now has this understanding that my life is a little bit easier if i dont have big carby meals in the evening (otherwise i have to get up and test during the night), and that i can get really high in the mornings if i eat much of bascially anything..., but armed with that knowledge the one thing he doesnt do is judge or complain, particularly if i choose to eat something that he knows will make me spikey and hence moody in the morning. he encourages me by example really, which is very sweet and hard to resist!

oh the other thing i just thought. one of the key things in good control for most people is carb counting. as a partner one of the most helpful things you can do when cooknig is to retain any packaging (things like bread rolls, or any ready prepared food), and when cooking things like rice or pasta or lentils, just to have a basic idea of the quantity you used and the carbs per 100g so she can estimate her carbs. i NEVER weigh my food or ask anyone else to, but iv got pretty good at estimating the carbs in obvious things like rice and bread, even cakes! things that are trickier are the 'hidden carbs' for example, if you are making a marinade and put in some sweet chilli sauce, theres a bunch or carbs in that,estimate the total volume you used and hence the carb count; it will make it a lot easier for her to dose her insulin correctly....

stuff like reminding her to take insulin and test, id pretty much say dont do that. it will feel to her like if someone tells you to wipe when you have been to the toilet, or to brush your teeth. its part of her life and its probably ingrained into her routine. if you have real concerns about her health (for example if her BG is frequently out of line with expectation) then maybe you should discuss your concerns, but not in the context of reminding her to test....thats annoying....

i hope this helps. your support can really make a difference to how well your girlfriend feels, so encourage her to open up and talk about what she wants/needs.

[TommyC1]

Originally Posted by EBenFl0w

Recently I faced a decision of throwing myself into our relationship or letting it continue on with myself less than wholly committed. I decided the former, of course Otherwise I wouldn't be posting here.

Diving in huh? Best of luck to you!

The thing is that we are all individuals. We all take care of ourselves differently and what one would like will drive another nuts.
So you really have to get her to tell you how you can help her.

Learn to recognize lows and how to deal with them.

If she is anything like me, don't put a lot of temptation in her path. Having a pantry full of carby snack foods, juices, soda and deserts can make it tough to be good.

If she eats meats, fish, cheese, eggs and green veggies (not peas!) those are all low carb and easy on the bloodsugar.

But mostly you have got to get her to lead on this.

Good Luck,

Tommy

[Subby]

Hi. Apart from very basic courtesies and considerations like not stuffing your face with really high GI, fast carbs the whole time, and being patient with BG swings and issues to your best kind judgement, I think there is one basic rule of thumb you should think about.

Communicate.

You need to talk to her about it. You need her to talk to you about it. It's exactly the same as any relationship. Diabetes is no different from a myriad of what makes up our life - in fact the differences diabetes might create to common experience of living and coping, means that communication and really understanding how this person does lead and wants to lead their life, becomes doubly important. It should not be some silent, egg shell issue. You need to get to know her and their life, her issues, what she wants, how she wants to handle things, how you can help, it ALL has to come from her. anything else may well be completely wrong and completely inappropriate - even if it is generally or technically "correct".

I understand shy. I understand embarrassed. I understand hiding. But I'd say it's important for you to to get beyond that, you and her, and talk about what diabetes means to her (not us) if you want to move into the future together.

[xMenace]

Haven't read all these replies. Sorry, but they're too long for me today.

Communicate! Even without the D you need to do this.

Find out her diet objectives: types and quantity of carbs. Learn how to count carbs. Learn what carbs are! Onions are carbs. Carrots are carbs. Lettuces are not carbs Meats and fats generally do not count but do affect. Find out how. Learn about alcohol. That can really mess us up if we don't know how to handle it properly.

Understand that D changes as we age. One day she'll hit a wall, probably in her mid-30's. Wham! Hers and your life will change drastically. You'll be going to bed worrying about having to dial 911 for the rest of your life.

Communicate. Get on the same page!

[Grunch]

Originally Posted by xMenace

Understand that D changes as we age. One day she'll hit a wall, probably in her mid-30's. Wham! Hers and your life will change drastically. You'll be going to bed worrying about having to dial 911 for the rest of your life.

You scared me here, what do you mean by this?

[GeishaGirl]

Originally Posted by xMenace
Understand that D changes as we age. One day she'll hit a wall, probably in her mid-30's. Wham! Hers and your life will change drastically. You'll be going to bed worrying about having to dial 911 for the rest of your life.

You scared me here, what do you mean by this?


He means that diabetics can suffer severe lows at night, and she may not wake up in the morning and you'll have to call EMTs. Let her show you how to test her blood sugar in an emergency, and get a few shots of glucagon to have in the house.

It's not good, but it's not horribly life threatening, either. A good thing to know is that virtually no one dies from low blood sugar itself -- eventually, the liver will kick in.

My mom had to have the EMTs over at the house all the time :P She's still alive and kicking

Oh, and when this happens, beware of her hands! A lot of diabetics, when the are low or start coming out of lows, will FIGHT YOU. The brain has been disconnected due to lack of glucose, and it takes awhile to reboot. She'll be working on instinct, and will likely be afraid of you. Both my dad and ER doctors have gotten black eyes from my tiny little mother.

[Subby]

Originally Posted by GeishaGirl

He means that diabetics can suffer severe lows at night, and she may not wake up in the morning and you'll have to call EMTs. Let her show you how to test her blood sugar in an emergency, and get a few shots of glucagon to have in the house.

And further to that, can, as in might happen, might not happen at all. Just to make that clear, it's not some kind of common inevitability. While being positive and hoping nothing untoward would happen for a very long time, I think the point is partly, that situations for diabetics can change. Another example, a complication might develop at some stage, making life tricky in other ways. Often a diabetic and those around them need to be ready to adapt to a new scenario.