[sbuff28@charter]

Hello my name is Steve, I was diagnosed 5 days ago and im breaking into tears as I type every letter in this sentence. I appreciate any and all who read and react to my story with prior expereince that helps me through a difficult time of my life. I sure could use it. javascript:emoticon('')
Sad

First my background and story,


When i was younger i had a pretty normal life. In high school I had B grades and i was a three sport athlete playing Soccer, Basketball and Baseball. I wasn't the most popular kid in high school but i say i was average. I even managed to have a girlfriend or two. I went to parties and had a good time. I was an average middle class kid that loved to live, i was happy. I then graduated and continued onto college where i continued soccer, and along with 90% of college kids, my drinking increased. I was still making good enough grades to pass in a hard feild. I continued to be Happy and content with life........ until 5 days ago.I had my wisdom teeth taken out on december 30th and i felt absolutly horrible the whole week after so i decided to visited the ER. Last thursday i was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and spent 3 days in the hospital. I am distraught and in total fear and shock. I have the disease on my mind 24-7 and just thinking about it makes me cry because of my Fears. I hate needles!!!!!!!! ive never been put though anything this tormenting in my life and i'm scared this disease is going to drive me crazy or suicidal. no joke. i havn't cryied this much since i was two. I do not take change well, nor do i adjust to different lifestyles quickly. I get 3 hours of sleep a night on average. I am a natual worryier,i think of conflicts constantly and i always have things on my mind. I know inject insulin 3 times a day, and test Bgs around 10-12 times now per day. and increasing.....My only way I coop now is keeping the best records of every little thing i canand do... its the only soothe to my painful fears.


And now my fears.

i have a Constant fear first most of all that i have "brittle diabetes".I dont want to go blind and die young, thats frightning to me. I have nightmares and do i mean nightmares at night where i mistakenly drink a biggie coke at Wendies and go blind. dreaming about going/being blind scares me into a purfusly sweaty sleep. In the hospital I had my soaking sheets changed 4 times a night. The lack of sleep is starting to scare me also which also in turn is not making me sleep. I have a constant fear that i will when i get older if i have kids, and i want to, i dont know i could deal amotionally with a diabetic kid. I am afraid to death of bringing another life into this world with such a crappy disease...almost to the point where i dont want to have kids. I fear that someday im going to give into alcohol and put myself into a coma.( I used to drink heavily 3 times a week). Im in constant fear im gonna get stuck somewhere and i dont have my insulin for days.(i love the outdoors). Im in constant fear that ill lose a limb someday and become a cripple. Im in just plain frightenment that i have to use needles and pricking for the rest of my entire whole forever life. I have the fear that just be having the disease my life is shortened by 10 years. It scares me that if i was born 100 years ago I would be Dying and helpless right now. My health was very important to me before my diagnosis and now i fear its gonna be an obsession. I fear its going to drive me literally crazy.I was wacthing my freinds drink and get drunk last night, and i almost cried infront of them because i know i can never drink again.Its impossible for me to sit sober when my freinds are partying... i cant loosin up!!! Most of all I fear that i wont be able to coop with this and lose my freinds because i cant do what they do. i fear im going to become a hermit and never be able to relax again. lastly i fear im going to become suicidal and i dont now but i can definatly see this disease driving me mad.



I could use any useful input right now... its 3:11am and i have a massive headache so im going to check the thread tomarrow.


Please Help...any input appreciated!!

[Aftiel]

Steve,

I could write a book in reply to you, but I will keep it short

Diabetes does NOT kill people. Lack of controlling diabetes is what results in complications.

I was diagnosed type 1 brittle when I was 16 (I am 43 now.) Following that,

I was a 4 sport athlete

I was in the symphony orchestra

I was in to mountain climbing, hiking, and bike riding

I went to college

I moved several times - just me, alone, and took on any new challenge that came about.

To be honest, I have friends with asthma who have more difficulty than diabetics do - so it is all about the control.

You will hear the horror stories - going blind, having limbs cut off, stroke, heart attack and on and on.

I have not been perfect in my control, and recently was switched to a new insulin - so I view every day as a challenge -- a good challenge.

In my career now I fly out of town to new places, tackle anything that comes my way, and do these things alone. No one in any new city knows I am diabetic, people at hotels dont, etc.

Diabetes will NOT stop you. It is new to you now, so it looks terrifying, but it isnt.

You have a choice. You can die of old age, or you can die from complications of diabetes.

That choice is YOURS. Not the doctors, not the disease. YOURS.

I know you feel like you were just handed a death sentence. Far from it.

You were handed a challenge. The new developments in insulin etc. make this a far better time to be diabetic than 30 years ago.

You have an endo, and you have a great resource on this board. Everything is going your way in those areas.

Come to terms with it and attack it. Become educated, and do not give in.

Be consistent in your daily process, and post your progress here.

And by the way -- "brittle" is just a term, it is NOT a classification.

A year from now you will look back and wonder why you were worried or stressed over it.

It is something you have that you can and will live with, so go after it with a vengeance.

- Aftiel

[sydneya]

:dito: to Aftiel. He's got it right on the button. You can do what you really want to do. It may take a little more effort as you are learning, but it will happen.

Welcome to the forum. You made a good choice posting in this forum. Continue. If you need knowledge you'll find it here. If you need only support, you'll find that, too.
Hope to hear from you often.

[am1977]

Steve-

Yeah, I can completely relate to what you are saying. Hearing that you have Diabetes (or any chronic illness) is hard news to take... And managing this disease can quite frankly suck ... However, saying that, at least we have the power to do that. There are so many diseases where the person can feel powerless to the condition. At least with hard work and determination, we can somewhat manage this disease.

Right now, it's perfectly understandable that you are feeling this way. I'm sure you are very overwhelmed with everything. Looking back, I was too. I was confused, scared, and extremely overwhelmed. I was admitted into the hospital overnight and received a crash course in managing this disease. I had no insurance at the time so that's why my stay was so brief. The next evening I went home. That evening, before bed, I remember wishing that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. That basically sums up my emotional state of mind at the time...

Now, I realize that I was foolish for thinking that way. Although things were difficult at first, things have become easier with time. I've learned an awful lot about this disease and, all in all, I'm doing ok. I never thought that I would be able to do the multiple, daily testing & injections. However, I realized that I had no choice. I still hate that stuff, but if that's what it's going to take to stay healthy-so be it. Diet is still something I struggle with, but I try my best- I think that's all you can do. So that's my suggestion for you- just do the best you can...

Also, remember that there are people in similar situations-you are NOT alone! Most of us here have been where you are sitting at some point. So don't forget that- and also don't forget that there are groups (online and in person) that you can turn to for support. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without this group here. We have a great bunch here...hope you will stick around and see that for yourself.

Hang in there- it will get better

[Linda57]

Please try to listen to these good people telling you that you dont have any reason to despair.

I too suffer from extreme anxiety.........as do a few others here, together we face this thing a little braver, helping each other out and sometimes even having a laugh or two on the way.

Give yourself time to accept the diagnosis, something new is begining for you, better self care can never be a bad thing.

Please stay, and keep posting, we will help if we can.

[discordia]

Hey Steve. Your post is very thought provoking. Having diabetes isn't the end of the world. Many people will live a perfectly normal life with little or no complications. When I was diagnosed 6 years ago, I, like you, worried about blindness. That was my #1 concern at the time, followed by the dreaded *gasp* impotence. It's good that you're a worrier, it'll help you to stay focused on your #1 job which is taking care of yourself. And it can be a little depressing at times, but I usually think about all the people out there that have it worse than me, and there are plenty. You should be discussing these concerns with your Dr., especially the thoughts you are having. Trust me, someday you will look back on this time in your life and realize it wasn't as bad as you thought. Feel free please to send any of us a private message, we're here for ya bro.

[Erin]

Steve,

I can relate to a lot of what you said, you are having very natural fears. They are natural, but not necessarily correct. The best advice I can give you is "control your diabetes, don't let it control you" If you take care of yourself by checking your blood sugar and taking your insulin, and working with your doctors to make sure you get on an appropriate insulin program (there are many kinds of insulin, and not every one works for every person) you can do ANYTHING. Your diabetes will become so automatic that you wont' even think about it anymore. The more you stress about it, the harder it will become. But you have to be proactive... if something isn't working, you need to get your doctors to fix it!

If you mistakenly drink a huge regular full sugar coke, you'll feel ****, your blood sugar will go really high, you might even throw up... but you wont' go blind unless you do that pretty frequently and don't take insulin to fix it. You'll get so good in a couple of years, at tasting the difference between diet and regular that you could never make that mistake. And if you want to make that mistake on purpose, go ahead... just take a bunch of insulin, or save the coke to treat a low blood sugar.

You can have kids, Diabetes isn't all that highly genetic. I think your children will only have a 7% chance of getting onto this wild ride... and that isn't that much higher than the general population.

You can drink. When I was in college I would drink on a daily basis and get drunk at least once a week. I'm talking normal college age stupid drinking stuff. I was able to figure out how to keep the diabetes under control while getting intoxicated. If you choose to you can do that too. (I'd wait until you have a better handle on how diabetes works with your body... but you can do it). If you decide you wanna give alcohol a try, come back and post here, and we'll talk, so you don't have to re-invent the wheel.

If you are going camping / hiking / basically anywhere where there is a chance that you'd not get home for a few days... bring your insulin with you. then you don't have to worry! I always have like a 3 day supply of D stuff on my person... because I very frequently just don't get home. You also need to bring glucose tabs, or candy or some sort of sugar with you too. I'm not an outdoors person, i prefer the urban jungle... but I've backpacked through Europe, gone to a fair few raves (back in my younger days), been stranded in a few cities wondering how in the world I was going to get home before work on Monday morning, eaten all sorts of crazy food, drank all sorts of crazy drinks, not known when or where my next meal was coming from, and I did all of it with Diabetes. And I did all of it while keeping my Diabetes under control.

Take a deep breath... I've been doing this for a long time, and I've still got both my eyes, both my feet, both my kidneys, both my everything that you're supposed to have two of. (As well as one of everything you're supposed to have one of). Yes it's scary when you're first diagnosed... and some days it's still scary, and some days it's easy, and some days it just makes you want to scream... but most days it just is.

-Erin

[sbuff28@charter]

Thnx guys, It's very helpful to hear that many people out there were much worst off and are still doing fine. i appreiciate all your replies very much. I know thats if i drink a soda it wont kill me, but even then i cant control the nightmares ive been having recently. Last night i had a dream that i was drinking a few beers at the bars with my freinds and i began to get really sleepy, i was dreaming about being sleepy...kinda weird huh. Then i spent the rest of the Dream driving around drunk almost crashing trying to find a 24 hour store to buy some lifesavers.... Which of course i couldn't find. Until i finally crashed my truck and died... this woke me up at 7:30 crying and sweating. I wish these dreams would go away, and i would stop thinking about my disease. I know they are likely never to happen but i am irrational when i dream. How can i coop with this ????? ive decided to ask my doc for some ambian when i go see her tomarrow.

[Cinnabon]

Hey there Steve...
I was there 22 going on 23 years ago. I can also joing alot on here that can write books of the things we have been able to do. You need to take control and as hard as it can be, YOu CAN !!!BIG HUG TO YOU.. ask away to all the ? you may have in your head.. we are to help as much as we can!

I have selected a few links for you to read.
Inspiration...
More inspiration....

Halle Berry is Awesome proof!
http://www.health24.com/medical/Cond...1536,16928.asp

[Erin]

I wouldn't go the ambian route just yet. I think your fears are valid (though not necessarily rational... who says you have to be rational all the time?)... and working through them is important. Talk to your doctor about your fears.

And make a plan for all the worse case scenarios. If you have a plan for say... drinking too much and going low (asking the bar tender for a glass of juice for example) or drinking a regular coke and going high (taking a bit of insulin) or getting stranded somewhere without insulin (have your pharmacy on speed dial, and know what you can do to survive in the mean time... drink lots of water, don't eat carbs etc) it may relax your brain a bit.

It's scary because it's new, but realizing that there are ways out of the scary situations is empowering and comforting. See if next time you're having a dream you can make yourself react positively (you can control your dreams once you realize you're dreaming).

[sbuff28@charter]

I guess the biggest thing is that i realized that im not immortal anymore... i used to have a mindset that i was 110% healthy and was going to live forever. thinking of death even 50 years ahead of me is frightning also.

My Bs range from 131 to 450,

I am having trouble deciding right now if i should just eat for comfort and have my doc adjust my doses... or should i try and aim for a constant 200 Bs

either way i have been keeping dilligent records of what i ate and when, water intake and when, when and how much insulin i took, when and what my bs is, and how im feeling, also if i feel stressed or not during the bs test. Now ive decided to keep records of sleep and keep track of my weight. I went from being 200 lbs in august and now im a very skinny 160. my height is 6'1".

[sydneya]

Originally Posted by sbuff28@charter

either way i have been keeping dilligent records of what i ate and when, water intake and when, when and how much insulin i took, when and what my bs is, and how im feeling, also if i feel stressed or not during the bs test. Now ive decided to keep records of sleep and keep track of my weight. I went from being 200 lbs in august and now im a very skinny 160. my height is 6'1".

As I read your posts and remember my feelings 19 years ago I remember how hopeless I felt it was. I was put in the hospital for 3 days to be taught how to manage the disease. All's I could do is despair. But look at the difference between your first post and this last one. You are doing the dreaded record keeping. By doing this you are making it possible for the doctor to see what to do to help you. You are becoming more positive. CONGRATULATIONS!! Progress is wonderful. The dreams have to be awful. I haven't experienced this, but as you become more positive and learn more I'm sure you will control this too. A little meditation on what you have to be thankful for before going to sleep may help.

Keep posting your feelings and realize WE CARE.

[Aftiel]

Hey Steve, it's me again

I think your Doctor will tell you to eat for comfort and health, and adjust your dosage accordingly.

Our bodies need fuel (food,) and insulin. All the doctors I have had have always placed good nutrition FIRST - then insulin to cover it.

Also - your Doctor will want your BS below 200, since normal range is 80-120. And as others have noted - dont stress if your BS isnt perfect all the time.

Stress can do more damage than anything. Relax, learn, and get a consistent program down.

And btw - my whole family had our eyes tested recently. The youngest being 18 and the oldest being 53.

Want to guess who has the best vision?

Yup - it was me I must have missed the day when they told us we were supposed to go blind.

- Aftiel

[valc3]

Hey Steve, don't try to fix everything at once. You will drive yourself nuts.
Work on this a step at a time. You can't swallow the elephant whole, you need to eat it a bite at a time. I know it's easy for me to say this, but try to relax. Stressing isn't going to change anything, it will just make you glucose higher.

Being dx'd has not stopped me from doing things. I still go everywhere and do everything, I actually do more. I feel great. You too will get there. Work with your diabetes team, they will help you.

It's okay to be afraid and overwhelmed with info. We've all been there.
You've been given some good info from the other posters. Read it and try to digest it. I found it helpful to read the older posts and digest the info.

We all care, please ask questions and visit often

[sbuff28@charter]

You can have kids, Diabetes isn't all that highly genetic. I think your children will only have a 7% chance of getting onto this wild ride... and that isn't that much higher than the general population.

Erin-
Does that account for just type ones? I've heard that only 5% of diabetic people have type 1, the rest have type 2. So it would make the general population go much lower than that about 20 times. It gives me chills to think how tormenting and life altering this could be for me if i had it by say four years old. I would definatly not be the same person i am today. I dont know if i could put a kid through the pain of this disease, especially at childhood, not only there whole life. That 7% means a lot to me and is probally enough for me to be too scared my future son/daughter would develop it to have kids.