[zookeeper671]

I'm "like a mommy" (as he says) to my bf's 8 year old son, who does not know I have diabetes. He knows I check my bgl, but he doesn't know why. I would like to explain it to him, but my bf has said to keep it hush-hush. The little-one and I spend a lot of time together, swimming, playing, etc. while my bf is at work. Sunday, while at church, I began going hypo and new I had to get something to eat. I told the little-one that I needed to eat, that we had to leave (was going to go to the nearest 7-11 to grab a sandwich) and he began the questioning/whining. "Why can't we stay? I don't want to go!" The only reply I had was "I need to get something to eat. I'm really, really hungry."

I'm just wondering if I should open up to the little-one or not. If I do, I'm wondering how those of you with kids explained it to your little-ones. How you explained hypos, what to do if there's something wrong, etc.

Big part of me thinks I should follow my bf's path and keep this a secret. I want the little-one to feel secure when he's with me. But a smaller part of me thinks he should at least know to call 911 if I stupidly allow myself to go severely hypo when I'm watching him.

I do believe I'm rambling... but you get the gist. What would you do if you were in my position? And if you were... you'd be orange, thanks to a sunless tanning disaster.

[archimeech]

I have a 7 yr old Daughter and a 2 yr old Son. They both know as much as their own level of understanding allows. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOUR FAMILY KNOW YOU HAVE DIABETES AND WHAT TO DO TO HELP.
It's simply wrong for your boyfriend to "hide" this from his son. I don't know what his reasons are, but there is no excuse. If you are to be in both their lives and especially if you're going to be the only adult in charge of his son for any period of time; the boy needs to know and understand what is going on...

I explained it to my daughter at an early age, in that Daddy has a problem with his sugar and sometimes doesn't feel good. When he's feeling bad, he needs to eat something or have a sweet or a juice. She understands it, and if I mention I'm not feeling good and my sugar is low, she even helps or at least quiets down so I can tend to my need. He's 8 and may be ignorant of things due to age, but I'm sure he's not stupid! Information will keep everyone safe!

I'm sorry honey, but I can't even begin to understand why this guy is doing this. Is he ashamed of your problem? If so, I think you should rethink the whole situation. You're life will depend on it at some point.

[Jamie]

I agree with Meech. Kids need to know. You will be surprised how much they can understand, learn what your needs will be, and how to provide whatever help they can.

[jeggeman31]

Originally Posted by archimeech

I have a 7 yr old Daughter and a 2 yr old Son. They both know as much as their own level of understanding allows. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOUR FAMILY KNOW YOU HAVE DIABETES AND WHAT TO DO TO HELP.

I have an 11yo, 9yo and 5yo and they all know as meech said to their own level of understanding allows. They keep me inline, and they all know how to use my Glucagon Emergency kit if I should ever need it.

[Clint]

my 6yr old and 3yr old both know. My 6yr old has helped me when I needed it. Everyone around you needs to know incase you have a problem and need help.

I say, tell'em

[liz32]

I agree with everyone..it's imperitive that this little one understand. It won't be traumatic if you explain it in simple honest and strait forward words. At first I explained it that I was allergic to sugar...they understood what being allergic means (my son's allergic to cats). As their understanding grew, I explained more. Now my son asks what my bs is and if I say 6.8, he'll say "you want a five mommy". He even explains it to his little friends (he's 4). One of them offered me bubble gum and he told them that I was diabetic and couldn't eat it. I thaught it was quite cute, but then again I'm his mom! Kids are great and like others said, he could be a help if you do go hypo. I'd have another talk with your bf and ask him to rethink his position. take care

[twocute64001]

My daughter grew up with me checking my BG and taking insulin, to her it was just a part of who mommy was. She knew and understood that mommy did not eat certain foods but it was OK for Heather to eat them. She understood that mommy needed a nap so she never argued about taking a nap. (gave me time for paying bills, hot bath ect...)

As Heather got grew, I answered her questions as honestly as possible, making sure she truly understood. (I am sure that at times it went way over her head) She knew her chances of getting diabetes were no higher than any other kid. (she asked that question at about 4 years old) She also understood my carb to insulin ratio by the time she was 9 or 10, and would look at my book every now and then and out of curiosity ask questions or make comments - (mom you didn't write down what you ate last tuesday, or mom you took 20 units for ice cream?)

When she was 15 we had an emergency situation where I passed out and she knew exactly how to handle it. She checked my blood, called 911 and found the glucogun and mixed and used it. By the time the paramedics arrived things were at least more under control than if she had not known what to do.

My daughter is now 24, If your son grows up with openess about your condition, he will never be afraid of it.

[christie]

my kids are 6 and 2, i too have explained as much as i can to what they can understand, they have seen me take my insulin and check my sugars with fingers and also on my arms, they have seen me have hypo's. to them it is a way of life for mommy to be this way. i really don't think my son who's 6 totally understands which with his age is to be expected at times when he has candy he'll try to share with me but when my sugars are high i tell him i can't eat candy and he gets disappointed. he has said before mommy check your sugars you look like you are getting low. and my daughter who's 2 had a stick like thing the other day and she was trying to give me a shot with it. diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of .lord knows we did'nt ask for it,or do something bad to get it.

[PepsiLvr]

I agree with everyone too. I would ask him why he wants you to keep it a secret. I don't think it will make his son think any less of you. Could it be that your BF has a problem with your diabets? Everyone is different. Diabetes is just as much a part of your life as your BF and his son are a part of your life. I would almost go as far as saying that it's not fair for him to be kept in the dark about it. I know that when my GF's son who is 3 now asks about my diabetes his mother and myself will let him know all he wants. Good luck to you.

[rzrbks]

Joining the chorus here

I would wonder why you're supposed to keep it a secret?

Ex- would use it against him, perhaps?

Something like this, that effects both your lifeand the son's life should be where the boy understands why you have to do the things you do, besides, what if you get to the point where you need help someday?

[am1977]

I don't have kids, but, if I did, I don't think I would hide my diabetes from them. I don't see any reason to. Like most have said, if you explain things in simple terms, kids will understand and learn. Actually, it's probably a good thing for kids to know what is going on, especially in an emergency situation (god forbid). A child is very capable of helping or even saving somebody's life as I'm sure we have all heard in the news.

[Belinda]

I don't have kids either but those I teach and are around often (babysitting) know and even though the ones I teach are special ed...they know exactly what to do if I go hypo...you need to tell him...he may find you passed out one day and just assume your asleep....

[Cielo]

Angie have you spoken to your bf? Hopefully he reconsiders. Diabetes is just a part of who you are and you should be open and free with that, ESPECIALLY with those closest to you. It is critical that his son know that you have a condition which may require emergency treatment, it is crucial that he is aware of this. He is 8 years old, and tho he is still young, he is more than able at this age to grasp diabetes and he will feel no differently about you. I really hope you speak with your bf....I wouldn't recommend telling his son without first consulting your bf tho...yall should call a family meeting.

[jdstein11]

I've only been dxd for a week now, but we told our sons (7 and 5) right away what to expect, that Daddy's body isn't making insulin so it can process the sugar in my blood, so they will see me using a machine to check my blood sugar and if the machine tells me I have too much, I'll use an injector pen to give my body the insulin it needs. I showed them all the stuff and made sure they knew that they were never to touch it or look at it without myself or my wife there to handle it.

We don't believe in keeping secrets from our kids, nor do we want them curious as to why I have to sneak off every 4 hours or so. Now they're involved in my treatment and feel more relieved at knowing that everything is ok, that I'm not seriously ill. I can't imagine not telling them. Kids understand that when you're sick, you see a doctor and take medicine. Kids also know about shots and needles, so if you explain to them what is going on with your body and how you need to treat it to feel normal, they'll understand and may even become enthusiastic about helping you with your treatment, at least to the extent possible.

As for my 7 year-old, he already asked if he will get diabetes, and I explained to him that there are no guarantees, but that the chances are very low and that this isn't something he should worry about.

Your situation sounds like you need to discuss with your bf the importance of information to kids so they feel secure in their environment, and they know what's going on. No one likes to feel as if they're in the dark, especially children who often have no say in what goes on inside their own household.

Good luck!

Regards,

Justin

[zookeeper671]

First off, I want to thank everyone for your honest and kind replies. It really helps to know how you all feel about this issue, and that my view about it isn't skewed.

Originally Posted by rzrbks

...I would wonder why you're supposed to keep it a secret? Ex- would use it against him, perhaps?...

You nailed it, rzr. He doesn't want his ex to know. I don't see why it should be an issue, though. She has a Vicodin "habit", which I think is worse than my having diabetes.

To be honest, when my bf said to keep it a secret, it kinda hurt. I still haven't told the munchkin. He does know a little about diabetes because one of his day care babysitters has it. When we were discussing how I prefer not to eat sweets, he mentioned how his babysitter has diabetes and doesn't eat any sweets, either. (That's all he knows about it... "can't eat sugar.") It was just killing me, sitting there, not saying a word.

Now if only I can get passed the nervousness of bringing up this topic again with my bf. If he says "I don't want him to know" again, I might try to have him read your replies. Maybe that will change his view?