[Prophet]

I have not been taking my insulin for the past couple of months. My Dr. now has me in some kind of Phase program at Kaiser and my first appointment is in January. I don't know about the rest of you guys but this has been pretty hard on me. I don't know why I keep getting into this rut. Not caring and all and reliazing it is my choice to either let this condition of mine take control of me or I take control of it. At the same time knowing that the end result will still be the same. You would figure with my last bout of Keto Acidosis and being placed on insulin at the young age of 30 would have woke me up but it hasn't.

No matter what I did my sugar wouldn't go down past 200 and I couldn't get control of it. A couple of months ago I just gave up but now I feel the need to get in control again. lol... I am not really sure why I am writing this but a little box showed up and said I hadn't posted anything in the past couple of weeks so I said **** it and write down how I am feeling.... maybe I should see someone about how I have been feeling and stop pretending I am going to get over my depressing thoughts and pretend that everything is all right...

I don't really know where I was going with this..... blah....

[caswellhb]

Goodness, how did you get into such a dark place?
Have a really good read around the board, ask questions. Good heavens, you have me quite worried.
Are you counting carbs? Are you taking insulin again now? How are you feeling? How is your eyesight?
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Heather.

[Cyborg]

High bg can lead to depression which can cause many things, including lack of incentive to take back control. You could always see someone about possible diabetic induced depression. This could help you stay on top of the big D. Perhaps it's time for a pump. I guarantee, you can get your numbers down with one of those...

Glad to see you back.

[xMenace]

Staying on top of things can be very hard. IMO there are two types of diabetics: those that have struggled with these issues and those who will. Keep checking in here and use it as a trigger to take control.

[Dewey]

Originally Posted by Prophet

Not caring and all and reliazing it is my choice to either let this condition of mine take control of me or I take control of it. At the same time knowing that the end result will still be the same.

I don't know about anyone else, but what do you mean by the "end result still being the same?" If you mean none of us get out of life alive, well....that's a given.

If you mean however, that you'll wind up with complications regardless, that simply is Not true. I know that some folks may be more prone to developing complications than others, but we can't go into this whole thing assuming we'll all end up blind & on dialysis (or that may wind up being exactly our fate). That is where motivation is crushed & it's not healthy to feel that way. It's going on "blind faith," if you will. If you take decent care of yourself, you can have decent health & a good life. It's ok to slip up now & again, as we're all human and we can often reverse anything that may try to crop up. That said, it's not good to make it a pattern of not caring for ourselves, because that's when the irreparable damage can occur.

Before anyone starts in on me, let me get one thing straight: I'm not giving "tough love," so let's not confuse things here. I'm merely stating some facts in terms of life vs. death & the possibilities that may or may not lie ahead.

[soso]

any chance you could get put on some of the newer insulins and start counting carbs and dosing for them... a pump would be ideal for you of course... but if that would take time I would think the other would lead to a lot of improvement meanwhile...
I can see how one could get despondent if you start to think you are doomed... but you're not....that can start to be a bit of a self fulfilling prophesy... you're young.... don't give in....

[davef]

Originally Posted by Prophet

I am not really sure why I am writing this but a little box showed up and said I hadn't posted anything in the past couple of weeks so I said **** it and write down how I am feeling

Perhaps you're posting this because you need to share how you are feeling with people who can relate to it and I'm sure there will be some here who have experienced what you are going through. I'm only recently DX and while it was a blow (but probably not a unexpected) I have been lucky in that I'm come out fighting and have decided that doing nothing is no longer an option.

Can you talk to your Dr or somebody because it certainly can't do any harm if you are feeling down at the moment.

Perhaps if you can make the effort to get things under control it will help you feel better, you are only 30 and have a long life ahead of you.

Do post again, vent, vent if you need to vent.

[DCaplinger]

David is right. Vent all you need here. You sound like you need a quick reality check. I'm afraid it's going to be the type that will land you in the hospital, or worse, will result in neuropathy. You know the dangers.

As I like to say, Diabetes is a beast. It's a living creature inside of us. I choose to control the beast, and not let it control me. Your quality of life depends solely on your attitude towards this **** disease. You can let it get the best of you, or you can make it a part (albeit unwelcome) of your life, and move on.

Regards,

Darian

[Prophet]

Thank you everyone! When I found this forum I told myself that when I start feeling down I would visit this place more often but when I gave up again a couple of months ago I was to ashamed to come back. The link was in my favorites and I couldn't sleep again last night because I was up thinking about my diabeties.

I have restarted my insulin last week because my hands where getting dry again and I was having to use the bathroom every hour at night like when I was first diagnosed. I started to retest again and was floating around the 400-450 mark but this week I am at the 200's again.

You know quite honestly I don't have a real family support. I like reading the threads here where other family members are posting for the diabetic in there family and they want to know what they can do to help. Even though it is up to me how I handle myself it would be good to know you have family to help. I hate to say it but my own wife doesn't really understand and doesn't help to much. I am not asking her to control my diabeites for me but support me and help take the temptations out. I go as far as throwing all the candy out of the house for my kids sake and for mine and she goes right around and buys more candy.

And it might be a mobid thought about what is the use but I truly feel that way. I have ran high blood sugars for so long and I know I am in the way for a complication. Might not be tommorow but in the future.

[Cyborg]

Originally Posted by Prophet

I hate to say it but my own wife doesn't really understand and doesn't help to much. I am not asking her to control my diabetes for me but support me and help take the temptations out. I go as far as throwing all the candy out of the house for my kids sake and for mine and she goes right around and buys more candy.

Something I can completely relate to... Same problem here. It's a constant battle to try and teach the kids to eat right, let alone my wife.

Cookies, brownies, candy, etc., etc. etc.... You'd think seeing me go through what I have to go through to survive, that perhaps at least setting a good example for the kids would be possible. I could go on and on, but rant over.

Ultimately, it's up to each and everyone of us to do it ourselves for ourselves, and our loved ones.

[DCaplinger]

Originally Posted by Prophet

You know quite honestly I don't have a real family support.

That's not entirely true. You've got your web family right here. We won't judge you, nor will we tell you to go to your room.

I know what you mean about lack of family support, especially from your wife. Mine thinks I've gone "overboard" with the changes I need to make. She simply doesn't get it. The lifestyle I had as far as my diet and lack of exercise... is over. I have quit smoking, and now I have to seriously change my diet and get off my butt.

These ladies and gents on this forum have been great for me. I really look forward to staying involved here, even after I have my BGLs under control, so that I can help the newbies that will come after me as I was helped by these guys.

Regards,

Darian

[xMenace]

Originally Posted by Prophet

I was to ashamed to come back.

Don't for one second thing you're the only person with these ****ing issues. We all have them. You can feel any emotion you want, but don't feel guilty. We all fail. That's the beast talking. We are all with you, that's all of you, 100% no matter what happens.

[gettingby]

Prophet, you should never feel ashamed to come here and tell us what is going on. That's why Tony made this site. For us to share our triumphs, our troubles, and our disappointments.
As to family support, I have to say that most of my family has given me support over the years. Now, they just trust my judgement on what I feel I need and don't need to do.
Come here anytime you feel down or despondent. We are here for you. This may be just a "diabetes site" to some but to a lot of us, it's a "family". Vent all you want, everyone knows that I have from time to time.
Hang in there and know that when you are on the right track, you greatly reduce your chances of complications. If you fall off the wagon, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, figure out what caused it, and try again. Never give up !!! Diabetes should not and will not win !!!!!
(((HUGS)))
Oh, and one thing you won't see from me is judgement. My mom taught me to never pass judgement on anyone and 36 years later, I still don't.

[dgrilli]

How could one go a couple of months without insulin and live?

[Old man]

Your life has worth. You have a lot of good times to be enjoyed. You have people around you who need you or will. As for those who wound you, "forgive them for they know not what they do". If they really understood they would not do some of the things they do. You obviously can't do anything about yesterday, about all you can do is try to do better today and maybe your efforts will be rewarded. Your past does not make future complications automatically irreversible or unavoidable. You're just human like the rest of us. Without a doubt you've met other challenges in life and managed those and you will manage this. Keep trying, someday the rest of us are going to need a hero.