Depression, exasperation, settling the bar bill on the Hindenberg

georgepds · #1 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 08:52 AM

A new type 2 poster on diagnosis and initial treatment was felling a little down, to which Linda replied

Quote:

Originally Posted by princesslinda

..
There's a depression element to any lifechanging diagnosis, and that, too, can make you tired.

So as not to hijack the original post, I started a new thread .

I'd characterize my reaction on diagnosis as exasperation, not depression. It was just one more thing to deal with, but of higher importance than the others, considering the downsides. I admit, once I began to realize the downsides (dialysis, amputation and blindness), I walked around the house for a week saying I'm screwed, screwed, screwed... then I went to work on diet.

One characteristic of depression is the inability to deal with outside stress (retreating into a place of darkness). If you deal with your problems, I'd say you're not depressed. Granted, considering the small response I've got for my early efforts, it feels a little like settling the bar bill on the Hindenberg (nice but inconsequential considering the end game)

Anyone else want to chime in? We're you depressed, or did you have some other reaction? Anyone else have the "I'm screwed" reaction?

--G

Dawn · #2 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 09:04 AM

Hi G...when I was first diagnosed I was overwhelmed and terrified (pretty much the I'm screwed reaction you described). It seemed that everything I read was about the complications and I just thought I was on that path and any second it would happen...I was hyper focused. While I was 'dealing' with my problems and learning and researching like crazy - it was scary and I felt my body was doing things that I didn't sign up for. I did experience depression. The impact of hearing I had an incurable disease was huge. Once I was able to adjust and settle and breath....I did at times feel exasparated...med changes, meter readings, introducing new foods that didn't work, etc. I would often feel annoyed...which I think for many is a normal reaction to the whole process of learning to manage and integrate this into our lives.

princesslinda · #3 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 09:17 AM

I remember having a class once where depression was defined as "anger turned inward." For me, that defines exactly how I felt. I knew that I was overweight, didn't get proper exercise and didn't eat right. I knew that I had a strong family history of diabetes, yet I willingly, and stupidly, lived a life of excess yet was surprised when it was time to "pay the piper." At the moment of diagnosis, I felt hopeless. I felt that it was all my fault.

I did feel "i'm screwed." I had watched my mom struggle with diabetic complications for many years and die at age 54...yep, "Screwed" sounded about right.

I think as we learn how to treat our problem and can see positive results, our mindset shifts to a more hopeful attitude as well.

I'm sure it wasn't true depression, as it resolved without the benefit of meds and didn't cause any "physical" problems, but depression is the best word for it that I can think of.

At this point, one year after diagnosis, I don't waste a lot of time "worrying" about what might happen...I do what I can to keep complications at bay and hope for the best. There've been some really serious illness in my family lately, which has really helped me have a different perspective.

Michiko · #4 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 09:40 AM

You could have hijacked

my post...I mean.

I feel like screwed... totally.. but then there is a feeling of "I can do it". Like Linda, I too have seen family members having serious complication when I was growing up. This experience became my anxiety.

So these feelings can really lead to depression, but I don't think I am *depressed* but *worried.. and a bit freaking out*. I accept the feelings of "worried and freaking out.." but looking at the bright side and dealing with the health issue... I feel that I am not going toward depression. Expressing my feelings on this forum has been great... and I think I am tasting different types of coping.. to overcome this difficult time. I also think that how I am feeling is definitely valid feeling and I am accepting that as well. I think that is the most important thing. It is okay to get freaked out.. but what I am going to do about it is more important to me right now.

If I were going to fall into "freaking out..." and thinking "there is no way out.." and not going out, or not being active for anything then maybe I would need to see depression specialist..(therapist or psychiatrist)..

That is my opinion.

shockme · #5 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 09:51 AM

i felt frustrated and overwhelmed...but it didn't hit me til i got my meter in the mail. i opened the box,checked it out,went and took a shower and cried my eyes out. getting the meter made it "real".... trish

Michiko · #6 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shockme

i felt frustrated and overwhelmed...but it didn't hit me til i got my meter in the mail. i opened the box,checked it out,went and took a shower and cried my eyes out. getting the meter made it "real".... trish

I can totally understand that. Even I was diagnosed officially yesterday.. I went to get Metformin at pharmacy.. looking at all the blood test supplies.. lined up ... I was like "I am going to use that very very soon.." I know what you mean.. Just remember myself standing frozen in front of there... ya.. that was hard..

volleyball · #7 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by georgepds

A new type 2 poster on diagnosis and initial treatment was felling a little down, to which Linda replied

So as not to hijack the original post, I started a new thread .

I'd characterize my reaction on diagnosis as exasperation, not depression. It was just one more thing to deal with, but of higher importance than the others, considering the downsides. I admit, once I began to realize the downsides (dialysis, amputation and blindness), I walked around the house for a week saying I'm screwed, screwed, screwed... then I went to work on diet.

One characteristic of depression is the inability to deal with outside stress (retreating into a place of darkness). If you deal with your problems, I'd say you're not depressed. Granted, considering the small response I've got for my early efforts, it feels a little like settling the bar bill on the Hindenberg (nice but inconsequential considering the end game)

Anyone else want to chime in? We're you depressed, or did you have some other reaction? Anyone else have the "I'm screwed" reaction?

--G

I am sure anyone diagnosed as an adult has some sad feelings. Word to describe our feelings are our own. feeling depression is not the same as being clinically depressed which is what I think you think of when you hear of the word.
I felt surprised, then a bit of denial, then saddened, then acceptance, and lastly command of the situation.

xMenace · #8 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 10:03 AM

Depression Worse than Diabetes, Asthma and Arthritis |Health News in Ireland | vhi.ie

Depression Worse than Diabetes, Asthma and Arthritis

Depression is a more disabling condition for sufferers than angina, arthritis, asthma and diabetes, new research from the World Health Organization (WHO) shows.

The survey involved over 245,000 people from 60 countries. It asked people questions about their general health, sleep patterns, pain levels, management of everyday tasks, and memory and concentration problems.

Researchers found that:

Depression has the biggest effect on worsening health
People with depression in addition to another chronic illness such as diabetes are particularly worse off.
Lead researcher Dr Somnath Chatterji said better treatment for depression would improve people's overall health.

"These results indicate the urgency of addressing depression as a public health priority to reduce disease burden and disability, and to improve the overall health of populations,” he said.

The research was published in The Lancet.

Posted Tuesday 11th September 2007

georgepds · #9 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shockme

i felt frustrated and overwhelmed...but it didn't hit me til i got my meter in the mail. i opened the box,checked it out,went and took a shower and cried my eyes out. getting the meter made it "real".... trish

For me it was just a little later. I'd been measuring about a month and my morning FBG were still around 150. Just for "fun" my wife asked to be tested. She put down here cigarette, expertly pricked her finger (Nurse J has a lot of experience) , and read 87

That made it real. There was a person I knew and loved, indulging in the reviled habit du jour (I never smoked) who had no problem. That's when I knew it was "real", that i had it, and it was not just a fluke.

volleyball · #10 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shockme

i felt frustrated and overwhelmed...but it didn't hit me til i got my meter in the mail. i opened the box,checked it out,went and took a shower and cried my eyes out. getting the meter made it "real".... trish

Now you probably look forward to getting a new meter.

Dawn · #11 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by georgepds

That made it real. There was a person I knew and loved, indulging in the reviled habit du jour (I never smoked) who had no problem. That's when I knew it was "real", that i had it, and it was not just a fluke.

Reading your post reminded me that I too was in a place of disbelief. I felt certain that the blood tests were wrong or that it was just a fluke that I had such a high count. My friend ran me around all day to buy the meter and strips and books and stops for crying. We got back to her place and she was reading the directions for the meter and helping me to know what to do and I tested and it didn't seem too high so I was even more convinced that they got it wrong. Of course I barely ate a thing that day since I didn't know what was 'safe'. I was just convinced it was an error. Then I ate. Then I knew.

moorejames · #12 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 12:02 PM

My diagnosis hit me out of the blue, since all I had gone in for was a complete physical. I felt like i got kicked in the guts. I was in total disbelief when I hung up the phone.

I gave myself a few days to wallow in self pity, then I got to work.

Every now and then I'll let myself fall back into self-pity mode. It's therapeutic somehow....

dbc · #13 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moorejames

My diagnosis hit me out of the blue, since all I had gone in for was a complete physical. I felt like i got kicked in the guts. I was in total disbelief when I hung up the phone.

Much the same experience for me. Depressed? yes definitely for some weeks, and occassionally still now. But probably not "clinically" depressed.

Not sure I know the difference between the depression and self-pity

shockme · #14 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by volleyball

Now you probably look forward to getting a new meter.

YES! i couldn't wait to get my free onetouch mini...gonna get a free freestyle and a free-with -rebate one touch ultra! trish

princesslinda · #15 (**permalink**) 09-12-2007, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by volleyball

Now you probably look forward to getting a new meter.

I think when we actually reach the point that we look forward to need needles, a new code on our strips or a new s/f candy, it's one way we can tell we have finally "made peace" with our diagnosis and have finally accepted diabetes as just another part of life. It's a good place to be.