Inconsiderate People?

[LaurenJ]

Hi Everyone! I've been type 1 diabetic for about 7 years now. Just wondering if any of you have gone through a similar experience as me. An acquaintance of mine (best friend of mother-in-law) has always been into my husband and mine's business. My mother in law likes to gossip with her. This person knows I'm diabetic and has said very inconsiderate things towards me about having diabetes. She has family with type 2 and evidently thinks she's an expert. It all started at my wedding shower a few years back. I had walked over to look at our wedding shower cake to see what it looked like. She immediately ran over to tell me that I wouldn't be able to eat any cake because of my diabetes. I responded that I take insulin and would be able to eat some. She began to tell me that a certain diabetic family member of hers would have responded in the same way and that this family member was in very bad health and on dialysis. She got a very ugly tone with me! It hurt my feelings but I tried to look past her behavior. This past week I found out that she very coldly compared me to the girl in the movie Steel Magnolia's who died saying that I could suffer the same fate! She said this to my mother's face! My mother had been explaining to her and another friend how I had gone through a low blood sugar episode while taking my wedding pictures. This comment offended my mother and my mother told her not to say that! There was another friend of ours standing right there who said nothing! My mother walked away as the two continued to carry on a conversation as if nothing had happened! No apology, nothing! I'm very upset because my mother in law who I'm close to adores this woman and would probably take her side over mine. I wish I could tell my mother in law how rude this person is and how she hurt my feelings but I just feel like I would make matters worse and I know I need to look past it. It's so hard though! I wish people were more educated about type 1 diabetes. Have any of you gone through something like this? I've never had this problem with anyone but this woman.

[Jan B]

I'm so sorry Lauren. In all my years of having T1, I have never had the experiences so many others have had (like this). I think you should talk to your mother-in-law. Extensively and kindly. You could even write out, in outline form, the points you want to get across. If you like that idea, I can almost guarantee you that we, on this forum could help. There are some very smart people here! Then it would be up to your MIL, how to proceed.

[foxl]

Anyone taking their knowledge of Type 1 from THAT MOVIE ... is an utter ignoramus and know-it-all. I am surprised your MIL remains friendly with her!!!

[Jan B]

Linda - I have never seen a movie that portrayed T1 in a realistic way. It's no wonder non-Ds are so confused. The non-Ds take what they know from the media and movies, and both are off-base about 99% of the time.

[jenb]

Hi Lauren. I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt - I wouldn't like it either. This is, sadly, one of those situations that I think you'll just have to leave behind you. The more you react to this silly biddy, the more she's going to push. You know the facts about your diabetes and that will have to be your comfort. Just continue with your full and happy life and leave the little gnats to buzz about on their own!

Jen

[LaurenJ]

Thank you! Venting about this to you all that understand helps tremendously, and I appreciate your kind words I had a miscarriage this past year and my due date just passed. I've been so bummed about this already and when I found out this past week what this person said about me, it just sent me over the edge. After I had the miscarriage a good friend of mine asked if I had the miscarriage because of my diabetes. This really hurt me too. I've gotten so much more sensitive about what people say about my diabetes.

[foxl]

Thank you! Venting about this to you all that understand helps tremendously, and I appreciate your kind words I had a miscarriage this past year and my due date just passed. I've been so bummed about this already and when I found out this past week what this person said about me, it just sent me over the edge. After I had the miscarriage a good friend of mine asked if I had the miscarriage because of my diabetes. This really hurt me too. I've gotten so much more sensitive about what people say about my diabetes.

I had two of those, it was a very sad time. Hope you feel better about things soonest and get some moxie for helping with jerks like that!

[IrinaHarr]

Can you see less of MIL and her friend? Reduce visitation hrs, etc. ? And ask her (firmly but politely) not to share your private family information with anyone? Perhaps moving to the opposite end of town can help? I am afraid changing gossiping women might be an impossible task, giving them less information to discuss might be possible though.

I am lucky, I have great MIL - but then again, its easy for me to say living 2 states apart from her

[LaurenJ]

I have a good relationship with my MIL but yes, she does share too much information with her friend. At my wedding shower we played a quiz game to see who knew the most about my husband and I. Guess who won? My MIL's best friend! My MIL obviously tells this person everything!! Haha

[IrinaHarr]

This is funny, she must've shared and forgot all about it. Her friend definitely needs to get life of her own.
Every time the nosy friend speaks up imagine one of those funny silent movies when they slap pies in the face - how would she look with lemon meringue all over her (sugar free or not)? Helps me with anger management

[Moonpie]

Just offering up some hugs, I know this is a hard time. I am sorry for your loss.
Maybe you can tell Mil you will have to stop sharing some of your more private things, as you feel the need to be private, & if she can't respect that, & insists on talking to gossip, you will have to stop the flow of information. Best of luck to you.

[IrinaHarr]

Or phaze out squawking voice into beautiful music like Mozart did in Amadeus:
Queen of the Night Aria Scene - Amadeus (1984) (High Reso.) - Voice: June Anderson - YouTube
Do not let them get to you, you did nothing wrong.
Love and Hugs,
Irina

[Rferguson]

Im a subsitute teacher and at the school i sub at i hear teachers saying things all the time about a mom of two type 1 kids. Things like i cant believe she lets them eat sugar, or they arent allowed any carbs, no wonder they have diabetes. Etc etc. Where are they getting these ideas from? The school nurse. Pisses me off and i set them straight everytime i hear this ****. One teacher even called the kids dr daily to tattle about what they were eating! This mom is at school everday at breakfast and lunch to count carbs and give insulin! Her sister is a 29 year old type 1 who has suffered many ill effects from not taking care of her D, shes now in a nursing home. The mom knows what shes doing and knows the consequences of D all too well. The ignorance makes me so angry, no excuse for it.

[Caravaggio]

I know a lot of the type of inconsiderate people you just described, and the topics they cover are not even remotely diabetic. It is stressful to have to deal with people like those, and other than to say ignore them, be more patient, don't go down to their level, breathe and relax, or respond with the most sarcasm you can muster to shut them up (I do this from time to time, but I also noticed that they are so thick they just don't get it), I can't be of much help.

About your MIL, does your MIL know how this woman behaves towards you at least? They may be best friends and your MIL may be aware of some of this woman's faults, but may not be fully aware of the extent or how she behaves towards you. Try to raise the matter as calmly and nonchalantly as possible, and explain how this woman's behavior upsets you, and maybe ask her help as to how you should respond or react, or maybe ask her help in asking this woman to be more watchful of what she says around you and your family.

[LaurenJ]

This is good advice! Thank you everyone.