[Scrabblechick]

Hammer, I can undertstand where you're coming from, feelings-wise. The men in my family have never been like that, but in my husband's family, that's definitely the case. My DH caught all kinds of $#%#$ from his dad because he wrote poetry and didn't play sports. Would I rather be married to his "manly" dad? Not for Donald Trump's bank account!

Now, as to your family situation. I really can understand your desire not to worry your mom. I suspect she's the kind who would call you every single day to see what your BG is and would obsess if it were higher than she thought it ought to be. There are enough diabetics in my family that everyone totally understands if you don't eat something. It's OK, and generally, someone thinks to bring things that everyone can enjoy.

However, your situation is obviously very different. And in the final analysis, it's your family and your decision about how to deal with it. No one else understands your unique situation like you do.

If saying that eating something could cause your IBS to flare up and they'll leave you alone about it, go with that and don't worry about it. If someone gives you something to take home, give it to a neighbor. Same goes for when you get something extra, as in the KFC cake. Give it to a neighbor.

Honestly, since I've been DX, I've had to kind of "get over" the wasting food thing. If I get a taco salad, I throw away the tortilla bowl. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's not exactly "wasted," anyway. The taco shell couldn't be served to anyone else, so it doesn't really matter whether I eat it or not. Same if I decide I want a Taco Bell burrito. I bring it home, scrape out the insides into a low-carb burrito and enjoy it. I don't feel guilty about throwing away the original tortilla.

I don't make more than I can eat and I don't deliberately waste food, but I have had to get past that inborn distaste of throwing food away so I can do what I need to do to keep the D under control.

[Mama2Two]

Originally Posted by volleyball

Welcome Lisa, I don't think I greeted you here before. You've made yourself very valuable here with that bit of information. That is why I encourage all member to post messages.

Well...thank you so much!

[Sunfire]

I understand the need for not telling your mother. It probably would worry her, especially since so many around her have died of the disease. My husband was diagnosed almost 3 years ago and we've told very few people. I really don't know why that is either. I think he just feels it's his (our) business and his disease to control.

We have told a few family members and by doing so may have saved a life. We were on a family outing a little over a year ago. My husband's cousin just got up and was having coffee with us when my husband checked his blood sugar. I asked his cousin if I could check his just for the heck of it. Let me tell you, I almost fell off the chair. I had to compose myself so I didn't scare him because his BG was 424!!! I insisted that he see his doctor the following week, he did, and was diagnosed. His A1C was 12.7 and his cholesterol numbers were through the roof. The doctor almost put him in the hospital but our cousin resisted. Thankfully he has things under control now with a few oral meds. So who knows what might have happened if I wasn't playing with the BG meter that day.

[Hammer]

Hi there Mama2Two! Thanks for that useful info about IBS. I don't believe that's my problem, but I know a lot of people will find that info very useful.

When my doctor first told me he believed my stomach problems were from IBS, I didn't believe him. I still don't believe him because I have seen how IBS works in other people, and my stomach problems weren't like that. If you eat certain foods that irritate your IBS, it will send you to the bathroom in a hurry. I could eat a certain food and it would bother my stomach today. I could eat the same food tomorrow and it wouldn't. I could keep eating that same food for another week and it wouldn't bother my stomach. After a few weeks of eating this food, one day I would eat it an I'd get diarrhea.

I began to think it might have been something else and not the food that caused the problem. This seemed to happen with all kinds of food....even water seemed to bother my stomach. I drink bottled water just to make sure.(I cook with bottled water too.) No matter what I tried, I'd be fine for a day or two, then I'd get diarrhea. I slowly began to suspect the diabetes. I have no idea what a high BG level would do to your stomach, but I figured it couldn't help.

Since I wasn't taking any meds for my diabetes, I had no way of judging if the high BG levels were the problem. I didn't have a BG meter to test anything. (my doctor gave me one, but I gave it back since I didn't have any test strips.) When I was off of work for a long time, I had the opportunity to try to see if my body would adjust to metformin and amaryl, since the diarrhea that you get from those two meds is supposed to go away after a few weeks. When the diarrhea got really bad on those meds, I stopped taking everything after 30 days.

Not long after I stopped taking the meds, I went to my doctor to discuss the pros and cons of Lantus. While I was there, I asked him if a high BG level could be the cause of my diarrhea. When he said yes, I decided to go on the Lantus. My diarrhea immediately disappeared. I thought that it might be because I was trying to eat differently, but I really didn't change my diet all that much since I eat fairly healthy anyway.

The doctor also put me on Prandin, since Lantus alone won't control your after meal spikes. I found that the Prandin upset my stomach, so I stopped taking that and the doctor switched me to Byetta. Now that I'm off the oral meds, the diarrhea is gone. Of course my numbers are pretty good also, so I'm assuming (maybe wrongly) that the high BG levels were the problem. My numbers without meds were anywhere from 375 to over 500. Now that they're anywhere from a fasting level of around 95 to a spike of under 140, my stomach is back to normal. (I didn't include the super high spike after eating that cake, since that was a one time only case.)

[Hammer]

Hey there ScrabbleChick and Sunfire! Thanks for the understanding. I seem to have started a thread about free food and it migrated into a discussion about something else....which is okay. I like to hear what others have to say about a lot of different topics.

I think one of the big reasons that I hate to throw away food....other than it's wasteful when there are so many people going to bed hungry every night, is that I live alone. I don't cook much, so any food that I get means a lot to me, since I don't usually get something to eat unless I make it.

As a guy, cooking isn't something that most guys do well, it's something we need to do to survive. When food is handed to us, ready to eat, then that's one less meal we have to make for ourselves. To a woman who cooks for her family, that's no big deal, but to a guy who doesn't cook, any food he gets from someone is really appreciated. I think a lot of people realize this because they know how much a single man likes to be invited over for dinner. Plus when the guy leaves to go home, they always load him up with leftovers, figuring it'll save him from having to cook something for himself.

A cake isn't exactly the same thing, but it's still food that you don't have to prepare. While it's not the kind of food I'd buy for myself, it was free food that you could just eat as is....no cooking or whatever. To be honest, I didn't know what exactly it was that the KFC manager gave me that night. It was a cake that she sat on top of the cardboard bucket of chicken, and being in a plastic bag, I couldn't see what it was. She just said, "I included a free cake since you had to wait so long." and she walked back into the store. I had no idea that it was an entire cake, I thought it must be some sort of cake that they sell for dessert, like a slice of cake in a plastic container. When I got home, I saw that it was a whole cake. I didn't know that KFC sold entire cakes. I don't go to KFC that often to know what they sell other than chicken.

So, even though it was a really bad food to eat for a diabetic, I figured one time wouldn't hurt anything. Yes, I knew my numbers would really spike, and they did, a few hours later they were back to normal, so no harm-no foul. Now that I know what cake will do to my numbers, I won't do that again, although I'm sure something else will come up and I'll want to test that to see what it will do to my numbers.(like I did with the double cheeseburgers and fries that one time.)

I think my next test won't be so bad. I've been wanting to see what happens to my numbers if I eat some steamed shrimp. It's been a long time since I've had those, and I usually go to the food store and get 2 pounds of jumbo steamed shrimp.(they steam them while you wait.) Shrimp has zero carbs, so it shouldn't do that much to my numbers. Two pounds of raw shrimp is only one and one-third pounds after steaming. I'd get that more often if it didn't cost so much.(usually around $25 for two pounds of jumbo raw shrimp, unless it's on sale.)

[blacklightmike]

In my immediate family, I'm the only diabetic, and I steadfastly refuse concentrated sugars, period. My mother is a hypochondriac, however, and that has set the stage for a lifetime of being very self conscious for myself and my sister. As a result, it's very hard to state your dietary needs at family functions because mom has already beaten you to it... she 'becomes' allergic to just about anything that is served, which is a passive/aggressive move she's developed over the years.

In that environment, if you step out and refuse anything verbally, you run the risk of getting branded as being like her, so you make your choices quietly and carefully to not stir the pot. On the other hand, it comes back to bite you when you indulge in a sliver of birthday cake and pick at the crumbs... you are either regaled with a story of a 'friend' of mom's whose 'diabetes is out of control', or you are asked a pointed 'do you really need that?' by my sister... as if this were your regular diet, and you weren't taking a piece just to patronize the child whose birthday it is.

The clincher is that mom has recently been told she is pre-diabetic, but continues to eat outright garbage and junk despite our interests in setting her straight... her skin is very thin when the sights are turned in her direction, and she uses the argument of being so old as to not have to worry about it.

But, I digress...

When we have too much of anything, I have co-workers who will happily chow down on anything I bring in.

One other thing I've noticed at larger family functions including my in-laws, where I am not the only diabetic, is the inclusion of desserts claiming no added sugar, which when inspected, have too much already to be considered a healthy choice. In choosing a sliver of these (or nothing altogether), I still find myself chastised for hurting the feelings of those whose thoughtfulness has provided it. Worse, my Bro In Law is a diabetic who eats as much of anything as he wants, sugared or otherwise, and they point to him as an example of why it's okay to eat it... despite the fact that he is in full-blown denial and can barely walk from his neuropathy.

We walk a fine line being diabetic, and in the end, I'd rather be a happy, healthier snob than indulge the feelings of hosts and 'concerned' family alike.

[Jan B]

Originally Posted by blacklightmike

We walk a fine line being diabetic, and in the end, I'd rather be a happy, healthier snob than indulge the feelings of hosts and 'concerned' family alike.

Exactly.

I made up my own saying when I was trying to lose weight a while back: either waste the food or waste myself. I think my health is more important than wasted food. Like others have said, if possible, dump the junk around a bunch of people who will gobble it up!

Also, it's wonderful when you can just say NO or no, thank you, without an explanation. I really don't get why we need to explain ourselves. A simple explanation if you feel you must . . . it doesn't agree with me!

[slipperyelm]

Wow, BlacklightMike, that is something else! And it sounds like you deal with those situations quite well.

[Scrabblechick]

Mike, you also hit my feelings squarely. If someone says, "Well, my friend has diabetes and he eats that," my response is, "That's wonderful, but I have do do what is best for my individual blood sugar readings. Everyone is different." That usually takes the wind out of their sails.

And I maintain that anyone who gets upset because a loved one refuses to eat something for health reasons is selfish in the extreme, even if they don't realize it. Insisting that someone eat something unhealthy for them just to stroke your own ego is an utterly self-centered act. That's IMHO, anyway.